Chapter 9: What Matters Most
((OMG! Yes! It IS an update! I doubt anyone at all is still reading this. But I get those random urges to type and this just happens to be the result. Note that this is theunbeta'ed version because...well...I don't have abeta. So you can see the problem there. If there's a problem that's really bugging anyonejust let me know. I'll be happy to change it. Other than that I hope you enjoy it! And remember the bolded words are thoughts.))
Obi-Wan opened his eyes, which had closed somewhere in his bliss, and saw Master Yoda walking away. Suddenly, a question came to his lips and he couldn't prevent himself from asking.
"Master Yoda?" The wise, green Jedi turned back to his friend. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful for what the council has given to Anakin, because that's not it at all." Obi-Wan wanted to make that point clear. "But why have you decided to allow Anakin to remain within the Jedi Order? Surly there have been Jedi removed from the Order for reasons that are a far cry from joining with the Sith." Yoda smiled up at the ginger-haired master with that unnervingly knowing look.
"Represent what the Order could have become, young Skywalker does. Arrogant were we all. Thought us invincible we did. A second chance in Anakin we see, also a second chance in ourselves is there. Lost were we all, found we are once more."
(Inhale.) That was the command Anakin gave himself as he stood at the base of the stone staircase. His eyes traveled up the familiar steps and he felt oxygen fill his lungs once more. He'd decided to come through the back way. Not only for memory purposes but because he doubted he'd have got through the front door. The Naboo Villa that Padme lived in had gotten a serious boost in security since the last time he'd been here. My fault most likely. He admitted to himself. Luckily he'd come across a ferryman who was willing him to take him from the other side of the large lake. Anakin had landed his transport a very good distance away. He didn't want anyone to tip off the young owner of the villa that he had come, which would have happened had anyone seen him. His clone war reputation had become the stuff of legend. At one point Anakin would have been more than proud of that fact, now he simply wished that no one even knew his name. Because unlike everyone else, Padme knew what he'd become. She knew the truth. Even a simple whisper that 'Anakin Skywalker' was here would blow everything that he hoped to accomplish. He'd managed to get a promise from his boatman that he wouldn't breathe a word of his presence. Of course a little force manipulation had also ensured he wouldn't remember exactly 'who' he'd brought.
The young Jedi reached out with the force and immediately sensed his beloved in the room at the top of the stairwell. And not just her, but the children as well! Anakin's heart began to beat erratically. He swallowed hard and took a step up, his hands running along the smooth railing. Of all the places he'd remembered or missed, it was this place he'd longed for the most. Before his fears could stop him one step became another, and another. Soon he was standing at the top looking out at the sun's reflection on the beautiful Nubian landscape.
(Thank the force the war didn't touch this place.) Anakin thought with a weary smile. Turning from the balcony after a moment, the Jedi approached the doors that were only a few paces away. Positioning himself behind the white curtains that billowed in the wind of the opened doorway, Anakin peered into the familiar room. However, the setting in his memory no longer existed. The darker, seductive colors that lined the walls on his wedding night had been replaced by whites and pastels, and were adorned with children's toys of all kinds. Anakin's eyes of course lingered not on those details but on the young woman placing a small bundle into the crib in front of her. The Jedi admired his wifefrom afarwith increasing serenity, her presence had always done that to him. Her beautiful wavy, brown hair that cascaded down her back, her gentle touch, and warm smile, things Anakin knew he couldn't live without. She was wearing a light nightgown, her favorite he remembered. It appeared white but it was made of shimmersilk and the swirling colors could be seen around her feet as she moved.
Serenity was shattered. Sensing someone watching her Padme suddenly spun around. She scanned the area for not even a second before she spotted a silhouette and it took her even less timeto identify it as Anakin, who began to panic. He watched as she opened her mouth as if to scream, but a glance to her children told Anakin should would not wake them from thier sleep. Instead she instinctively reached for an object that held a memory she'd tried to cling to, one of Anakin's lightsabers. The beam sprang forth with the familiar snap-hiss and it hovered in front of her. If Anakin hadn't been so astonished and saddened by the thought that Padme wanted to kill him, he might have smiled, laughed even. Anakin simply lifted his hands in the air in submissiveness, trying to show her he meant no harm.
"No, Padme please lis--"
"Get out!" The former queen hissed, voice quiet yet commanding.
"You don't understand." Anakin whispered, trying again.
"No, you don't understand! You're not longer wanted here! And if you even try to touch the children I WILL kill you." Padme assured him in her most menacing tone, though it was barely above whisper. The woman was shaking in both fear and desperation. She wouldn't lose her children to this monster! Anakin blinked back tears that had formed without his knowledge and he saw Padme do the same. Anakin took a small step forward and Padme raised the saber instinctively. "Don't." Padme warned. "I will do it." But even as she said it, Anakin felt the flicker in her resolve.
"Would you Padme?" Anakin asked, his voice truly wounded. He saw her steady the blade in her trembling hands. When he received no answer he took the remaining 3 steps to her, pressing the blue blade mere millimeters away from him. Both heard the crackling of the blade against Anakin's tunic as it began to eat through. "Would you really kill me?" He asked again, this time in a more desperate tone. His eyes locked with her still unwavering icy gaze, still no answer. The Jedi stepped forward. A terrified gasp escaped Padme's lips as she read Anakin's intentions a split second before he moved and retracted the blade immediately. Her eyes immediately scanned over his torso and felt a mixture of relief and anger at her own weakness. Anakin however was breathing his own relief. He reached down and took the blade from Padme's hands, tossing it to the bed a few feet away. Then, his hand went to his own saber. Seeing this movement, Padme quickly recoiled and backed up against the crib, ready to defend her children with her life.
"No, no please." Anakin pleaded, moving more quickly now as he unclipped his saber and tossed it away as well. "I need to talk to you. Tell you something." Anakin wouldn't give up trying. Padme shook her head.
"No Vader, you made your wishes quite clear on your last visit." Padme assured him with anger lining her tone. Her thoughts traveling to the last time she'd seen this man. Anakin winced, trying to avoid the bombardment of images that flooded back to him. He had expected her to mention their last meeting, but the pain was no less great. Again he tried to step closer to her, this time in vain as she recoiled once more. The grief swelled in the young Jedi with his inability to take his wife in his arms and hold her. To make everything else in the world disappear.
Instead of trying to talk again, Anakin instead took a step towards the crib. An action that renewed Padme's hatred 10 fold as she quickly stepped between them.
"Get away from them Vader! I will not allow you to--" This time it was Padme who was silenced as Anakin wrapped his good arm around her waist and pulled her forcefully against him, kissing her both gently and passionately, with all the longing he had bottled within him.
A war ranged within Padme. Every intelligent part of her screamed to pull away but the rest of her refused to obey. And before she could make a decision Anakin had pulled away. Padme's anger was so tremendous now that she was just about to slap the man across, but again Anakin's reaction was faster.
"Oh!" He said, in a mockingly feminine pitch. "I shouldn't have done that." He added, with a gentle smile. Like a river after a rainstorm, Padme broke and her emotions flooded every fiber of her being. She stood frozen, unable to move, tears dripping down her face as memories assaulted her mind.
"Ani." Her tone was broken as she managed to reach a hand up to touch his cheek. Anakin nodded weakly.
"Present." He replied in an assuring tone. "It's me. I've come back. Back to the light, the Jedi…to you." Padme was silent. Anakin looked at the crib. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.
"Because you left me!" Padme suddenly found her voice and her anger again, trying to yell now and unable because of the tears choking her voice. "I was all alone!" Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep? Over you?" Tears flowed freely now down her face. "I hate you!" Padme struck Anakin's chest with a closed fist. The man winced, the physical pain he accepted and welcomed but it was his own emotional turmoil that caused this reaction. "I hate you!" She repeated, striking him again. "I hate you!" Over and over she repeated, each time her strikes become weaker, until her whole body was racked with sobs and she couldn't breath. Anakin brought his arms around her and she collapsed within them, crying into the folds of his robe, wishing she could melt away. Anakin calmly pulled her close, pressing her tightly against him.
"I know." He whispered in understanding. "That's why I've only come to tell you the truth, about me I mean. I don't wish to burden you any further than I have. I only want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted. I just wanted to leave you with that understanding." Anakin's mouth said all the right things, everything he should say. But even as he did, his heart was breaking all over again. He wanted to leave as much as Padme had wanted to run him through with his saber. However, what he said was true and with that he moved away, or so he attempted. He found that now Padme was holding him equally as tight.
"Please, don't leave me." Padme breathed between sobs. Anakin tilted her head up and ran one finger down the side of her face where he'd slapped her in what seemed like a lifetime ago. Padme closed her eyes, remembering his touch in vivid detail.
"I swear, by everything in this universe I will never hurt you again and, as long as you can stand me, I'll never leave you." Anakin was overwhelmed with happiness and relief and finally tears escaped his eyes. Padme gave a weak smile and laid her head once again on his chest. With one hand she reached up and held the back of his neck and the other came to rest over the place she'd hit him. Sighing in happiness and contentedness, she closed her eyes and prayed that this was not some cruel joke being played on her sanity and if it was that she never woke up.
Padme's eyes blinked open to the sound of a baby crying. (Leia!) She thought, automatically recognizing her daughter's cry. She sat up and realized she was sitting in the bed of her children's nursery. Suddenly the day's happenings replayed themselves in her mind. (Anakin!) She remembered falling asleep in his arms. Padme glanced over and saw Anakin lying next to her, staring with those crystal blue eyes a gentle smile on his face.
"I need to go to her." She said, stating the obvious.
"Leia?" Anakin wondered, with a knowing glance. Padme looked at him suspiciously.
"How many times have I told you not to read my mind Ani?" She replied in a teasingly scolding voice.
"How many times have I told you not to call me Ani?" He countered, sitting up as well. Padme couldn't help smiling as she rolled her eyes. She rose from the bed but Anakin stopped her halfway.
"No, let me." It was a statement, but Anakin still waited for Padme's approval. The young woman nodded as she sat back on the bed. Anakin practically beamed as he went quietly to the large crib. He rested his hands along the frame as he looked down. He looked first to Leia, who seemed to pause in her cry to look back at him as well. A smile crept onto Anakin's face as he drank in the sight of his beautiful little girl and a feeling, unlike anything he'd ever felt, began to fill him completely. Anakin's eyes then traveled to the other baby who, Anakin noticed, despite his sister's crying, stayed calm. The Jedi realized then that he didn't even know his son's name and turned back to Padme.
"Luke." She replied, as if able to sense his thoughts as well. Anakin nodded with that delighted look still plastered on his face, and turned back to the crib.
"Luke." He repeated, breathing the word softly. The little one's blue eyes met his father's and Anakin noticed that like Leia matched Padme's looks, Luke matched his. Knowing the attention had shifted from herself, Leia began to crying again.
Padme watched with rapt attention as Anakin, with strong arms and a gentle touch, lifted his little girl and cradled her softly against him. The young woman rubbed her eyes, as she had been doing since she awoke. She still couldn't believe that Anakin was here. It wasn't a day ago that this very scene was her inner most desire and now it was all unfolding before her. She still expected to wake up and be heartbroken all over again.
(He left me.) Padme's mind began running over everything again. (His eyes were so cold. He was so different.) She still watched Anakin. The man seemed completely oblivious to everything, save for the child in his arms. Anakin looked up at her briefly, his eyes so totally different from the memory she was experiencing. (It was cold that day. He told me he was leaving. His face had been marked with lines of age that had been forced on him.) Padme felt tears coming on again.(I was going to tell him about thechildren that day. But he told me he was leaving…forever. He was done with the Jedi. I'd pleaded with him, begged him. I told him he couldn't. But he was so angry. So changed. He hit me!) Padme's hand went to her face. (His last words. 'Anakin is dead. Forget him. Darth Vader has killed him.)
Padme's small gesture to her face had gone unnoticed but the sudden rise of turmoil had not. Anakin's head turned quickly to her and a gripping wave of guilt washed over him.
"Padme, please don't." Anakin crossed the floor back to her, Leia still in his arms. He sat on the bed and kissed his wife's forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I would do anything to take that day back."
Padme looked into the face before her. He was not the same man she'd married, that was clear. That carefree, reckless, angry teenager was gone. But, she didn't need a young man she needed a husband. The times that would follow this moment would be difficult. Putting the galactic senate back together and the Jedi wouldn't be even close to easy. Padme reached out and placed her hands on either side of Anakin's face. But, neither was this the same man who had said those horrible things to her. His eyes were clear and beautiful again and his face happy.
"Anakin…" Her voice was weary. "Promise me the worst is over." Her hands slid around his waist and she pulled herself closer to her husband and daughter. "Promise me we'll always be together, that no matter what we'll be a family." She lied her head down on his shoulder. Anakin smiled and wrapped his mechanical arm around her.
"I promise." Anakin smiled contentedly, closing his eyes and willing to spend the remainder of his life frozen just like this. However, it wouldn't even be five minutes before Anakin's eyes flickered open and an amazed grin spread over his face. "Did you feel it?" Anakin asked excitedly, breaking the silence, though he was pretty sure she didn't. Padme opened her eyes and looked up at Anakin.
"Feel what?" She inquired curiously. Anakin looked to the crib.
"It's Luke. He's calling me." A confused look spread over Padme's face and it took her a long moment to figure out what her husband must be talking about.
"You mean they're…force sensitive?" She asked cautiously, feeling a little unnerved.
"Yes." Anakin answered. "It's amazing. He can't talk but he feels our connection even before he knows what it is. They will both be remarkable Jedi." A fear suddenly clutched at Padme and a cold feeling ran through her.
(Remarkable? Powerful? Like Anakin?) Padme didn't know if she wanted any of that for her children. Anakin saw the change in his wife and without reading her mind he knew exactly what she was thinking.
"It won't be like that." Anakin said quickly. "They won't be…like me." He said sadly. Padme looked at Anakin as if his words had slapped her.
"Oh, Ani, I didn't mean it like that." She consoled him. "That's not how I feel at all." Padme added soothingly. "I just understand how hard it was for you to grow up with the sort of power you had and all the expectations of being 'The Chosen One'. I just don't want them to feel that burden." She explained.
"It won't be like that. I'll be there to guide them." Of course once he said it Anakin wasn't sure he should be guiding anyone. (Who am I kidding?) I can barely guide myself. He thought in anger as his own uselessness. But as he thought, Leia reached up and began playing with her father's braid and when Anakin looked back to his little girl he knew that things were going to be different. He was going to be different. He put Leia in her mother's arms and went to get Luke.
"Come on. Let's go into the fields." Anakin said, his happiness returning. "I have a whole month before I have to be a Jedi again and I don't want to waste a moment." He stated. Padme laughed softly as she rose. As far as she was concerned they could go to hell and back, so long as Anakin was by her side. For her life truly began and ended with the three other beings in this room.
