I Don't Care If They Know

"What was it you wanted to tell me, Kevin, before we came upstairs?" Edd asked a little drowsily as he lay spooning with Kevin, wrapped up tightly in his boyfriends' arms.

Kevin tensed. Shit. He cleared his throat, "Um."

"Kevin?"

"Dee. Um. Just remember I wanted to tell you before we came up here. I just couldn't resist you. Not when you're so insistent," Kevin said in an attempt to set a teasing tone.

"I am sorry about that."

Kevin chuckled, and then kissed the tempting shoulder in front of him. "Never be sorry when you want me, Dee. I love it."

Edd sighed, though Kevin could hear the contentment in it. "All right," he said. "What do you want to tell me?"

He paused for a long time. "Um. Well. The thing is Dee…" another pause. "You know Jake?"

"Yes, Kevin," Edd said patiently. "I know Jake. One of your closest friends, who has sat across from me at lunch every day for months."

"Yeah. Him. Well…" and Kevin took a deep breath. "Jake knows."

It took a minute for Edd to respond, and when he did it was to tense up in his arms. "He knows?" Edd squeaked out.

"Yeah."

Kevin felt Edd start to struggle, so he released his tight grip. Edd sat up then, the sheet pooling around his lap. Kevin straightened as well, leaning his weight on his hand and facing Edd, though Edd was staring at the foot of the bed. "Jake knows?" Edd asked again, his voice trembling. "How?"

"I accidentally told him," Kevin admitted.

Edd didn't answer for a moment, and when he did, Kevin was surprised at how icy cold his voice was. Edd, who just twenty minutes ago, was all warmth and heat and passion. "You told him, Kevin?"

"It was an accident," Kevin said in a pleading tone.

"How could you!?" Edd finally cried, looking at him. Kevin was taken aback by the wild look in Edd's eyes.

"Dee!" Kevin said in what he hoped was a soothing voice, straightening up even more. He reached to lay his hand on Edd's arm, but Edd jerked away, scooting over a little on the bed.

"I cannot believe this! I trusted you! You promised to keep this secret!"

"Dee!" Kevin said, raising his voice. "It's okay. It's all right!"

"How can you say that?" Edd turned away and buried his face in his hands. "Oh my goodness, the whole school will know!"

Kevin was confused. He knew Edd would be upset, but he didn't expect the pure panic he was witnessing. Edd was trembling, curling in onto himself, and his voice sounded close to tears. Kevin scooted closer, knowing that Edd couldn't edge further away from him without getting off the bed. "Dee," he soothed, lightly caressing the naked back of his shaking boyfriend. "Dee, it's okay. I promise. Jake won't say anything."

"Everyone will know," Edd sobbed.

"No, they won't, baby. No, they won't. Jake's my friend. He would never tell anyone. He promised me."

"How did this even happen, Kevin?" Edd asked, turning his head to look at him. Kevin felt so guilty at the expression in Edd's beautiful eyes. Edd looked so hurt. Kevin felt a brief stab of hate for himself for putting that kind of pain on Edd's face.

"I was an idiot. I'm so sorry, Dee," he said sadly, still caressing Edd's back. "Jake and I walked out together after practice. We were talking about the talent show as I got on my bike. He was complimenting me and I wasn't paying too much attention cause I was stowing my bag away. Then Jake said something about how the song was really romantic and that he was sure that 'Edd loved it'. Without even thinking, I said you did and that the look on your face was…then I stopped because I realized what I said. I felt like shit. I feel like shit. I never meant it, Dee, you have to believe me!"

"I cannot believe this," Edd said, looking away. His posture slumped, his forearms resting limply on his thighs. It reminded Kevin of back before they got together, when Edd was so depressed because he thought Kevin didn't like him back. Defeated. That was the look.

"Dee, please! I'm sorry! But Jake already knew anyway. He said he's known for months."

That seemed to shock Edd, who fell into another silence. At least he wasn't drawing away from Kevin anymore, but Kevin worried at his stillness and how he was staring at the foot of the bed. "He has known?" he asked in a faint voice.

"That's what he said," Kevin affirmed. "Well, he suspected it. He said we haven't really hid it all that good. At least not to him because he knows me so well." Kevin sighed, leaning over to kiss Edd's shoulder again. It got no response. "And," Kevin added, "he said he saw me point to you during the song and he said the look on your face was all he needed to know."

"I knew once the song was done that it was a bad idea," Edd said flatly.

Kevin was stung. He had thought that Edd had loved the fact that he sang a song for him. That's why they were in bed right now. Edd had wanted to show his appreciation. Now he just sounded angry.

"You didn't like it?"

Edd sighed and reached up to rub his fingertips against his closed eyes. "I loved the song, Kevin. I loved the gesture. It was quite romantic and the song was perfect." His hands dropped into his lap again.

Kevin found himself noticing details on Edd he'd never consciously noted before. There was a little mole or freckle just under Edd's ear. Edd's hair was straight and silky, but slightly curled at the nape of his neck. It was long, which one never realized because Edd wore his hat all the time. But here, in the privacy of Edd's room, Kevin saw all of his boyfriend. Saw Edd vulnerable and open…all for him. And Kevin knew that vulnerability came from a place of trust – a trust he'd just broken.

"I know I shouldn't have pointed to you, Dee. I'm so sorry." He had no idea what else to say to make it better.

"Jake knows," Edd stated. "He can't have been the only one to notice. I should not have watched. I should have controlled my own reaction. You caught me off guard."

"It's not your fault, Dee. I should have thought it out more. I should have told you, but I wanted to surprise you."

"I know it is not my fault, Kevin," Edd snapped. Kevin flinched back a little. Edd rarely showed anger toward him. Exasperation, yes. Edd had been firm on his own opinions at times, but Kevin hadn't heard anger when he himself was the source of the anger.

"Uh, I don't think anyone else noticed," he said. "So many people asked me who it was about. They wouldn't have done that if everyone knew. And I told you, Jake isn't gonna say anything."

"But as I said, everyone will now be curious. You are too popular for people not to want to know."

Kevin sighed. The popularity obsession again with Edd. Kevin was sick of it. "I don't care if they know," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"It is in the past Kevin, there is nothing to be done about it now," Edd said in a voice heavy with sadness.

Kevin slid his arm around Edd and pulled him close. "I am sorry, Dee," he repeated. "You know I'd never do anything against your wishes."

Edd tensed up again, but Kevin wouldn't let him go, hoping Edd would believe in everything he said. It seemed he did when, after a few minutes, Edd's body relaxed and the boy leaned against him. "I just hope everything at school goes all right tomorrow."

"I don't see why it wouldn't."

Edd didn't answer him.