Title: Wash Away part eleven
Note: Thank you for reading this story and sticking with it each chapter. I do appreciate the kind words. And, the suggestions. lol
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"I've never wanted children." Grissom answered with complete honesty. He wondered for the first time if he would lose Sara completely with his statement. Did she have a desire for children that he had never known about?
"Why not?" Sara had to push the issue. She could confess that she was carrying his children, thus boxing him into a situation he did not want to be in. Also, if she didconfess then she wonderedhow it would alter his feelings for herself being the one to put him in that box. Logic assured her that this was Grissom. He would love these babies. She, herself, had never planned on having children and now here she was actually excited about the role of being a parent.
"Sara, why are you quizzing me about this? Are you trying to tell me that you have decided that you do want children? You never acted like you wanted any in the past. You freaked out when I left you with that little girl years ago when her family had been murdered."
"Brenda." Sara said automatically before adding. "What if I did tell you that I want a child? Would that alter your promises about my returning to Vegas?" Sara held her breath and waited for him to answer her question.
"I told you that I have no desire for children, Sara, and I don't. If you wanted to be with me, then that is something you would have to accept." Grissom did not know how to explain his strong emotions on this subject, but he felt bile rising up in his throat as he waited for her response. He did not want to lose any chance with her over this. He was not sure if he would be able to accept fatherhood if Sara insisted that was something she clearly wanted.
"I see." Sara said calmly. Too calmly. "Then the question really should be, will I ever return to Vegas? Because, I can't agree to ever return to a relationship with you, if you are so adament on the subject of children."
Frustration warred in Grissoms head as he mentally kicked himself. He should have left this subject alone for now, waited until he could see her face to face before they got into a subject that was so loaded. "I want you to come back, Sara. We can always discuss the subject of kids after we've worked our own issues out."
"We do have some issues to work out, don't we, Grissom?" Sara bit her bottom lip, and asked another question that had been on her mind. "Have you seen her?"
Grissom did not have to ask who the her Sara was referring to was. "No. I have no plans on seeing her if I can help it. I spoke at the trial. I had no choice."
"She got off scott free?"
Sara did not want to talk about Lady Heather, but it was the issue that had driven them apart in the first place. If not for that overheard conversation then she and Grissom would be discussing their unborn babies and handling that issue along with the issue of their own future together.
"Heather was upset. She did what she thought she had to do in order to avenge her child." Grissom did not want to talk to Sara about Heather. In his world they were two very separate subjects.
"She slept with the man who killed her daughter, Grissom." Sara felt a load lifting off her shoulders as she vented her anger. "She could have gotten DNA evidence some other way. Or, here is a novel thought, she could have let the police handle obtaining the evidence."
"Sara." Grissom walked from his bedroom into the kitchen. He did not want to discuss this over the phone, and he certainly did not want to talk about Heather while he was sitting in the bed he had shared with Sara. "I'm not going to excuse what she did." He leaned his head against the cold refrigerator. "I'm telling you that I understand why she did what she did, even if I don't think it was the right thing to do."
"Well, that's what I don't get." Sara shifted her weight as one of her babies did a fancy move inside her body. "I would kill for my child, but I would not sleep with the person who hurt him."
Catherine had said the same thing months ago. Grissom had no argument then, and he had nothing now. As he processed her words, there was something about what she had said that he could not put his finger on, not when his mind was swimming from everything that had transpired.
Sara could not stop her emotions from coming through in her voice as she continued. This was the pinnacle of her anger and hurt with Grissom. How could the man she cared about and loved so deeply have such strong emotions for a woman who could do these things with such cold calculation. Emotions may have driven Heather, but her actions were undeniably well planned. She had been several steps ahead of the law throughout the case.
"And, then tie him to a car and ripping him to shreds with her whip?" Sara shivered at the thought. She had seen the photos of the shredded man, and although she knew he deserved it, she could not imagine weilding a whip and doing such a thing to anyone.
"He deserved far worse." Grissom said with a wince. "Again, I can't condone her actions, but-."
"You understand why she did what she did." Sara finished for him. "Did she serve any time for taking the law into her own hands?"
"No." Grissom thought of the trial, of the way the judge was staring at Heather in awe. He did not tell Sara, but he felt there was more going on behind the scenes. Heather had met his eyes once, shrugged, and left the court room.
"I see." Sara said for what felt like the tenth time in an hour. "Maybe you should call her and see how she is?"
"Sara? Why are you doing this? I don't want to call Heather. I don't want to see Heather. I'm talking to you, not to her."
"Maybe we shouldn't talk for awhile, Grissom." Sara said with sadness in her voice. "I'll call you soon." Sara shifted her weight once again as one of her babies moved one of her internal organs around, or so it felt like. The discomfort, however, was nothing compared to the pain and depression she felt after her conversation with Grissom.
TBC
