Hi guys! So this is my first fan-fiction that I'm actually posting. I'm from the Netherlands. So if you see any mistakes or anything, please let me know! Don't be to rude on my first chapter. Let me know if I should continue or not!
She was staring out the window watching the whole world go on like nothing ever happend. Why could everyone just act like nothing happend? She know she couldn't. How can you move on after losing a baby after 20 weeks. And the worst part of it all, she still have to gave birth to him. Her first baby, a still born. She is trying to forget that moment the baby was on her chest. The moment what she hoped was a happy moment and right now, everything was sad. The baby should be crying. Instead, she was crying. She heard her bed room door open and then softly close. She didn't want to look at the one who came in. She didn't want everyone to see her cry all day, but that's all she's been doing the last couple days.
"How are you?" She heard a familiar yet worried voice. She turned around and saw Eli standing there. Her blood shut eyes should say enough. Why was she always crying and he didn't even shed a single tear?
"I don't want to talk about it." She said while wiping her tears away. "I just wanna move on and focus on exams right now." She walked over to her desk and opened up her History book. She felt Eli's eyes burning in her back. She know her answer wasn't what he wanted to hear, but she hoped that he was taking it this time.
"Clare, it's okay to talk about it. If-"
"I don't want to talk about it. What did you not understand about that?" Her face still on her book trying to read the first line over and over again. Her tears standing in the way to actually read the first line. Eli walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. Feeling how tens she was, he start rubbing her shoulders gently. Although Clare didn't want anyone around right now this was making her relax a little. He gently kisses her head and keeps on rubbing her shoulders.
"You don't have to do this." She said.
"I know, but you need to relax a little." Silence came around while she was trying to relax and he still giving her a little massage. Clare broke the silence
"Can I ask you something?" "Anything." She stood up from her chair and walked over to the bed, Eli following her and taking place next to her.
"How do you deal with this? I mean, I never saw you cry, I never see you sad. How do you do that?" She let out a sigh. She didn't look at him, she only looked at her hands trying not to make it uncomfortable.
"I have cried, I have screamed but I don't want to be stuck in sadness all the time. And right now I'm more worried about you then about me. I want you to feel good and be happy again." He putt his arm around her and tried to comfort her as much he possibly can.
"I don't want to be sad all of the time, but I start the day fine and then something comes along that makes me sad again. And then it's the same all over again. I should be having the time of my life right now. Stressing about finals, creating all these memories with my friends instead of being sad all of the time." She was now paving in her room back and forth while the tears were running around her checks again.
"I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be sad all off the time. But I just can't change my mind and be happy again. Why is this so freaking hard?" She knew she was screaming at him and she know she shouldn't be doing that. But right now she was angry with herself and she didn't know what to do about it. She wanted to get away. She has to get away. She soon picked up a bag and was just throwing stuff in there.
"What are your doing?" Eli looked at here with a worried face.
"I need to get away. I can't have everyone asking me all the time if I'm okay. I just need to leave." She soon picked up her notebook and put it in her bag.
"And where are you going then?" Eli didn't want to hold her back, but was also worried about the stated Clare was in right now. "I don't know, I will see where the road is taking me." Before Eli realised it she putt on a jacked and was out off the house. Leaving Eli in her bedroom with nothing but worries.
She took Helens car and just drove. Music loud on her speakers and for once nothing on her mind. She hated that she left Eli behind like the way she did. But she had to. Everyone was driving her crazy. No hour would go by without somebody asking her is she was okay. Always the same answer. 'Yes I'm fine.' But deep inside, she know she wasn't fine. She was hurting. She was feeling low all of the time. Nobody could make her feel beter. Not even Eli. Why is she feeling like this? Why couldn't she just get over it like everyone else does? She didn't want to feel the mental pain anymore. She wanted to feel something else. She heard her phone ringing. The caller ID said that Eli is calling. She pooled over and picked up.
"What?" "Clare where are you? I'm worried." Eli ignoring her coldness in her voice.
"I don't know. And I rather not be talking to anyone anymore, so if you don't mind?"
"Please don't hang up. Can't you come home?"
"And then what? People always asking me if I'm okay? Being sad all the time? Everybody worrying about me? I don't want that."
"But I don't want you to run away either. Can't you just come home so we can figure out what to do? Or at least tell me where you are?" Clare sighed. She know if she didn't answer Eli won't stop calling her.
"I'm near Port Hope. But please-" "I'm coming your way"
"Eli please no..." But Eli already hung up the phone. She know she would have an hour before he would get here. Quickly she searched her bag and found Eli's pocket knife there. She know this was a bad idea. But she needed to get her mind out of things. Before she could think about everything, she pulled up her sleeve and put the pocket knife against it. She made some cuts and felt instant relive. It was like the blood was the pain and right now it felt like it was leaving her body.
