Author's note: Hey, I'm as true a Castlevania fan as anyone, but once in a while these things just hit you. Yes, hit you. Like one of those shiney orbs that float around Shaft. Oooooo! Shiney! (Aurora goes off in search of shiney things)

Disclaimer: I don't own Castlevania or any of its characters. They belong to Koonami. I wish I owned them. Uncle Al is great.

Warning: Symphony of the Night spoilers.

Parody of the Symphony of the Night… Which isn't really that symphonic… or nightly… or… oh nevermind!

Dracula lounged in his gigantic, overly decorated throne. He had an extremely antique and breakable wine glass filled with red wine in his hand. Richter Belmont, vampire hunter extraordinaire, and wielder of the slowly decaying ancient Belmont whip, walked like only a former -town star high school quarterback could to stand in front of the overly decorated throne of Dracy.

"Die monster! You don't belong in this world!" Richter stated in his badly-done-they-chose-because-they-thought-American-kids-would-like-it voice. Dracula took a sip of his expensive red wine that really didn't taste very good.

"It was not by my doing that I was once again given flesh. I was brought here by… humans who wished to pay me tribute," Dracula replied in his almost-sinister-semi-naisely-soar-throat voice.

"Tribute!" Richter exclaimed. "You steal men's souls and make them your slaves!"

"Perhaps the same could be said of all religions."

"Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you!"

"What is a man!" Dracula retorted as he threw his antique wine glass, semi-full of red wine on his new carpet. "A mis-!"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" Richter gasped. Dracula looked around.

"What?"

"That carpet! You've ruined it!"

"No I haven't!"

"Yes you have! That's red wine. It'll never come out! Believe me, I've tried."

"Yes it will come out!"

"No, no, it won't come out."

"Well, I'll show you! It will come out! It will!"

"No, no, I don't believe you!"

"Well then, watch and be AMAZED!" Dracula stood and used his ultra, super, dark, vampiric powers of evil and DOOM! to get the newly applied stain out of his beautiful carpet. After a few moments, nothing happened.

"See? See? What did I tell you? It won't come out! I was right and you were wrong!" Richter said, sticking his tongue out.

"No, no, you're wrong. I'll use my ultra, super, awesome, cool, dark, vampiric powers of evil and DOOM! to get that stain out of my carpet! My son bought be that carpet and I owe him a lot of money. I'm not going to ask him for more. Besides, I have to get it out! If he comes in later in the story and sees it, he'll be mad at me. I don't like it when he's mad at me!"

"Wait! Al's coming later in the story!"

And from the distance came a faint shout that sounded something like, "DON'T CALL ME AL!"

"What was that?" asked Richter. Dracula shrugged. Then, with his ultra, super, awesome, cool, dark, vampiric powers of evil and DOOM! he tried to get the stain out of his carpet. But, alas, it didn't work.

"See? See?" reiterated Richter.

"NO! It will come out! It will! It will!" Dracula shouted. He jumped on the ground and started scrubbing the stain furiously with his cape. The stain came out. "Ha! Now who's right? Ha! Who's yo'-"

"Just get back to the corny canversation! I can't kill you until you finish!"

"What! You're gonna kill me!"

"Well, duh! Why do you think I came here! It certainly wasn't to have a tea party!"

"But- but-!" Dracula began to cry.

"Aw, now little Vlady, don't cry! It's okay! It's okay!"

"You're gonna kill me!" Dracula sobbed.

"Well, you'll come back in the next few moments!"

"sniffI will?sniff"

"Of course!"

"Well, in that case! Where were we? Oh yes! A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk. Have at you!" But, alas, before Dracula could do anything, Richter killed him.

End of chapter 1.

Aurora: What did you think? Well, please review! No flames though. I can't use them very well, Niara's the magic user. But she doesn't like them either.