I Love That You're My Little Dork
The part of the day Edd was dreading the most arrived. Rolf waited for Edd to come out of Mrs. Travers' classroom in order to walk him to the baseball field. Kevin expected Edd to sit in the stands and watch practice. Edd did not look forward to this. It wasn't that he wouldn't enjoy watching Kevin in action – he loved attending games to see Kevin lead his team to victory after victory. Edd knew Jason, and whomever it was that knocked into him in the hallway the day before, would also be there. Kevin said he would take care of the harassment, but it was still nerve-wracking to sit in full exposure to other boys who hated him simply for being in love with Kevin.
After a quick visit to his locker in order to retrieve the books he needed for the weekend, Edd and Rolf walked out of the back of the school and past the football field to where the baseball diamond was. There were bleachers along the first base and third base line and Rolf accompanied him to the seats along the first base line.
"Is Edd-boy going to be alright?" Rolf asked. "It is Rolf's turn to feed the animals."
"I shall be fine, Rolf. I am sure Kevin will be out soon."
"Alright Edd-boy. See you tomorrow!" Rolf said cheerfully, giving him a little wave before climbing back down the bleacher seats.
A couple of girls sat together at the other end of the row Edd had chosen, halfway up the bleachers. A few girls also sat on the opposite seats. He assumed they were either girlfriends of Kevin's teammates, or girls who hoped to be. He realized, then, there must have been girls sitting up here pining after Kevin during every practice and the thought amused him. None of the team was yet on the field, so Edd took out his Western Civ book and opened it to their current chapter of study.
"Alright boys, before we head out onto the field, your Captain wanted to have a word with you," Coach Travers announced after the boys had all dressed in their practice uniforms. He had to raise his voice over the general chaos of the locker room.
It took a few moments, and a few more calls to the team members, but the roar of voices quieted down enough and Kevin felt all the eyes of his teammates landing on him. The coach nodded to Kevin, who stood next to him in front of the door leading out of the locker room. Kevin was extremely nervous. Not about speaking to his team – he had done that many times while giving pep talks. This, however, was quite different from what he normally said to them. He nodded back to his coach, schooled his expression into something neutral, and took a deep breath.
"First of all, I don't have to remind you that tomorrow we have two important games. Winning both of them guarantees us a shot at state finals. This team has the guts…the talent…and the desire…to win. I know we can do this. We've worked hard and we're a good team. We proved that last year and we're going to prove it again this year."
Kevin spoke this with such conviction that he got cheers and shouts of agreement from some of his teammates. They knew how important these games were and they were all working hard to do their best. Kevin felt it necessary to remind them of that.
"Second of all, I think before then I need to address some rumors that you've probably all heard about me." They went silent again and Kevin strove not to show how jangled his nerves were. No one had picked on him the day before, and Kevin wasn't sure if it was because the others were scared of him, or if they didn't think it was true. He needed them to know it was. "I'm sure you've all heard that I'm gay and I'm in a relationship with another guy here at school. It's true."
A low murmur flowed across his teammates, though Kevin couldn't make out anything from it. He paused to let the news sink in before continuing. It was a relief, to him, to say it.
"Third, it's come to my attention some of my teammates harassed my boyfriend both verbally and physically yesterday." Kevin took note of the few who looked uncomfortable when he said that. Except for Jason, who sneered back at Kevin. "My boyfriend was also threatened with more violence unless he stopped seeing me. That's not going to happen. You're my team and my friends, so I want to remind you all that the policy here is zero tolerance for any kind of harassment. You'll be removed from the team if it happens again."
Coach Travers took that moment to speak up. "I echo Kevin. I will not tolerate any of my boys being bullies. Those kind of cowards have no place on my team." As the coach spoke, Kevin watched Jason, who returned his stare with one of his own. "This is a good team and you are all great players, but I don't care about that if you harm anyone in this school. I know a lot of you will rely on baseball scholarships to attend college, but I guarantee that if I remove you from this team, I will inform those schools as to the reason. You can bet your asses that your scholarship will be revoked. And that is just the policy for the team. The school has its' own anti-bullying policy which will deal with you separately from what I'll do to you. Understood?"
Kevin saw most of the team nod – only a few, the ones he suspected would, made faces or wouldn't look at him or the coach. "If any of you have a problem with me or my sexuality, then I suggest you take it up with me. Leave my boyfriend alone. Right now, he isn't pressing the issue, but I will if it happens again. I don't want to break up this team, especially over something that isn't anyone's business but ours."
"Alright boys, out to the field. Kevin, I want you working with Jake to loosen up your arm. Outfielders, after warm up I want you running sprints and working with Mr. Jameson on your catching. Infielders, warm up then sprints. We'll go from there."
The first sight of the baseball team walking across the sports fields toward the diamond shot a jolt of anxiety through Edd – at least until he saw Kevin among the players, laughing at something Jake was saying to him. Edd breathed a sigh of relief and kept his eyes on Kevin as he came onto the field. Edd always liked to see Kevin in his uniform – both the official game uniform and his practice uniform. He usually only got to see Kevin in the practice uniform when Kevin came over to his house directly afterwards.
Kevin's eyes searched the bleachers as he got to the field and lifted his hand in a wave when he saw Edd. Edd smiled at him, lifting his own hand in acknowledgment. Edd had his textbook in his lap, which he closed once he waved. The boy rested his arms on top of the book, his attention fully on Kevin.
Practice was tough. Coach was determined his team would be in top shape for the qualifying games this weekend. Kevin worked hard, mostly with Jake, who served as catcher on the team. Kevin threw the ball over and over at Jake, trying out different pitches and perfecting his throw. Jake shouted encouragement to him, as did the pitching coach, while their backup pitchers practiced on the other side of the field.
Edd was fascinated. He knew Kevin was a good player - he didn't know much about baseball, but he knew enough, and it always appeared that Kevin played well when Edd went to the games. Edd, however, had no idea Kevin worked this hard to be so good. Edd found he had a new respect for Kevin's passion and felt he understood it more.
When Kevin's arm grew tired, the coach moved Kevin and some of the other players to running sprints in the outfield, and then brought the outfielders in to work on their batting. It appeared like a well-oiled machine to Edd, who was surprised at the amount of effort not only Kevin, but also the rest of the team, put into their practice.
While his focus was mostly on Kevin, of course, Edd found his attention wandering to the other players. He studied Jake, as Jake was working with Kevin. He remembered Kevin saying once that he was lucky to have Jake as his catcher; that the pitcher and catcher had to be in perfect sync in order to be successful. They needed to be able to read each other and, in turn, both be able to read the current opponent at bat so they could instantly strategize when that player stepped up to the plate. Edd had thought that a pitcher threw the ball and a catcher caught it, but watching the games, and now the practice, he saw it was much more involved and complicated than that.
When Kevin and Jake moved further away to do their sprints, the coach called in the infielders to practice throwing to each other. They all took their spots at their bases with the backup catcher at home plate and started throwing the ball to each other. Joel and Ben were on first and second respectively. A boy that Edd knew was named Steve stood at third and Jason was at the shortstop position. There was no rhyme or reason to the throwing; rather, it appeared random in order for them not to expect the ball. It was beautiful to watch, as the five boys were all talented.
At the end of that exercise, though, Steve and Jason joined the backup catcher at home plate to drink some water and rest before the coach noticed them. Edd caught a few sneers from Jason thrown his way, which he did his best to ignore. Or rather, he tried not to let Jason see that he was intimidated. He met the boy's eyes a number of times and returned his scowl with a neutral expression, and didn't look away.
After a few of these interactions, Jason said something to Steve and the catcher, who both turned their heads to look at Edd as well. Steve frowned and said something to Jason, who looked angry. The other two boys shrugged and walked away, leaving Jason alone. An assistant coach called his name and he shot Edd another glare before turning away.
Kevin had told Edd that he would handle Jason, but Edd had no idea what Kevin planned to do and that made him worry a little. He certainly didn't want Kevin to get into trouble, of course, but Edd knew that Kevin wasn't stupid and would not do anything to compromise himself.
Edd started to feel uncomfortable from the heat of the mid-April sun. It was a clear and beautiful day, which he normally would have enjoyed, but there was little breeze at the moment and sitting on metal bleachers that reflected the sun's rays was getting to him. He was glad he had worn long sleeves today; he tended to burn in too much sun. He and Kevin shared that trait at least.
Thankfully, the practice ended and players started to drift from the field in twos and threes, once one of the coaches was finished with them. The infielders went in first, then Kevin and Jake. Edd felt a little nervous that Jason was still on the field, but it appeared Coach Travers planned to stay until all were in. Jason and Steve began to collect the equipment, overseen by the coach, and soon the field was clear and silence settled.
Silence, except for the giggling of the girls who finally stood and filed out of the stands. Edd watched them all go - they kept sending him sly looks and smiles. He smiled back, unsure if the girls meant theirs as friendly or if they were laughing at him. He couldn't tell and realized he didn't care. Kevin loved him, so what did it matter what these girls thought.
Instead of returning to his reading, he leaned his elbows on his book and cradled his chin in his hands as he thought about the past week. It had been a roller coaster of emotions, that was certain. He had never felt so scared, depressed, shocked, thrilled, loved, passionate, and angry all in the short span of, what was it? Three days? The only time he could remember being as angry as he was the past week was when he and the Eds were on that trek to look for Eddy's brother. He had gotten so angry with Eddy. Eddy had always exasperated him, but Edd had never gotten that mad. This week had surpassed that anger.
But it was anger at himself, mostly, though he directed it at Kevin. His beloved Kevin, who didn't deserve it. Edd couldn't believe how lucky he was that Kevin was, arguably, the most patient boyfriend in existence. How could Kevin understand him so well? After only five months, Kevin knew exactly what to say and how to handle Edd. He really didn't deserve Kevin.
He shook that thought out of his head. It was wrong to think that way. Didn't he understand Kevin as well? When you spend as much time together as they had, especially after their first intimate time, you do learn how to read and understand your lover. Kevin was a perceptive person, and intelligent, so it shouldn't be any wonder that he could understand Edd and his needs. Didn't Kevin already show patience by waiting for Edd to be ready for intimacy? Edd knew many boys, especially high school age boys, were driven by needs and when they weren't getting them fulfilled would look for someone else who would. Surely not all boys, or girls, were like that, but Edd had seen enough of the break ups at school to understand many were.
Yet Kevin had waited and never shown any indication he was bored with Edd, or frustrated, or tired of him. He constantly showed love and devotion before and after they became intimate. Edd was the one who had treated Kevin badly - had not shown Kevin complete trust.
A vague memory drifted through his mind. He lingered on it, trying to place it. They had just confessed and had their first kiss, which had overwhelmed Edd with the emotion and newness of it all. When they paused, they had talked and Edd remembered thinking he should be open and honest with Kevin. Right from the start.
How quickly his insecurities and fears negated that. Not that he was dishonest with Kevin. He'd never been dishonest. However, he had resolved to be completely honest with Kevin and he spent the next five months never telling Kevin the whole truth. If he had stuck with his promise to himself, he could have avoided all of the fighting this week. Or, at least, most of it. He should have explained himself fully to Kevin. He should have trusted Kevin's love from the start.
The boy sighed, then made up his mind to make it up to Kevin. He didn't know how, but he knew he should. He also knew Kevin didn't expect him to do anything. Kevin was always happy with their relationship. Well, except for this week. Still, Edd would think of something. The first thing that came to mind was showing affection for Kevin here at school. Edd wasn't sure if he could bring himself to do that when the halls were full. He knew, however, Kevin wanted that. Wanted to hold Edd's hand at school, wanted to kiss him at his locker, wanted to put his arm around him. Because Kevin wanted it, Edd decided to step out of his comfort zone.
Kevin found Edd sitting in the same position, gazing over the baseball field, but obviously not looking at anything. He smiled fondly at the boy, then frowned at Jake, who gave him a playful nudge. "You're such a softie," Jake teased.
"It's easy when your boyfriend is that adorable," Kevin retorted, which got a snort from Jake. "Hey, Dee!" he called, getting the boy's attention. Edd startled, nearly dropping his book and made a grab for it. The grin that popped onto his face when he saw Kevin made everything that had happened the past few days disappear from Kevin's heart.
"Greetings, Kevin!" Edd called back, shoving his book into his bag. "Greetings, Jake!" He stood up and carefully stepped down the bleacher seats, making sure to keep his balance. He jumped from the first seat onto the ground next to Kevin. "Shall we go home?" he asked.
To Kevin's complete surprise, Edd held his hand out to him. Edd wanted to hold hands? Here at school? Sure, there weren't that many students still hanging out, but some of the team was still lingering in the parking lot, Kevin could see, and the cheerleaders practice must have ended, because they were flittering around like a bunch of birds here and there. Still, Edd held out his hand, smiling the smile which drove Kevin wild.
Kevin glanced at Jake, who watched with an amused expression. "Yeah, Dee. Let's go home," he said softly, taking Edd's hand tightly in his. He could see the apprehension and some fear in Edd's eyes, but it was overshadowed by the love he could also see. He knew how hard this was for Edd to do, but that Edd was willing meant everything to him.
"Dorks," Jake teased, which caused Kevin and Edd to burst into laughter. Jake watched them, confused at the reaction. A laugh he expected, but both Kevin and Edd were laughing so hard that Jake had a brief impression they had lost their minds.
"Sorry...sorry," Kevin gasped out, noticing Jake's expression.
"I didn't realize calling you a dork would get such a reaction," Jake said with a grin. "If I'd've known, I'd be calling you that all along."
"No," Edd cut in, which surprised Jake. Edd reached up to wipe at his eyes with his free hand. "We find it amusing because that is what Kevin always called the Eds and myself when we were children. Kevin often called me Double Dork as a play on my nickname. To not only hear it from someone else, but to hear Kevin referred to as that is quite humorous."
Jake laughed then. "Ah I get it. Funny!" Now that their laughter was somewhat contained, the trio began the trek across the sports fields toward the parking lot. "This jerk used to call you a dork and you still wanted to date him?"
"Oh, yes, Jake. Kevin has matured quite a bit from when he was a child. Though," he added with a mock frown at Kevin, "he does still call me a dork or a dweeb sometimes."
"It's said with pure love and affection, Dee, you know that. I love that you're my little dork."
"Oh man, don't make me gag," Jake begged.
