Hey, guys, yes, I know this is like so very late, sorry! I've been sad as fuck and have been finding it harder than usual to get into the holiday season, so bear with me. I promise I'm trying and also thank you so much for all of your reviews on the last one-shot you guys are the best and I love you all.
Summary: It's been a hard year for everyone, and Rose is finding it hard to get in the spirit of Thanksgiving. Will she be reminded of all the things she does have and not dwell on the things she doesn't? Set in the human world, our current world to be exact.
The Magic of Family and Thanksgiving Dinner.
This time of the year was usually my favorite time of the year. Not only was it cooler, but it was also the time when the leaves started changing and falling off the trees. There always seemed to be piles of color all over the place because of it. The nights grew longer, the clocks went back which meant an extra hour of sleep in the morning, and the work days didn't seem as long because they literally were shorter. And of course, there was Halloween and candy and parties. There were cozy sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes and pecan pies. And then, there was Thanksgiving and the holidays. People just seemed happier, unless, of course, you were trying to get some shopping done. Then people just became plain mean, but I supposed that was just a small price to pay when you lived in a big city like New York.
This year however, it didn't feel like my favorite time of the year. This year the fall magic was lost on me. The falling leaves didn't seem as beautiful or as colorful, the lattes and pies not as good. These days I was just grateful that it got dark earlier, because I didn't have to feel weird about crawling into bed at like 7. I wanted to sleep the rest of the year away. Because I was just so tired, and, if I was asleep, then surely nothing else could go wrong, right?
Needless to say, that, it had been a hard year. It felt like everything that could have gone wrong had, and I was just so over it. I didn't feel like celebrating, and my best friend Lissa and my boyfriend Dimitri had let me skip the Halloween parties we would usually go to this year. Hell, Lissa had even decided not to have her own Halloween party which had been a tradition since high school. Instead, Lissa, her boyfriend Christian and our closest friends-Eddie, Mason, Adrian, Sydney, Jill and Mia, had come to mine and Dimitri's place where we'd gotten drunk on Russian Vodka and had just watched scary movies until we all passed out.
That had been fun, but Thanksgiving was swiftly approaching and both Lissa and Dimitri had made it clear that despite everything, I would not be allowed to opt out of this one. In a year riddled with pain and sadness, however, it wasn't easy for me to find things to be grateful for. I mean Dimitri and I had lost a baby only a few months ago. A baby which we had wanted so badly and, yet I had miscarried. And now it just didn't feel the same between us anymore. I knew that was my fault, because Dimitri, bless his soul, was trying so hard. He had not for a second stopped being the loving, attentive, downright amazing man that I had fallen in love with all those years ago. It was me who was fucking things up because I kept pushing him away. And I knew I was hurting him, but I felt responsible for the loss of the baby we had both been so excited about.
And yes, Dimitri knew me better than I knew myself. So, of course, he knew exactly what was going on. He had told me more times than I could remember that it was not my fault. Now if only I could bring myself to believe him, we would be in such a better place, but he and I had been trying for a baby for a while and, it had finally happened. But then tragedy had struck and I couldn't help but think that had been my fault. I couldn't help but dwell on the what ifs. What if I couldn't give him the family, I knew he wanted. What if I got pregnant again and it happened again? What if he got tired of me pushing him away and left?
It was that last one that more often than not pulled me from sleep in the dead of night and made me freeze up whenever it crossed my mind, because for all my pushing, for all my pretending that I didn't need anyone, Dimitri really was my rock. I honestly did not know what I would do without him. I could not imagine the rest of my life without him beside me. And I knew most of this was just me overthinking, Dimitri had told me so many times that he wasn't leaving, but there were times when I couldn't help it. There were times when panic gripped me so hard, it made my chest so tight that I could not breathe.
But each and every time, Dimitri was by my side, his arms around me as he gently brought my breathing back to normal levels or wiped my tears when I woke up from a nightmare. He was always there to encourage me on days when getting out of bed felt too hard, to remind me that I was strong and that I was not alone. And maybe I didn't say it often enough but I loved and appreciated him so much just for that. Don't get me wrong, I loved and appreciated him before, but my love had only grown so much more.
If there was at least one good thing that came out of all of this, I supposed it was that. But as stated before, it was different now, too. Because though tragedy had brought us closer and made us stronger, losing our child had broken something in me. I was sad a lot and there were days when I couldn't find my old self. I didn't know where that optimistic, carefree girl who believed in romance and loved the thrill of spontaneity had gone, and sometimes I hated myself for it.
Because though he never complained, I knew Dimitri missed me. I knew my being sad made him sad and he truly deserved all of the happiness in this world. I knew he also probably wasn't dealing with his own grief because he had been so busy taking care of me and I felt guilty for that.
Aside from that, the world seemed to be going to hell around us all, what with the amount of social unrest and racial tension going around like wildfire. And if I'm being honest, this was mostly due to the downright stupidity of people. I decided a long time ago that racism was never going to be something I understood, because I simply didn't see what the big deal was if someone didn't look like me. That wasn't to say that I hadn't gotten my fair share because I had. My tanned skin and naturally wavy hair which I had inherited due to my father's Turkish origin as well as my athletic curvy figure which I knew had come from my mom had gotten me comments which Lissa never got because of her blond hair and pail skin and model-like figure. Even though I'd never been bothered by people's comments, I thought I looked like a desert princess, I was never silent about it either and neither was Lissa.
And as if someone thought all of that wasn't causing enough chaos, a pesky virus had been unleashed that changed everything we knew to be normal. The world was now plunged into the unfamiliarity of a new normal, as we battled a pandemic that didn't seem like it was going to go anywhere anytime soon. And with most countries locking down their boarders in an attempt of containing the spread, my parents weren't going to be able to come home this Thanksgiving. Neither was Dimitri's family going to be able to visit from Russia.
It all just felt so different this year that I didn't really want to do Thanksgiving, but as I returned from a run and stepped inside after I opened the front door, I realized that I wasn't going to have much of a choice. And suddenly, I didn't mind so much, because it was the morning of Thanksgiving, and like Halloween night, all of my friends were there and the smell of something delicious was filling the place.
"Rose!" Lissa said grinning and running over to pull me into a hug as if we hadn't seen each other in forever when I had, in fact, seen her just yesterday. But that was Lissa, always warm and quick with a smile, always full of hugs and so much love to give. I smiled as I hugged her back, glad that in this new and unfamiliar world, this at least was still the same.
"Hey, Liss." I said and waved at the rest of the gang. "Something smells really g-wait…Is that black bread?" Dimitri's smile from across the room was pure radiance as he nodded and, like always, my heart melted.
Suddenly, I needed to be in his arms almost as badly as I needed to breathe. Pulling out of Lissa's hug, I ran over to him and flung myself up into his arms, trusting him to not let me fall. He did not disappoint, catching me easily and kissing my cheek.
"Wow baby girl," He said a soft smile on his face. "All this because I made black bread? Had I known you'd react like this; I would've made you some sooner."
"Oh, shut up," I grumbled playfully. "Just kiss me." He did as I asked, and as our lips met, it was like it had always been. That familiar electricity flared between us, everything fading away for that brief moment. There was no pain, no other people in the room, no nothing. There was just us, and I melted, wrapping my arms around his neck and cuddling in closer. It wasn't just that Dimitri had made black bread. It was that this was a part of the tradition. Usually, it was Olena, Dimitri's mother who made it, but she had been the one to teach Dimitri and his was almost as good as hers.
It was Dimitri who broke the kiss first, but his arms stayed around me and the smile stayed on his face. "It's not just the black bread, comrade." I said laying my head on his chest, still kind of zoned out enough that I wasn't aware of much beyond his arms.
"Then what is it my love?" He asked, his fingers sliding into my hair, undoing the bun I'd put it up in before leaving for my run and running through my thick curls. The stroke of his fingers was slow and soothing, that the tension my thoughts on the way home had built up seemed to fade away almost instantly.
I didn't answer his question. Instead, I just kissed him again, putting everything I didn't have the words for into that kiss. And as he kissed me back with just as much passion, staring into my eyes the whole time, I knew he got it. "I love you so much," I said quietly as we broke apart. "So much more than you will ever know."
"I love you too my Roza," He said, his fingers leaving my hair to brush against my cheeks wiping away the tears I hadn't even realized were there. "You're my world, my life, the queen of my heart. I know this has been a year from the deepest pits, but you're the one I have always wanted to make it work for, the one I've only ever wanted to make happy. I know I haven't really done that lately, and I'm so, so sorry baby."
I kissed him again, harder than before, harder I think than I might have ever done before. Tears were flowing freely down my face now. "Please don't say that," I said pulling away from his lips. "God. Don't even think it. You always make me so happy Dimitri. I know I have been all over the place lately, but that's not your fault and I am so sorry. I'm so sorry for making you feel like it is because the truth is whenever I'm in your arms it gets easier to breathe. You ground me. You keep me sane. You are where I feel safest. I can never do this thing called life without you. And I don't ever want to."
Dimitri's arms just tightened around me, his lips gentle on my cheeks as he kissed my tears away. "Don't cry baby," He said and pecked my lips gently. "You're much too pretty for tears. And you won't ever have to do life without me, I'm not going anywhere. Haven't I told you that before?" I nodded, seeing the certainty in his eyes and believing his words this time, and just laid my head on his chest again. "It's going to be ok baby girl. We'll get through this."
"I know we will," I said believing it for the first time in a long time. "I know we will because I got you and I know you won't ever let me fall." He kissed my cheek, his smile brighter than I'd seen in quite a while. Finally pulling it together enough to remember that we did actually have guests, I looked around for them.
"Oh no," I said when I couldn't see them anywhere. "Did we scare them off?"
"I think they're in the kitchen Roza," Dimitri said chuckling softly at me.
"Oh. Okay," I said, "I'm going to go shower and change." Dimitri nodded and let me go pressing another kiss to my cheek as he did. I watched him make his way to our friends in the kitchen before I started to make my way to the stairs.
"Wait Rose." Lissa said stopping me on the stairs. I waited for her to catch up, but I frowned at the concern I saw in her eyes.
"What's up, Liss?" I asked curiously as we walked into mine and Dimitri's room.
"Are you ok with this?" She asked, those jade eyes searching my brown ones. "Because we don't have to do this if you don't want to. We can leave, not do Thanksgiving this year like you wanted."
"No way," I said. "Stay. I changed my mind. I definitely do want to do Thanksgiving this year." Lissa's smile was absolutely angelic, the kind of smile that lit up her eyes. "But not like this so get out and let me shower dork."
As I sat around the table later that day surrounded by the friends who at some point had become family, and the family who could not physically be present but were with us on the computer screen thanks to Skype, I was grateful that I could be here with these people. Because this might have been a hard as fuck year. And yes, I might have felt pain unlike anything I'd ever felt before when I lost my beautiful baby, but so many people had it so much worse. I had the most amazing man by my side and the sweetest most supportive people around me. At least we were all healthy. At least we were alive. There were so many people who could not say the same.
So, it was then and there, with everyone talking about what they were most grateful for this year while we ate pie and the football game blared on the TV, that I made a vow. I was going to let all the pain go. I was going to let myself heal and I was going to let Dimitri and everyone else help me do it. I was going to embrace the holidays and let the coming year bring with it a new beginning, because God knew, there definitely was healing magic in the love and warmth of this season and in family.
Let me know how you feel about this one guys! And also, I've been working on another fall-type one, which crazily enough I started before I started writing this one. It's set somewhere between Halloween and Thanksgiving, let me know if you guys want that one or if you just want some Christmas ones. Actually, send in some prompts I can really use the help these days. Thanks in advance.
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Roza
