I'm such a sucker. I can't kill off Noah and I can't drag this out myself!

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Chapter 24
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Just looking at her hurt. The compassion in her eyes hurt him more than his father's weak refusal to take the next steps to fight for his life. Just six months ago he wouldn't have felt it and would have felt pity for someone who wasted their time with compassion and understanding. Life just was. He just was.

He was racking up wins in the OR and in the bedroom. He was a god among doctors and men. He had a great co-op, nice vacations when he bothered to take the time, a great car for weekends out of the City, a time share in the Hamptons with some old medical school buddies, good clothes and as many electronic gadgets as he could find in his rare spare time.

And he had a drunk father somewhere out there slowly killing himself that he had long ago given up for dead, except in the rare moments when some medical journal or old time doctor brought up his father's spectacular career or spectacular flame out.

And no one, nothing, touched his heart and made him hurt again the way he was hurting now.

And it was all Robin Scorpio's fault.

So as the clock ticked in the background while he paced the waiting room he decided to turn it off.

Now, he stood watching the sun rise over Port Charles from the window of his office trying to block out the look of unending patience and compassion, and beneath all that the hurt disappointment in Robin's brown eyes the last time he dared to look at her. Trying to block out his father's weak good byes. Trying to not care about the prognosis delivered to him by the specialist. Trying to push away the exhaustion tearing at his body - thinking, hoping, praying that if he could push through just one more moment he would be able to push it all away and turn it all off again. Go back in time. Be who he used to be. Before her.

How the hell had he ended up here in a small city he'd only heard of in old stories shared by his father and mother with much laughter? Practically homeless, sharing words of wisdom with strangers, learning the value of a compassionate bedside manner and practicing monogamy?

Robin.

Her name whispered through his mind and he closed his eyes and practically collapsed into a sitting position on his desk. He rubbed at the headache pounding through his head and concentrated on taking one more breath. Another. The area near his surgery was aching, but he didn't dare taking a pain killer. He hated feeling out of control, that's why he never drank and why he resisted any medication he didn't absolutely need. And until recently had resisted caring. He was afraid if he gave into the false numbing of the drug he'd forget the pain in his heart and soul he was trying to battle back.

"Patrick?" He thought it was a trick of the mind, the sound of his name being called so it wasn't until it was repeated that he turned around. He didn't realize how much he wished it was Robin until he saw Liz standing there instead. He didn't utter a word; just waited for whatever message she had come to deliver.

"Noah's responding to the medication."

It was in the second he heard those words that he realized that the battle had been for naught. Tears began to flow from his eyes and he let out a sob he couldn't stop.

Surprised and not a little concerned Liz stepped into the office, letting the door close behind her and walked up to Patrick.

His breathing was ragged as he brought himself under control.

"Where's Robin?" Liz asked, putting her hand on his arm.

Patrick let out a harsh laugh and looked up at the ceiling. He shook his head. "I sent her home." He took a raspy breath and rubbed at his face.

"Do you want me to call her?"

Unconsciously, he pressed a hand over his aching right side where a piece of him had been taken out and given to another. "She said she was going to be working." He dipped his head and tried to muster up the energy to go down and face her himself.

"She's not. Alan made her go home. Lucky took her after dropping me off. She wanted to leave you the car."

"Why did he send her home? Was she all right?" Patrick's head snapped up.

"She looked tired, that's all."

"I'll call her, if she's even speaking to me." Patrick stood up, feeling a bit lightheaded.

"You all right?" Liz noticed his pallor and that he swayed a little when he stood up.

"Just tired, Nurse Spencer. Is my father allowed visitors?"

"He's sleeping right now, probably will be fore most of the day. Which I think you should be, too."

"I'm not sure I have anywhere to go." Patrick grimaced and looked at his feet.

"Robin's not going to throw you into the street because you were upset about your father, whatever happened between the two of you."

"I don't know if I can do this, Liz." Patrick sat back down on the desk and hunched over.

"Do what?"

"Relationship. Emotions." Patrick laughed, but it was not in amusement. "I've been standing here watching the sunrise trying to figure out how to make it all go away again."

"I'm sure if anyone could understand that it would be Robin. A lot of us can."

Patrick looked up at Liz, seeing for himself that what she said was true. "You don't. I've seen you."

"I have." She smiled wryly at the things she had once tried to push out of her heart. "But I have a wonderful husband who has always stood by my side in the tough times and not let me shut down. Even when I tried to make him go away."

"I pushed Robin away. She left." He knew he sounded like a petulant little boy but he was too tired to really care. Not in front of Liz.

Liz smiled at him. "Robin was right about you after your first date when she said that somewhere under that cocky exterior was something resembling a heart. It more than resembles a heart, Patrick. It's a really big one and sometimes letting that out hurts. But the rewards are more than worth it."

Patrick flashed back to seeing her pray for her husband in the hospital chapel during the chaos that was the outbreak. Then the image of his father drinking himself into a stupor after he lost his wife on the table. Then to Robin waking up after the virus had been defeated in her system. Then to waking up with her in his arms that first time.

"I'm going to go look in on my dad." Patrick stood up and looked at Liz, feeling suddenly awkward. "Um, thanks for the news. And the, um, advice."

"I'll call you taxi when you're ready to leave to go home to Robin."

Trying to appear unaffected, as if his heart hadn't sped up at her words and wasn't trying to pound its way out of his chest, he walked with her to the door of his office and held it open for her to pass through first.

TBC