Chapter 26: Ice Ice Baby


Reviews:

Phenomenal Ultra Instinct: Yes, Team Survivor was a nod to the show of the same name. And Team Chris is Really^4 Mean was a reference to Total Shuffled World Tour. And I think Topher should be fine for now. We'll just have to see if he takes it too far.

QueenAzulaThinksYourWorthless: I'm glad at least someone liked it. Jo is not quite my most hated character but she's the most fun one to bash. I have plans for both Sugar and Dawn, and I think I can at least get some comedy material out of Dave. Jo's pride is her downfall. Sammy has quite a bit of repressed anger which she had forgotten about, but Jo's abrasiveness brought it back up. Katie will have a bit more relevance going forward, I just didn't have much of anything for her to do earlier. As for Zoey, it's legitimately just shyness. She has no problems with her home life aside from being lonely, she just isn't comfortable with group interactions.

TheChrisanthemum: I'll take your opinion of Sugar as a challenge to write her as well as possible.

Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks. I know Sugar isn't that popular, but I think it was the right choice. And despite my hatred of Dave, I can acknowledge that there's at least some potential to be derived from him. However, I disagree that every character has the potential to do something interesting. Just look at Staci and Rodney.

DSX62415: I liked that moment myself.

Knifez: Thanks! I'm sorry, but Sugar was actually the best possible choice if the eliminated Bass. I can't really say I agree about Jo; I watched ROTI not too long ago and her ego puts the rest of her castmates' to shame, even Lightning's. I'm glad the bait-and-switch went over well.

Omni Spectator: I know it may sound hard to believe, but I do actually think I can do more with Sugar than with most other characters that I could have picked.

TDFan: Yes, Team Survivor was a reference to Survivor. And while I agree that it would be in-character for Scarlett, it would also be impractical at this juncture.

Guest: Maybe.

PrincessGumballWatterson777: Get someone else to write F-Zero stuff for you. I'll tell you one more time, I write for the fandoms I want to write for, and I could not care less about video games in general, much less any particular title. Also, I have no real inspiration to do anything with the RR characters. If you do not start being more respectful, I will ban your ass, I swear.


Teams:

Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Mean: B, Beth, Brick, Courtney, Dave, Heather, Jasmine, Katie, Lindsay, Sammy, Scarlett, Scott, Topher, Tyler

Team Survivor: Alejandro, Bridgette, Cameron, Dawn, Duncan, Geoff, Harold, Leshawna, Lightning, Noah, Owen, Shawn, Sky, Sugar, Zoey


The episode began with Heather, Lindsay, Katie, Topher, and Dave sitting together. Lindsay, Katie, and Topher were discussing fashion, while Dave was looking bored and Heather had an impassive look on her face.

"Okay, it's clear that I have no place in this conversation, so I'm going to go fraternize with the other team," Dave said.

"Oh, thank God someone else said it," Heather said.


Confessional: Heather

"I don't have any problem discussing fashion. But this is an opportunity for me to make some long-term plans."

End confessional


As Heather and Dave were leaving, Heather said to him, "I know our alliance with Scarlett and Tyler and the three of them is going to keep us safe in the short run, but in the long term, she'll stick with her original allies. And two of my original allies are gone. So, wanna be in an alliance?"

"Okay, sure," Dave said.


Confessional: Dave

"I honestly just signed up for this show to find a girlfriend. I thought I would hook up with someone, then probably get voted out before the real intense playing started. But I freaked out, I got voted out for it, and now if I want to get a girlfriend, I have to actually start playing the cut-throat way."

Dave paused. "I think my best shot at finding a girlfriend is to try the other team. Mine just doesn't seem like it has any girls on it who are my type."

End confessional


Over on the other team, Geoff was explaining his formula for creating the most awesome party ever to Owen, Alejandro, Lightning, and Duncan. "And for an evening party outside, serve chili. And also have cider. Or better yet, boil a quart of apple spice tea for four minutes, add a gallon of cider, a quart of cranberry juice, two quarts orange juice, and a cup and a half of sugar. Keep boiling, then add half a cup of Red Hots, four cinnamon sticks, and an orange that you stuck twelve cloves into, then keep boiling until the Red Hots dissolve. I've made it, and it tastes awesome."

"Sounds delicious," Owen said. "Oh, I'm learning so much! Isn't this great, guys?" Lightning and Duncan voiced their agreement.

"Isn't it great, Al?" Owen asked.

"Please, do not call me 'Al,'" Alejandro instructed him.

"Okay!" Owen said flippantly. Somehow, Alejandro thought he didn't mean it.


Confessional: Alejandro

"Owen is incredibly annoying. Chris had us move into two cabins because he wanted to use the other two for a movie the network is filming, and I must say, his hygiene is atrocious. Not as bad as Shawn or Sugar, but I'm not roommates with them, so Owen's hygiene is the one that bothers me the most. That's to say nothing of his ludicrous enthusiasm, or his propensity for calling me 'Al.'"

End confessional


Scott and Courtney sat on the bleachers of the plexiglass gym, which was otherwise empty. Courtney was telling Scott about her plans for the future. "And then I'm going to graduate from law school, and become a lawyer. Not criminal law, though. I'm self-aware enough to know that I'm not really cut out for that. Just real estate law. It's less stressful. What about you? What are your plans?"

Scott seemed hesitant to answer. "I...well, that really depends on whether I win this competition."

"How so?"

"Well, the way you tell it, you make it sound like you're going to do all those things anyway, even if you don't win. Me, though, if I don't win, I know there's no hope of me ever getting into college. If I lose, I'm probably going to get a job in an auto repair shop or something."

"But that's not what you want to do, is it?"

"No. What I really want is to go to college, get a business degree, and become CEO of one of those big commercial farms. I knew there would be no way my parents could ever afford to send me, though, so that's why I was so excited about getting on this show. This is my one big chance."

Courtney wasn't sure what to say to that. Eventually, she said, "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be having this moment. But shouldn't we be trying to get the others on our side for the next vote?"

"Beth was easy to convince, but if we try to get the rest of them to vote our way now, we'll just end up looking desperate," Scott told her. "We'll wait until Tyler or Lindsay loses a challenge for us, then get the others on our side."

"But what if they don't?"

"They will.


Dave happened to run into Dawn and Cameron. "Oh, um, hey. Do you have any idea where I could find, well, some of your teammates?"

Dawn replied, "Zoey is working on one of her drawings right now. I don't think she wants to be disturbed at the moment. As for Sky, I don't recommend trying to get with her. She hasn't really had the best experience with love in the past, but even if that weren't the case, she wouldn't be able to give you the level of closeness your aura tells me you want. Cameron, what is it?" She noticed Cameron tugging on her arm. Dave just gave her a weirded-out look and walked away.


Confessional: Dawn

"I can tell from Dave's aura that he is far from emotionally mature enough for a lasting romantic relationship. Like Sierra did at the beginning of the summer, he has unrealistic expectations for romantic relationships, and I can sense that Sky would be a terrible first girlfriend for him.

End confessional


"I'd like to talk to you. You know this aura-reading thing you do?" Cameron asked. "I don't really understand it, but you are trying to use it to help people with their problems?"

"Yes," Dawn said.

"Well, I've studied a bit of psychology in my spare time, and if you just tell people their problems like you've been doing, they're going to be resistant to what you say. You have to maneuver them into figuring their problems out themselves with questions and logic."

Dawn thought for a moment. "I didn't think of that. I'll give it a try."

"Do that. Also," Cameron looked around to make sure there was nobody nearby, "I'm currently in an alliance with Harold, Leshawna, and Noah, and I would like it if you would join. Aiden spilled on the four of us, but I'd like your involvement to be secret."

"Certainly," Dawn told him.

Unbeknownst to either of them, Dave had heard that last part.


Confessional: Dave

"I don't know how that information will come in handy, but I'll tell Heather anyway. It might be useful."

End confessional


"Attention, campers!" Chris's voice came over the radio. "Report to the Bay of Dismay for your challenge!"


At the Bay of Dismay, Chris and Chef (wearing parkas) had set up a bunch of snow machines, which had frozen the bay over. Turning to the shivering campers, he said, "Cold enough for ya?" When the campers only shivered in response, he said, "I'll take that as a yes. Time for today's challenge: Capture the Snow Fort! To win, you either have to demo the enemy's fort," he gestured to the two snow forts: a castle and a much shabbier fort, "Or capture the flag within, and take it back to your own fort. Team Survivor, you won the last challenge, so you choose."

"W-we're choo-oosing the c-castle, r-right?" Cameron shivered.

"Might be a trick, but I don't like the look of the other fort. We'll take the castle," Alejandro agreed, not sounding cold.

"Great, w-we have to d-deal with...th-that," Heather complained, pointing at the shack.

"Hey, m-maybe it's n-nicer on the ins-side," Topher said, trying to look on the bright side.


The camera cut to Team Chris is Really^4 Mean inside the shack, no longer shivering. Also there were a shovel sticking into the ground and a pile of snowballs. "Great, the suckiness is thorough," Dave said.

"Well, on the plus side, I think we're getting used to the temperature," Brick responded, trying to look on the bright side.


"Structurally sound," Cameron mused.

"Yes, it's better than I thought it would be," Alejandro agreed.

"Listen up, players!" Chris announced with his microphone. On the actual beach, he and Chef were sitting on lawn chairs next to a fire. "Use the shovel in each fort to fire your collection of mystery snowballs."

"Dibs!" Sugar called. "I spent half mah free time launching pine cones at squirrels. I can handle this."

"That sounds mean," Dawn said.

"But it could be useful here," Alejandro said. "In any case, we should split our strength. I'll lead our offense, along with Geoff, Duncan, Lightning, Sky, Noah, Owen, and Bridgette. Shawn, Sugar, Cameron, Dawn, Harold, Leshawna, and Zoey will defend the fort."

"Right-o!" Owen shouted, and ran out of the fort. After he had gotten about one-third of the way to the enemy fort, the ice broke beneath him, and he floated back up, inside a huge block of ice.

"Oh, by the way, No Man's Land is more or less No Man's Water," Chris announced.


Confessional: Alejandro

"In all honesty, I only wanted him on the attack force because I thought he and Sugar would break the ice and the fort would collapse if I left them together."

End confessional


In the other team's base, Jasmine took charge. "Okay, so, here's the plan. Brick, Katie, Topher, Sammy, Tyler, Courtney, and I will attack the other fort. B, Scarlett, Scott, Lindsay, Heather, Beth, and Dave will defend the flag."

"And go!" Chris announced, spurring the two teams into action.

B looked at the ice, and walked outside of the fort. He headed around to the back, and reached into his coat and retrieved a tool. In a minute or so, B had set a circular piece of ice on top of the fort. The ice acted as a lens, aiming sunlight at the castle.

"Nice work, Bev," Heather said, genuinely impressed. Despite her calling him "Bev," B smirked proudly.

Beth examined the snowballs. "Which one do we throw first?"

Scott didn't bother answering, instead just grabbing a snowball and launching it. The snowball hit the top of one of the towers, causing a piece of the tower to fall off.


Confessional: Scott

"Darn. I was aiming for a spot a bit further down."

End confessional


"Here," Dawn handed Sugar a snowball. Sugar launched it at the enemy fort, but it came up a bit short. "I got mah range," Sugar said. She grabbed a second snowball, and launched it at Team CIRRRRM's fort. The snowball flew through the window, and hit Scott in the head.

"Why, you..." Scott growled, and prepared to launch another snowball. However, the one he picked blew up in his face.

Scarlett smirked at him. "If you're done playing around, why don't I hand you snowballs? I should be able to figure out what's in them."

"Fine," Scott spat.

She handed him a snowball. "I believe this one contains ice cubes."

Outside, Lightning was running towards the fort. Scott quickly nailed him with the snowball, which contained icy slush. A bit of it got in his eyes, and it distracted him long enough for Brick to tackle him.

"What do we do about them?" Courtney asked Jasmine.

Jasmine hesitated, but came to a decision quickly. "Brick, keep him busy, the rest of us just go for the flag." The six remaining members of the attack group did so.

Noticing Alejandro and Duncan catching up with Lightning, B bodily blocked the entrance. He got a slight running start to build up enough momentum to keep him from being pushed too far by the two teens.

Scarlett pointed out to the other five defenders. "I'll take the launcher. The rest of you keep them from pushing B back." The other five nodded and pushed on B's back.

Meanwhile, Geoff and Sky reinforced the attack, while Scarlett managed to hit Bridgette with a snowball, which slowed her down. Noah ran up next to her, then stopped, a thoughtful expression on his face. "You know, you'd think there would be a smarter way to do this."


At the other fort, Sugar was managing to slow down the six attackers, but she was quickly running out of snowballs. "We're almost out," Dawn told Sugar.

"Bull[bleep]! Yer holdin' out on me!" Sugar shouted, pointing at a small pile of snowballs.

"Those have residual sadism from Chris! They're probably the ones he rigged with traps!" Dawn said.

"Don't care!" Sugar said, grabbing one off of the pile. It immediately crumbled, and revealed that it had contained a hairy spider. Sugar didn't even think twice and launched it anyway. She didn't see it hit anything, though. "Oh, hog spittle, I think I missed."

Leshawna simply gave her a freaked-out stare. However, she never got to say anything, as the attackers had reached the fort.

Harold began swinging his nunchucks threateningly, but Sammy simply threw snow from the wall in his face and he dropped the nunchucks. After that, the two half-teams began attacking each other, trying to get the flag or keep it away from the other team.

At one point, Topher had it in his hands, and shouted, "And Topher takes the flag!" But Dawn threw one of the snowballs at him. The snowball turned out to have potent itching powder in it, which caused Topher to drop the flag and start scratching uncontrollably. He ran screaming into the wall, and half of it collapsed on him.


Confessional: Cameron

"It looked pretty bad. We were fighting a losing battle, all while our walls were melting faster than theirs. Then I had an idea."

End confessional


Cameron grabbed two large handfuls of snow, and packed them into a snowball. He then found Sugar, who was holding Jasmine back. "Sugar, can you hit that lens and make it shine on Owen?"

"Sure thing!" Sugar shouted. She took the snowball, and launched it. It did hit B's lens, and it did cause the sunlight reflected by it to hit the block of ice containing Owen, and then reflect towards Team CIRRRRM's fort. "That's how Sugar does!" Sugar shouted.

However, this gave Jasmine an opportunity to get the flag and start running. She almost made it out of the fort, too, but Shawn tackled her into the wall, and the flag flew out of her hands...and into Tyler's.

Tyler wasted no time. He ran as fast as he could towards his own team's rapidly melting fort, desperately trying to reach it before it melted. When he was getting close, his team's defenders made one desperate attack to keep the attackers from reaching Tyler.

Then, disaster struck.

Tyler slipped on the almost-melted slush that had been the front wall of Team CIRRRRM's fort. He landed on his back and dropped the flag, and Alejandro tossed the flag away.

Brick ran after the flag and grabbed it, despite the fact that the front and back walls had both effectively melted by now.


Confessional: Brick

"Hey, I couldn't give up yet! We still had two...okay, one and a half walls left, and I just had to get this flag between them, right?"

End confessional


Brick threw the flag like a javelin, and Scarlett managed to catch it right before the other two walls collapsed. When they fell, they revealed that Noah and Bridgette had pushed them down.

"See? Easier way to do this," Noah said.

"Nice try, but you were just a bit too late. Team Me wins!" Chris announced. "Help yourself to some delicious Fall Forest Apple Cider." He faced the camera. "Tastes like your childhood, as long as you weren't a city kid."


Confessional: Sammy

"Not that I'm complaining, but what's with the sudden corporate sponsors?"

Confessional: Chris

"Okay, our first episode officially aired right as we were filming the episode before last. It was a big hit, and we got a bunch of companies that wanted to sponsor episodes. I have sponsors lined up for most of the remaining episodes.

End confessional


"You were so close, Team Survivor," Chris said. "But I will be seeing you at the campfire pit tonight." The members of Team Survivor groaned.

Jasmine and Shawn crawled out of the snowbank. "Nice save, Shawn, even if it wasn't enough. But I'll get you next time, just you wait."

"Well, you'll have to earn that against me," Shawn said.

"So," she smiled flirtatiously, "Seen any zombies lately?"

"Not yet," Shawn aid. "But I did encounter a vampire on Boney Island. I unfortunately didn't get him, but I don't think he can get us here. I don't claim to be an expert on vampire, but everything I've read about them say they're not strong swimmers. As for zombies, I'm staying vigilant."

Shawn's teammates gave the two a weirded-out look.


Confessional: Noah

"Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but it looked like Jasmine was trying to flirt with the guy who's so afraid of walking corpses that he doesn't shower. Key word being 'trying.'"

Confessional: Jasmine

"Shawn's pretty cool. I don't really get the zombie/vampire thing, but he's both cute and tough. Can you blame me for being interested?"

Confessional: Shawn

"It's good to know that there's at least one other person on this island who has a healthy fear of the undead."

End confessional


While the teams were returning to camp, Heather walked next to Beth. "We need to make plans for our alliance."

"Sure, go ahead," Beth said in response.

"Not here."

"Why not?"

"Because we're teaming up with Scarlett, and eight people making plans at once would be conspicuous. Meet the rest of us at the gym."

"Hey, wait! Don't I get a say in this?" Beth asked. "I don't want to team up with Scarlett."

"I'm the leader of our alliance, and I said we're teaming up with her," Heather emphasized.

"You know what? You've been acting mean ever since Beardo got eliminated, and I don't even know why I'm still in an alliance with you. If you're not going to listen to me, then I'm done," Beth told her.

"Is this an ultimatum? You don't get to give me ultimatums. If you don't go along with this, you'll be defenseless. You need me," Heather said darkly.

"You say that, but I'll take my chances with Scott and Courtney. Maybe I can even talk Jasmine, B, Brick, and Sammy into an official alliance," Beth said.


Confessional: Heather

"I can't believe her! She turned down a majority vote, pretty much a potential guaranteed ticket to the merge for us, and for what? Because I was mean to her?"

Confessional: Beth

"I am sick and tired of feeling like I'm not being listened to!"

End confessional


Once they got back to camp, Shawn, Lightning, and Owen convened in their cabin. "So, who do you think we should vote out?" Owen asked.

"Here's a hint. Starts with 'shu,' ends with 'gur,'" stated Lightning.

"Aw, come on. She's not so bad," Owen said.

"She did put up a pretty good defense today, even if it ultimately wasn't enough," Shawn agreed.

"Sha-fine," Lightning said. "Who do you think we should vote for, Zombie Boy?"

"Someone whose performance today was pathetic, and who we know has allies," Shawn said. Then he reached into the bag he had stowed in the room, and removed the immunity idol. "Owen, I think you'll need this."

"Dude, wash your clothes," Lightning said, wrinkling his nose.


At the Campfire Ceremony, Chris addressed Team Survivor. "So close to victory, and yet so far. So who will be the first Survivor to fall? Well, it will not be Alejandro, Cameron, Sugar, Noah, Shawn, Bridgette, Duncan, Geoff, Dawn, Lightning, Leshawna, Zoey, or Sky. And honestly, a few of those surprise me."

"That leaves Owen, who got frozen, and Harold, who tried to use nunchucks and got snow in the face for it. And the one going home tonight is..."

"Owen."

"Actually, no," Owen said, holding the immunity idol. "I have this." Several of the others gasped in surprise.

"Give it here," Chris said, taking the idol and looking at its base. "Yep, this is the real deal. So, I guess that means you're the one going home, Harold."

"Aww, man," Harold said.

"Yeah, you're probably really disappointed," Chris said. "But that's the way it is."

"I know," Harold said. "And I had a pretty good run. I loved, I lost, I made friends, and I had fun. Only thing I don't get is...where did Owen find an immunity idol?"

"It was in a cave," Owen said.

"Hm," Harold shrugged. "Well, good luck, all of you." He walked onto the Boat of Losers, and it sped away.

Chris turned to the others. "The rest of you are safe. For tonight."


Scott, Courtney, and Beth had taken Jasmine, B, Brick, and Sammy out into the woods. "So, we're agreed to be allies?" Beth asked.

"I'm in," said Jasmine.

"Me too," Sammy told them.

"I guess," B typed. "I don't really like the politics here, but I'll vote with you for the sake of keeping the team strong."

"One question. How do you know Dave and Katie are involved?" Brick asked.

"They seemed like they were the type of people who Scarlett would recruit. So I asked Katie, and she told me the truth. I swear, that girl has no brain in her head," Courtney said.

"Okay, for the sake of the team, I'll vote with you," Brick said. "Who do you recommend we vote for?"

"Lindsay," Scott answered. "She's the only one I know for sure could not beat any of us in a tiebreaker. Also, we all need to search hard for those immunity idols. Just in case."


I'm just going to have to accept that this is my update schedule now. Gone are the days of an update every two weeks.

This chapter was frustrating to write. For one thing, Team CIRRRRM was originally meant to lose this challenge. But then I realized I had miscounted the number of remaining members, and I needed more buildup to the clash between the two groups.

Thoughts on Harold? I love Harold, and I think he should have been a finalist in Action. And it's a bit strange that I like him as much as I do, because I don't really like Napoleon Dynamite very much. But Harold just works a lot better.

Also, before you bring up the fact in the reviews, yes, Sugar was actually useful this episode. I intended for that to be the case, because her team getting a good first impression of her, in terms of actual usefulness if not personality, is going to be necessary for any subterfuge she attempts to pull off in the future. If you are one of the many expecting her to hold her team back, that will happen at times, but it can't now.

Sorry for the long wait and the short chapter, but I really wasn't inspired to do more. Please review. Also, the TVTropes page is in dire need of attention! Please add anything you can think of to it!

Elimination order:

Dave, the Germaphobe (RETURNED)

52: Staci, the Compulsive Liar

51: Dakota, the Fame-Monger

Sugar, the Pageant Queen (RETURNED)

50: Amy, the Evil Twin

49: Leonard, the LARPer

48: Anne Maria, the Jersey Shore Reject

47: Izzy, the Psycho Hose Beast

46: Rodney, the Lovesick Farm Boy

45: Max, the Super-Villain Wannabe

Jo, the Take-No-Prisoners Jockette (RETURNED)

44: Ezekiel, the Homeschooled Guy

42 (Tie): Gwen, the Loner

(Tie): Dawn, the Moonchild (RETURNED)

42 (Tie): Eva, the Hothead

41: Ella, the Fairytale Princess

40: Justin, the Eye Candy

39: Cody, the Flirty Geek

37 (tie): Mike, the Introspective

37 (tie): Aiden, the OC Hate Sink

36: Sadie, the other BFFFL

35: Beardo, the Human Soundboard

34: Sam, the Gamer

33: Sierra, the Super-fan

32: DJ, the Brickhouse with Heart

31: Trent, the Musician

30: Jo, the Take-No-Prisoners Jockette

29: Harold, the Nerd with Mad Skillz