Hi guys!

So, this is chapter four. I'm writing two stories at the same time. And I realised that I find the other story more interesting because it is a happy story. So I kind of have writers block on this story. I will try to write more on this story, but no promises.

Also another thing. Reviews make me happy. So long I only have one review and I kinda want to know if people out there are reading this story. So please review and let me know if I should upload the other story!

Now on to chapter four!


Eli ran after her. ''Clare don't leave. We can talk about this.''

Clare couldn't say a word. Her throat was dry and tears were streaming down her cheeks. Eli caught up on her outside. In stead of talking he pulled her close in to a hug. Clare tried to fight the hug. She didn't want him to know and now she failed. Eventually Clare gave up and cried in his chest. They were standing on the side walk hugging each other. But they didn't care.

Eli pulled Clare back in her house and went to put here down on the couch. He wanted to walk away but Clare started to scream. ''Please, don't leave. Don't leave.'' Clare pulled her knees up and put her head in between them. ''Don't leave, don't leave, don't leave.'' Clare kept saying over and over again. Eli quickly went over her and put her arms around her. ''I'm not going anywhere.'' Clare's breathing was uncontrollable. She started to panic.

''Clare, calm down. Deep breaths. In and out.'' Eli tried to calm her down, but when he figured out it was not working he run over to the kitchen grabbing a paper bag to help Clare breath. He put it over her mouth and helped her breath. ''In and out Clare. Calm down.''

A few minutes went by and Clare her breathing was back to normal. Clare was sitting on Eli's lap with her legs up. ''It's going to be okay Clare. And I know you don't want to talk about it. So let's not talk about it right now. But tomorrow we have to talk.'' Eli said. Clare didn't say anything. Afraid to talk about it tomorrow. But she knew she had to.


The next day

Eli went to work at the Dot so Clare was alone for the rest of the day. She tried to keep her mind off things so she decided to study. She needed to get her finals done and graduate. But she didn't know what she will do when she is done. She turned down Colombia a few months ago when she found out that she was pregnant. How much she wanted to be in New York, going to Colombia and take care of the baby there, she knew she couldn't. There were options. Instead of studying she made a list for her options:

1: Going to New York, be with Eli. Write, read and do everything she wanted to do.

2: Stay in Toronto. Find a job. Stay at home.She couldn't think of more options right now. Dying is an option too. Or you could just leave everything behind and start over. Let Eli go. Let him be happy with someone he deserve to be. She tried to shake the voices of off her. She could be happy, either way around.

She looked over at the clock. It was 4:45 pm and she knew she had to get ready to meet Eli. She was dragging this. She didn't want to talk but she knew she had to. She jumped in the shower and quickly got dressed. She walked outside and waited for Eli on her front steps. He should be done by 5 o'clock. She waited a few minutes and saw Eli his car pull up. She jumped up and got in the seat next to him. Even though she knew she had to talk today, she was happy to see him.

When Eli was around, the voices in her head were silent. Not always, but not as present as the were when she was alone. The ride took only a few minutes. They pulled up to his house and Clare saw no cars standing in front of his house.

''Where are your parents?'' She asked. ''They are away this weekend. So we have the house all to ourselves.'' He smiled. They walked inside and walked upstairs to his room. She looked around and saw that he was doing a good job with keeping his room clean. They walked over to the bed and both lay down. Wrapping there arms around each other.

''Clare, can we talk about this?'' Eli grabs her hand and pulled the sleeve up a little bit showing her cuts. Clare wanted to shake him off but he holds on to strong. ''I want to know, why did you do this?'' Clare felt tears forming in her eyes.

''The voices tell me to do it.'' She whispered. Eli hold on to Clare even more. ''I can't hold them back. They keep telling me to do it. And I can't tell them to stop.'' Eli's heart broke when he heard her saying that.

''What are the voices telling you?'' He felt his t-shirt getting wet from the tears of Clare.

''That I don't deserve you, that you're going to leave me because I'm a mess, how it's my fault for losing the baby.'' Clare starts to sob in Eli's chest. ''Oh, Clare.''

Clare quickly got up and wiped away her tears. ''No, this is stupid. I'm fine. There is nothing wrong with me. I can handle this myself.'' Eli got up and stand before Clare.

''Clare, it's okay to ask for help. I-'' ''I don't need help, I'm fine. I can do it myself. I can stop. I swear.'' Clare tried to sound convincing but she knew he wouldn't believe it. Clare gave up. She walked to his bathroom and locked the door behind her. She heard Eli follow her and he tried to open up the door realising it was locked.

''Clare…'' ''I'm fine. I just need to pee.'' ''Okay, I'm going to make us dinner okay? Come down when you ready.''

She heard him walk away and she let out a breath she didn't realise she hold in. ''But Clare.'' She heard Eli sigh at the other side of the door. ''Please, don't do anything you will regret later.'' She sighed as she heard him walk away. She sat down on the closed lid from the toilet. Burring her head in her hands.

What did you do Clare?