Collection of Short Stories: Chp2
Story 6: Puzzles
Barret and Tifa were serenely watching the clouds roll by on the roof of the Seventh Heaven. "This is peaceful, isn't it, Barret?", Tifa asked. Barret nodded. Just then, Cloud charged in, holding a jigsaw puzzle. "Guys! Guys! I've made a world record!", he shouted excitedly. "Congratulations, Cloud!", Tifa said. "I don't believe it! What did you do?", Barret asked doubtfully. Cloud held up a puzzle. "I solved this puzzle in only six days!", he said proudly. "So?", said Barret. Cloud scoffed and said, "The box said 4-5 years!".
Story 7:Kiss per Yard
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, Elena asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied Elena. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. Elena snapped up the package and pointed to the tall, bald Turk standing beside her. "Rude will pay the bill," she smiled.
Story 8: Six Cups of Coffee
Denzel was really, really excited. Tifa had given him a mission: to go out and buy coffee for everyone. Probably just a chore to keep him busy and out of the house so she could clean up the mess he had recently made, but he was still excited nonetheless.
He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he asked. The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Good," Denzel said. "Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."
Story 9: Wrong Number
Reno was casually taking a stroll around the Shinra buildingand hearda cell phone ring. Renoanswers itand the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at work?"
"Yes."
"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it using your credit card?"
"What's the price?"
"Only 15,000 gil"
"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the car dealership and saw the newest models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since I need to exchange the car that you bought me last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only 6,000 gil!"
"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house I had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only 450,000 gil... a magnificent price, and I see that you have that much in the bank to cover it for me..."
"Well, then go ahead and buy it for yourself, but just bid 420,000 gil, OK?"
"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later! I love you!"
"Bye."
Reno hangs up and gives the phone a curious look. "I wonder who this phone belongs to".
Story 10: Tifa's 25 Step Brownie Recipe
1. Remove Marlene's teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
2.Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
3. Remove teddy bear from oven again and tell Marlene "No, no. Teddy does not belong in the oven"
4. Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
5. Take shortening can away from Denzel and clean cupboards.
6. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
7. Take shortening can away from Denzel again and try to calm Cid down.
8.Try to make Denzel and Marlene forget the words Cid shouted while trying to get the shortening out of his hair.
9. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
10. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.
11. Take telephone away from Denzel and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
12. Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
13. Let Cait Sith out of refrigerator.
14. Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13 inch pan. Bake 25 minutes.
15. Rescue Nanaki and take razor away from Denzel.
16.Explain to kids that you have no idea if a shaved Nanaki will sunburn.
17. Let Nanaki outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.
18. Frosting--Mix the following in saucepan: 1 cup sugar 1 oz unsweetened chocolate 1/4 cup margarine.
19. Take the second teddy bear out of the broiler and throw it away -- far away.
20. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Denzel had slipped out of the house and was trying to sell Yuffie's materia to other children.
21. Put Denzel in his room and threaten to take away his video games if he does it again.
22. Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.
23. Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Marlene having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.
24. Put Marlene in a separate room let her think about what she's done.
25. Remove burned brownies from oven and enjoy.
