Hello all! I've never written for Star Trek before, so please go easy on me.
If you don't like Spirk, you probably won't like this. If you think they totally love each other, read on!
I have never considered myself a hardcore trekkie, I just like the show. After watching the movies, I began low key obsessing over the relationship between Kirk and Spock. I hint at romance, but it can easily be read as bromance if you prefer.
I own nothing! I hope you like it!
Personal Log, Star Date 7410.2
There is an old proverb that I have lived by for many years — that a captain's heart belongs to his ship. The Enterprise has always been my one true love; she is more of a home to me than any planet in this universe.
And yet, in taking on the role of captain once again, I feel like a complete stranger in my own home. The soothing hums of the engines and the sleek smooth walls are not enough to ease my uncertainty and insecurity. I have confirmed every crew member and piece of equipment aboard this vessel, but I cannot shake the feeling that something is missing. Even now, dread overcomes me — why do I sense that everything is about to go horribly wrong?
Personal Log, Star Date 7411.5
We have gotten off to a shaky start, losing two valuable crewmen in a transporter malfunction before even leaving port. Commander Decker is frustrated with his unexpected reassignment to first officer, and is fighting me every chance he gets. In the past we faced many struggles aboard the Enterprise, but I do not recall ever feeling so alone as I do now.
I am grateful for Bones — he is the only friend I seem to have on this mission right now. He provides some of the familiarity that I'd hoped would come from being aboard the Enterprise. Perhaps my heart never truly belonged to the ship alone, but to the comradery of the people who brought it to life. Right now, the home I crave feels far, far away…
Personal Log, Star Date 7412.6
It has been almost two hours since departure, and the crew is quiet. A little too quiet, as if no one really wants to be here. The only people who seem to be enjoying themselves are Mr. Decker and Lieutenant Iliya, who continue to pass secret glances of adoration to one another. There is something familiar in Decker's expression, a kind of yearning, that reminds me of myself. I too, have been yearning for what once was. Love is for the young - I am growing too old for shameless romance.
The further away we get from headquarters, the more I wonder if taking on this trek myself was a bad idea.
Personal Log, Star Date 7413.2
This journey has been a continuous stream of barriers and obstacles that continue to grow by the second. The Enterprise herself seems to be working against me. After experiencing a perilous wormhole in an attempt to enter warp drive, our engines have been damaged and we may not reach the alien threat in time to stop it.
I fear we will fail our mission. And a failed mission is never a failure of its ship or its crew, but the failure of its leader. I am that leader.
I feel like I am lost at sea, desperately trying to swim with my hands tied behind my back. If I do not find a way to break free soon, I will most certainly drown.
In retrospect, I should have realized my handicap long before I ever left the dock.
Personal Log, Star Date: 7413.3
The greatest gifts in life come when you least expect it.
Like a flip of a switch, I feel invincible, and all my troubles have faded into mere inconveniences. My confidence is soaring, my mind is at ease, and my heart is roaring with a renewed passion that I did not know existed.
I have never believed in miracles. But I am beginning to wonder if God created a personal Savior just for me.
Personal Log, Star Date: 7413.5
It seems that over the past two-and-a-half years, I have forgotten how stubborn my dear "savior" is.
Mr. Spock is in the process of completing a sacred Vulcan ritual known as Kolinahr. I am no expert on the subject, but I know that it involves years of study and discipline to achieve pure logic, void of all emotion. He believes that whatever this 'consciousness' is we are trying to intercept can help him reach his goal.
This is his claim as to why he has returned to the Enterprise. He has no intention of breaking his discipline, despite the detour. He is more emotionally-suppressed than I have ever seen him, and stubbornly focused on his pursuit of logic.
Is it wrong of me to doubt his reasons? Is it my own hopeful wishes leading me to believe that his return is motivated by far more than simple logic?
I must turn my attention to the mission at hand. Patience is a virtue, as they say. And Spock is not the only stubborn man aboard this Starship.
Personal Log, Star Date 7414.2
Apparently Mr. Spock has decided to steal a thruster suit and take a solo journey into space without telling me. It is only due to my long-standing friendship and trust that I did not drag his Vulcan-behind back onto the ship immediately.
My anxiety has noticeably sky-rocketed, knowing that Spock is putting himself at risk. He would tell me it is my irrational human emotions that have caused me to be so worried. Perhaps it is because of our two-year separation that I cannot stand being apart from him now. When did I become so dependent on his presence? Then again, when did I become so dysfunctional without it?
I am preparing myself a thruster suit now to await his return. Whatever he discovers out there will be dangerous, but could bring us the answers we need.
Personal Log, Star Date 7414.3
Spock cannot hide his human-half from me; he never could, at least not for long. His emotions are like an encrypted code that I have learned to master. He rarely speaks about how he feels, but when he does, his words wrap around me like a warm blanket and seep into my heart. It is the closest I've ever come to believing in magic.
Turns out my irrational emotions regarding Spock are more mutual than I realized. He too, has been yearning for home, and I have promised myself that I will never allow him to leave it again. I am quite certain that my heart could not take another two years without him.
Personal Log, Star Date 7414.5
Our mission to appease V'ger was a success, and I am relieved. Not only did we prevent an unnecessary attack on Earth, we also helped create a new life form — an evolving, living machine.
I feel I have learned much over the last few days, both about life and about myself. About life: Life must have meaning, or it is not worth living. Meaning is what drives us to be our best selves and to make the most of our time in this universe.
As for myself: I once thought The Enterprise was all I ever needed to give my life meaning. I thought my ship was my true love, and that nothing could ever be more important.
After today... Perhaps I do have one thing that I love more than my ship.
Thank you for reading! This fandom is kind of random for me, but I got into it and had to write something. I just kept thinking about him blowing up the Enterprise in the fairytale that is the third movie. A captain does not give up his ship for just anyone.
I know there is a lot of controversy around Spirk, so please be kind in the reviews.
