Disclaimer: Do you really need me to repeat it? No? Good.
Aurora's note: Thanks for the two of you who reviewed for the first chapter. I wasn't really sure where to go with this one until… Well, you'll find out, won't you? Oh, and since this is a parody, it goes without saying that sometimes the characters will not be in complete character. Just to let you know.
Chapter 2: Attention Deficit Hey! Dude! Let's go ride bikes!
(The title has nothing to do with the chapter.)
A lone figure stood staring solemnly at the newly risen Castlevania. Lightning struck atmospherically in the background as dramatic music played and an annoying narrator who wasn't in the game, but wanted to be part of the fanfiction and wasn't important anyway, spoke of the little bit of exposition that was needed for the game, but isn't important here anyway.
So Alucard, much annoyed at not being given the proper introduction that he needed, (which is a stunning detail about his looks), ran to Castlevania and managed to get inside the drawbridge before it closed. He quickly disposed of the enemies he found in the first few rooms, (including the never ending zombies), and went to where Death was floating in a courtyard-type place splendidly decorated with impaled bodies.
"Ah, Alucard," Death greeted with his voice which had been an attempt at cool sound effects by the American guys but only came out as a little better than Dracula's. "What is your business here?" Alucard struck a dramatic, brooding pose.
"I've come to put an end to this," Alucard stated in his better-than-Dracula-but-still-majorly-annoying voice.
"Still cough be-cough cough- Excuse me. Do you have a cough drop?" Death coughed. Alucard opened his cape and rummaged through it.
"Let's see here… Knives…knives…knives…Axes…Here-wait, sorry, just another knife…cross…Hey! My long lost toy boat that I thought Father gave to Elizabeth! Yea! Now if only I had some water…Hmmm…"
"What about my cough drop!" Alucard started.
"Oh! Right! Sorry, I forgot… Could you hold these?" Alucard threw his pile of knives, axes, crosses, and his long lost toy boat onto Death and continued to rummage. "Stereo…Hey! I forgot I had this CD! Let's see… Plug in the stereo…turn up the volume…"
"WHAT ABOUT MY COUGH DROP!" Alucard rummaged in his cape.
"Well, I don't have any cough drops, but I have this cough syrup!" Alucard handed the bottle of 'cough syrup' to Death. Death drank it.
"YOU chock GAVE hack hack ME gasp HOLY WATER! gasp sputter cough hack" Alucard had turned on his stereo and a strange, German rock song was blaring through the castle.
"WE ARE LIVING IN AMERICA! AMERICA IS VUNDABAR! WE ARE LIVING IN AMERICA! AMERICA! AMERICA!" Alucard screamed, singing along with the lyrics.
"I SAIDcough hack YOU GAVE cough sputter ME-!" The music went off.
"What did you say?" Alucard asked. Death gasped and fell over and began writhing on the ground, coughing and sputtering… and hacking…and gasping… "Oh well." Alucard put away all of his things and was about to go on his merry way to kill Dracula and all that jazz, but Death got back up.
"Wait! cough sputter We haven't hack finished the cough cough corny gasp dialogue!" Alucard stopped for a moment.
"You're right! I almost forgot. Wait! I did forget! WHAT ARE MY LINES! SCRIPT! I NEED A SCRIPT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GIVE ME A SCRIPT!" Alucard was calmed in this moment of desperation by a bicycle. A bicycle, it seems, with pretty silver streamers and a bell. "Ooooo! Bicycle!"
"WHAT ABOUT THE CONVERSATION!" Alucard shrugged.
"Why don't we just forget about it?"
"Forget about it? Forget about it! What? Are you mad!"
"Oh, no. As long as Father hasn't stained the new rug I gave him, I'm not mad at anyone."
"No! That's not the type of mad that I mean!"
"Then which mad did you mean?"
"I meant mad like crazy mad!"
"Wait… You haven't coughed, sputtered, gasped, or hacked in the past…8 paragraphs! Something's not right here…"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the comedy of this chapter has focused on your need of a cough drop and my ADHD. If you haven't coughed, sputtered, gasped, or hacked and I haven't lost focus, this means that the writer of this fanfiction is running out of ideas!"
"gasp Oh no! If she's run out of ideas-! Wait… we're in a fanfiction?"
"You didn't know that?"
"No! I thought we were in a game."
"Well, we're in both, really."
"Hm… I didn't know that! So, if we're in both, but right now we're in a fanfiction and not in the game-…"
"No, you see, we're in both simultaneously."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Oh, in that case… What were we saying anyway?"
"It was your line. Right at 'still befriending mortals.'"
"Ah, yes, thank you."
"No problem."
"Still befriending mortals. I'll not ask you to return to our side. But I demand you leave this place at once!"
"What's my line?"
"I don't know! I didn't memorize your lines!"
"Well, neither did I!"
"Hmm… Then we're in a bit of a pickle."
"I like pickles."
"Well I don't."
"I don't see how you could like or dislike anything! You're bones…and worms."
"They are not worms! They're…they're…"
"What are they?"
"They're my paparazzi group!"
"You're weird."
"Not as weird as you are!"
"Oh, much weirder."
"Well, anyway, I can't see how we're going to end this except….THIS!" Then Alucard was stripped of all his cool stuff and all that.
End of Chappy 2.
Aurora's note: Well, I said that the title had nothing to do with the fanfiction, but I was wrong. Review! Don't flame. I can't use them!"
