Chapter 6

"Colonel Sheppard seems to be making a lot of progress, but I am concerned...Dr Weir?" Elizabeth looked over to Dr Heightmeyer.

"Sorry, Kate, go on."

"Are you alright? You seem distracted." Elizabeth smiled wryly and nodded.

"I'm fine, I just haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately."

"Something you want to talk about?"

"No, I'm fine, really. Anyway, you were talking about John."

"Yes. He seems to have completely come to terms with the fact that his memories are false, however I am still concerned. I get the feeling there's something he's not telling me, and I think it might have something to do with you."

"Me? Why?" Elizabeth leaned forwards.

"I don't know. Whenever the two of you are together, or even when I mention your name, Colonel Sheppard...tenses. I really can't be more specific." Elizabeth nodded slowly.

"I know what you mean. At first I thought he was just having to adjust to reality, but it's been two weeks now and he still turns into a ball of nerves when I'm around him. I just, I wish there was someway I could help him." Kate smiled sympathetically.

"Actually, I think you can help him. If there is something he's hiding then he won't tell me. I think you could get him to open up." Elizabeth sat back in her chair.

"Are you sure? Ever since he came back to reality he's been...distant around me." Kate shrugged.

"You may be right, but I can't help him. I think you can."

Elizabeth nodded.

"Then I'll try."

SGA-SGA-SGA

Later that afternoon, Elizabeth walked into the gym. John was there, using a punching bag. She was no expert, but he seemed to be hitting the bag much harder than normal.

"John?" Even from behind she could see him tense up. She hated that.

"Hello Elizabeth." He continued to punch the bag. Elizabeth walked round the punching bag until she could see his face.

"I spoke to Dr Heightmeyer today. She says you're doing well." She winced when she realised how formal she sounded.

"That's good." He said. He still hadn't looked at her.

"She also said... She also said that she didn't think you were telling her everything. She said that she thought that you were hiding something." She paused, but he didn't respond. "Something to do with me." After that, he stopped, still avoiding her eyes. He walked over to a water cooler, and took a long drink.

"Well, she's right." Elizabeth walked over to him, and tried to put a hand on his arm, but he jerked away.

"What is it John?"

He glanced at her then, eyes briefly locking on hers, then he turned away. His voice as quiet, but controlled.

"The simulation I was placed in carried on from the real world. Everything carried on just like it would here. In the simulation, when I got back to Atlantis, you and I went to dinner." Her eyes widened as she began to understand. "It went well, and we had another, and another." He smiled slightly, but it was a tight, pained smile. "It was only three weeks before we slept together. I was terrified of pushing you too fast, in the end you had to make the first move. Two months after that I moved into your room." He finally looked up and looked at her. She had to force herself not to step back as she saw the depth of emotion in his face. "We were together for six months. I was considering asking you... Then the Wraith came. Dozens of hive ships, our shield was overwhelmed within a day. We had ordered the evacuation of the city, and when the shield collapsed only Mckay, you me and Teyla and Ronon were left." He stopped.

"What happened?" He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes briefly before continuing.

"The gate room was hit by a damaged dart. The gate was buried in rouble, no way we could dig it out, they were already inside the city. So you me Ronon and Teyla headed towards the jumper bay."

"What about Rodney?"

"The Wraith had infected the system with a virus. We couldn't initiate the self-destruct. Rodney...pushed me into the jumper bay and sealed the door. He, he stayed behind to overload the generators manually. I tried, I tried to override the door mechanism but it would work. You were pulling on my arm, trying to get me into a jumper. I came. I left him to die."

"It wasn't your fault John, you had to"

"Elizabeth." He stopped her with a raised hand. "I'm not done. After you got me into the jumper I took off, and headed for the mainland. The settlement had already been destroyed, so I aimed for the large forest. We were flying over the edge when the cloak failed. It just...stopped working. Darts were everywhere, shot us down. We all survived, but Teyla and Ronon were driven off in a different direction when the darts started to strafe us. Our radios were damaged, so you and I kept going. I don't know what I was hoping for, maybe that the Deadalus would arrive and save us, I don't know. Three days after the crash we found a cave, it was sheltered, figured it was as good a place as any to hide out. Two days later I woke up." His voice cracked "I woke up to the sound of you screaming. A Wraith had found us, and... he was feeding on you. I grabbed my P90 and emptied an entire clip into its back but it just healed. You were screaming, I only had my pistol..." His voice trailed off, tears glimmering in his eyes.

"John?"

"I shot you. Straight through the head. I killed you Elizabeth, I killed the woman I loved." He was practically choking on the words. "The Wraith turned on me, but I wasn't going to be fed on. I put the pistol to my head, and pulled the trigger. The next thing I knew, I was lying in the infirmary, and there you were." The tears were running silently down his face.

Elizabeth stood there, stunned. John continued to stare at her, then suddenly ran out of the gym. She slowly walked over to a bench and sat down. He had killed her? But, it wasn't her, not really. Of course, she reflected, that didn't matter to him.

AN: That chapter was intended to be the last one, but I ran on a bit and figured you might as well see that whilst I try and write the (almot certainly) final chapter. Read and review please!