Road to Eternity
Chapter 2: These Blues
Is
this the New Year or just another night?
Is this the new fear or
just another fright?
Is this the new tear or just another
desperation?
Is
this the finger or just another fist?
Is this the kingdom or just
a hit n' miss?
I miss direction, most in all this desperation
Is
this what they call freedom?
Is this what you call pain?
Is
this what they call discontented fame?
These Blues, Switchfoot
: I'm singing this one like a broken piece of glass. From broken hearts and broken noses in the back. Is this the New Year or just another desperation:
"Oh my god…"
There were whispers that followed him as he walked through the door to the cafeteria. Heads turned and eyes widened, and Squall felt a burning feeling that only occurred when people looked at him.
He immediately searched for a friendly face, and spotted Zell, who was waving him over to his table where he sat with Selphie and a tall, handsome man in a black cowboy hat.
"Hey, Squall!" The blonde chirped, grinning happily. The girl grinned at him, reaching for the syrup bottle and slathering her waffles in sugary sweetness.
"Hey," he answered after a slight pause. "Who are you?" He turned to the stranger with sparkling purple eyes.
"Oh, he's Irvine, my roommate. And I just found out that Selph and Irvine here were really good friends," here Zell winked suggestively, "so I just decided to sit with them. Cool, huh?" Zell rambled, and Squall raised an eyebrow at the cowboy, who just gave him a lazy smile. When had Zell gotten on such friendly terms with the brunette girl, anyway, to call her 'Selph?'
"…Peachy," he said finally, sitting down and casting one last sharp look around the cafeteria. A lot of the girls immediately blushed and looked away from where they'd been staring at either him or Irvine.
It was sort of ironic, how so many people were just so… attracted to him. They wouldn't be if they knew what he had… And besides, he didn't think he looked like anything special; in fact, he thought he looked rather feminine. Still, he couldn't help that all people did was either admire him or give him fake apathetic looks whenever he passed them. It didn't help his introversion much, that was sure.
"Hello? Hey, Squall? Space out much?" Squall looked up with a small glare, frowning a little at his plate.
"I'm fine," he sighed, reaching for an apple and nibbling it slightly. He noticed it didn't appease the worried and confused looks on their faces, so he took a large bite and chewed slightly, the frown lines in his forehead getting steadily more pronounced as the meal wore on.
Since when did he receive worried looks? Well, besides from his parents. He got those from them almost daily, while others merely glanced at him and wondered what the fuck had been put in his coffee this morning, cuz man, he was downright nasty! Still, Squall's reasoning had been logical, or, at least, logical to him.
It was best not to let people know… about it. If they did, they'd think that it was contagious, and wouldn't step within 5 feet of him. Although now he liked his own private space, it hadn't always been that way. Back when she was alive…
But that was then. He knew his doctor had told him not to dwell in the past and think of what ifs and maybes, 'cause those things couldn't be changed, and he didn't have the hours in his life to waste on those trivial thoughts like most others did.
"Squall, are you feeling alright, man? You're looking a little flushed, and your apple's not looking too good, either." The grey eyed teen looked down at his apple, which was indeed oozing juice from where his fingernails had punctured the skin from gripping it so tight.
"I'm fine," Squall snapped again, letting his apple drop onto the table with a small thud. "I'm just… still kinda tired. I'm just gonna go back to my room for a shower or something, okay?"
The others nodded mutely, still staring at him with apprehensive looks. Squall tried to smile, so that they wouldn't kill too many brain cells trying to figure out the enigma that was Squall Leonhart.
"Seriously, I'm fine. I'll see you guys later, okay?" With that, he turned and trudged out, trying to block out the whispers that seemed to be haunting him as he passed.
: You push until you're shoving, you bend until you break. Do you stand on the broken fields where our fathers lay:
Squall walked into his room, irritated and slightly put off. Since when did they think they knew him well enough to look so worried? It made him slightly uneasy, and he felt a sharp tugging in his stomach again.
Groaning inwardly, he reached for his duffel bag and unzipped it quietly. The blonde was still sleeping, chest rising and falling slightly as the sun shone brightly over his form.
Squall flashed back to the night before, well, technically it was only a few hours ago, but he remembered the blonde's toned, muscular body and immediately felt the sensation in his stomach grow worse.
He knew, from what the doctors had told them when Ellone was sick, was that the pains in his stomach would steadily grow worse, until the medication didn't work anymore to relieve it. Then, after a few weeks after the disease started to grow, it would shut down your brain. Usually the people remained comatose, without any chance of waking up.
Squall's parents had decided to end Ellone's life, which was sustained only by an IV dripping fluids into her arm and a life monitor, forcing a heart beat in her still form. Squall recalled looking at his sister with wide, frightened eyes, and feeling a sharp clenching in his heart.
So when they had left the hospital after watching them carry her body away in a white plastic bag, his mother reduced to a sobbing wreck and his dad stiff and tense, he had locked himself away, promising that if he ever became sick like sis was, he wouldn't ever make his mom and dad hurt like she had.
He was brought back from the memories by Seifer shifting in bed, obviously awakened by his entrance.
"Wha' time is it?" The blonde groaned, blearily opening one eye to peer out at Squall. The brunette hastily shoved the unopened bottle of pills back into his bag under the pretense of searching for something.
"Uhm, like 8:30," he replied, dropping his bag onto the floor. Seifer grumbled, turning away. "Why you up so early?" He mumbled, blonde, sun-kissed hair ruffled as he sat up, staring at Squall.
"Dunno, why are you still asleep?" Squall shot back, although his mind kept drifting back to the pills that were lying innocently in the bottom of his bag.
They stood there for a few seconds, before Seifer looked away. "Do you always wake up early?" He asked, standing and stretching before attempting to find some clothes. Squall shrugged.
"Come on, Squall, does it hurt that much to try and talk to me?" The green-eyed teen teased, sticking out his tongue a little.
Squall didn't honor that with a reply; instead, he gathered a spare change of clothes and headed towards the bathroom.
"I'm taking a shower." He told the blonde. Seifer merely nodded, eyes focused on trying to find some clothes. Squall heard a brief muttering that sounded like 'the hell did I put my shirt?' before he shut the door and sighed.
He still hadn't taken the pills, and he stared down at his stomach, where he could feel the steadily growing pain that hadn't been subdued by medication. He had tried once to see how long he could last before he fainted. It had taken only about 30 minutes.
Turning on the water until it was scalding hot, he stripped and stepped in, closing his eyes in bliss. He felt a familiar lassitude wash over him with each droplet of water that ran down his skin. It soon numbed his nerves so that he couldn't even feel the pain in his stomach anymore. He felt his eyes drooping closed, and shook himself awake. Now was not the time to fall asleep in the shower.
Quickly shutting off the water and toweling himself dry, he stepped out and changed, before turning to look at himself in the mirror.
Wavy brown locks and sharp grey eyes stared back at him in the mirror, skin smooth and pale and immaculately clean. No moles or scars marred his features, and he scowled. He really did look like a girl.
Sighing and opening the door, he found Seifer lounging on his bed, reading a magazine.
"Oh, guess who just came back from an hour long shower. What'd you have to do, put on makeup?" The blonde teased, standing up and gathering his own clothes. Squall felt the pain in his stomach come back. He glared.
"Aww, did I hurt your feelings?" Seifer drawled, eyes dancing. "Here, let Mommy kiss it alright." He inched closer to Squall, who felt his skin heat up with a prickly sensation from more that the hot shower.
Seifer laughed. "Man, you blush way too easily," he grinned. "Modest men go down first." He chuckled at his own joke. "Imma go take a shower. Hope you didn't use all the hot water up." Squall felt a more urgent tug at his stomach.
With a glare, he watched him go, before reaching for his bag and popping two pills in his mouth.
Glancing at the bed, he saw the magazine that was carelessly thrown open. Electronic Weapons Monthly. Huh.
Picking it up, he gingerly flipped through the pages, feeling like it was an invasion of privacy, for some odd reason.
He stopped at a circled and battered page which featured the gunblades. In red pen, an XG4 model of Hyperion was circled at least 50 times, and there were intelligible chicken scratches, which Squall guessed was Seifer's handwriting, that marked down notes and prices. Then Squall noticed the numbers, and his jaw dropped.
No way. Was Seifer out of his mind? Sure, the gunblade was cute and pretty and powerful looking or whatever, but 100,000 dollars for it? The blonde was more loopy that he previously thought.
Looking over the magazine, he absentmindedly flipped the page and his eyes widened. A large close-up of an elegant gunblade was the feature of the next page, with the large scrawly script reading 'LionHeart.'
Squall paused, a little unsure and captivated by the name.
He wanted that gunblade.
No matter that he didn't know how to use it and that he probably wouldn't get a chance to, seeing that he had a terminal illness and that his days were numbered, but still, he wanted, no, he needed that gunblade.
For some inane reason… so, he reasoned, maybe Seifer wasn't that crazy to want one of these things. Then, his eyes wandered to the price, and he felt a crushing weight in his chest. Wow. If any person were to actually buy anything from this magazine, the company must have been rich by now. It just wasn't possible to charge 150,000 dollars for a gunblade.
Setting aside the magazine when he heard the water stop in the bathroom like a guilty child, he started to unpack his clothes, hanging them up carefully in his wardrobe.
"Do you wear anything besides leather?"
He knew that voice that was drawling right behind him, and extremely close to his ear. He hadn't even realized Seifer had come out.
"…"
He said, turning to glance out of the corner of his eye at the blonde. Green eyes looked over his choice of clothes, carefully hidden amusement behind his aristocratic features.
"…You're so funny, Squall. Don't you wear anything besides black?"
Squall felt the insides of his stomach chill. "No," he heard himself say, the frigidness in his voice even surprising him. He felt his heart clench when the blonde's face fell.
Why does he care? Squall felt himself wondering, before pushing the thought away. He's just trying to be friendly, Squall told himself. But… he'll just learn. And then, he'll try to stay as far away as possible.
And that…
"Why the hell are you such a bitch?" Seifer demanded.
And that… would just hurt.
Squall turned away, not answering as he hung his last sweater in the closet and grabbed his key.
"You should go to the cafeteria," he said quietly. "They're probably about to take the food away."
"I know that," Seifer said sullenly, "I've been here three more fucking days that you have."
Squall didn't reply, except by slamming the door.
: There's nothing here worth saving? Is no one here at all? Is there any net left that could break our fall:
"Fuck."
Squall cursed when he realized that he didn't have any place to go. He didn't know his way around the grounds of the place, and he had left his map back in the room, where Seiferwas, and Squall wasn't in the mood to go back in there.
Squall also had no intention of finding Zell of Selphie or anybody else, for that matter, because he knew from his 'friends' at home that any attempt at company made on his part let the other party feel like they were suddenly best friends, and stuck to him like glue.
He didn't feel like warding off people when he was supposed to be 'living life' here in America. At least no one had commented on his accent. That would just make his day.
"Squall!" Another thing that would make his day…
He turned to see Selphie bouncing towards him, dragging the auburn haired cowboy behind her.
Irvine winked and waved at a group of girls that passed, and they immediately giggled loudly and started whispering. Selphie pouted and hit him.
"Irrvy," she whined, "Stop it."
The cowboy laughed a little. "Hey man," he acknowledged, tipping his hat. Selphie blinked and looked back at Squall.
"Oh! Yeah, hey! Okay, so like I was saying… You wanna go outside with us? It's a great day outside for December." She giggled.
Squall debated the dilemma inside his head; stay inside and rot, or go outside and rot? Huh.
"…Okay." He said finally, nodding for them to lead the way.
Selphie grinned. "Hey! Cool! They have a really cool fountain outside, and this really pretty garden. We always plant stuff in it."
Squall nodded absentmindedly.
"Now all we need to do is find Quisty! Oh, Oh! And Zell, too."
"Quisty?" Squall repeated, a single dark eyebrow rising towards his hairline.
"Yeah! Her name's really Quitis, but I call her Quisty. She's one of my best friends!"
The eyebrow rose a little higher.
"We're roommates."
Ah.
…Your point?
"My point, is, that you should get to know her too, since we're friends."
Oh shit, Squall thought. I guess I said that out loud by acciden-
Wait.
Friends! When did she decide that? And why wasn't he informed?
"Uhm… right. Okay." Squall muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. Whatever. He didn't need to worry about this. He just… Argh. Maybe he should just cut this whole boarding school gig and go deal drugs or something out in the streets.
It would be a lot easier for him, anyway, without having to deal with people that would only get worried and upset over him if he ever told them the truth.
Besides, he… didn't need friends. He…
Couldn't.
"Squall? Hey, Squall? Are you OK? You're looking kinda sad."
"I'm fine," Squall said brusquely, enunciating the statement with a wave of his hand.
Selphie and Irvine shared a 'look.'
Squall sighed, rolling his eyes. "Can we just go now?" He asked, a hint of a whine in his voice.
Selphie hesitated before nodding. "Okay." Right after that, she cheered up. "I know where we can go after we get the others; to that ice cream stand!"
Irvine stared at the girl incredulously. "In the winter?" He asked. "I don't think it'll be open."
"But Stan said he'd be open year-round!" Selphie whined, glaring a little at Irvine.
The cowboy laughed. "No, he's not. Sorry Selph." Irvine countered.
Squall just listened to them bickering all the way down the hall with only a hint of a smile curved on his full lips.
: It'll be a day like this one, when the sky falls down and the hungry and poor and deserted are found :
His stomach growled. Irvine glanced down at the offending organ.
"Okay! That's it; Irvine agrees with me that it's lunchtime!" Zell shouted, shooting up from his perch on the fountain so fast that the perky, feminine brunette almost tipped over backwards and into the crisp, cold spray.
Squall shivered a little, but didn't say anything. Personally, he thought they were all idiots. Even though the day seemed to be turning out perpetually warm and sunny, the air still had that December coldness to it that just didn't go away in the wintertime.
"Sheesh, Zell," Selphie grumbled, breathing in and out really fast as if just surviving a life-threatening dilemma. "Don't do that!"
"Selph… I think we really should get going to lunch," Quitis voiced. Squall liked her; she was level-headed, and knew what she was doing, unlike everyone else Squall had met so far at this school.
The brunette pouted. "Aww! But I want to see this get developed." They all turned simultaneously to glance back down at the camera in Selphie's hand and sigh. The device was newly (and illegally) imported from Korea, where her parents had just returned from a month-long vacation, and bought the little camera as a source of amusement for their daughter and also as a birthday present.
It would take a picture and develop it on the spot, although you had to wait for 3 minutes. They'd been sitting on the fountain for the better part of half an hour, twiddling their thumbs while Selphie made small claims of seeing the ink slowly drying.
She had glomped onto a wide-eyed black haired girl with several blonde-brown highlights and asked her to take a picture of all of them posing by the fountain.
It had been just that moment that a wind had mysteriously picked up and whisked Irvine's hat away. Several well-voiced curses and mad chases later, they were back at the fountain, Irvine minus one black cowboy hat and looking on the verge of tears.
Still, the picture had been taken, the first in that camera, Selphie had told them proudly, and now, they were still waiting for the picture to come out.
"Just pull it out!" Zell urged. He looked on the verge of fainting from hunger. Squall guessed that growing teenage boys had to be fed once an hour or else they'd pass out from starvation.
"No!" Selphie griped, "It says that it would come out on its own!" Squall didn't talk, feeling a bit out of place in their little self-appointed group. He just wanted to lie down and read some more of his book with its cocky, arrogant, self-assured main character that Squall had always imagined to be tall, blonde, and with bright viridian-colored eyes…
No. No. That was all wrong.
Squall glared.
Stupid book.
Stupid school.
Stupid camera, stupid fountain, stupid…
Stupid Seifer.
Sighing, Squall glanced back down at the camera, which looked back innocently, a little red light blinking over a sticker that read; 'If blinking, photo is processing.'
Right.
"Selphie… Can you just pull it out so that we can go eat? Please?" Squall asked, a hint of exasperation coloring his voice.
Selphie pouted.
"But Squall… It was a special picture! I heard that Rinoa is planning of majoring in photography! I bet it looks really good, but we just need to give the camera time…"
Squall felt like finding the nearest tree and smashing his head against the trunk. Hard.
"…Bet it looks really good, we just need to give the camera time…" Zell mimicked lowly. Irvine looked over at the crested blonde.
"Look, man, I know you're all crabby cuz of the lack of substantial material in your stomach, but I think this means a lot to Selphie." As if the betray the cowboy, his own stomach let out a particularly loud growl.
"Aww, Irrvy," Selphie cooed. "That was so sweet. Did you really mean it?"
"Yes," Irvine replied, an equally love-struck look in his eyes.
Squall tried hard not to gag. "Well, can't one of us just go into the cafeteria and bring out several sandwiches or something?" He ventured. "Then we can eat outside. A lot of people are doing that."
Indeed, most of the students that had already arrived at Galabadian Prep were eating outside.
Quitis nodded. "Yeah. That's a good idea, Squall," she smiled warmly at the grey-blue eyed teen, who just looked at her before looking away uncomfortably.
"Oh, I'll go!" Zell volunteered. Nobody protested, since Irvine and Selphie were still making eyes at each other.
"Ugh." The bespectacled girl looked over at the couple. "I never knew they liked each other like that."
Squall shrugged. "Me either." He said absentmindedly, leaning against the fountain and feeling the gentle spray of water against his face. It was in the center of the courtyard, with and towering centerpiece of a cherub holding up a lion's head from whose open mouth spewed a jet of crystal clear water. It pooled in a round, deep basin that sported many pennies and dimes.
"What are all those coins doing in there?" Squall inquired. Quitis blinked, confused, before his face turned to a small smile.
"Oh, I almost forgot. You're from Europe, aren't you? Well, people here, sometimes they throw coins into fountains and make a wish." Seeing the confused look Squall was giving her. "Its supposedly good luck," she elucidated. "You just stand, here, I'll show you." She fumbled around in her jeans pocket, and produced two pennies.
Squall followed her lead, and held the proffered penny tightly in his hand. "Turn your back to the fountain," she said, and he did so, copying her. "Then, you close your eyes and make a wish."
Squall squeezed his eyes shut, trying to think of a good wish.
What could he possibly want?
Hmm, well, let's see. He had a fatal disease that no one had a cure to, and was destined to die probably within this month.
He was sent to a boarding school halfway across the globe in America, and was doomed to room with the cockiest, most egotistical bastard in the school, and now he had supposed 'friends,' although how that came to be, he didn't know.
Just by sitting with them at breakfast, he supposed. And now, he didn't know what to do; be nice to them and then watch them throw him dirty looks and try to avoid him like he was a rabid animal after they learned about his potentially contagious and fatal disease? Or, just drive them away now and save himself and them all the unnecessary pain?
He knew what he wished for now.
"…And now… throw your penny as hard as you can over your shoulder." Clenching his eyes shut as tightly as he could, he tried not to think about how ridiculous he must have looked, and threw his penny over his shoulder with all his strength.
He heard the clinking of two pennies on the water, and then he released a breath he had been unconsciously holding.
He opened his eyes, and found that now one had even been looking at them, and that Selphie and Irvine were sitting very very close to each other and talking quietly.
"Squall? Squall?" He turned to Quitis, who was looking at him.
"…Yeah?" He finally answered. She smiled, and shook her head. "You can't tell people what you wished for," she said, "Or it won't come true."
Squall swallowed, imagining what Ellone would tell him for believing in such a silly, western superstition. She'd laugh and give him a thumbs up, Squall mused with a small nostalgic smile.
Luckily, before Quitis could comment on the brief lapse of Squall's facial and mental barrier, Zell interrupted with a zealous call. "Hey! I got the food! Now could someone help me!"
Quitis turned to help, chuckling.
Zell stumbled over to the fountain, dumping a pile of saran-wrapped sandwiches and several bottles of Dr. Pepper on the grass.
"Mmm," Zell said, grinning. "I'm starved! I only wish they had hot dogs," he said wistfully. "Man, I love those things."
Even Squall had to crack a smile at the blonde's expression. It rivaled even the amorous expressions that the two on the fountain sported.
"Hey! Lovebirds, come over here and eat!" Zell called to them. They both blinked, male and female, concurrently.
"When did you two start getting all lovey-dovey with each other, anyway?" Zell asked through a mouthful of ham sandwich. Selphie and Irvine just shrugged and shared a look.
"She just couldn't resist my charm any longer," Irvine said with a lazy grin. Selphie giggled.
Squall rolled his eyes, and he grabbed a bottle of soda, not feeling very hungry, although he was in a considerably better mood than he had been since he first learned that he had what had inevitably killed Ellone.
'…I suggest you go around, enjoy life for a little bit. You know, before…'
'…There's no cure for it. I'm sorry. Ellone died in a month.'
'Mommy? When's Sis coming home with us?'
"Squall? Why aren't you eating?"
The brunette shook away the last spiderweb traces of the memories with a slight frown.
"I'm not hungry," he replied. Zell paused in between bites. "But you didn't eat any breakfast!" He exclaimed.
"Not everyone can eat as much as you, Zell," Selphie retorted, still a bit strung up over his comment on her and Irvine being 'lovebirds.' "Although, he does have a point. You should at least eat one sandwich."
Squall stared at her pleading green eyes, and he sighed as he reached for a sandwich. "Alright," he said gruffly, reluctantly unwrapping the article of food, painfully aware that everyone was watching him as he took a bite.
The hell? His mind raged. What the fuck is their problem with me and eating! He looked up at each of them, a fire burning in his eyes. They avoided his glanced hurriedly, not wanting to be caught staring.
Squall sighed. The sun was feeling a bit too bright for him. He took a long swig from his bottle of Dr. Pepper and stood up. Everyone stopped their idle shatter to glance inquisitively at him.
"I'm gonna go unpack my stuff," he said lamely, gesturing vaguely behind him with his thumb. He took a few steps backwards. "Yeah… So I'll catch up with you-"
His breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened when he felt his back connect with something solid.
"…Later," he finished weakly, whirling around immediately after a brief, awkward pause. He was met with dancing green eyes and an arrogant grin.
TBC…
AN – Hmmm… Well, Merry Christmas, all! I wanna thank everyone for the reviews that I got... /hugs/ Review!
