When you called me carrots, and I bashed you with my slate, I decided that from that very date I would hate and despise you and your ways, though the girls whose friends I longed to be, did indeed pressure me to view you through eyes of ignorance and evade, and they encouraged me to continue this life and to play, simply as if you only existed to get in the way, something that I should wish to decay. But that was to be my perception only, for apparently Ruby's heart belonged to you solely.
That proved to be easier said than done though, when you decided to seek me out, but was visibly disappointed when I greeted you with a frown. Your hazel eyes never once lost their gleam, even though to you I was awful mean.
The candy heart you left me, I crushed beneath my boot, and by the look of your face, I crushed a hope inside of you too.
When Ruby's house went into an uproar of flames, I thought you very brave as you cast your fear aside, and put out the blazes might. You called out my name when you saw me run inside, and although my heart did a tiny flutter for some odd reason I couldn't explain, I shut the door and ran right past, determined to complete my task.
When morning came, after the blazes had long since gone, Ruby and I appeared with some treats, to help you and the boys get back on your feet. Ruby, whose eyes searched only for you, flew face first into the leaves and landed with a tumble, sending her hat away with her, as her bottom lip began to quiver, and spirit crumble.
Like the sweet gentleman you are, even though I fought hard not to believe, you helped poor Ruby to her feet. As she marveled at you with wonder and delight, you seemed unable to tear your own eyes away from me. Even though I didn't return your gaze, don't think that I missed the sweet adoring looks that you sent, even though I'm sure my face went red, as I grabbed the hand of Ruby who was still in her trance, away, away, I tugged while I still had the chance.
Later when I learned that your father was seriously ill, my hardened heart towards you melted a bit, and I no longer had the desire to lash out at you all shrill and snipe, instead I felt for you sympathy in the place of strife.
But because it is in my nature to say the wrong thing and get all tongue tied, I ended up hurting you and I saw anger flash through your hazel eyes.
For a while then, I myself was hurt that you considered me selfish and full of spite, when I really had been trying to comfort you and share in your hurt and pain; I truly wasn't trying to give myself a gain.
After a visit with dear Aunt Jo, she made me see how much you meant to me, and earnestly I sought you out, eager to mend our little quarrel, mend our little shout, that has caused such fury and pout. Once again it seemed, the world chose not to be in my favor, as I was greeted by your tragic and boarded up house, with ghosts of laughter and joy still echoing about, though all life forms clearly were out.
When we crossed paths in Charlottetown, and we met face to face, I didn't quite let you see how truly excited I was to see you in front of me. Though I was dealing with a great sadness and hardship at the time, your presence shone a light on me while I was struggling in the dark. You could even say, I felt a spark.
When you left Avonlea to go and see the world, I couldn't help but feel like your absence had left a hole in my soul. Don't get me wrong, I wished you happiness and fulfillment of dreams, I only wished that somehow that might include me.
I wrote to you about the gold, silently hoping that it might bring you home, but it turns out that we were tricked; for the boarders only intended for our pockets to be picked.
You finally made your way home when my hair was all shorn. I must say Gilbert Blythe, why can't you get your timing right? Although a year had passed since I saw you last, and you'd grown taller and leaner and certainly even more good looking, you still had the same look of affection in your eyes, something that even now still gives me butterflies.
Christmas time came 'round and you assisted me in putting out the tree aglow. All it took was a blow for our faces to blush as your breath mingled with mine as we attempted to put out the same single candle, but afterwards all you did was chuckle. I myself was a bit dazed, but you seemed unfazed, or at least that's what you tried to portray, as we made our way to Christmas supper and Marilla came out with a great big platter.
You told stories with your new good friend, 'Sebastian' was his name he said. I admit that I was rather unobservant of you, though it was only because I could hardly keep a straight face while gazing at you. Every glance that I stole, looking your way, I found myself wondering if the price was worth to pay. Had I looked your way, I would have turned pink from my ears to my nose, and I'd probably resemble some odd looking rose. I don't think I'd be able to keep a smile from my face nor keep away any trace of evidence for how I feel about you; infatuation I think, is the right word to use.
Bash and his lovely Mary did soon wed, and you were going to stay with your new family you said. College would wait its proper turn, for you realized that to be here is what your heart yearned.
When Delphine came into all of our lives, such joy did she bring, why I though Bash's cheeks would split from simply grinning!
When Ruby expressed her worries and woes for the "Take Notice" board, since her name it did not hold, I quickly quipped my advice and help, on getting you to notice her instead. But when the moment came, and that familiar look of hope came into your eyes, I bit my lip back and willed myself not to cry. I rushed out that it was Ruby you should want, and quickly excused myself so I wouldn't have to see the realization you would receive, that it wasn't me I wanted you to be with so that we would be a 'we.'
When my sixteenth birthday came, my longing to know of my parents grew. You kindly agreed to escort me on the train to look for records, but your heart did I then break. I spoke harshly and out of anger, telling you that I didn't need you, no not ever.
Our poor Mary's sickness and death, hurt us like a stab in the chest. As aggrieved and despaired as I was, I couldn't keep my thoughts from the hug that we had shared.
When spring arrived Ms. Stacey, Mrs. Lynde, and her son arrived, in hopes of teaching the school a new dance for the county fair, it really was an undignified affair, for us girls were spinning and bouncing the wrong way, while the boys simply thought the whole thing was silly play. But when we finally grasped it, your hand Gil, found it's way into mine, and I can't describe the joy it made me feel. The whole dance was such a thrill.
But it seemed our fear and awkwardness then got in the way, for soon after we both couldn't stay. Both of us were running from the other, not wanting to admit that our undoubtedly magical encounter, would be the start of something new. A love that would be pure and true.
As more thoughts had begun to stir in my head, I realized that my infatuation with you, had grown and deepened into something more delightful yet also at the same time filled me with dread. Could you feel the way for me, that I did you? Could you ever think of me as more than a friend? Just because your eyes were shining in a way I don't have the words to describe, and though I felt like I was flying when you took my hand in yours and led me in the dance, does that even mean that our new relationship could even have a chance?
My dear Diana was the only one I confided in. I couldn't wait for the day of the county fair to begin. I borrowed Diana's best dress, and to her it was no secret that it was you whom I was aiming to impress. I even wore my long red tresses in curls that day, I had hoped of being a somewhat pretty display.
My heart had swelled with hope from the assurance of a fortune teller I had met, who told me that indeed see my future looked bright, for a handsome young man was certainly in my sight.
Those hopes were shattered as quickly as they had been built, for I soon saw you strolling along with a beautiful woman clinging to your arm. Her gorgeous looks undeniably compared nothing to me, for who had ever seen anyone with such good looks as she? Her dress was that of a proper lady, her golden curls looked as if she combed them daily, and her parasol completed the look, why she looked as if she were fresh out of a story book.
After my cake disaster I ran from the scene, and you unexpectedly came after me. Words rushed from my mouth, telling you that Winifred was a joy and that I wished you every happiness, but I kept to myself that my dreams were being crushed. Everything that I had thought I saw at the dance turned out to be nothing at all. Perhaps I would just be better off if I didn't see you at all. Once again I ran from you, weeping for my dreams that I thought I knew would never come true.
After the school protest ended in great success, I found myself next to you on the porch of Ms. Stacey, trying to assess my feelings for you, though unrequited I knew was true. We laughed and teased like old times, but I found myself wishing that I could have a future with you.
Our beloved school was soon burned to the ground, oh how I wanted the culprit to be found. Our study hours were now hosted by dear Ms. Stacey, for her place was certainly cozy. I found myself nestled on a chest beside you, and you asked to borrow my pen, which I then allowed you to.
The collage entrance exams were given to the youth of Avonlea, and when time was up and pens were set down, (although mine was mysteriously nowhere to be found,) we rushed to celebrate the idea of growing up and leaving this childhood state.
You arrived at our location of celebration quite later than the rest, for Charlottetown is where you had taken your test. But unknown to you, Paul had brought a bottle of shine, so clear thinking was not an ability of mine. I was dancing by the large bonfire going on about pirates and such, I almost didn't notice you come from the shadows with a slight blush. You seemed dazed as your face appeared bathed in the auburn firelight, and you took my hand asking me to sit, for you had something important to ask, and I nodded for you to get out with it.
I sputtered and spoke all kinds of nonsense, when you told me of Mr. Rose's offer, because I couldn't understand how you could even second guess, an opportunity such as this. You left me with a crestfallen look in your eyes, but I seemed rooted to the ground, and the girls soon gathered 'round.
The next day my darling Diana helped me to see the light, and I realized that my affection for you had indeed grown, for now I knew that I loved you with all of my being, but how could I stand in the way of your dream? You deserved so much more than I could ever offer, I wish I could give you what Mr. Rose had on a silver platter.
So I left you a note, bearing my very soul, in slight hopes that maybe, you might choose me after all. I asked for my pen back too, which is funny because I never thought that thievery could have a place within you.
When I returned from my attempt to help save Ka'kwet, I was hurt by the news that despite my declaration of love for you, you were still planning on going through with your plan; to ask for the beautiful Winifred's hand.
Our entrance results were soon delivered, and though I had been on the verge of tears throughout the day, I couldn't help but smile your way when I heard our classmates say: 'Gilbert and Anne tied for first!' You seemed to be immersed in the moment, so when I approached you to offer my congrats, you almost took a step back. I saw sadness within your own eyes, when you accepted my outstretched hand, for a moment I thought that perhaps your engagement didn't go as planned. You gave congratulations as well, when I asked if you had anything more to say, so with that I let my last sliver of hope melt away.
After an afternoon of harvesting corn, my sweet Matthew began to pierce my heart, as if with a thorn. Every comment he made, every remark, my world had never felt so dark. Since I was going away, he said, I won't return. He even decided to give Jerry my room.
With tears of anger filled in my eyes, I pounded into my room so I could have a good cry. That's when I spotted the note you left me, adorned with my pen. How I wish I could undo what I did then. I ripped up your note without a second glance, throwing out my window, the words that you did write, away from my sight. Not until then did I realize what I had done-- was it possible that I could be the one? Earnestly I pieced the shreds together, so that they somewhat resembled a letter.
But because it was just my luck, I got the wrong idea, and the wrong message stuck. I thought your letter was dismissing my affection, rejecting my love, so I angrily crushed the little pieces up. I told myself I didn't need your acceptance, or need your redamancy, how did I even think you were worthy?
In Charlottetown when I did arrive, thoroughly prepared for my new way of life, I stumbled upon the woman who was to be your betrothed, but instead I was told that you had broken things off, for some wise person had told you to marry solely for love.
Down the boardwalks I ran, hiking my long skirts up as I went, sincerely hoping that I wouldn't trip. Into my boardinghouse I ran, dropping my parasol, my hat and my fan. I raced to pack up my suitcase, and change into good running boots. I had a train to catch you see, for it was with you I longed to be. Avonlea was my destination, so that our relationship could have some restoration.
Out the front door I flooded from, onto the porch where I was greeted by someone. I blinked once, then twice, not believing my eyes, could it really be you, or was my mind going crazy inside? I set down my suitcase and ascended the steps, maybe I was being delusional and simply needed a rest.
You lifted a hand to gently caress me, oh my word, could this really be? I don't think I truly believed, until our lips finally did meet, but even then a good pinch was in need; to tell me all was real and that you loved me.
Now my darling, it's been a joy to be walking down memory lane. I'd do it all over again, exactly the same. I can't wait to add more to our story, and I can guarantee my love, that we are far from over, and the love we have for each other is here to takeover. While you are learning in Toronto, and I am far from you at Queen's, and though many miles separate us, just know my love, that is not enough to break us.
