Disclaimer: Do not own Digimon

Summary: Koushiro struggles with depression. What will happen, when he decides to give up? Will some one help him at all? Or will he suffer by himself?

Koushiro sat at the edge of his bed wondering why he never really thought of asking anyone out since he was a teenager, or even conversing with the University campus members. He spent most of his time on his laptop, trying to figure out how to get out of this real world, and return to the one and only Digital World. He felt like his so called friends of the digidestined group never really accepted him as a member, or so he thought.

He felt, as of now, his only friend was the laptop, that he worked hard enough for. His parents weren't rich, to be honest. So he worked for himself whenever he had the chance, to get the correct equipment and accessories for his laptop to be a major use and aid in his campus life. He knew his parents were going through hard financial issues problems, so he usually never thought of asking for loans. He worked for every cent he has on the table. Sometimes, he thought and wondered how they manage to support his lifestyles. But Koushiro was already to face the realities gri, as he used his advanced mathematical problem solving to determine a well balanced budget and making sure he has money left over for other necessities to fit his masculinity. Koushiro had a lot going for him. Intelligence, the looks, and easy going personality but the only thing that held him down was his anti-socialness .

He was always non talkative around everyone else, except his semi big lady bug digital friend, Tentamon. He remembered the good times he had with Tentamon, and realized he had left someone important in his life behind. He missed him sincerely. He missed the nights he spent with his favourite Digimon, and charting the unknown regions of the digital world, as well as Tentamon described the different cultures of the many races amongst the Digimon., helping Koushiro understand the concepts, and the species in the Digital World as well.

As Koushiro finished reflecting on his past , and then finally got the gull to get up and check his email, to see if 'she' replied back to him. He went to the kitchen table of his, were normally the other guys would be talking and always excluding him. He booted the computer up, and began to proceed to his email account as his newest version of Windows© (:P) . As he finally gained access to the world wide web, he noticed that a pop up message appeared on his screen saying he did in fact have mail. From Akiro, to be exact He read that she does want to go out on a date.

Koushiro was thrilled at the response he received. But at the same time, he was scared. He knew he would fail. He wasn't exactly talkative to modern times. He was scared that she wouldn't accept who he really was. He also thought that is was worth a shot. Anything was , especially since he hasn't opened up to anyone, little alone befriended. His roomate seldomly talked to him, and when he did he usually insulted him or made comments that weren't in a very social matter. Plus, on Friday nights, they also drank way too much, inviting people over at any given times passing out anywhere they can find a place to.

They would always pick on Koushiro, till they had to leave for their morning classes. He was scared that eventually they would hurt him physically and emotionally.

Koushiro was the shortest member amongst the Digidestined. And he still continues to live up to it, as he only gained five inches since then. He saw the date on the message Akiro sent. It was today's very date. And it was scheduled for today as he also remembered he had no classes at all through the day. Ken Icijoji would have been over to briefly talk to him about computer binaries and program keys. But other then giving the specific directions and the right information, Koushiro was still very quiet. They shared almost the very same exact courses together, so on many several occasions, Ken would come over to see Koushiro for information.

Koushiro growled at the fact it was today and not another one. If only there was more time. But today is as good as any other day. It's just a matter of if he can break the vicious cycle of his anti social habitude. He began to dress semi formal, unsure of what exactly to wear at all. He got dressed but realized it was only twelve o'clock, and not six. That was the time given from Akiro. He began to sit on his comfortable bed, and typed away, recording his own personnel journal. Koushiro had been to a shrink to seek help with his mental instability. He reach a severe level of depression. So he had to take pills to cancel out the itchy feelings, and his mental illness.

Today, he forgot to take them as he finished entering a journal for the date of today. Someone was knocking at his door. Koushiro got up to see who it was. He opened the door to reveal a full pledged smiling Ken. Koushiro just wasn't in the mood to deal with him, and slammed the door on his nose, as Ken became instantly dumbfounded. " Hey Koushiro, why did you do that? What did I do?" yelled Ken, as he began to pound on the door.

Koushiro fell into the corner of the kitchens joining walls, and sat with his legs tucked closely in his chest and holding his legs with his arms. He was almost cradling himself to sleep. 'I'm sorry Ken, but I can't deal with you right now. I can't deal with anyone. Even myself,' thought Koushiro as he searched for his Digivice and crest, and sat back down, feeling almost confident that he had left, as the pounded abruptly stopped. He took his laptop and sat down. He also decided that he was going to skip the date as well. It was pointless for him to go through with it. he was socially un-adapted.

He spent several hours typing needlessly away to find a direct link or connection to the digital world. Somewhere, he knew that he would be able to be accepted in a world, unlike this one were reality plays a concept of it, and affects the choices that people make not only towards them, but to other people as well.

His mother had just died after his graduation. Koushiro had always been the kind of child to brag about his mom. His mom was like his only best friend, as he felt like he was left behind when both his mom and Tentamon were both gone for good. Joe. Theres someone that Koushiro used to be really good friends with, Joe. They were really great friends, until Joe never kept in touch. He promised Koushiro that he would call on a regular basis, but never kept his word on it. He knew both Joe and he were both witty and smart, and as well very good in what they specialize in; computing and working in the medical field. These traits became very handy in the Digital world.

Joe would always come over to visit Koushiro, and compliment his moms on the wonderful rice balls But when graduation from High school came, Joe had to leave for his Ph.D immediately. After graduation, Koushiro's mom was going for a check up in outpatients because she suddenly became so ill, that it was hard for her to breathe and even live a new day.

Joe's dad was assigned to doctor Koushiro's mom. He determined that she had breast cancer, and it had greatly spread all over her body. It was only a matter of time playing it's role, telling how much longer the patient has to live. Koushiro grew timid and scared for his mom's well being. He also became lonesome and confused unsure what was going to happen to his mom. What would happen if she died? thought Koushiro, as he thought to himself, as he sat on the newly purchased sofa his parents had saved away to purchase for his apartment. Who will I turn too when I need advice? Dad is always busy to help me. Who will be my best friend? He, on several occasions spent some of the nights sleeping next to her bed. She always looked over at him and smiled back. Each and every time he was forced to part from his mother, hatred and anger completely filled his body. Two days later, she passed away.

Koushiro was heart stricken. He couldn't bare the pain and suffering. He Cried the whole day, as did his dad. He felt that it was not at all fair. Now he was left only with his dad. He wished IT could have been someone like Tai or Yamato. They didn't matter to Koushiro. She did. And now she's gone, forever. Koushiro grew quieter and depressed each month until now, where he snapped.

"WHY CAN'T I FIND A DAMN CONNECTION?" screamed Koushiro, as he threw his Digivice at the wall. It shattered upon impact. "Why does everything that matter to me, die?"

He took off the crest of knowledge and held it in the same hand with the digivice. He observed both objects throughly as if he was looking for something found in them. Then as abrupt anger and sadness filled his tight chest chest, he opened up a window and threw the objects away, as they landed upon the open grassy turf, just outside his small apartment.

He slumped down into a fetal like position. He finally looked at his watch. 7:19 pm. Hi missed his date. Good, he thought. I know she won't like me. They all do. After he sobbed for a couple of minutes, he attempted to stand up with much used effort. He decided that; was his life indeed at all important to live for, when he's lost so much? No Joe, mom and Tenatmon. His dad is still quite frequently busy, and usually has no time to talk. He's seeking a lot of therapy. To Koushiro, it almost seemed like his dad lost interest in him. I'm on my own. Why am I... Tears flooded his head. He took the lid off the pill bottle. Just then the phone rang.

He paused in pure awe. Then after a while, the answering machine picked up a message. It was Akiro. " Hey, Koushiro, this is Akiro. I'm kinda mad at you for not showing up and not at least telling me! But really, I'm worried about you Koushi. I hope your not doing anything you might regret..." her voice trailed off as he swallowed the remains of the pill bottle.

He sat down again, waiting for his judgement of either heaven or hell.

Outside his apartment, Ken had showed up again. He had just got a phone call from Akiro. He saw two shiny objects. It was Koushiro's Digivice and Crest. He then knew something was definitely up with him. He decided to rush to the other side and find out what was really going on Koushiro. He attempted to knock. No answer for fifteen minutes. He then attempted to open the door. He knew that Koushiro was up to some bad things. The door wasn't locked as it opened and revealed Koushiro out cold, with a empty pill bottle rolling back and forth, signaling what he had just done. Was Koushiro...dead? thought Ken as he fell to his knee's in grief for the scientific guy, known as the bearer of knowledge, Koushiro.