Don't You Dare Blame This on Me
"Can I get you anything?"
Edd shook his head, though he stood in the middle of his living room with that same lost look he had at school.
"You sure?"
"Yes, Kevin, I am sure."
If Kevin didn't know better, he thought he could finally detect a hint of anger in Edd's tone, though the boy certainly didn't express it. Yet. Kevin felt as if he were walking on eggshells. He left Edd alone for a moment so that he could put their bags in the kitchen at the table. He grabbed two bottles of water in case Edd was thirsty, then returned to the living room. Edd still stood there. Kevin put the water bottles on the table next to the couch and sat down. "Come here, sweetheart."
Edd turned toward Kevin, though he wouldn't look Kevin directly in the eye. He seemed to consider it, then came over and crawled onto Kevin's lap. Kevin knew there'd probably be angry words, possibly a fight later, but for right now, Edd just needed comfort.
Kevin cradled him almost like a baby. Edd sat sideways, his feet resting on the couch cushion next to Kevin, and tucked his head under Kevin's chin. They didn't say anything, simply sat as Kevin held him, pressing the occasional kiss on Edd's bare head as Kevin had slid off his hat.
They stayed like that for nearly half an hour. Kevin wasn't about to push him to talk. He knew Edd would when he was ready. Kevin just listened to Edd's breathing and enjoyed the feel of Edd's forefinger, which was absently tracing designs on one side of his chest. Although he had learned to read his boyfriend pretty well over the past five months, he couldn't tell what Edd was thinking now or even what the boy felt.
"I cannot believe I did that."
Edd's voice, small and quiet as it was, sounded loud in the silent room. Kevin had no idea how to respond.
"It'll be okay, sweetheart."
He heard the sharp intake of Edd's breath. "Do not do that."
"Do what?"
He felt Edd move for the first time. He loosened his grip enough so that Edd could sit up straighter and finally look Kevin. The blue-green eyes looking at him were hard and angry, which Kevin expected. "Do not call me that."
"Dee…"
"How could you do that, Kevin?" Edd cried, his tone breaking Kevin's heart. "How could you do that to me? To us? On an anniversary!"
Edd was startled when Kevin's expression hardened. Edd's whole head was a mess of confused emotions and thoughts. For one of the first times in his life he felt completely helpless. He knew he shouldn't be angry with Kevin, but he had to be. He needed to be angry with someone or something.
"Don't you do that, Edd. Don't you dare blame this on me."
Edd swallowed, struggling to control the tears that had not yet fallen. Kevin never spoke harshly to him and his loving boyfriend's voice was so stern. "You outed us, Kevin."
"I outed myself, Edd. I didn't out us. You were the one who told everyone we were together."
Edd didn't want to hear the truth. He struggled a bit in Kevin's arms, but Kevin held on to him tightly. "Kevin, let me go."
"No."
Edd twisted his body around, pressing his palms against Kevin's chest and pushing, trying to get out of his boyfriends' embrace. "Let me go!"
"No, Edd. We're talking about this."
"I do not want to talk to you. Please let me go."
"No."
Edd still struggled, using all his strength to push himself out of the arms around him, but Kevin was much stronger than him and he mentally cursed himself for being weak. He once again couldn't meet Kevin's eyes. "Kevin!"
"You will talk to me, Edd. You're not avoiding this."
Edd stopped pushing against Kevin and turned, his arms crossing across his own chest. "I cannot believe you would do this to me."
"What did I do to you, Edd?" Kevin asked calmly.
Edd winced. Kevin was using his name, not his pet name, and that was what almost had Edd crying. "You promised me you would not tell anyone about us until I was ready."
Kevin sighed. "I kept my promise."
"No, you did not."
"I did, Edd. I said I wouldn't tell anyone about us. I didn't. I only said that I'm gay."
Edd wasn't in the mood for logic or semantics. "It is the same thing."
"How?"
"You told them you are gay. You indicated at the talent show you were in love with someone. How long do you think it would take for anyone at the school to put two and two together and figure out you loved me?"
"I don't know. A few days? A few weeks? Never? I don't think anyone cares as much as you think they do."
"In that you are wrong."
"Then why speed it up by announcing it yourself?"
"I spoke up because I wanted to own it. I did not want to be outed by someone else. Not even you. I wanted to say it before you did."
"Before I did?"
"Yes, before you told them all it was me."
"Hey!" Kevin exclaimed. "How can you accuse me of that?"
"You were about to say my name."
They were quiet for a few minutes. The silence unnerved Edd so he turned his head enough to bring Kevin into his view and was surprised to see tears in Kevin's eyes. When their eyes caught, Kevin finally spoke. "That's what you think of me? You think I would do that to you? That hurts."
Edd blinked fast a few times, his own eyes stinging again. "Kevin…"
"No. It hurts me a lot that you'd think that." Edd's heart squeezed tightly at hearing the pain in Kevin's tone. "I think I've been pretty fucking patient about this whole thing. I've spent five months hiding this from people I care about. All for you. I've kept quiet about the best thing in my life – something I'm proud of. I love that I love you. I love that you love me. You make me happier than anything in my whole life, and I can't tell anyone about it. I have to pretend I'm straight, that I enjoy when girls hit on me, that I like locker room talk about girls – all the while knowing that I'm not that person and that I have someone waiting for me at home that makes it all worth it."
Edd was overwhelmed. To be sure, Kevin often indicated that he wanted to come out, but he'd never told Edd so passionately about it, and he'd never fully articulated how he felt.
When Edd didn't say anything, Kevin continued. "I realized I promised not to say anything about us. I never promised not to say anything about me. I'm tired of hiding who I am, Edd. Tired. The half-truths are killing me. I don't like being dishonest, you know that. I'm proud that I'm gay. I'm proud of what we have. I was fucking selfish once in this relationship and did something for me, when all I've done since November was do what you wanted. Without even understanding fully why. You aren't telling me the whole truth, either. I know that. And I still kept this secret. Because I love you. But I'll be damned if you blame this on me."
Edd raised his hands to cover his face and finally let the tears go. He sobbed, loudly, into his hands and felt Kevin's arms tighten around him again, pulling the smaller boy against his chest to let him cry. He felt so scared and guilty. He didn't deserve Kevin. Because Kevin was right. It had all been about what Edd wanted from the beginning. Edd had never once even tried to compromise with Kevin about this. He knew the whole time how Kevin felt; how Kevin was ready to come out, but Edd would never even listen to him. It was all his fault.
Kevin pressed his face into Edd's hair, murmuring things that Edd could hardly make out. It only made him sob harder and Kevin just let him. Kevin was always like this, infinitely patient with him over everything. Edd knew how lucky he was, and he also knew that Kevin was an honest person, so to expect Kevin to live a lie for so long was selfish of Edd, though Edd did it for Kevin.
"I am so sorry, Kevin," Edd finally choked out between sobs. "So sorry."
"Sweetheart…" and the term of endearment pierced at his heart, "…don't be sorry."
"I am though," Edd said, letting his hands fall into his lap, though he still kept the side of his head pressed against Kevin's chest. "I did not mean to accuse you of anything. I am just angry at myself and lashed out at you. That was incredibly stupid of me."
"You could never be stupid…"
"Everyone can be stupid," Edd snapped, then took a deep breath. "I am sorry. I am just so scared."
"I know, baby, I know."
"No, Kevin, you do not. You said you do not fully understand my fear. That is my fault, because I never fully explained it to you."
"I understand, Dee," and Edd's heart lifted a little at finally hearing his pet name. "I know you're scared that you might get hurt or picked on."
"No," Edd contradicted as he reached up to wipe at his cheeks. "I do not much care what happens to me, Kevin. I am used to it. I am scared for you."
"Me?" Kevin asked blankly. He had no idea what Edd meant.
"You do not know what it is like to be the victim of bullying, Kevin. You are popular and well liked by everyone in our school, teachers and students alike. You may not care about your social status, because I think you do not appreciate it. If you were to lose it, I am afraid it would hurt you. As for bullying," Kevin felt Edd shrug his shoulders a little, "I never want you to experience that. It is humiliating, emasculating, and terrifying. It is also a very real possibility that you may lose your friends, and I know how important they are to you."
Kevin was quiet for a moment, then said, "You're the most important person to me, Dee. If I lose friends because I love you, then they were never friends in the first place. Will it hurt? I'm sure it will, but if my friends can't accept me for who I am," he shrugged. "I don't need them." He settled his chin on Edd's head as he gathered his thoughts. "This whole time you've been afraid for me? Not for yourself?"
Edd sighed. "Yes, Kevin. To be sure, I did not look forward to more negative attention toward myself. I am sure no one would care or be surprised that I am gay, but I was worried that I would have some repercussions from dating you." He continued, though Kevin tried to voice a protest, "No, it is true. I am afraid that your teammates might do something for making their captain gay."
"They wouldn't think that."
"They might, though, Kevin. Yet, I did not very much care about that. I know that I can handle the bullying. I have handled it my whole life. I do not like it, but I can handle it. I was afraid that you would not be able to handle it and would think I was not worth the trouble."
Edd said this last statement in a small voice, his face still hidden from Kevin. Kevin felt as if his heart had frozen. He had no idea Edd's thoughts ran along these lines.
"I am just as proud of our relationship, Kevin," Edd added. "More proud than you can know. I know that I am not a physically strong person, but I had to protect you in the way I thought best. The only way I thought I could. I am so sorry."
Kevin pushed Edd a little until the boy was sitting up straighter on his lap and reached up to gently turn Edd's head so that he could see him. "Dee, look at me." When Edd's closed eyes opened, his long eyelashes damp with tears, Kevin cupped his cheek, using his thumb to wipe away a couple that fell. "No matter what, sweetheart, you are and always will be worth everything to me. Nothing is going to change that. I love you too much, okay? You don't have to apologize."
Edd's eyes closed again as he pulled away and settled back into his previous position, resting his cheek against Kevin's chest. His boyfriends' heartbeat was working to soothe him, along with the pressure of Kevin's hand on his thigh. "I love you, Kevin," he sighed, as his tears steadily fell.
Kevin kissed the top of his head again, then leant his own head back against the couch. Edd cried quietly in his lap until he fell asleep. Kevin smiled slightly when he heard the soft snore that indicated his lover was in dreamland. He guessed that Edd hadn't gotten much sleep the night before after their small argument. He kissed his head again, gently pulled Edd's hat back on, then rested his chin on Edd's head. Things weren't good at the moment, he knew, and they definitely needed to talk this out more, but for now he just let the exhausted boy sleep.
After an hour with Edd's soft snores enticing Kevin into his own doze, Kevin heard the front door open and he immediately raised his hand. Eddy, peeking in, noticed Kevin pointing to the sleeping form in his lap and Eddy nodded, muttered something to Ed behind him, then came in, closing the door quietly.
Once shoes were off, the Eds joined Kevin in the living room, Eddy slipping onto the couch at Edd's feet and Ed into the chair. "How is he?" Eddy asked in a voice above a whisper.
"Shaken up," Kevin answered just as quietly. "I don't think he got much sleep last night, either. We kind of argued then, too."
Eddy sighed. "I thought something like this would happen. When he finally did it. What did he say?"
"He blamed me," Kevin said.
Eddy frowned. "Why? What did you do?"
"I think he wanted to blame someone and I was there? I don't know. He thought I broke my promise to him."
"Technically, you didn't."
Kevin was surprised that Eddy took his side. "No. And I told him so. I think he understands. But he was so upset that I don't think he was thinking clearly."
"How are you?" Eddy asked, surprising Kevin again.
"I don't know. Part of me is glad that this happened. Glad that I don't have to hide it anymore," he said and Eddy nodded. "But, it breaks my heart to see him so upset."
"It was bound to come out sooner or later, Kev," Eddy said. "At least he was able to say it himself."
"True. Once this sinks in, I think he'll see that."
They all sat in silence for a while. Even Ed didn't say anything. The only sound was the little snores from Edd.
"I texted Nazz to come on in when she gets here, but to come in quietly. She'll tell Jake and Rolf. She suggested ordering some food from Sal's. Double D needs to eat something and we figured you guys wouldn't be up to cooking anything."
Kevin smiled at him. "You guys are awesome. I don't know what we'd do without you."
"You just concentrate on comforting him," Eddy said, nodding at Edd.
Their friends arrived ten minutes later, coming in quietly through the front door. Nazz and Rolf knew the routine – shoes off – and indicated to Jake to do the same. Jake looked around curiously as they passed through the living room to the kitchen, Nazz and Rolf shooting Kevin little smiles as they did, and Eddy got up to follow them. Kevin shifted slightly in his seat. He was stiff and sore from sitting still so long. "Hey, Ed?" he said, getting Ed's attention. "Can you run up and get a couple of pillows from Dee's bed?"
Ed scampered off to the stairs and Kevin tried to stand up without waking Edd.
"Kevin?" Edd asked sleepily.
"Shh, sweetheart. Close your eyes. I'm just going to put you on the couch. Ed will be here."
"The Eds are here?"
"Yeah, baby. Ed is going to sit with you. I'll be in the kitchen."
He was on his feet just as Ed returned with the pillows. He put them on the couch and Kevin turned to lower Edd and positioned him comfortably and Ed sat down by Edd's feet. The boy had already drifted back to sleep.
"Thanks, Ed. Stay here with him, okay?"
"Of course, Kevin!"
Kevin went to the kitchen, squinting at the brightness of the room. Everyone was sitting at the table, except for Nazz, who was poring over a takeout menu from their favorite restaurant that lay on the counter. "What do you think Edd would want?" she asked Kevin.
He shrugged, rubbing at his face. "Not sure," he said. "Just grab some pizza for all of us, I guess? If that's okay with everyone?"
There was a murmur of agreement, so Nazz went to the dining room to make the call on her phone.
"Anyone want anything to drink? Edd would kill me if I didn't play the part of proper host."
Eddy snorted. "Whatever pop is in the fridge is fine, Kev."
"Everything okay, Kev?" Jake asked as Kevin retrieved cans of Coke from the fridge for everyone.
"I guess," he said. "Not really," he amended, plunking the cans on the table.
"Pizza's on the way!" Nazz chimed when she came back.
"We got in a fight. He blamed me. It was a mess. I don't know what to do," Kevin said, leaning against the counter.
"I'm not surprised," Nazz said. "He's probably in shock. Don't take anything he says to heart, Kev."
"I'm trying. Getting blamed doesn't help." He groaned, covering his face. "We've never fought before. Not really. This sucks."
"Every couple has these moments, Kev," Nazz said, putting a hand on his arm.
"He blamed me, but I wouldn't take it, and told him so. Then I told him that I've kept my promise to him for five months, as much as it killed me. Lying to people I care about," he said, looking at Jake. "Not being true to who I am. All for him. Even though I didn't understand what he was afraid of, I still kept the promise. I didn't like to be selfish today, but I just couldn't keep it in anymore. I know Jason was being an ass, but I've wanted to be out since the start. But I wasn't going to say I was with him. He thought I was."
"I don't think you would have said that," Eddy said. Everyone looked at him with some surprise, except for Jake. "What? Kev's an honest guy and would never hurt Double D."
"I wouldn't. And I wasn't going to say his name at all. But he thought I was, so he did it. I get it, but I didn't force him to." Kevin looked at Nazz, his eyes pleading. "He said he wanted to keep this secret because he was scared for me. I don't get that."
"What did he say?"
"He didn't want me to lose friends, or my social status," and here Kevin rolled his eyes. "As if I cared about my popularity. And he didn't want me to be bullied."
"Ah," Nazz said thoughtfully. "I can understand that."
"I'm glad you can."
She smiled at him with a little head shake. "Edd understands you better than you understand yourself, Kev. You may not understand the privilege your popularity gets you, but he does. Because of that, things are pretty easy for you at school. You get invited to everything, you make friends with everyone, people always seek you out. Those are things I'm sure Edd has never had. He knows you have this and doesn't want you to lose it, because he thinks that it would hurt you without you even realizing it until it happened."
Kevin thought that over. While he did work hard for what he had – good grades and his place on the baseball team – he did have to admit that what Nazz said was true.
"Besides, losing friends is something that does happen when people come out. Edd, who has never really had friends other than the other Eds and now us, probably thinks you cherish your other friends as much as he cherishes his. I mean, I know you do, but still. It doesn't surprise me that he's worried about it."
"Does he think I care about any of that?"
"Obviously. I understand that you don't understand how much your popularity gets you, Kevin, but Double D sees it. And he cares enough about you that he doesn't want you to lose it."
"Kev, you're everything to Double D," Eddy put in. "He'd do anything for you."
"We'll stay long enough to make sure he eats. Not," she said, smiling at the look Kevin shot her, "that I think you'd neglect him no matter how badly you fought. We just want to show him we love him too." Everyone at the table voiced their agreement. "Then we'll let you two alone to talk. Don't let this anger go on too long. I'm not sure how bad the next couple of weeks will be. I can't even imagine how the kids at school are going to react."
Eddy grunted. "It'll be the talk of the school for a day before the next big thing happens."
"True," Nazz agreed. "I'll tell you, Kev, it spread pretty fast. By the end of last period, I think everyone knew. It's all the girls on the cheerleading team talked about." Kevin winced.
They heard Ed call Kevin's name, so Kevin pushed himself from the counter and went into the living room. Edd was sitting up, looking over the back of the couch. "Kevin?"
"Hey, baby," he said softly, coming around the couch to kneel on the floor next to it. "We ordered some food and it should be here soon. Are you hungry?"
Edd shook his head. "No."
"You should still eat something. Even just a little. It's Sal's pizza. Why don't you run up and wash your face, okay?"
"Do I look that bad?"
Kevin stroked his cheek. "You never look bad to me, sweetheart. But your face is all tear-stained and red."
Edd nodded, unable to even muster a small smile. "Alright, Kevin. I shall be back down shortly. Who is here?"
"Nazz, Rolf, Jake, and the Eds."
"Even Jake?"
Kevin nodded. "Mhm. They're all concerned about you."
Edd thought that over. He knew there was a lot he and Kevin still needed to discuss, but the presence of their friends negated that for now. If their discussion devolved into another yelling match, he certainly didn't want to do it in front of them. In fact, he didn't want to face it at all tonight. He was exhausted and felt slightly sick. He wished the others weren't here right now, because all he wanted to do was hide himself in his room. Edd still harbored feelings of guilt, anger, and fear, but he decided to let Kevin take care of him tonight.
Kevin stood and helped him stand, then kissed him on the forehead. Edd managed to give him a wan little smile before he headed upstairs.
Usually when the group of friends got together to enjoy pizza it was a lively and fun time, full of inside jokes, teasing, and laughter. There was a little of it – they all chose not to discuss what had happened at school – but the gathering was rather subdued. Though Edd still wished his friends were not here, he appreciated that everyone stayed to keep him company and show him their support, as well as their efforts to cheer him up.
Kevin also appreciated them. He knew they were there mostly for Edd's sake, but he was also going through his own crisis. In spite of his relief that he didn't have to hide anything anymore, he was still worried about how Edd reacted and about what would happen at school. He didn't know what to expect the next day.
After dinner, Nazz got everyone to help clean up before shooing them out of the house, and before they knew it, he and Edd were alone. It was just past seven, so Kevin knew they had a lot of time to talk and he hoped they could settle all of this tonight. He didn't want there to be any more misunderstandings.
"Go sit down, sweetheart," he said. "I can finish cleaning up in here."
"I should help you, Kevin," Edd protested.
"Nope, I've got it. I'll make sure it passes your inspection."
Edd smiled, a small, tight one, and drifted into the living room. Their friends had cleaned up, but Kevin knew he'd have to clean it to Edd's standards. He soon had everything in order, washed his hands, and dried them on a towel, which he hung neatly on one of the drawer pulls. He turned out the light, leaving the one over the sink on – Edd liked to have a light on in all the rooms at night – then went to join his boyfriend.
Edd waited quietly on the couch, his head tilted down as he stared at the hands clasped tightly in his lap. His body was tense as if prepared for another fight. Kevin hoped not. He wanted to talk this out, not fight about it.
He settled on the couch next to Edd, but didn't say anything. They sat there, neither one speaking, for a good few minutes. Kevin wasn't sure what to say, or how to say it. He figured it would come to him, so he opened his mouth. "Dee…" he began.
He didn't get much past that. Edd suddenly swung himself onto Kevin's lap facing him as he straddled his thighs. Edd's hands came up to grip the sides of Kevin's head to hold it still as he mushed his lips against Kevin's mouth. Kevin was startled and reflexively dropped his mouth open, only to have Edd thrust his tongue in.
Edd rarely was this aggressive. He was passionate enough, more than anyone would probably guess from the shy boy. Kevin had always been satisfied with his lover and had no complaints. Edd was always willing to try new positions and always responded to all of Kevin's touches in a fierce way. But it was rare for him to initiate things in such a way. Even at his most wild, Edd had never been like this. His grip on Kevin's head actually hurt as Edd kissed him with a hunger that Kevin hadn't experienced yet. Edd was rutting against him too, making grunting noises in full abandon, as he sloppily kissed Kevin with too much tongue, too many clicks of teeth against teeth, too much biting of lips.
"Dee!" Kevin gasped finally recovering his senses enough to push Edd back a little. Edd whined, fighting against Kevin and trying to kiss on him again. It was the opposite of earlier when Edd was fighting hard to get away from him. "Dee!"
"Kevin…" Edd breathed in a way that shot straight to Kevin's groin, which betrayed Kevin by getting excited.
"Dee," he said, trying to keep his voice steady as he pressed gently against Edd to hold him back. "We really need to talk…"
"I do not want to talk, Kevin. I want you. I want to make love to you. I need you so badly now."
Fuck, the way Edd whined all that, practically begging Kevin, made him harder.
"Please, Kevin. Please take me upstairs."
"Dee…"
"Kevin, please!"
Kevin realized Edd wouldn't be distracted from this. Something was driving this need in his boyfriend, and, if he had to be honest with himself, seeing Edd like this was an amazing turn on. "Okay. Okay. We'll go upstairs."
"Hurry, Kevin. I need you so much."
Kevin stood, nearly falling over as Edd clung to him – arms wrapped tightly around his neck and legs lifting to cling around his hips. It wasn't the first time Kevin had carried Edd upstairs like this, but at those times Edd wasn't pressing so eagerly against him, wasn't begging so greedily in his ear, wasn't licking at his neck between demands.
Kevin could never remember much of the next couple hours. Edd was not himself. He was wild and unhinged as he'd never been before. Edd let himself loose in a way that left Kevin in a daze. 'Power bottom' was the term floating through Kevin's sex-hazed mind. Edd left Kevin exhausted and brought him to three orgasms when Kevin didn't think that was even possible. Edd just kept driving him forward over and over, his bed becoming a tangled mess of sweat- and cum-soaked sheets. Cum from both of them, as Kevin did his best to satiate Edd as well.
They collapsed, finally, Kevin buried deep inside Edd and lying on top of his boyfriend. Edd was face down gasping for breath and Kevin could hardly move, though he knew he shouldn't put his whole weight on the smaller boy. Kevin gulped in deep breaths, dragging his arms up enough to rest some of his weight on his elbows. He was sore all over, including his dick, which felt raw in spite of the lube he had used. He lifted his head and ghosted kisses over Edd's shoulders, the salty taste of his sweat coating his lips.
"You okay, sweetheart?" he asked, his voice rough from all the moaning and cries ripped from him.
"Yes, Kevin," Edd whispered.
Kevin pulled out, getting a little whine from Edd. "Are you sure? We did it yesterday, too, and you took me twice tonight. You have to be sore," he said as he slid onto his side next to Edd. His hand stroked gently down Edd's back.
"I am sore," Edd admitted. "But all right. I wanted this." Edd kept his face turned away.
"Dee…" Kevin began, but Edd shuffled away from him in order to turn to his side and sit up.
"I think I shall go take a shower," he said, bending down to retrieve his boxers.
Kevin blinked a few times as Edd stood and went over to his dresser. He watched as Edd picked out fresh underwear and a t-shirt. He felt abandoned and tossed aside, even though they had just had mind-blowing sex. "Want me to join you?" Kevin asked blankly. They usually showered together after.
"No, Kevin," Edd answered, not looking at him. "I shall be quick, I promise." Without another word, Edd exited his room.
Kevin stared at the open doorway for a few moments, until he heard the bathroom door shut and the water turn on. Then he rolled onto his back, wincing at the sting of scratches Edd left there. What had just happened? This wasn't even makeup sex as he might qualify it. They hadn't exactly made up, though Edd had apologized. There was still too much they needed to talk about. Whatever they just experienced was savage, animalistic, and raw. It was pure need and drive, and not filled with their usual loving gestures.
Kevin liked to think they personified the concept of making love. Yes, there was the sexual drive there when they had sex, but both of them always brought a level of loving romance to their lovemaking, as well as fun and even humor. This evening had nothing of that. Edd wasn't allowing it. When Kevin tried, Edd deflected and did something that was so out of character it left Kevin's head in a fog. A sex-filled fog that he couldn't fight his way out of.
He heard the water turn off, so he sat up in the bed, then slid off. If anything, he could strip the bed and remake it. He knew there was no way Edd would agree to sleep in the bed as it was. He pulled on his underwear and then, groaning from his complaining muscles, he pulled the sheets and quilt off the bed to carry them to the hamper Edd kept in his room.
He went into the hallway to the linen closet to get fresh sheets, brought them into Edd's room, and put them on the bed. Before he could make it himself, Edd returned, bringing in the warm scent of his spicy body wash, a scent that Kevin always associated with his boyfriend.
"Thank you for taking off the sheets, Kevin."
Kevin stared at Edd. His tone sounded so formal. You would never guess that half an hour ago, Edd was practically screaming from his second orgasm. "Um, I can make the bed, Dee," he offered.
"You should get in the shower, Kevin," Edd said as he picked up the pile of sheets and separated the fitted sheet from it. "I can make it."
"Uh, sure," Kevin said. "I'll be right back."
He showered as fast as he could because he wanted to get back to Edd quickly. Something was obviously wrong and Kevin didn't want to sleep on it. Edd wouldn't change his whole personality if there wasn't a reason. Both of them always enjoyed their normal, soft lovemaking. Kevin had no idea where this Edd had come from.
He did feel better after the shower, which soothed cramped muscles and washed off the feeling of being dirty that had nothing to do with the sweat and cum dotted on his skin. Clean boxers and a t-shirt felt even better as he toweled off his hair and combed it quickly. Now was time for some answers.
Yet when he came into Edd's room, the boy was already in bed, under the top sheet and on his side as he normally slept. Edd's eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply, as if he were already asleep. Kevin paused next to the bed, staring down at Edd with a frown. They had been sleeping together long enough for Kevin to know the difference between Edd sleeping and Edd not sleeping. Edd apparently was going to extremes to avoid talking about this whole thing – with the extreme sex and now pretending – both things he had never done before.
Kevin pretended, too. Pretended that he believed that Edd was asleep. It disappointed him, because Edd had agreed just that morning that Sylvie's advice - never go to bed angry - was good advice. He bent down to place a kiss on Edd's temple, which didn't get a response, and climbed carefully over the boy in order to get behind him on the bed. He took a moment positioning himself in their normal spooning position, wrapping his arm around Edd's waist and curling up against the warm boy.
He could tell even more once he had Edd in his arms that the boy was awake. Muscles were too tense, breathing was too controlled. Edd usually was compliant once asleep and Kevin could move him around easily, but now was not the case. He fitted his body around Edd in their usual way of sleeping and kissed the boy on his shoulder, tucking his face into Edd's neck. Even though he knew Edd was pretending, he decided to play along.
"I know you're asleep, Dee," he said softly, "but I wish you were awake so I could tell you how brave I think you are and how much I love you. Happy five month anniversary," he added, unable to keep the sadness out of his voice.
As Edd was facing away from him, Kevin couldn't see the tears flowing silently from his lover.
