Hello my darlings! Yes, I know, I promised another one soon last time but well…Let's just say I'm sorry and I'm back! Thank you for all of your amazing reviews and I hope the holiday season is just amazing for you all!
Summary: When complications gets between Rose and Dimitri and prompts him to head home to Russia, Rose is on a downward spiral of depression that only gets worse as the holidays roll around. Is this really the end for our favorite VA couple, or is Dimitri going to realize that he's not complete without his Roza and return to her? Sorry guys, total angst because I really, really needed to get it out of my head, but keep reading there might be some smut in there, maybe.
Obviously, I don't own VA and this isn't edited.
Christmases When You Were Mine.
The moroi royal court was every bit as glittery and as freezing as Pennsylvania usually was in December, the holiday festivities well on it's way. And as always with this time of year, the place was buzzing with moroi from everywhere who'd come to court to spend the holidays with family and friends. So the court's guardians should be so busy that they didn't have a spare moment for anything, right?
Wrong. Because with the influx of royal moroi came more dhampirs, and they were all eager to chip in and lend a hand. There was nothing, absolutely nothing that pissed me off more. Because you see, I craved being so busy that I didn't have a spare moment for anything. Spare moments got me to thinking, and thinking got me in trouble as of late.
The holidays had once been my favorite time of the year. There had once been a time when I looked forward to lazy days indoors, to long, cold winter nights and hot cocoa by the fire. But that was when I had a strong pair of arms ready and waiting to keep me warm, a beautiful, muscled body to snuggle up to in bed.
Now, the holidays made me sick and sad and I think I was well on my way to being depressed. I despised all these dam guardians because they took the workload off my shoulders. They gave me too much free time, and no matter how many hours I spent raising hell in the gym with anyone who offered to spar or pounding the hell out of the punching bags and my hands wasn't enough. At the end of every intense workout, I still went back to my apartment across from Lissa and Christian's and sank to my knees in the shower, tears streaming down my face, sobs wrecking my body.
Gone were my days of absolute bliss, gone was the happiness that made my cheeks hurt from smiling so much and set my heart on the verge of exploding. That all vanished the moment Dimitri walked out the front door. It had only gotten worse when he'd taken her magesty's jet back to Russia. Now, I couldn't understand why the world hadn't just stopped. Surely the universe hated me, I'd always known that, but it seemed beyond cruel to give me such radiant happiness, such beautiful days then just rip it away. It left me feeling unsteady, left a gaping hole in my chest.
On most days, I could put on a brave face for the rest of the world. Well actually I didn't care about the rest of the world. I cared about Lissa though and I knew she worried. So for her I hid my pain behind a smile but it was evenings like this one, when the court was alive with holiday cheer and everywhere I looked there were couples holding hands or snuggled on benches, and those dam twinkling lights seemed dead set on making sure I noticed, that keeping the smile on became one hell of a task.
So as I stood outside Lissa's front door, I worked on pulling it together, telling myself that it was going to be ok, that I only needed to get through dinner and then I could go back to my apartment and drink myself so far into oblivion that I wouldn't dream, because even my dreams were haunted now with his beautiful face. Well, I was trying until someone walked up beside me. "Little Dhampir," He said and slung his arms around my waist.
I leant into him, closing my eyes and breathing deeply And there was nothing romantic about it. No I just couldn't hide from Adrian. I couldn't hide from Lissa either but with Adrian it was different. With him I didn't have to explain. Not when he could see my aura as clear as day, and not when of all my friends, he was probably the one who truly understood because he was pining over Sydney Sage, an alchemist and I was sure the love of his life. But the difference was that he and Sydney couldn't be together because of societal bullshit, not because things got complicated like it did for Dimitri and I.
"Here," He said and I blinked hard against the tears that stung my eyes as I took the flask he offered. I took a long swig, relishing the burn of the vodka as I swallowed. For a fleeting moment, the ever-present pain in my chest dimmed. It came roaring back the second the burn of the alcohol faded, but with a sigh I plastered a smile onto my face and pushed Lissa's door open. Adrian was right behind me as I stepped inside, and I was in Lissa's arms a second later.
"Come with me," She said and led me to her kitchen. I expected to find everyone already there waiting for me, but as we walked into the kitchen there was only Christian and lots of food. Half a second later, Christian nodded at me and he and Adrian walked out. I shot Lissa a quizzical look, but she only shook her head and gestured for me to sit.
"Something the matter, Liss?" I asked. Lissa shook her head and brought me a glass of what looked like red wine.
"Nothing's wrong, Rose," She said when I made no move to touch the glass. "I think you need this." I was about to argue, but Lissa obviously sensing that held up a hand.
"Don't," She said. "Surely you can't think I haven't notice that you've been more depressed lately?" I didn't actually, she'd been busy entertaining the royals, but I should've known better. This was Lissa. She was my best friend for a reason. She didn't need to be able to read auras to understand the constant state of pain I was in.
"I just figured you needed to be away from the bustle of court life for a bit, and I didn't want you to spend the evening cooped up in your apartment like you've been doing. So I'm going to feed you, and if you need to talk or cry or just sit here and drink all of my Russian vodka, then so be it." I set the glass down and hugged her tightly burying my face in her neck. She held me just as tightly and after a few moments I pulled away.
"Well," I said. "We can't let all of this amazing food go to waste now can we?" Lissa smiled and I smiled back as we dug in. I stayed at Lissa's long after we'd eaten, watching chick flicks that both made me laugh and cry, eating ice-cream and indeed drinking her Russian vodka until I passed out on her couch.
When I woke up the next day, fully expecting my head to be pounding, I realized that though Lissa had stayed with me and drank with me, she hadn't at all been drunk. I knew because she'd healed me, and she wouldn't have been able to access the magic if she had been. I realized something else, too. I wanted Dimitri back. Christmases were not the same without him, hell my dam life was not the same without him, and I was not going to do this a day longer.
Sighing, I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed and got to my feet. I hit the shower and changed into some clothes Lissa had left me. Then I walked out of that bedroom and out Lissa's back door, phone in hand as I dialed his number without even having to look. My hands shook as I waited for him to answer, practically prayed he would.
"Roza?" The world stopped. My heart started pounding something fierce. I couldn't get the words out. Hell I couldn't breathe. "Rose?" I choked on a sob.
"Dimitri," I breathed and leaned against the wall. "You need to come home." I said sinking to the floor and closing my eyes. "Please. I…I can't do this anymore."
"I'm sorry baby," He said and god no I couldn't do this. If he said no… If he said no, it would rip me to shreds, and there would be nothing that could fix this. My chest grew tight again and breathing hurt.
"I'm already here." I couldn't hear over the intense roaring in my head. In my head, he was saying he couldn't do this. He wasn't ready. He didn't want me and I couldn't blame him. The phone clattered from my hands and I brought my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them as I wrapped my arms around them. I rocked back and forth, tears streaming, unabashed, down my face. My body shook violently from the force of my sobs, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. I was done. I would never recover from this.
I don't know how long I sat there, but the next thing I knew I was being swept up into strong arms. I kept my eyes closed, too tired to fight, too numb to care. "Roza," I ignored that voice, ignored my traitorous heart as it flipped. But my heart knew, and it pounded violently, as though trying to beat it's way right out of my chest.
"Roza, baby, it's ok. I'm here I'm here and I'll never leave you again." I'm not sure what finally snapped me out of that pit of absolute despair, maybe it was his voice, that voice that my heart swore was real, or maybe it was those arms wrapped tightly around me or his lips as he pressed them to my head, my cheeks. I was grateful to whatever it was that drew me out, because as I lifted my head I was ensnared in a pair of the most beautiful chocolate eyes, those eyes that haunted my dreams, those eyes that made everything right in the world, and as his lips met mine, the world did indeed still for just a second. Colour flashed behind my closed eyes and I threaded my fingers in his hair and poured everything into that kiss. Dimitri kissed me with just as much passion if not more and, for a while I was lost to all but him.
…
"Great to have you back, Rose." Lissa said later when we were all gathered in her living room. I knew she'd been worrying about me, but it wasn't until that moment when I saw the relief shining in her eyes that I realized just how much. I pulled her into a hug.
"Thank you," I said quietly. "I couldn't have survived this without you." Lissa shook her head but she kissed my cheek and I walked over to Adrian.
"Well," He drawled. "There's a smile I never thought I'd see for a while yet." I rolled my eyes and just hugged him. If Lissa was my other half, then Adrian was my rock.
"Shut up," I said. "And Adrian? Don't let her get away." He opened his mouth to no doubt argue, but I shook my head. "If you love her, and I know you do, then what people think shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter." He only nodded, and I walked away.
I walked out of the front door and didn't look back. All my focus was trained on the apartment across the hall, the apartment which had for the past couple months felt both like my own personal hell and salvation. But as I opened the door now and stepped inside, it felt like home, and it had nothing to do with the Christmas tree that was being set up. No, it had everything to do with the man sorting through the ornaments. I smiled and walked over to him, planting myself in his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.
"We can do this later," I said. "Come upstairs with me?" I pressed myself closer against him and rolled my hips slightly, a clear indication of what I wanted. His answering growl told me that he got the message loud and clear, but Dimitri had no interest of going upstairs. No, he laid me on the rug before the fire place and hovered above me, his lips trailing down my neck and leaving a path of fire in their wake.
There was nothing gentle about those kisses that soon turned into stinging bites and soothing sweeps of his tongue, but I did not want gentle. No I wanted a good old fashion fuck and Dimitri was well aware of that. He peeled off my clothes quickly, and only hesitated when he got to my panties. Those he ripped off with his teeth and I cried out as the cool air came into contact with my sensitive flesh, but my cry soon turned into a pleasured moan as Dimitri pressed kisses to my inner thighs, so close to where I needed him and yet, not close enough. I growled and gripped his hair, more than ready to curse him to hell for teasing and making me burn like that, but then his tongue slid between my legs, right where I needed him to be and I gasped his name.
Dimitri gripped my thighs spreading me wider for him and I bucked my hips, but he held fast, his lips and tongue working me into a frenzy. It only took him slipping 2 fingers into me, his mouth attached to the bundle of nerves at the apex of my thighs before I was sent plunging over the edge, his name leaving my lips like a prayer. I hadn't even fully come down from my high before he settled between my legs, but that didn't stop me from wrapping my legs around his waist.
"Fuck," I groaned. "Please," I said, not really sure what exactly I was begging for. But Dimitri thrusted harder, his lips finding mine in a kiss that echoed the joining of our bodies so perfectly that I clawed at his back and moaned his name over and over.
When release found me again, I bit into that spot between his neck and shoulder, my body shaking as my eyes drifted closed. Dimitri followed soon after, triggering another orgasm for me. I took everything he gave even as I opened my eyes to stare into his. He kissed me again, this one gentle and sweet and those butterflies I'd long thought dead returned in full force.
"I love you," He said. And it was all I could do to not burst into tears again. I'd dreamed of hearing him say those words to me, had dreaded he never would again. "Forever." He added as though he could hear my thoughts.
"I love you too," I said practically clinging to him. "And if you ever leave me again, I will hunt you down and rip out your throat." Dimitri chuckled, but the kisses he pressed to my head, my cheeks, and finally my lips told me he knew I was dead serious. I kissed back simultaneously flipping us. "Round 2?" I asked as I straddled him. Dimitri smirked, and the world faded into nothing around us.
Soooo? Loved it? Want more? You guys know how to let me know!
Review lovelies and Dimitri just might show up on your doorstep…Hey it's the time of the year when miracles really do happen, you know. Anything is possible XD
XXX
Roza
