Thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed my first chapter and thank you for those of you who reviewed. I'm flattered by your feedback, as always. I hope you will continue to read and review.
This chapter contains a lot of exposition; much more than I'm used to putting into a chapter. However, the next chapter will finally begin to lean more to the narrative side. So bear with me through Neji's internal dialogue.
Not much else to say so please enjoy chapter 2.
-sor
In my first year at the academy, I excelled in every way, as had been expected of me. It was no challenge to receive the highest marks in the class. Report cards became only a formality, a confirmation of what everyone already knew was true. Hyuuga Neji was a genius. This distinction earned me enormous praise from the branch families, but from the main family? Not a word.
At least, not a word until a year later, when I was 'asked' to escort Hinata-sama to the academy once her classes began. Hiashi-sama told me it was high time I assumed my responsibilities to the family and stopped focusing so selfishly on only myself. It took every ounce of control I had not to ask him who was really the selfish one between him and me. Haruki-sama and I were known for our early morning departures and the hours of work we put in before I set off for my classes. Forcing me to attend Hinata-sama would be a detriment to my morning training. Hiashi-sama knew this.
When he'd left me to my own devices, I excused myself and slipped away into the gardens, leaving poor Aunt Masako frowning in my wake. Now that I look back, I think she often worried for me like that, but not once did she attempt to soothe me out of my darker moods. It was also the unspoken task of the branch families, after all, to learn to turn our anger into strength. It wasn't in us to coddle our children and weaken them, teaching them only to cower and submit. It was imperative that we learned not only to fight our enemies, but to fight our own emotions as well.
I had not been long settled beneath the boughs of a large oak, slowly peeling away piece by piece at a blade of grass, when my solitude was interrupted. I heard the footsteps later than I should have. They were soft, almost inaudible among the chirping of the birds and the rustling of the leaves above. Too soft to be someone fully grown. In fact, there was only one person in the entire family who walked so painfully timidly.
She came around the bend, then, still such a tiny thing even at eight years old. Delicate and gentle as she held out a hand to touch the late blooming flowers. Never before do I remember hating her so venomously as I did in that instant when I hated her for things far beyond her control. She was so weak. If she weren't such a weakling, I wouldn't have to lose my training time with Haruki-sama to play babysitter to the main family's brat.
Still, angry as I was, I was content simply to let her pass. The sooner she was gone from my sight, the better. Yet, I suppose it was my typical ill luck that set her gaze straight upon me. I was a fool for thinking I could hide from Hyuuga eyes, even if they belonged to the least capable member of the family in generations.
"Neji-nii-san…" She sounded surprised to see me and right away she started in with those ridiculous nervous mannerisms that had no place in the Hyuuga Clan. She didn't even deserve to go to the academy when she acted like that! What kind ninja was so uncertain? It was ridiculous! Especially when so many children of the branch families were denied entry into the academy due only to their familial status. Stronger children than Hinata-sama.
"Go away." It was my typical reply to any greeting from her. She wasn't welcome in my presence and she damn well knew it. Yet she still persisted. Always persisted.
"Otousama told me you'd agreed to escort me. Neji-nii-san, I'm so glad you…"
I cut her off, my tone cold as ice. "I didn't agree to anything. If I'd had my way, I'd just as soon not bother with you. You shouldn't even be allowed entry to the academy, but I guess they'll take any loser if they have enough influence." The words stung her. Good. It always brought me such pleasure to hurt her, if only because to hurt Hinata-sama was to hurt them as well. Only she wasn't brave enough to fight back. So when she didn't answer, I went on, empowered even more by her silence.
I stood, prepared to use my height as further advantage. Height intimidated smaller individuals.. Haruki-sama always told me to use my height as an advantage where it would suit me best. Any advantage was a good advantage, especially against someone so timid and frightened. "Did you know that Keitaro wasn't even allowed to go to the academy? But he's still able to hold his ground with me. I'll bet you don't even know who Keitaro is!" The main family never cared about anyone who didn't have the right blood, after all.
"I know him…" Her response threw my confidence for an instant. Keitaro was only a minor cousin, far distant from the strong blood of the main family. I had been there when he'd petitioned Hiashi-sama for permission to attend the academy and was denied without reason or explanation. That Hinata-sama knew him…
I hardened myself again, refusing to allow something so simple as that throw off my aim. There was a purpose behind this, after all. Beneath all my anger and hurt, there was always the more calculating part of my mind and strove to push her. Maybe if I pushed hard enough, or long enough, or hit just the right target, she might grow angry with me. She might fight back or at least tell Hiashi-sama. Then I would have real cause to hate her, not only half imagined reasons.
She wasn't like the rest of them. She was always kind to us. She spoke to me as if we were close kin rather than separated by a wide chasm or treat me like I was less than her. Still, I hated her for being kind because it meant I couldn't hate her for other reasons. She was an anomaly in my view of the world. She didn't fit. It was… unsettling.
So again, I pushed. "Do you think it's fair that he's not allowed to go, but that a pathetic loser you like you is?" I wanted so badly to make her angry. To maker her lash out. I wanted her to hate me so that I wouldn't feel so guilty for hating her. It is a difficult thing to think rationally in the face of something you consider a great injustice and years later I looked back on all of this and felt like a fool. I worked so hard for many years to alienate my one, true ally and I suppose it is a testament to Hinata-sama that she was not crushed completely.
When she failed again to respond, only standing there trembling like a frightened deer, my anger increased all the more. Finally I stepped forward, closing the distance between us until I was close enough to touch her. And again, in a tone like ice, I asked her. "Do you think you'll get better at the academy? Do you think somehow they can turn you into a decent ninja?" I snorted at the thought. Not likely. That much I was sure of. Unless the academy could somehow work miracles!
"Neji-nii-san, I…." Her voice was trembling now, like the rest of her and I thought I'd heart a hint of apology in her voice. She was sorry? She pitied me! I didn't need her pity!
"Look at you!" I reached out and committed the one infraction that would have had me beaten within an inch of my life had we not been alone. I took hold of her forearm and held it up for her to see the trembling in her hands. "You can't even stand up for yourself. You're pathetic!"
I wanted with all my soul in that instant to see her face turn angry; to have her call for Hiashi-sama to protect her. Yet in the same moment, I relished the power I held. I had laid a hand on the main family with intent to do harm. Father had been punished severely for even the thought of such a thing! I hadn't been fully able to comprehend before how such an action would feel. I felt empowered; strong; the strongest I had ever felt. It was due to such an overwhelming feeling that I did not notice right away that my grip on her arm had grown stronger and judging by her expression, I was hurting her. Hurting the main family…
"Neji-nii-san, please… you're hurting me." Her voice nearly brought me back to my senses, but only enough for me to realize that my grip really was too strong for her. And her arms were so tiny… But in the same instant I hardened myself once more. I had found a new course.
"Can't you stop me? Aren't you strong enough, Hinata-sama?" Even I was surprised at the bitterness in my voice, because I knew for certain that she could make me stop if she had really wanted to. But she didn't… Why didn't she?
"Why don't you use it, Hinata-sama?" There was something more in my voice now, though I wasn't sure what. Confusion maybe. Guilt, quite probably. But still, the question came again, unbidden. "Why don't you use the seal?" I had seen it used far too often for much lesser offenses.
"I don't want to…" She attempted to step back, hoping to dislodge my hand, but I didn't even notice. My mind was still attempting, in vain, to wrap itself around her reply. She didn't want to?
"Neji-nii-san…" She tried to step away again and this time I let her go, taking a few steps back, unable to maintain any semblance of the anger that had been so quickly encompassed with confusion.
Of course, it wouldn't do for me to be so silent, especially in the face of what had turned out to be an overwhelming defeat on my part. My pride demanded a parting blow and I dealt it almost without thinking. "So the main family breeds cowards as well as weaklings."
I left her after that, retreating to the safety and privacy of my room in Haruki-sama's household.
Despite it all, I ended up doing my duty, though I did it as grudgingly as humanly possible. Every day for three years I walked to and from the academy with Hinata-sama in my wake. Every day for three years I walked faster than was comfortable for her, forcing her into a hurried pace so she wouldn't be left behind. And every day for three years I heard no complaint.
It was enough to drive a man out of his mind.
I was glad when graduation came, if only so I might abandon that ridiculous babysitting duty and turn my attention to more important things. I had graduated at the top of my class, to the surprise of none, and there were many whispers among the sensei regarding my strength and potential. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy every bit of it. It was about time someone recognized me for what I was: an unrivaled genius. I was in the perfect position then to excel. Things could not have been better. Which was why, I suppose, fate decided to throw such a large wrench into my plans.
The fates were laughing at me the first time I laid eyes on Gai-sensei.
From the moment he sat us down as a team and began spouting that nonsense about hard work, I had resolved myself to become strong despite this poor excuse for a team I'd been assigned. No, even then I realized the team was not entirely worthless, despite the innumerable flaws. Even the most useless of human beings could be of some use in the right situation.
For instance, Rock Lee made for a good moving target dummy.
From the very start, Gai-sensei was a mystery to me. I was relieved beyond words that my clan's specialized training required me to spend as much time training at home as I did with the team. I'm sure, even now, had I spent every day with Gai-sensei I may have lost my mind. Even now that I understand him better and have even come to like him, there are still times when he can be absolutely infuriating.
But back then, those times were as numerous as blades of grass. From the start, I wanted nothing more than to be free of the man. Every word grated. Maito Gai was the type of man who believed first and foremost in himself and lived a life with no limitations, but not because limitations did not exist. They were there and they were plenty, but Gai-sensei refused to see. He was blind in the worst way and after our very first meeting, I felt sorry for the man. There was something intrinsically childlike about him and his faith that both fascinated and repulsed me.
His emotion was unlike anything I had ever seen, living the sheltered life I had within the clan, learning only to hide my feelings away rather than express them boisterously, or even at all. There was a part of me that was envious of Gai-sensei's ability to feel passionate, even if that passion was often misdirected into frivolities. I found his rivalry with Kakashi-sensei ridiculous and his self imposed rules pointless. What was the point of wasting hours upon hours on theinsane chore of taking five hundred laps around Konoha? Gai-sensei's training challenged the body, no doubt, but I never felt for a moment that it challenged the mind. What use was stamina if in the end you couldn't think your way out of a paper bag?
The biggest challenge that faced both he and I was that of learning to communicate with one another. As much as his passion was off-putting to me, my stoic nature was just as foreign to him and for much of our initial months together, he and I suffered from a deplorable lack of understanding. Because of this, I was increasingly resistant to his training, despite the fact that whatever else he may be, Gai-sensei was the epitome of a taijutsu master. Had it not been for my eventual acceptance of his training, I would never have become the ninja I am today. Thanks to Gai-sensei, my speed is second to none within the clan and I am probably the only member of Hyuuga who would be able to hold his own in a fight without using an ounce of Juuken.
In fact, for the first few months I was under his leadership, he refused to allow me to use Juuken. I was bitterly resistant, as I had come to rely almost exclusively on my unparalleled proficiency with the clan's techniques. But Gai-sensei had been right. Though I struggled for a time, I am proud to admit that his rigorous taijutsu training served me well. Plus, it had the added bonus of making it even easier to counter Lee when he and I sparred.
Still, Gai-sensei and I were polar opposites, and I flat out refused to take part in his boisterous enthusiasm for hard work, even if I too believed in working myself to the bone. But, perhaps it was more than his enthusiasm that grated. Perhaps if he had been so enthused to have the number one rookie on his team, it might have inspired me to be a bit more interested, but rather than looking to me as his prized student, he looked to that useless, talentless Lee. Was I jealous? Yes. Painfully so. I had been passed up again in favor of some weakling whose only talent was making noise.
Most people don't remember Lee when he was younger. Indeed, it's hard to imagine him as anything but the miniature of Gai-sensei he has become. It really was fascinating to watch the change in him, even if at the time I hadn't been able to fully appreciate it. All I could think of then was what a fool he was. When he was a new genin, Rock Lee was probably the weakest fighter I had ever seen and now, even if I won't say so within the idiot's range of hearing, he is one of the strongest.
I suppose I hated him the most because he had such hope. Nothing was impossible. Such was the ridiculous innocence he had. I pitied him for that, knowing that some day he would learn the real truths of the world and be crushed. No matter how hard men tried, they could not change the will of fate, even if they wanted it with all of their heart and soul. I took it upon myself, in a way, to force Lee to recognize it. The sooner he realized he would never be strong enough to defeat a true genius, the sooner he could focus his work on more productive things.
But still, I envied his heart. Even then, I had begun to recognize the strength in him. He was a talented fighter and despite his setbacks, he had used what he had to the best of his ability. In that small way, we were alike. We were both struggling for power within the confines of our destinies. Only I knew better than to hope one day things would change and I hated that Lee did not. I hated him and I envied him. I wanted to believe. I wished so many times that I was wrong, that destiny could be changed, but the more I wished, the more clear it became that it was not the case. And so I hated Lee and I put so much effort into defeating him, if only to prove my point before it was too late.
Yet, even as I defeated him each time, I noted the change in him. It was rapid and unexpected; the speed, the power. I hated to admit it, even to myself, but it was impressive. Rock Lee was a skilled fighter. Only I couldn't tell him so. The fool would have only let such praise from his 'rival' go to his head and he would have taken it to mean I had given up on my beliefs on destiny. There was no middle ground in his mind. To give him one ounce of praise would undo all the work I had put towards hopefully saving him from the crushing blow of eventual defeat.
Maybe even then I didn't want to see the idiot hurt.
Still, my main motivation to continue besting Lee was purely selfish. I wasn't about to let some pathetic dropout defeat the number one rookie. Such a thing would bring humiliation not only upon me but on the entire clan. Not that I was against the humiliation of the main family, but I certainly did not want such a thing at my own expense.
I suppose one could say that I improved as quickly as I did because of Lee and his ridiculous rivalry. I recognized after a time that it would take effort to continue to best him. He had speed, after all, and that was something I was unable to match, despite the vast improvements brought on by Gai-sensei's training. Even then I realized Juuken would do little good if I could not lay a hand on him.
It was because of Lee that I finally inquired of Haruki-sama if there was not something more I could learn; something beyond Juuken. I knew there must have been, otherwise our clan would not have risen to such dominance. Maybe I was stupid for not realizing before, but somehow it had never occurred to me that the main family would keep us so weak, even to the point of making us nearly useless. I was shocked by his reply.
"For you, Neji, no. There is nothing beyond Juuken."
It truly infuriated me that I should be so limited. However, the anger only pushed me further and increased my determination. I wouldn't be held back by a group of jealous, arrogant bastards who considered themselves the only ones worthy of the power that came with our Hyuuga blood. It was my blood as well and my right to use it to its fullest potential. I would not stop now when there was so much more!
I never spoke of it again to Haruki-sama, though. Had he known my intentions, no doubt he would have tried to put an immediate stop to my efforts for fear I would be discovered. Nor did I want him to be implicated should I be found out. I didn't want to cause him trouble on my account, so I protected him and kept my new training secret. Evenings, early mornings, whatever time I could spare from my normal training regiment, I put into this new training. But I was feeling my way through it blindly, with no direction. If I were even to progress a little, I needed more than the vague descriptions of techniques Haruki-sama had given me.
I needed to see with my own two eyes.
