Title: Wash Away
July, 2006
Vegas
"She says that she is doing fine. Soaking up the sun and living life." Nick improvised, aware that Grissom was listening to everything that he said concerning Sara. He had received an email from her, but she had only told him that she was fine before asking him a series of questions about how he was doing and how everything and everyone was in Vegas.
He told her about his latest cases, how Greg and the lab techs were doing, and how Warrick and Tina were buying a house. He avoided any and all mention of Grissom even though he wondered if she was indirectly asking about him.
Warrick was not so evasive. He had spoken to her on the phone and told her in laymans terms that Grissom was not doing so well. His team gave him the silent treatment for the first several weeks and only Catherine and Brass were on friendly terms with him now. He did stress that they were both still mad at him, but he had been their friend for fifteen years and they could not turn their backs on him.
He asked about the baby. He asked her if she wanted him to fly out to visit her in a few weeks. She had turned him down with a soft thank you.
Now Warrick watched as Grissoms' shoulders tensed and his hand froze in the air, hovering between the sugar bowl and the cup of coffee. He was listening intently. For the past few months he had not asked any of them where Sara was or if they had heard from her. Warrick was actually beginning to feel for the man. He knew from Catherine that Grissom had not contacted Lady Heather even though she was back in town for the trial. According to Catherine, he had no desire to contact her, and planned to keep his own testimony as short and to the point as possible. His only desire was Sara.
Warrick shot a warning look towards Nick, which caused the younger man to shrug his shoulders and redirect his gaze in Grissom's direction. He did feel for his boss. He also felt that he owed Grissom for everything he had done for him over the years, including calming him when he was buried alive and saving his life in the process.
"Sara didn't really say any of that." Nick admitted with a sigh, before he added, "She is doing okay, I did mean that. The thing is she asked a dozen questions about everyone here at the lab and didn't say much about what she has been doing."
Warrick quickly jumped into the conversation. "I spoke with her last night and she told me the same thing. She misses everyone." He exchanged a look with Nick, before turning to Catherine and giving her a smile. "She's also writing a fiction crime book. You know how busy that lady has to stay. She already has a publisher that is interested."
Greg was excited by the news, and wanted to know why Sara had not called him to tell him any of this.
"We were pretty close for awhile there you know?"
"She told me that she plans to call you soon, Greg." Nick spoke up from his position on the sofa. "She misses you, but it is too hard for her to talk to certain people without being emotional. You are one of those people."
That much was true. Sara had told him that she did miss Greg, but the truth was she told him that could not talk to the energetic young man yet, not when he would most likely give her a hard time for leaving and beg her to return.
"She could at least email me." Greg pouted. "If you give me her email then maybe I could send her a brief note?"
"I'll ask her to email you, Greg." Nick assured him.
"When is she coming home?"
Grissom's sudden question startled everyone and they exchanged furtive looks. Warrick was the first one to speak.
"I don't think she has any plans to return, Gris."
They watched him lower the spoon with the sugar on it and pick up the mug. He poured the liquid into the sink and placed the mug carefully on the counter after rinsing it out. They thought he would leave the break room without speaking to them, but then he walked over to the chair where Warrick was sitting.
"I would like her phone number." Grissom said with soft determination. He waited for Warrick to reply and when it was obvious that the younger man was at a loss for words, he added. "I need that number, Warrick."
Grissom watched as Warrick slowly pulled a pen from his pocket and wrote a number on a napkin before handing it to the anxious man.
"Don't hurt her again, Grissom."
This time Grissom did not respond, but he smiled weakly, nodded at Warrick, and left the room.
Grissom was stumped. He knew that he had screwed up beyond explanation. Why he had felt there was a connection between himself and Heather was something he had racked his brain for an answer. He relived all of the moments with Sara, all of the banter they had exchanged, the smiles, the looks. He could smell her in the pillow that she had slept on that last night in his home, in his bed. The months had gone by and he had not washed that pillowcase. Her smell had long faded, but a childish impulse kept him from washing away the remnant of her essence.
Why had Sara not fought for him? Why had she given up on him so easily when he had made a stupid comment made after an emotional case. He had not been thinkng straight. He would not deny his fascination with Heather on a carnal level and even on a level of trying to understand why a woman like her did the things she did, but he had confused it with something else. The confusion had fled with Sara. All the pieces of the puzzle had fallen into place. Only now, he had no clue what to do about this new realization.
"Hey there, Gil." Catherine said, as she walked into his office and eased herself into the chair opposite him. "We haven't talked about any of this. I've given you your space."
"And, I appreciate that." Grissom kept his eyes on the napkin that Warrick had given him. "Don't ruin it by lecturing me now."
"No lectures." Catherine responded with a tight smile. "I've had some time to think about everything that you have said to me about Lady Heather," she paused and then added. " And, I've thought about everything that I said to Sara."
She waited as Grissoms chin snapped up and his eyes narrowed on her face. She continued without missing a beat. "I realized that Heather is your intellectual equal," She lifted her hands with a dramatic flair. "You are both idiots." With another smile, she added. "Although, considering what I told her then I suppose that I'm in that category as well."
"What did you say to Sara?" Grissom asked, his alarm registering in his eyes and posture.
"She asked me if I thought you could be happy with Heather and I told her that I thought that you could. I had no idea." Catherine said with an honesty that he knew to be the truth. "If I had known that you and Sara were intimately involved, then I never would have said that to her, Gil. I hope you can forgive me."
She waited for his anger, but he only turned back to stare at the phone number on the paper, his shoulders slumping.
"I'm not angry with you Catherine." Grissom finally said with a heavy sadness in his voice. "I'm the one that was not thinking straight."
He reached into a drawer and pulled out a picture that he handed across the desk to Catherine.
"That is who makes me happy. I would say that Sara is my equal in every way, but the truth is she is so much better than me."
Catherine took the picture and stared at two smiling faces as they coasted down a steep hill on some roller coaster that was foreign to her mental file. She had never seen either Gil, or Sara for that matter, look so happy, like they were having the time of their lives.
"Could you imagine Heather riding a roller coaster and letting herself go in the moment of complete loss of control? And that isn't just with the roller coaster." Grissom added almost to himself.
"TMI, Gil." Catherine said as she handed the picture back to him. "You both look very happy. When was that taken?"
"The month before I made that comment and Sara overheard." Grissom said. He picked the picture up and stared at the image as he recalled that evening. They rode that rollercoaster four times, before retiring to a suite he had rented for the weekend. They drank champagne, made love more times than he could remember, and talked for hours about anything and nothing. It had been perfect. Then their pagers had gone off and nothing had been the same.
"I don't know if you can fix this, Gil, but you can try." Catherine told him with a hint of sadness in her voice. She pointed to the piece of paper as she stood. "If you need for me to do anything, then let me know."
After she left, Grissom picked up his cellphone and began to dial, hoping that he was making the right decision.
TBC
