Chapter 30: This Is How We Duel It
Reviews:
OmniShaggyUIOverexaggerated: 5 alliances, in fact. Yes, this is the really interesting part of the game. Yes, Scarlett dodged a bullet; just because she has the majority at the moment doesn't mean she's safe. Not in the slightest.
HashtagJustMonika: I understand that. Thanks!
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Glad you liked it. Yeah, I have no idea what they were thinking with Beth in Total Dramarama. If they needed a mean girl, why not Heather? I mean, there's at least some level of precedent for Leshawna being aggressive, but Beth?
erinm2003: Well, it could happen. I'm not opposed to the pairing.
Endiegirl4: Thanks! So do I. I wanted someone who Max could interact with, but I didn't want it to be Scarlett, and Ella ended up being the one I thought I could write best as a foil to Max. It wouldn't have really felt in-character for Ella to dislike Max, and I'm pretty sure Max would like anyone who payed attention to him, so the friendship felt natural.
Teams:
Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Mean: B, Courtney, Dave, Heather, Jasmine, Katie, Lindsay, Sammy, Scarlett, Scott, Topher, Tyler
Team Survivor: Alejandro, Bridgette, Cameron, Dawn, Duncan, Geoff, Leshawna, Lightning, Noah, Shawn, Sky, Sugar, Zoey
The episode opened on the boys' side of the Team Survivor cabin, where the boys were chatting. Shawn had joined as well, and was sorting through his bag. "No zombie patrol today?" Duncan asked him.
"No, I found an easier way," Shawn answered. "I asked the intern in charge of the cameras to look through the feeds to make sure there weren't any zombies or vampires on the island. We checked through a fair number of cameras, and saw no signs of zombies. It's possible we might have missed some, but we covered more of the island than I could have on my own. And he's staying vigilant, so hopefully, I can afford a little relaxation." He then took a hatchet out of his bag. "Not that I'm not ready if zombies do come through that door."
"A little relaxation, huh? Maybe with Jasmine?" Geoff asked him.
"Eh, probably not. Being in a relationship is the number-three cause of death in a zombie apocalypse behind terminal stupidity and infighting, and I don't want to get her hopes up if I'm not going to pursue a relationship with her." Shawn then realized everyone was looking at him like he was, well, crazier than normal. "What?"
Duncan was the first to speak. "Dude, you're scruffy and you smell like a dumpster. You probably have never been the object of any girl's affections in your life. And now, not only does a girl actually want you, but said girl happens to be a total bombshell. Are you just not into girls? Is that it?"
"No, I like girls," Shawn said. "I just like not having my brains eaten more."
Duncan shook his head. "Shawn, you are never going to get a chance this good again. I think Jasmine is tough enough that the undead aren't going to be a problem if they ever do rise, but even if they are, some things are worth the risk!"
Shawn thought for a moment. "You really think so?"
"I know so," Duncan told him. "Sometimes, you gotta take the leap."
Noah then cut in. "Is that why you haven't asked Zoey out yet?"
"Zoey?" Duncan asked. "W-what does she have to do with this conversation?"
"It's quite simple," Alejandro agreed. "You like her and you're afraid to tell her."
"That's just ri-" Duncan tried to deny, but gave up when he saw that nobody was buying it. "I mean, yeah, she's cute, and funny, and she manages to describe nerd media in a way that actually makes it sound cool, but I don't really think I'm her type. Given what she's told me about her home life, she doesn't seem like she's all that keen on punks."
"And yet she's friends with you," Cameron said. "Maybe it's because you're not really a punk at heart; you just act like one to try to get your parents to pay attention to you."
Duncan stood up and grabbed him by the shirt. "Take. That. Back."
"But that's just what Dawn says!" Cameron said hastily. "I'm not saying I believe it!"
Lightning, who had been doing pushups on the floor, then stood up. "Welp, breakfast time," he said. Then he looked at his teammates. "The Lightning is going to make this challenge our biggest win yet. And he's going to wow everyone with his performance, especially Sky. And then, he's askin' her out. So don't any of you sha-clowns get any ideas." With that, he left the cabin.
"So, I guess it's breakfast time," Noah said.
The episode cut to the Mess Hall, with the campers once more eating breakfast. This time, however, rather than Chris, it was Chef who interrupted them. "All right, maggots! Challenge time!"
This was met with more than a few groans. "You're hosting?" Topher asked.
"Yep! Blaineley quit 'cause she had a new episode of her show to film, and while the network finds another host, I'm hostin' this episode," Chef explained.
"If you're hosting, though, who's co-hosting?" Topher pressed.
Chef smiled. "I got that covered. Dad! Get in here!"
A man who looked like Chef, but much fatter and sporting a gray beard walked in through the door. He was wearing an outfit covered in sequins. "Gleeson, why couldn't you have gotten one of your brothers to do this?"
"Norbert's workin', Morgan's on a week-long ski vacation with his girl, and Little Rick is in Costa Rica," Chef told his father. "And why are you wearin' that? You look like a disco dancer."
"You said I was gonna be on TV, so I figured I'd dress the part," Chef's dad explained. "You wanna be in show biz, you got to stand out. Razzle dazzle 'em, and they'll make you a star!" he sang. Chef just sighed.
The campers burst out laughing. "Forget you hosting, you should let your dad host!" Heather said.
"See, this girl gets it," Chef's dad said.
"If you were hosting, the challenge for today would be which team can work retail better," Chef said. Addressing the campers, he said, "Put on your bathing suits, and meet us at the dock in ten!"
At the dock, the campers waited for their challenge. Chef marched out and glared at the campers. "You maggots are weak! Soft! You don't know what it's like to fight! Well, that changes today! Today you will be facing each other in combat! You will beat the weakness out of each other!"
"Layin' it on a bit thick, ain't you, son?" Chef's dad asked.
"It's called 'playin to the cameras,' Dad," Chef told him.
"Hey, don't let me tell you how to do yo' job," Chef's dad replied. "All I'm sayin' is, I sold electronics for a livin', and that includes video cameras. And not once did those cameras react when someone got all overdramatic."
This led to another burst of laughter from the campers. "Mister Hatchet Senior, you are the best host we've had on this entire show," Topher said.
"Hey, you don't need to call me 'Mr. Hatchet Senior,'" Chef's dad said. "Just call me Big Rick."
"As I was saying," Chef snapped, "For today's challenge, y'all will be dueling. We set up a platform," he pointed out an inflatable platform with a mat covering it measuring about 12 feet by 10 feet, "and you will fight each other and try to knock each other off the platform."
"One of the members of Team Chris will have to fight twice, 'cause of the uneven numbers," Big Rick said. "And according to the online random selection generator, that member will be...Courtney!"
He then held up the phone he had used to get the selection. "The Apple iPhone. Now available at Buy-Mart Electronics. The best deals for all your technological needs."
"Duelists are divided by weight class," Chef said. "So, we're going from lightest to heaviest. Meaning Cameron and Dave are up first."
Cameron and Dave stood on the platform, and raised the large dueling sticks they had been given. The dueling sticks were heavily padded with foam on either end.
Cameron stepped towards Dave and swung his dueling stick, hoping to not give Dave any room to dodge. Dave ducked under it and jabbed Cameron in the ribs with his, knocking him off balance. Dave then followed up by trying to rush him, but Cameron allowed himself to fall so that Dave tripped over him instead.
This allowed Dave to get a good whiff of the mat. "Gross! What is this, Chef's exercise mat?"
Confessional: Chef
"Maaaaybe."
End confessional
Cameron and Dave both got up, and Dave was the first to go on the offensive, attempting to batter down Cameron's defense. Cameron gave ground, allowing Dave tu push him towards the edge. At the last second, he attempted to hook his dueling stick behind Dave, in order to pull Dave into the water and keep him on the platform.
It might have worked, but Dave noticed what he was doing and dropped to the mat again. Cameron, having braced for meeting resistance that had not been there, fell backwards into the water.
"Well, those two may have been skinny nerds, but I got to hand it to them; they had that duelin' mindset," Chef said with respect. "They thought on their feet even in the middle of the fight. Ten bucks says some idiot decides to just batter, batter, batter away at their opponent and lose as a result. Up next, Lindsay and Dawn!"
The two blond girls faced each other. Lindsay charged Dawn, and started battering away at her defense. Dawn defended herself, blocking and dodging capably. Dawn circled around, not letting Lindsay drive her close to the edge. When Lindsay's attacks started to falter, Dawn then went on the offensive and hit her with the dueling stick, then shoved her off the platform with the end of the stick while she was off balance.
"Called it," Chef said. "Next is Katie and Noah!"
As soon as the duel began, Katie charged at Noah as fast as she could. Noah simply sidestepped her and allowed her to run straight off the platform.
Chef just facepalmed.
Confessional: Noah
"I think this might be my favorite challenge yet. I didn't even have to do anything!"
End confessional
Scarlett and Sky were next up. Lightning gave a cheer for his crush.
"You're going down," Sky said bitterly. "I saw what you did. You're going to pay."
"Oh, please," Scarlett said dismissively. "I have a majority vote. There's no chance I'm going home tonight."
"Then I'll just have to keep winning until you do!" Sky shouted, and charged at Scarlett. Scarlett dodged out of the way, but Sky slid to a stop before falling, and jabbed at Scarlett with her dueling stick. Scarlett dodged, and then blocked when Sky made a swipe towards her. She kept dodging and blocking, waiting for Sky to overextend herself.
Sky, however, wasn't going to be as easily worn down as Lindsay. She kept swinging, but didn't overextend herself and stayed in balance. The two girls waited, each looking for a moment of opportunity.
The moment came when Sky stepped in a puddle, and slipped slightly. When she was distracted, Scarlett hit her and knocked her off the platform.
"I told you so, imbecile," Scarlett said. "Perhaps if you get a bit less emotionally invested in seeing me get sent home, you might avoid being sent home yourself."
Confessional: Sky
"Aargh! Why is she still here?"
End confessional
The next duel was Sammy vs. Bridgette. Bridgette began the duel by jumping up and forward, stabbing the dueling stick into the platform like a spear as she landed, and then knocking Sammy off when she got thrown off balance as a result. The entire duel lasted about three seconds.
"Wow. I didn't even think of doin' that," Chef commented.
"I bet it ain't easy to pull off," Big Rick said. "I bet someone else tries it and can't do it."
"We'll see. Up next, Heather vs. Zoey!"
Heather made the first move, making a sweeping strike at Zoey, which the redhead blocked. Heather made two more strikes, which Zoey blocked as well, before Zoey counterattacked with her own strike, which Heather dodged.
They continued to trade blows, seeming pretty evenly matched. Whenever one of the girls attacked, the other would dodge or block the attack without trouble.
The deciding moment came when the sun came out from behind the clouds that had been blocking it. Zoey was facing the direction of the sun, and when she squinted as a reaction to the light, Heather knocked her into the water with a sweeping blow to the midsection.
"Gotta be careful. In an even fight, the slightest thing can make a difference," Big Rick pointed out.
"Ain't that the truth," Chef agreed. "Next is Shawn vs Courtney!"
Courtney and Shawn faced each other. Shawn went on the offensive, making strikes that Courtney only barely parried. Then Courtney had an idea. She pointed at the island, when Shawn's back was to it, and shouted "Holy [bleep], is that a zombie?"
Shawn quickly turned around. "Where?"
As his back was turned, Courtney knocked him into the water. Scott cheered. "That's my girlfriend!"
Confessional: Scott
"Man, do I love that woman!"
End confessional
"That was dirty," Big Rick said disapprovingly.
"There's no such thing as dirty in a fight," Chef disagreed. "Duncan, you're fightin' her next."
Duncan got a worried look on his face. "If you say so."
Confessional: Duncan
"I don't know what it is, but something about that girl scares me."
End confessional
Duncan and Courtney both tried attacking first, and the unpadded parts of their dueling sticks connected. The two were forced close to each other by their momentum, and Courtney kneed Duncan in the groin, then knocked him off the platform as well.
"Ain't no rule against that. Courtney wins this one too!" Chef announced.
"There should be a rule against it," Big Rick said. He looked at Scott, who had a lovestruck expression on his face. "Are you all right?"
"Oh, um, yeah," Scott said. "Absolutely!"
Big Rick just turned away. "Weirdo."
Chef nodded. "That's 5 Team Chris, 3 Team Survivor. Up next, Topher vs. Geoff!"
Topher and Geoff's duel started with Topher attempting to make a strike at Geoff, but Geoff simply blocked it and made three blows at Topher that the wannabe host only barely managed to dodge and block, getting backed into a corner. Topher, out of desperation, tried the same trick that Bridgette had used against Sammy, but Geoff, a seasoned surfer, kept his balance easily while Topher was thrown off balance by the movement of the platform under him. Geoff simply knocked him off the platform easily.
"Called it," Big Rick said.
"In fairness, it might've worked if it hadn't been Geoff he tried it on," Chef told his father. "Up next, Tyler vs. Alejandro!"
The duel between Alejandro and Tyler was a very short one. Tyler tried to hit Alejandro, but he moved too fast and lost his balance. Alejandro ducked beneath the blow and jabbed Tyler in the ribs, knocking him off the platform.
"And that ties things up at five-all!" Chef said. "Up next, Scott vs. Lightning!"
Scott and Lightning took a few seconds to size each other up before Lightning made the first move. He swung his dueling stick horizontally, which Scott ducked under, and Scott tried to counter with a jab. Lightning dodged, and went for a diagonal strike but Scott blocked it.
The two then paused again. Scott looked at the dueling stick in his hands. "You know what? I don't need this." He tossed the stick aside and raised his fists. "Let's fight for real. Unless you're not man enough to fight me mano a mano."
"Nobody calls Lightning a coward!" Lightning shouted, tossing his dueling stick into the water as well. "Sha-bam!" he shouted as he aimed a right punch to Scott's face.
Scott dodged, and gave a hard jab with his left hand that hit Lightning right in the nose. He tried to follow up with a right hook, but Lightning stumbled backwards, so the blow missed him. Scott jabbed again with his right to Lightning's ribs, but when he tried to follow up, Lightning's roundhouse punch from the right hit his cheekbone.
Lightning tried for a left cross, but Scott, seemingly unfazed by the blow, blocked it with his right and hit Lightning in the jaw with his left. He then slammed into Lightning with his shoulder, forcing Lightning to the edge, and knocked him off with a left uppercut.
Lightning sputtered to the surface. "How?"
"You may be strong and fast, but you're still a rich kid," Scott answered. "Between the two of us, only one of us has had to really fight. Me."
Lightning seemed to accept this. "There's one thing the Lightning should tell ya," he said quietly.
Scott crouched down to hear him. "And that is?"
Lightning grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into the water too. "Sha-sucker!"
The camera went back to Chef. "I think we'd better take a short break."
When the camera started rolling again, Lightning and Scott were both holding ice packs to their respective bruises. Courtney nudged Scott and surreptitiously pointed at Lightning, making an "apologize" face.
Scott turned to Lightning. "I only goaded you into a fistfight because I didn't know if I could beat you with the dueling stick," he confessed.
"Sha-dang right, you couldn't!" Lightning agreed. "But that was a good fight," he admitted.
"So, we cool?"
"Yeah, we cool. Any dude who can fight as good as you is cool in the Lightning's book," Lightning said, giving the farm boy a high five. The girls all looked at the two of them like they were crazy.
Confessional: Sammy
"I really don't get how boys can get into fights, and then be high-fiving each other ten minutes later as if nothing even happened. It's crazy."
End confessional
"Well, that was...interesting," Chef said. "But Scott knocked Lightning into the water first, so he wins the point. Up next is Jasmine and Leshawna. Oh, and girls? Use the dueling sticks."
Jasmine and Leshawna faced each other down. Leshawna took the first swing, which the Australian blocked. She went for a hit of her own, but Leshawna blocked that blow. The two went back and forth for a while, proving perhaps the most evenly matched of the duelists thus far. When one struck, the other blocked. When one got a hit in, the other managed to keep her balance. Jasmine managed to get a hit to Leshawna's chest, almost causing her to lose her balance, but Leshawna got a hit to Jasmine's side while Jasmine tried to follow up, knocking the Aussie girl off the platform.
"That was maybe the closest one yet," Big Rick commented.
"Yeah, it could have easily gone the other way," Chef agreed. "But it didn't! Which means the last match decides! Sugar vs. B!"
Sugar turned to taunt B, but stopped when she noticed B was smirking. He had had a very large towel covering his upper body; he removed it and folded it up, revealing his large muscles.
Sugar was shocked, but then got a determined look on her face. "So what if you got big muscles! I'll beat you either way!" B just tilted his head and raised his eyebrow.
"Aaaaaand...FIGHT!" Chef announced. Sugar needed no further prompting, and started attacking B wildly. B simply blocked every blow easily. He kept blocking for some time, giving no ground.
When Sugar started to falter, B went on the offensive. He rained blow after blow on Sugar, many of which she failed to block or only barely blocked. He jabbed her multiple times with the end of his dueling stick, forcing her back until she had no ground left to give. She desperately tried for a horizontal swing, but B blocked it, then knocked her into the water with a jab to the solar plexus.
"And B wins the duel! That means...Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Mean wins!" Chef announced. "Team Survivor, I will be seeing you at elimination."
"And, for Team Chris, your prize is...$100 gift cards for the Buy-Mart!" Big Rick announced. "But, we still have a consolation prize for Team Survivor. A compilation CD of the best hits of the 1980s!" Some enthusiasm perked up at that, only to be killed by the next words from Big Rick. "Performed by our local synth-rock duo, Lesterrey!" He handed out CDs with a middle-aged, balding blond man and a short, scruffy Indian man on the cover, with doves in the background.
Alejandro sighted Lightning, Shawn, Geoff, and Bridgette talking. "And your fight against Sammy? Sha-mazing!" Lightning said to Bridgette.
Alejandro joined the conversation. "Have you decided who you're going to vote for?" he asked.
"Yeah. Starts with shu, ends with gur," Lightning said.
"He's been wanting Sugar gone since she first came back," Shawn told the charmer. "But at the same time, she did lose for us today."
"I don't know, I'm not sure any of us could have beaten B," Alejandro rationalized. "Maybe Lightning or Leshawna could have done it, but Sugar was pretty clearly out of her depth. I find it hard to really blame her for our loss."
"Then who do you blame?" Bridgette asked.
Confessional: Alejandro
"Who to blame for our loss? This is a hard question to answer. The obvious choice is Shawn, but Shawn is typically too valuable of a teammate for the team to consider voting him out. The other obvious choice is Cameron, but even though I think he may be plotting against me, I don't think it would be best to have him voted off now. He may be stronger than he looks, but he still will be a viable option to cut in the future. The same cannot be said for..."
End confessional
"Duncan," Alejandro said. "I think we should vote Duncan out tonight."
"Nah, Duncan's cool," Geoff said. "Why him? Why not Cameron?"
"I'll be completely honest with you," Alejandro said. "I have ulterior motives for wanting Duncan gone. Duncan is probably the most well-connected person on the team right now. I can pretty well guarantee that Zoey will never vote for him, and he is well-liked by both of you," he said as he indicated Geoff and Lightning. "If we allow him to get too far into the game, it may not be easy to have him removed, especially as we vote out campers such as Cameron and Sugar who have no real connection to him."
"No way," Lightning said. "I ain't votin' for Duncan. Especially not while Sugar is still here."
"Yeah, I don't really want to vote out Duncan," Geoff agreed.
"Fair enough," Alejandro conceded. "I have no particular problem with Duncan, but neither do I have a particular friendship with him. It's really nothing personal, and far be it from me to try to force you to do something you don't want to do."
He then left the four of them, and sought out Cameron. "Hola, Cameron!" he called. "May I talk with you?"
"Sure," Cameron said. "Noah's off doing his own thing, so...would you like to play chess?" He pulled a magnetic chess set out of his jacket pocket.
"Certainly," Alejandro agreed, and the two began their game.
After a few moves, Cameron asked, "What is it that you wanted to talk about?"
"I was talking to some of the other members of our team," Alejandro said. "We were discussing who to vote out, and your name came up."
"I guess I'm not that surprised," Cameron conceded. "But why are you telling me this?"
"I'm telling you because I want to suggest an alternative. I have managed to get three votes for Duncan. Maybe four; one of the campers is suggested the idea to seemed undecided."
"And you want him gone because..."
"I want him gone because of his connections. He is close with Zoey, and is friends with Lightning and Geoff. Lightning is close with Shawn, and Bridgette is Geoff's girlfriend. Plus, Lightning may soon act on his crush on Sky, so if Duncan manages to sufficiently leverage all of those connections, he could have up to seven votes in his favor. That is enough to control the eliminations on the entire team. I want to vote him out before Lightning and Sky become an item in order to prevent this possibility."
"Good point," Cameron agreed. "I'll vote for Duncan. And I'll see if I can get Noah and Leshawna on board with the idea."
"Gracias," Alejandro thanked him.
Confessional: Cameron
"I still don't trust Alejandro. He's like a career politician; he's charming, and he knows what to say to get you to do what he wants. But I can't fault his logic for wanting Duncan gone. I don't think he's lying about that; I've watched enough political debates to be able to tell when a politician or a journalist is telling the truth and when they're lying. Mostly, they're always lying."
End confessional
At the Campfire Ceremony, Chef was preparing to hand out marshmallows. "You all know the drill by now. Loser doesn't get a marshmallow, loser goes home. Marshmallows go to Leshawna, Bridgette, Geoff, Dawn, Noah, and Al."
"Please do not call me by...that name," Alejandro said, even as he caught his marshmallow.
Chef simply waved him off. "Sky and Zoey. You are also safe. And Lightning and Shawn. Also safe."
He then looked at the three remaining campers. "Cameron, Duncan, Sugar, the three of you received votes tonight. But of the three of you, only one is goin' home, and it ain't Cameron." Cameron caught his marshmallow, relieved.
"And the final marshmallow goes to...Sugar."
"What?" Duncan asked. "Why me?"
"You can find out once you watch the episode," Chef told him. "Anything you want to say before you leave?"
"Yes, actually," Duncan said. "Zoey, once the game is over, would you like to go on a date with me?"
"Sure, I'd love to!" Zoey said.
"Awesome!" Duncan said. He then boarded the Boat of Losers. Big Rick climbed into the driver's seat, and drove him off.
Chef turned to the rest of them. "The rest of you are safe. For tonight."
Unbeknownst to all of them, Dave was watching the Campfire Ceremony.
Confessional: Dave
"Zoey's dating Duncan? I figured she'd have better taste than that. I guess I got distracted with team strategy and such. I need to make my move soon if I want to find a girlfriend. Tomorrow, I'm going to make my move on Sky."
End confessional
I'm as surprised as you are that I managed to finish this one so quickly. But I guess being in a good mood is good for my writing, and peace in the Middle East is good enough news to put anyone in a good mood.
Thoughts on Duncan? I don't like Duncan, but I also think he gets a bad rap sometimes. Was he a good boyfriend? No, but some writers on the site have a tendency to make him an abusive boyfriend just because of his image, when there was only one abuser in his relationship with Courtney and it wasn't him. I do think his cheating was a dick move, and if it had to happen, I would have preferred it if he at least regretted it. If not for Courtney's sake, at least for Gwen's. But he didn't, and that makes it hard for me to really like him that much. It certainly doesn't help that he has the most screen time out of any character except Heather.
Elimination order:
Dave, the Germaphobe (RETURNED)
52: Staci, the Compulsive Liar
51: Dakota, the Fame-Monger
Sugar, the Pageant Queen (RETURNED)
50: Amy, the Evil Twin
49: Leonard, the LARPer
48: Anne Maria, the Jersey Shore Reject
47: Izzy, the Psycho Hose Beast
46: Rodney, the Lovesick Farm Boy
45: Max, the Super-Villain Wannabe
Jo, the Take-No-Prisoners Jockette (RETURNED)
44: Ezekiel, the Homeschooled Guy
42 (Tie): Gwen, the Loner
(Tie): Dawn, the Moonchild (RETURNED)
42 (Tie): Eva, the Hothead
41: Ella, the Fairytale Princess
40: Justin, the Eye Candy
39: Cody, the Flirty Geek
37 (tie): Mike, the Thespian
37 (tie): Aiden, the OC Hate Sink
36: Sadie, the other BFFFL
35: Beardo, the Human Soundboard
34: Sam, the Gamer
33: Sierra, the Super-fan
32: DJ, the Brickhouse with Heart
31: Trent, the Musician
30: Jo, the Take-No-Prisoners Jockette
29: Harold, the Nerd with Mad Skillz
28: Owen, the Optimist
27: Brick, the Cadet
26: Beth, the Wannabe
25: Duncan, the Delinquent
