Don't Lie to Me
Nazz opened the door in response to Kevin's knock. She greeted him and led him into the kitchen where Eddy was already seated at the table. Eddy's expression was serious, as was Nazz's, and Kevin felt a little uneasy. "What's up guys?"
"Please sit down, Kev," Nazz said in answer. The table had four chairs, one on each side. He sat across from Eddy and Nazz took the seat between them. Once he had settled, she said, "We need to talk about Edd."
Kevin's senses heightened and a cold sensation settled on him, especially after his conversation with Jake. "What about Edd? What's wrong?"
Nazz looked at Eddy and sighed. "Edd didn't have a good day at school."
"He said he was fine at lunch," Kevin said.
"You found him?" Eddy asked.
"Yeah, right where you said. I asked if anything had happened and he said no."
Nazz reached over and put her hands on top of Kevin's left hand, which was lying on the table. "He didn't quite tell you the truth, Kevin."
The way both of them were acting gave Kevin a sick feeling. "Is he okay? Where is he? Did anyone hurt him?"
She didn't answer him right away, but she finally nodded. "Look, Kevin, Edd didn't want us to tell you what happened today. He doesn't want you to know at all, but Eddy and I both thought it best you know."
"Nazz, you're scaring me. What happened?" Kevin demanded.
"Edd was called some names today," she began.
"But your teammates took it up a notch," Eddy interrupted.
Kevin turned his eyes on Eddy. The other teen looked completely pissed off. Kevin knew Eddy had a short fuse when it came to anyone picking on Edd and it made Kevin's panic rise.
"What did they do?"
"Edd thinks one of them ran into him in the hall. Did that fucking run-into-someone-with-the-shoulder thing. Edd's bruised and it still hurts," Eddy answered.
Kevin fumed, but before he could say anything, Nazz added, "Edd was threatened as well."
"Threatened?" Kevin asked, his mouth going dry.
"Jason sort of attacked him in the bathroom. Edd was so upset with being shouldered in the hallway he skipped third period," Nazz explained. Kevin knew if Edd was upset enough to skip class it had really affected him. "He shoved Edd up against the sinks and told him to stay away from you and that he didn't want Edd turning his captain gay. He used worse language than I am and said horrible things to Edd, including telling Edd he would physically harm him if he didn't stay away from you."
Kevin stood up, boiling with anger. He paced back and forth next to the table. "I'm going to fucking kill him!"
"That won't help Edd, Kevin," Nazz told him.
"No, but I'll feel better. Where does that fucking shit get off threatening my boyfriend?" Kevin was furious. He didn't think he'd ever been this angry before. The thought of someone threatening his sweet, loving, passive Edd sent him into a white-hot rage.
Nazz stood up and put her arm on Kevin's to stop his pacing. His face was flushed and his eyes were flashing fire. "Kevin, I know how you feel, but calm down."
"Calm down? Are you kidding? I can't fucking calm down! I won't until I punch that shit in his nasty mouth!"
"I'll hold him down for you, Kevin," Eddy offered.
"Don't you start," Nazz snapped, frowning at Eddy. "None of that will help Edd. He's so upset, Kevin," she said, looking at Kevin with sympathy. "But he won't let you know, because he's more worried about you."
"What do you mean?"
It was Eddy who answered. "Kev, Edd's been through this before. It's not the first time he's been called shitty names. Fuck, some of that came from you. Edd's not usually affected by name-calling. He usually shrugs it off and it never changes his positive outlook. He's even been pushed around a little, but never anything serious. I think he was thrown by the threats, especially them coming from a teammate of yours."
"Edd knows I can't stand Jason."
"He's still your teammate."
Kevin stared at Eddy, unsure of what to say, but Eddy continued, "Edd cares about you, man. Not just loves you, but cares about you. He doesn't want you to go through the same things he has, so he's got it in his head to take it all and hope it doesn't fall on you. He doesn't want you to worry about him. He has some stupid idea about distracting you from exams and your championship games."
Kevin dropped back into his chair, feeling his anger drain, or at least withdraw into another place inside him. "That little dweeb," he muttered. "How can he think that?"
"You're more important to Edd than Edd himself is, Kevin," Nazz replied. "Of course he would try to protect you." His heart clenched as Nazz unknowingly echoed Edd's words from the afternoon before. "He knows how important your games are to you. How important doing well in baseball helps you with your scholarship, so he probably doesn't want to say anything because he thinks it would affect that."
Kevin propped his elbows on the table and put his face in his upraised hands. "I can't believe this. No one said anything to me today. A little teasing at practice, but that was it."
Eddy scoffed. "No one is going to say anything to you Kev. You're the top dog at the school."
"Eddy's right, Kev," Nazz added. "You can protect yourself, and those cowards know it. Edd can't and they know that, too."
She again unknowingly echoed someone, Jake this time. "Well they should have thought it through," Kevin growled. "Hurting Edd hurts me, and I'll be damned if they think they can push him around. I'll take care of it tomorrow. If any of those shits don't like it, they're off the team."
"You need to take care of Edd now, though, Kev. Tell him you know and try to comfort him. And I don't care if you tell him we told you. I don't care how mad he gets at me or if he doesn't speak to me again. He needs you."
He went straight to Edd's after leaving Nazz's and let himself in. Edd called a subdued greeting to him as Kevin took off his shoes and left them neatly at the door.
Edd was in the kitchen, sitting at the table, iPad in front of him with its keyboard. Kevin knew he was probably editing his speech again. Edd had been a bundle of nerves since he found out he was Valedictorian and would be giving a speech at graduation. The speech, finished two weeks ago, had been redone three times already.
Edd glanced up when Kevin entered. He gave Kevin a smile he knew was false. Edd's eyes always shone when he was genuinely happy to see Kevin. Kevin didn't return it, and tried to smother his own anger. He knew he shouldn't focus his anger on Edd, but he needed to make it clear to Edd that hiding what happened wasn't being honest with him. He didn't want to fight – Edd was the one victimized today - but he felt one brewing in the tension in the room.
Kevin didn't even say hello. Instead, he said in a voice he tried very hard to keep neutral, "Tell me what happened today."
Edd seemed taken aback and his mouth dropped open slightly. His silence was a telltale sign he was trying to think of what to say. "Nothing happened, Kevin," he said, looking back at his screen. "It was an uneventful day."
"Don't lie to me, Edd."
Edd didn't respond. His fingers rested on the keyboard, but his eyes had closed.
"Nazz and Eddy told me everything," Kevin said.
Edd frowned and opened his eyes, but still didn't look at Kevin, who stood next to the table opposite him. Edd's eyes focused on his screen. Anger flashed in his eyes then and he stood up, pushing the chair back. "They were not supposed to say anything!" he finally cried. "Oh, I could kill Eddy!"
"Don't be mad at them, Edd. They're worried about you."
"I told them not to be. I am fine!"
"Being threatened is not fine, Edd. Being called names is not fine."
"They are simply names, Kevin. They cannot hurt me!"
"But being attacked can!"
Edd turned from him, hugging himself.
"Edd, why didn't you tell me?" Kevin asked and Edd winced at the hurt in his voice.
"I did not want to worry you. You have too many things to worry about right now," Edd responded in a small voice.
"What are you talking about?"
"Your exams, Kevin, and your playoffs. I did not want to distract you from them."
"Edd, that is the stupidest thing I think I've heard you say. You are the most important to me. None of that other shit matters to me the way you do. If anything happened to you…" he stopped, choking up at the thought.
"Kevin," Edd said evenly, still turned away from him. "I am used to this, you are not. I can handle it. I have handled it my whole life. I do not want you hurt or have to go through this. These people are your friends…"
Kevin interrupted him, "My friends? You think I'd be friends with scum like that? If they can't accept who I am, or accept I'm in love with you, they aren't my friends."
"But your team…"
"My team is important, but not more important than you. If they have a problem with you, they have a problem with me. And I'll tell them if any one of them so much as looks at you funny, they're out. I'm sure Coach will back me up." He hoped his coach would back him up.
Edd finally turned back to him and Kevin saw why he had faced away from him. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "No Kevin! Please do not do that! It will make it worse if anyone is kicked off the team," he pleaded. "It will give them more reason to be angry with me. I can put up with it for a few more weeks, believe me. I will just go to the library at lunch and stay away from you. It will not be that bad. We will be living together in August, so a few weeks apart at school will be no hardship."
"It's a hardship for me," Kevin said flatly. "No one will touch you; you have my word on that. I don't give a shit for how angry any of them are after hearing me out tomorrow. I'm proud of what you and I have together. And I'll be damned if anyone tries to take that away from me."
"Kevin…"
"No. I mean it. I'm walking you to all of your classes tomorrow. If I can't, someone will. You won't be alone at school at all. You'll eat lunch with us, and if those fuckers don't like it, they can sit somewhere else. You're also coming to practice with me."
Edd gasped, his eyes widening. "Oh no, Kevin, I could not do that. It will definitely make things worse if I show up!"
"I'm not letting you out of my sight if I can help it. You're coming and sitting in the stands until we're done."
Edd didn't say anything. He covered his face and hung his head, crying harder.
Kevin finally came around the table and grasped Edd's upper arms. "There's one other thing we're going to talk about right now," he said sternly. "Look at me."
It took a few moments, but Edd finally pulled his hands away and tilted up his head to look at Kevin with tear-filled eyes.
"You hurt me today, Edd."
Those eyes widened. "Kevin!"
"You hurt me a lot. You weren't honest with me and that scares me. I love you so much and I want you to trust me. But I have to trust you, too. I don't want to think you're keeping things from me. I'm here for the good and bad. I know we love each other, but we need to trust each other."
Edd cried harder, unable to pull his eyes from Kevin's, even though hurt in those green eyes stabbed Edd in the heart.
"You didn't talk to me yesterday, after everyone left. You weren't yourself, and while I'm not really complaining about what we did, it wasn't like our normal, and that worries me. You don't think I know you, Edd? You've been almost my entire focus for five months. You don't think I can tell when something is bothering you? I asked you over and over today if you were okay and you lied to me."
"Kevin," Edd choked out, "Kevin, I am so sorry. I did not want you to worry."
"But knowing you lied to me makes me worry more, Edd."
"I will never lie to you again, Kevin, I promise!" Edd sobbed.
Knowing he had made his point, Kevin pulled Edd to him, holding him tightly in his arms as Edd cried into his chest with great heaving sobs. Kevin's hand reached up to the back of Edd's head as he held him, letting the boy get it all out. They stood like that for a long time as Edd let out his pent up emotion and Kevin patiently soothed him.
"We didn't really get a chance to talk yesterday," Kevin said after Edd's sobs calmed.
"I know," Edd replied, his voice muffled. "I did not know what to say to you."
He pushed Edd slightly back to reach up and cradle his face in his hands. "Dee," and he saw how Edd's face brightened slightly when he used the pet name again. "Don't ever feel like you can't talk to me." He knew he was repeating himself, but he had to make the point clear to Edd. "I trust you with everything I am and I want you to trust me, too."
"I should have been more honest with you from the start," Edd said, his eyes brimming again. "I should have explained myself. I do not know why I did not. Wait," Edd frowned, his gaze shifting to the side for a moment. He swallowed, then looked Kevin in the eye again. "I think I do know. Sometimes I am afraid I will lose you."
"Why would you think that, sweetheart?"
"Do not tell me I am silly to think it, please?" he pleaded. Kevin shook his head. "There are times I think I am not good enough for you," he said. "Please, let me finish?" Kevin had opened his mouth to protest, but he snapped it shut and nodded. "I know, logically, you would not do that to me. I do know. However, I am not very secure, and you are…you are…" he floundered for the right words. "You are perfect," he concluded. "You are so handsome and funny and nice and smart. You could have anyone you want, Kevin. Why would you pick me?"
Kevin sighed. "I'm glad you think I'm perfect, Dee, but I'm not. And I know I've told you why I love you before. That hasn't changed. I don't ever see it changing. I fall more in love with you every day. You are funny and nice and smart, not to mention incredibly adorable. And God, just so fucking sexy. You are everything perfect to me and I'd be the stupidest idiot in the world if I would do anything to give that up. I wouldn't give up someone who makes me as happy and who makes me feel as loved as you do."
Edd reached up and wrapped his hands around each of Kevin's, gently pulling them from his face, then pulling them against his chest. "It is difficult for me to believe you feel that way, but I do. I know how honest you are. You make me feel so loved, too, Kevin."
"You're not gonna lose me," Kevin said, leaning down to kiss Edd's forehead. "We…we had a bad week. I'm sorry it got so bad. I'm sorry we fought. I'm sorry things went down the way they did…"
"You do not have to apologize, Kevin," Edd interrupted, his tone firm. "I am the one who needs to apologize to you."
"You don't…" Kevin tried to say, but Edd interrupted again.
"I do, Kevin. I was not…myself. I did not trust you when you never gave me a reason not to have faith in you. My reasoning made sense to me, though I can see how dumb it was now."
"Dee I'm not gonna let you say you're dumb, or what you felt was dumb. I love that you wanted to protect me. You don't know how…loved…it makes me feel."
Edd smiled briefly as he looked down. "I guess I must have thought it was easier to keep up the façade, if that makes sense? I know it does not really, but for some reason, it did at the time. You are right. You have always been right. Our love is a beautiful thing and the most important thing in my life. To think I treated it like something shameful…"
Edd paused and tried to hold back a sniff with no success. In a moment, Kevin had him back in his arms. "Don't cry sweetheart."
"I feel so guilty. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I did not seriously consider your feelings. I am so so sorry for that." Edd's voice was slightly muffled, though he had turned his head and pressed the side of it against Kevin's chest.
"There is nothing to feel guilty about, Dee. I went along with it, because I love you. Maybe I should have pushed you a little more. Maybe I should have gotten the truth from you. We could have solved this a long time ago. But I didn't either. And I'm sorry that I pushed the issue when you weren't ready. I should've kept my mouth shut when Jason was bugging me."
"I am sorry I lost my head at that moment, Kevin. I should have known better you would never betray me in such a way. That is what I meant about trust. I do trust you. With everything I am. I knew you would not compromise your promise, but at that moment, I was afraid you would. I am more sorry I lashed out at you and blamed you. I hope you can forgive me."
"Dee," Kevin murmured. "My sweet, sweet Dee. There's nothing to forgive, baby. I know why you were angry. We're both to blame and we were both stupid. Let's just promise something to each other, okay?"
"Anything, Kevin," he said, pulling back enough to look up into Kevin's eyes.
"Promise me to tell me everything you feel. Never be afraid to tell me. I want all of you, Dee, the good and the bad. Nothing you ever tell me will change how I feel about you. You are everything to me, you're my whole life, and I want you to trust me and I want you to know I trust you. I can't help you when I don't understand, okay?"
"I promise, Kevin. I promise with all my heart."
"I know it's way too early to think of this, Dee, but do you realize we've got plans to be together for at least the next four years and even after that? I won't say it plain, but I think you know I'm hinting at. I see us as lasting a long, long time. And that's scary and thrilling and wonderful all at once. But I need you to know I will always be here for you no matter what?"
Edd swallowed, a pleasurable shiver running through him at what Kevin said. Edd knew what Kevin was hinting at. Permanence. They had only just reached the five-month mark in their relationship and already Kevin was thinking permanent commitment and Edd also knew that is what he wanted. He agreed it was too early, but Kevin was right. They planned on four years together in Maryland. Kevin planned to go with him to Boston when he began graduate school. He and Kevin planned to be together for years, and Edd knew after all that time they would be permanent and he felt so overwhelmingly loved at the thought.
"That is something I have known from the beginning, Kevin. Just as I shall always be here for you. I look forward to our future together. For a long time to come."
Kevin hugged him close, pulling off his hat so he could kiss the top of his head. "My Dee," he murmured in such a loving way that Edd's heart felt full.
"Please forgive me," Edd requested once more, pulling back and looking into Kevin's eyes, his blue-green ones pleading with Kevin for forgiveness.
"Of course I forgive you, you little dork. Like I could resist you when you look at me like that." Kevin smiled, then leaned down to kiss the adorable smile Edd returned to him. "Are we good, Dee?" he asked, looking into those beautiful eyes he loved.
"Of course we are, Kevin," Edd answered softly, sliding his arms up around Kevin's neck.
"I texted mom and said I wanted to talk to her and dad," Kevin said as he tossed aside his phone. Edd stirred from where he was leaned against Kevin and he sat up straighter to look at his boyfriend. They had ended up on the couch, giving each other little kisses and light caresses. Quiet with each other, enjoying that they were back to their norm. While Edd knew it would take some time for his guilt to dissipate, Kevin's expressions of love were helping a lot.
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Dad worked late and planned to bring home Chinese, so she said she'd tell him to bring enough for all of us, if that's okay? I figure I can tell them we're out now."
Edd nodded slowly. "I think that is a good idea," he agreed. Part of him would rather stay here in his quiet home, cuddled up to Kevin. Their talk was good, but Edd knew they should focus on each other right now. The other part of him, however, hoped he'd be able to get some time alone with Sylvie and her sympathetic ear.
He ended up being glad they went over, though they did not stay long. Over Chinese takeout, they told Pete and Sylvie what happened. Kevin did most of the talking – Edd was still shamed over his whole behavior and his own misunderstandings.
Pete asked Kevin to help him with something in the garage, so Edd helped Sylvie clean up after dinner. It gave him the opportunity to talk to her – he loved to talk to her, she was so sympathetic and understanding, with a touch of humor that made Edd want to spill all his secrets, hopes, and dreams to her.
They had a wonderful talk that helped to make him feel better about the whole thing. He had told her honestly about the fights he and Kevin had, and she listened without judging, without taking sides. "Both you and Kevin made mistakes," she said as she wiped the counter, giving him a little smile. "I'm sure Pete is telling Kevin the same thing. And it's not surprising. You're both young and inexperienced with relationships."
It was true, of course. Definitely for Edd, who had never even been on a date before Kevin. He knew Kevin had never had a romantic relationship either. So what Sylvie said made sense.
"The important thing," Sylvie continued, fully turning to look at him, leaning her hip against the breakfast bar, "is that you learn from it. Grow from it. And don't hold on to the anger. Talk it out. Your biggest mistake was not talking about it. Avoiding issues makes them grow. If you had been fully honest with Kevin at the beginning…if Kevin had been fully honest with you…you could have avoided all of this." She held up her hand. "I'm not saying your feelings were not valid. Or Kevin's."
"I know. I am lucky Kevin respected my wishes," he agreed. "But you are right. I should have told Kevin all of my reservations. Perhaps we could have come out earlier, or at least he would have fully understood. And, I would have known how important it was to him."
"See, you've learned," Sylvie said. "I told this to Kevin when you boys started dating. Never go to bed angry. I don't care if you have to stay up all night talking it out, but do it. Am I gonna sound like some old lady if I tell you a relationship isn't all kissing and lovey-dovey stuff?" she asked. Edd shook his head. "If you don't communicate you might as well give it up. Sex will only get you so far."
Edd's face flushed, but he laughed. It felt good to laugh after the stress of the week. "I shall take your advice to heart, Sylvie. Thank you."
She stepped over to hug him, her warmth bringing tears to his eyes. He wished many times the past few days that his mother were here, to hug him and talk to him. This was a very good close second. He was so grateful that having Kevin in his life also brought Sylvie and Pete into it.
"No need to thank me, dear," she said, giving him an extra squeeze. "You're family. And believe me, we want this relationship to work as much as you and Kevin do."
As they walked back to Edd's house, Kevin said he had a good talk with his dad and Edd told him Sylvie had talked to him. It was late, and Edd knew he should do homework (more than likely Kevin had some too), but for once in his life he ignored it. It was more important to him right now to be with Kevin. To be physically close to him and talk to him.
Once in Edd's house, they sat for awhile on the couch, telling each other what Pete and Sylvie had said, promising once again to be honest with each other. Edd thought things had calmed, until Kevin suddenly said, "Let me see."
"See?"
"The bruises. Eddy said you had bruises."
Edd stiffened. He had hoped Kevin wouldn't see them. He planned to say he was too sore or tired if Kevin felt in the mood that evening and hoped the blotches on his skin would fade quickly. He should have known better. "Kevin..."
"Please. I need to see them."
With a little sigh, Edd reached down to the hem of his t-shirt and reluctantly pulled it over his head, his hat catching and coming off with it. Long hair brushed his shoulders, but couldn't hide the blueish-purple patch on the front.
Kevin drew in a breath with a hiss, but didn't comment on the mark. "And your back?"
Edd turned, wincing inside. He knew the bruise on his back was worse. He'd checked it when he got home. He felt Kevin's fingers gently trace the outline, which unwillingly sent a shiver up his spine. Kevin's touch always affected him that way. Or it may have been the muttered cursing. "Language," he said softly, before he thought.
"I'm going to fucking kill him."
Edd twisted back to face Kevin, looking at him anxiously. "No, Kevin. Please. Do not do anything to Jason."
"I can't let him get away with this."
"Please, do not resort to violence!" He placed his hands against Kevin's chest. "Please, promise me."
Kevin's glance went back to the bruise on Edd's shoulder and Edd could see the anger simmering underneath the gaze. "Alright," Kevin grudgingly said. "But this makes me more determined that you're not going to be alone at school. Until I know for sure those assholes aren't going to touch you, I ain't taking chances, Dee."
"I hate to inconvenience our friends," Edd said, hurriedly pulling his shirt back on.
"First, they offered. Second, keeping you safe isn't an inconvenience. We still don't know how all the school is reacting. That some people thought they could touch you today worries me. So, just humor me. Let me make sure you're safe."
Edd knew how important it was to Kevin to play the part of protector for him. Didn't he feel as protective of Kevin? He sighed, gesturing to Kevin's hands, which held his phone. "Go ahead."
With a flurry of texting between Kevin, Eddy, Ed, Rolf, and, surprisingly, Jake, Kevin arranged for someone to walk with Edd to all of his classes. One of the most annoying things about both of their schedules was they had no classes near each other. There was no way, other than walking Edd to his first class or to his class after lunch, Kevin would be able to be his escort.
'Bodyguard,' Edd thought bitterly.
He schooled his bitterness, however. He supposed it would be nice not to worry about being physically assaulted as he went from class to class. It had been a long time since he'd worried about such a thing. He had to dig deep in his memories for the last time someone had touched him in a bullying way – the classic shoving him into his locker and trapping him inside. It happened in junior high school, many years ago. He'd missed his fourth period class, but the bullies didn't count on Eddy or Ed knowing his locker combination. Edd merely had to text Eddy, who rescued him as soon as class was over.
He did have to admit to himself that Jason's threats unnerved him. He knew Jason wouldn't do something as benign as locking him in a locker. Edd took it as a serious threat, as did Kevin. If letting Kevin arrange bodyguard duty for him made Kevin feel a sense of relief, Edd would allow it. He couldn't deny Kevin's concern made him feel incredibly loved.
"We should be set," Kevin said, pulling Edd from his thoughts.
"Excellent."
"I know you don't like it, Dee, but it makes me feel better. I don't wanna have to worry about you. After I talk to the team tomorrow, if Coach lets me, we shouldn't have to worry about it."
"So tomorrow shall be the only day?"
"Mm. Maybe. They all said they'd watch over you next week, too. Just to be safe."
Edd rolled his eyes. A whole week of being guarded as if he was some celebrity? Sounded like a nightmare.
Kevin's mood had improved, now that he had guaranteed Edd's safety. He grinned at his boyfriend, tossing his phone to the couch cushion next to him. "Oh, come on. It's just walking with a friend to class. You do that already with Eddy every day after first period anyway."
"True."
Kevin pulled Edd close to his side, careful of the bruises, and leaned over to nuzzle into his neck. "Are we good?" Kevin asked again.
Edd hesitated with the simple answer that, yes, they were good. He thought for a minute, the press of Kevin's nose against his skin a point of focus for him. "I think we are." Kevin drifted a few kisses on his jaw, light and feathery touches. Edd hummed, a signal for Kevin to continue his ministrations. He did, giving Edd little nips and kitten licks that nearly had Edd in tears again, this time from happiness. This was much more like their normal and his heart sang as Kevin's lips finally reached his own.
After a moment, Edd caressed his hand down Kevin's side, then over his thigh to rest over his groin.
Kevin pulled back, his eyes shaded with surprise. Edd smiled at him and squeezed slightly, delighted that Kevin's eyes lit up with the flash of desire which sent Edd's pulse racing. "Dee?"
"Makeup sex is supposed to be wonderfully satisfying," Edd mused. "Shall we go upstairs and test it?"
Kevin jumped up in eagerness, pulling Edd off the couch and dragging him to the stairs laughing. "Only if you top tonight…"
