I don't suffer with PTSD myself but i do understand the seriousness of it. Please know that there is always someone willing to listen and help if you ever need it.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the One Chicago World. All original characters are my own.


Don't be afraid

The storm that raged on outside was loud. The claps of thunder echoed menacingly and even though they had their curtains drawn, Hailey could see the little streaks of lighting peak from under. It had been raining non-stop all day. And while she loved a good rain and a snuggle with Jay under the blankets, this was something else. It had been so long since a thunderstorm had passed them by. She almost forget how scary it could be.

Beside her, Jay was relaxing with the tv on but it was muted as he was not truly watching. Truthfully, it had become a little pointless when the downpour began to drown out everything else. Rather than trying to compete with the rain, he simply muted it. Hailey snuggled closer, seeking his warmth and Jay automatically pulled her to him. She rested her head on his chest and hummed in delight when she felt his fingers thread through her hair. It's almost soothing and calm in comparison to the chaotic storm raging outside. A cloud chap of thunder rattled the windows and echoed through the night. Instinctively her fingers gripped the edges of their covers. She felt his chest rumble with his chuckles beneath her ear.

"Don't be afraid," he said softly. "I'll protect you," he added teasingly and Hailey almost swatted him for his cheek.

"Oh yeah?" She asked with a raised brow.

Jay smirked and quickly rolled her over, his lips catching hers immediately. Hailey's hands found themselves buried in his hair and he budged her legs apart, dragging her leg over his waist. Hailey moaned as she felt Jay's fingers teasing the edges of her oversized sleep shirt. He'd bunched it in his hand, pushing it up when the door to their bedroom was thrown open. Jay swore into her ear and she let out a breathy little chuckle. He gave her a knowing look before rolling over and Hailey pushed herself up on her elbows to see Ella's little fingers desperately grip their blanket.

"Daddy!" She cried as Jay leaned over and pulled her up into the bed. Ella was crawling over him and she let out another cry when she saw Hailey. "Mama!"

"What's wrong baby?" Hailey asked though she knew.

Another clap of thunder boomed and Ella whimpered, scrambling under the covers with her parents.

"It's so loud!" She whispered burying into her mother's side.

Jay smiled, breathing in as he watched Hailey hum and soothe Ella. He flopped back onto his pillow and turned when he felt Ella wriggle beneath the blanket between him and Hailey.

The rain hit against the window and Hailey was sure there's another streak of lightning that lit up outside. Ella gripped her hair, tightly in her little fists. Hailey tried not to wince but seeing the smirk on Jay's lips she knows he saw it.

"I know baby, but you're safe inside," Hailey told her.

"Daddy, can't you make it stop?" Ella asked looking over her shoulder to her father.

Jay bit down on his laugh because of course his daughter thought he could control the weather.

"No, sunshine I can't." He said and watched as she pouted. "But mama's right. You're safe here with us."

"B-but it's so scary," Ella mumbled.

Jay shuffled and Ella rolled into his arms as he got comfortable. She gripped their blanket now that she's let go of Hailey's hair. Hailey settled behind Ella and she unwound Ella's grip on the blanket until the little girl was clutching her fingers. Ella was sandwiched between them but when another clap of thunder rumbled through the sky, rattling the windows with more force, she whimpered and tried to bury herself deeper under their blankets.

"Don't be afraid," Jay told her. His hand brushed over her curls and he waited for her to peak out from her hiding place. "You're not alone, baby. You don't need to be afraid."

"But what if it comes inside?"

"It won't. It can't," Hailey assured her. She pressed a kiss to Ella's hair. "You're safe here, Ella. Mama and daddy won't let anything happen to you."

"I know," Ella says quietly. "But it's so loud and scary." She looked up between her parents.

"I know baby," Jay said. "But you know how to not be afraid?"

"How?"

"Don't think about it. Whenever something scares you, don't think about it." Jay told her.

Of course, he knew it was not so simple but he supposed for his daughter's sake it would work just fine.

"Then what do I think about?" Ella asked her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Whatever makes you happy," Jay replied with a smile.

"Is that what you do?" Ella asked and Jay nodded. "What do you think about?"

"You. And mama," Jay answered looking over to Hailey. She smiled sweetly. Jay looked back down at Ella. "What makes you happy?"

"Lots of things," Ella answered with a shrug.

"Oh yeah? Like?" Hailey asked chuckling.

"Hmm," Ella said thinking it over with great intensity. "Mama's waffles!" She answered and both her parents laughed. "And daddy's hugs! And watching cartoons with Claire!" She looked to her dad, "Is that okay?"

"That's perfect!" Jay ran a hand over her messy hair again. "Whenever you feel scared I want you to think about all the things that make you happy, okay?"

Ella nodded and then glanced over to Hailey. "What makes you happy, mama?"

Hailey shuffled closer so that she was at eye level with her daughter.

"You. And daddy," Hailey answered and almost laughed when Ella frowned.

"You and daddy have the same answer! That's not fair," she scolded them.

"Well, that's because you make daddy and me so happy!" Hailey replied. She tickled Ella and her frown slipped from her face just a little as another clap of thunder boomed over them. Ella's giggles drowned out the sound.

"Don't you have anything else that makes you happy?" Ella asked.

"I don't need anything else," Hailey said. "Just you two! And maybe some deep dish!" She winked and Ella laughed.

"Yes! Lots of pizza!" Ella cried happily.

Jay feigned offence. "Are you two choosing pizza over me?"

Ella laughed and then clapped a hand over her mouth and shook her head.

"I think you are!" Jay said his brow raised and Ella's little giggles escaped between her fingers. She squealed in delight and ducked under the blanket and Jay reached for her. Hailey looked over at Jay and he grinned as they watched Ella's tiny figure wiggle under the blanket.

"Daddy?" she asked a few moments later.

"Hmm?"

"I thought you weren't afraid of anything," Ella commented.

Jay frowned. "That's not true, baby."

"But you catch the bad guys. How can you be afraid?" She rolled over onto her back, looking at him with confusion in her green eyes.

"Just because I catch the bad guys doesn't mean I don't get scared, Ella," He told her gently. "Everybody has something they're afraid of."

"Everybody?"

"Everybody," Jay echoed.

"So what are you afraid of?" Ella asked, her little brow furrowing a little as she tried to grasp what could possibly scare her father.

"Lots of things baby," Jay answered. He reached out, his hand brushing over her riotous curls. He didn't want to get into all the ways he was truly afraid so he kept it as simple as he could. "Mostly I'm afraid for you and mama."

"Why? What's going to happen to us?" Ella asked and Jay immediately saw the panic in her eyes.

He was quick to soothe her. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing baby. I'm always going to protect you and mama… but I worry about you two all the time.

"But daddy, if you think about us when you're scared, doesn't that make you more scared?" Ella asked frowning a little.

Jay chuckled, he understood her confusion. How could they be the thing that gives them strength but at the same time be the root of his fears? It was complicated enough for him to try and understand let alone his three year old.

"I'm not afraid of you baby. Just worried about you," Jay tried to explain. "I can't be with you all the time and when you're not with me, I miss you so much and I'm afraid you might get hurt and I won't be there." Ella looked at him as she tried to understand. Jay continued, sensing her had her complete attention. "I'm always thinking about you and worried if you're safe and happy. I love you both so much and I can't stand to see either of you unhappy."

Ella shifted up and then grasped his face in her tiny hands and behind her, Hailey worked hard to smother her smile. "I'm happy daddy. All the time!" she assured him with a little giggle. "Mama are you happy?"

"Yes, baby. All the time," Hailey replied. She came over, pressing a kiss to Ella's temple, looking at Jay over Ella's shoulder as he smiled at them.

"See daddy?" she asked. "You don't have to be afraid for us."

"Oh I know, but that's what you do when you love someone, sunshine," Jay explained. "We worry about the people we love."

"Oh," Ella said frowning a little.

"Do you know what I think about when I'm afraid?" Jay asked with a smile.

"Mama and me," Ella answered with a shrug.

"Well yes. But it's more than that. I think about playing baseball with you and cooking mama's favourite foods."

"Waffles!" Ella giggled.

"Exactly!" Jay grinned, looking over at his wife. "And I think about cuddling up on the couch with you and watching cartoons and when I'm feeling really really scared, I remember your laugh. Yours and mama's," he emphasised, tickling her and eliciting her tinkling laughter to prove his point, "and then … well then I don't feel so afraid anymore."

Ella cast her eyes down and frowned but neither Jay nor Hailey interrupted her thought process. Hailey simply reached a hand over Ella's body and Jay caught her fingers with his own.

There was another terrible clap of thunder and Ella whimpered just a little. But both Jay and Hailey kept a steady hold of her, silently reassuring her that she was not alone.

"I want to be brave, like you and mama," Ella finally said in a small voice.

"You are!" Jay told her. "You are brave."

"Daddy's right, Ella," Hailey said. "You're the bravest little girl I know! Braver than daddy and I!"

"You think so?" She asked her mouth, a small pout playing on her lips.

"I know so," Hailey told her firmly. "In fact, it's you that makes us braver." Ella frowned, showing her disbelief at that and Hailey chuckled a little. "You make us braver so that we can catch the bad guys and you remind us of what's good and kind in this world because you're good and kind and ours. There is absolutely nothing daddy and I wouldn't do for you and every day with you, we get a little braver because we get to see how wonderful you are."

Ella beamed, loving her mother's words. "Thank you, mama," she said quietly. And because kindness and love were all Ella knew she leaned over and pressed a kiss to Hailey's cheek as she said, "I think you're very brave and strong and pretty, mama!" She turned to Jay and asked, "Right daddy?"

He grinned, "Oh definitely, sunshine!" he leaned in too, tipping Hailey's chin up and pressing a chaste kiss to her lips. Ella giggled impishly between them. "Mama's the prettiest!"

Hailey could see that there was something else that Ella wanted to ask but she was patient and waited for her daughter to take the lead. Ella fiddled with Hailey's fingers quietly for a moment before she turned to look up at her parents. They were both waiting patiently for her and a moment, a tiny little blush spread across her chubby cheeks.

"Daddy?" she called sweetly.

"Hmm?" Jay answered.

"How did you learn not to be afraid?" Ella asked.

Jay smiled. "My mama taught me," he told her like it was the greatest secret he had.

"She did?" Ella sounded as intrigued by it as Hailey looked. For both, it would be the first time hearing this story. Jay nodded and that only prompted Ella to her next question. "Is she brave too?"

"The bravest," Jay answered proudly.

"Where is she now?"

Jay swallowed, quiet for a moment. He had known at some point they'd have to explain to Ella what it mean to have grandparents that had long since passed. He just never anticipated that day would come so soon.

"Well she's in heaven baby," Jay finally said.

"Oh," Ella replied demurely. "I'm sorry daddy. You must miss your mama a lot!"

Jay smiled fondly. "I do. All the time. She made the best food! And she gave the most amazing hugs. She was the kindest, bravest person. In fact, she was a lot like you sunshine," he said looking down at Ella.

"Like me?" She gasped thrilled by the notion.

"Oh yes!" Jay said with a certainty that could not be argued with. "And as much as I love you and mama, I know my mama would have loved you both ten times over!"

Ella giggled. "That's not possible daddy!"

Jay frowned teasingly. "Why not?"

"Nobody loves mama and me more than you!" Ella told him simply.

He found that there was no argument to be made against that. So he only smiled. "Well, you're right there baby. Nobody loves you and mama as I do."

Ella was greatly appeased by that, giving her father the sweetest smile as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. They cuddled a little closer and Hailey breathed deeply, enjoying the sound of the rain as much as she did the sound of Ella's breathing. She could see her little girl rubbing her eyes sleepily but she and Jay were so caught up laughing and telling funny stories that Ella was determined not to fall asleep just yet.

"How much?" Jay asked with a broad smile and Hailey was sorry she missed the initial question.

"This much!" Ella cried throwing her arms out and Jay took advantage of that, tickling her until her delicate squeals filled their room. She wriggled and wormed her way under their covers but Hailey didn't mind.

"Are you sure?" Jay teased and they could hear Ella's little giggles and then a laughing "Yes!"

Another clap of thunder rattled their windows but this time they didn't hear a whimper from Ella. Instead, it was the tell-tale signs of her still giggling under the covers before she threw them off, beaming as she called, "Boo!" to Hailey before launching herself at her mother.

"Oof!" Hailey grunted, catching her just in time. Ella's head fell back as she laughed.

"You're not afraid anymore, baby?" Hailey asked gently.

Tipping her head to the side so her blonde hair fell over, she grinned, "No. We're gonna be brave together, mama." Hailey beamed. "Right daddy?"

"Yeah, baby. We're gonna be brave together."


The sounds were loud and unrelenting. Deafening to the point of madness, or at least that's what it felt like to him. Another whizzing sound aired out prompting a loud, screeching bang that followed.

Jay had been neither here nor there about the holiday but that had changed ever since he'd come back from the war. Now, the Fourth of July rang out like a vicious siren.

They had completely lost track of the days and it had crept upon them, like an angry reminder. Usually, they'd make a trip to his family cabin far out from the city. From all the bustle of the city and most importantly from all the bangs of fireworks. It was still something that seemed to trigger him.

But in the lead up to the long weekend, Intelligence had caught a case, a terrible bloodbath that left no room for argument as they worked furiously to end it. They hadn't had the time to pack and prepare for a trip to the cabin. It was too late and both Hailey and Jay were entirely too exhausted to make that drive now. Instead, they stayed at home, Hailey watching her husband more closely than she had done in years. Ella, their sweet little girl, had been a treasure, helping Jay stay distracted.

He'd urged Hailey to let him cook that night, needing the distraction more than anything else, especially when Ella went down for her nap. He'd chopped and diced and fiddled up a storm in the kitchen and when Hailey had come in sometime later, she did nothing more than hoisting herself up onto the countertops, watching him silently.

He'd passed her by twice before she pulled him to her. Jay smiled at her as he settled between her legs, and then kissed her. A gentle kiss that pushed itself to something more bruising and demanding. She reminded him that he was not alone and that it was okay if he was not okay.

When they separated, he sighed, pressing his forehead to hers. She could hear his deep breathing and felt his hold on her tighten, his fingers digging a little more into her waist as a firework went off over them.

"I've got you," Hailey whispered. She cupped his face and he leaned into her touch. "I've got you."

He didn't respond, merely nodding and then dipping his head once more to catch her lips. A gentle hush was created around them, touched only by the hum of the music Hailey had put on. Jay's hand fell to her thighs, squeezing them a little as she pressed another small kiss to his lips.

"I'm sorry we couldn't go away this time," Hailey murmured. "I know how much you hate this."

"It's okay. I've got you two here with me and that's all I really need," Jay told her. "Speaking of which, where is she?"

Hailey chuckled, "Watching a bit of tv. Unfortunately, she's in a bit of a mood after that nap."

"I thought naps were supposed to fix that," Jay laughed.

"Yeah, well your kid is a wonder," Hailey said with a smile and Jay smiled back.

"That she is," Jay said. "Though if she's anything like her mama, I'm gonna bet nothing fixes her mood better than food."

Hailey swatted his arm and he swooped in for one last kiss. She jumped off the counter and went to retrieve their daughter as Jay was left gathering the last of the things for their dinner. It had grown quiet, almost too quiet, and when the next loud bang went off, closer than the others, it was like a cruel shock to his system. The plate slipped from his hand, crashing to the floor, as the colours exploded outside the kitchen window. But he couldn't see their beauty, couldn't understand their meaning beyond the terror and panic it brought him. He gripped the counter, his head falling a little as he tried desperately to remind himself to breathe.

More loud bangs and more colours exploded outside and it was like he could find no reprieve. Jay squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that by drowning out the sight, he'd drown out the fear too. The next one shook the windows almost as if mocking him. He felt his knees shake as the windows did and with deep rasping breathes, he turned, sliding down to the floor. His mind and heart raced a thousand miles an hour as he placed his arms over his knees and tucked his head down. He couldn't see it anymore, but it didn't matter. He was in another time and place, his heart and mind at war with each other again.

Breathe. You're safe. You're home. You're home. Breathe.

"Jay!" he thought he heard Hailey call, but it sounded far and muffled.

He tensed when he felt a hand on his arm but a moment later he realised it was Hailey. Jay looked up and Hailey was there, reaching for him, her hands grasping his face gently, soothing the creases on his forehead and she whispered and reassured him as best she could.

"You're okay. I've got you," she repeated softly to him.

His hands grasped her wrists as they still held him and for a moment Hailey thought he might pull away, but then a beat later, his touch tightened and he let out a stocky breath.

"You're okay. You're home, Jay," Hailey reminded him. "You're safe now.

"Hails…" he gasped out. Another terrifying bang went off and he shut his eyes again.

"Just breathe, Jay. Feel my hand," Hailey urged him. "You're safe. I promise. Just br-"

"Daddy?" A scared little voice called out to them.

Jay's eyes flew open, barely able to keep his mind calm as he looked over Hailey's shoulder, catching sight of Ella as she lingered in the doorway. She watched her parents with worry in her eyes. His panic seemed to triple at the idea of his daughter seeing him like this.

Hailey hastily turned to her. "Baby, it's okay," she quickly assured her.

"E-Ella…" Jay rasped out.

"It's okay, baby. Daddy's not feeling so good right now. Can you be a good girl and go back into the lounge for mama?" Hailey asked as she felt Jay squeezing her hand again.

She knew how much he hated Ella seeing him like this. Jay was worried it would scare Ella and they weren't quite sure how to explain it all to her.

Ella's bottom lip trembled as she watched them. "B-But … daddy's scared."

"I know baby," Hailey said. "And mama's going to try and make him feel better, okay?"

A stubborn look set in her eyes and Hailey almost groaned.

"No," Ella huffed. "Daddy's scared. We'll make him better together." She told her mother before striding into the kitchen.

"Ella – " Hailey began to protest but stopped when she felt Jay's grasp on her tighten again.

Jay had been focused on one thing throughout their discussion. Ella's teddy bear. It was all his mind could see. That damn bear with his plaid shirt sewn on made just for her. It was all that registered and the closer it got the clearer everything else became. Quite suddenly, he felt a small touch to his cheek and jumped a little.

"Daddy?" Ella asked looking at him worriedly.

"E-Ella … baby…" Jay choked out. "I'm… I…"

"It's okay daddy," Ella told him ignoring her mother's gentle protests. "Don't be afraid."

Jay choked back a sob. She said it with such conviction and determination. As much as he had done when he had first said it to her. He took her little hand in his and he could see the smile on her lips, watching him not out of fear but love.

"You're gonna be okay, right mama?" She asked looking at Hailey, who could only nod mutely. "Don't be afraid, daddy. We won't let them hurt you."

They were quite sure Ella didn't know who the 'they' was but that didn't seem to matter to her.

"Here, you can hold teddy," she said handing over her beloved teddy bear. "He'll keep you safe like you keep me safe."

With slightly shaky hands, Jay took the bear from her. He wanted to feel ashamed, for breaking down so openly in front of his daughter. She should not have to see him like this. But when he found himself looking back at those eyes – eyes that were so much like his own – only now filled with an unimaginable amount of love. And the truth of it was that when Ella looked at him like that – with such faith and adoration – no matter what, Jay found he had no room in his heart for shame.

He grasped the bear and then a moment later he held out his hand for her to take. She didn't hesitate. She never did.

"Remember daddy, you have to think about all the things that make you happy," Ella told him.

Hailey sucked in a breath as she watched them with near awe in her eyes. Her daughter was an absolute wonder. She knew Jay was probably thinking the same if the tender look in his eyes were anything to go by.

"Ella…" he murmured and she simply smiled up at her father.

"Think about all the things that make you happy daddy. Then you won't feel scared," she instructed him.

"Okay," Jay said nodding a little. But he didn't do anything more.

"You can close your eyes. I'll close mine too and we can think about what makes us happy together!" Ella offered.

There were tears building in Hailey's eyes but she didn't let them fall. Not yet. Nothing should distract Ella from Jay at that moment.

Ella closed her eyes and to further emphasise it, she placed her hands over her eyes too. They could still see her little smile as she held them there. Jay looked at Hailey and all she could do was nod. So he closed his eyes too and did as his daughter told him. He thought of all the things that made him happy.

Hailey watched as Ella snuck a peek at her father between her fingers, making sure he had his eyes closed.

"Are you thinking about what makes you happy?" she asked nonetheless.

"Yes," Jay answered. His voice sounded rather hoarse.

It didn't take much for him to think about what made him happy. He had told it to her before and his answer had not changed. It only came down to two things; Ella and Hailey.

"Good!" Ella said and Hailey pressed a hand to her lips to stop the little sob from escaping her.

She could hardly believe this little amazing human being was her daughter. Even at three – years old she was filled with an unmeasurable amount of love and kindness. She was the best of them all and Hailey couldn't find a moment where she had been prouder.

They stayed quiet in the kitchen as Ella watched her father through her fingers, still pretending to have her eyes closed. Hailey's hand had fallen to Jay's shoulder and she kept it there, scratching her nails across the base of his neck. It was when she heard his little sigh of relief that she knew he was now receding from his panic.

Somehow between the two of them, Hailey and Ella had managed to chase away his demons before they could take hold of him completely.

Ella seemed to sense he was about to open his eyes because she quickly shut hers as he opened his. Jay didn't waste time, reaching for her. He gently pulled her hands away and smiled when he looked into her eyes.

"Are you still scared?" Ella asked him.

"No," he whispered. "I'm not afraid anymore, baby."

"Really?" She was beaming and Jay found there was no lie to tell as he answered her.

"Really. I thought about all the things that make me happy." Jay looked at her earnestly. "I thought of you and mama and the thing is, whenever I think of you two, I always feel a little braver. So now I don't feel so afraid. I have my sunshine with me."

"Yes! Always daddy!" Ella told him.

She crawled into his lap as Hailey settled down on the floor beside him. Jay put an arm around her, hugging her close. He turned, pressing a kiss to her hair and then turned to do the same for Ella but she stopped him. Grasping his face in her little hands and then reaching up to kiss his forehead. His hand on her tightened, as he sucked in a deep breath. When she pulled back, she was smiling and Jay couldn't help but return it.

"I love you so much, Ella," Jay told her. "I love you both so much and I'm so sorry -"

"Jay, you don't ever have to apologise," Hailey said immediately stopping him.

Ella nodded emphatically. "We love you too daddy! A lot!" she added with a giggle.

Ella pushed the teddy towards Jay once more and he held onto it as Ella shifted and then rested her head against his chest. Hailey got his attention, gently turning his face towards her and then she tipped her head back and pressed her lips to his.

"She really is a wonder," Jay murmured. "I don't know what I'd ever do without you or her."

Hailey smiled. "You'll never have to know," she promised, kissing him again.


AN: Another little Ella Halstead piece because i absolutely love writing her!

A super big thank you to my dear friend girlinlotsoffandoms for all the love and loving Ella as much as I do! You're an absolute star!

Come find my on Tumblr [lady-rhaesnow] if you wanna chat!

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Stay safe friends!