(A/N): Another new multichapter, I know, I know. Anyway, this is set s20, post moment of surrender, pre duty of candour. Something unexpected happens. Why is this so difficult to explain without spoiling anything? Anyway, read on and see if you like it. Jakki eventually, I promise. I own nothing as always. Warning for very brief mention of possible sexual assault, but it is literally one line, if that. Title is just because I was listening to evanescence.
Paper Flowers
Chapter 1
Nikki took a sip of her coffee, careful not to burn her tongue on the hot liquid. That would be all she needed, a burnt mouth to go with her bruised face. She hadn't missed the tiny, guilty glances Jack shot her way when he thought she wasn't looking, only to completely ignore her entire existence when she was. She'd thought they were getting somewhere after their interrupted moment on the steps, but whatever gains they'd made had been more than undone when Brian Hawke had landed that lucky punch in her face. If she thought Jack was bad before, he was even worse now, and she didn't know how much longer she could handle it on her own. She was already jumpy and terrified of her own shadow, and the one person she felt safe around, wanted to be around more than anything, was acting as though she really had died under the ground in Mexico. She understood his guilt at not being able to save her; she still harboured her own guilt at tricking him into saving Luisa and the others instead of herself. Not that he knew that, as he hadn't even bothered to ask her how she was, let alone anything further than that. There was a time she wouldn't have hesitated to spill everything out to him, consequences be damned, but this Jack, the one who could ignore her so thoroughly, who didn't seem to care at all, this Jack she hesitated with. She wasn't sure what his reaction would be, if he'd even care, and that scared her more than anything.
The buzz of the door lock indicated a visitor, but Nikki made no attempt to move from her perch at the kitchenette counter to answer it. Someone else could. Technically, she didn't even know if she should still be there now Sally's case was all wrapped up and David Cannon was out of their hair for good. She'd only been brought back to spy on him with Thomas' blessing, after all. Maybe she should take the remainder of her leave, that way she wouldn't have to deal with Jack's suffocating silence. But she'd miss him; at least he couldn't completely avoid her at work. She vaguely heard Thomas grumble on his way past to answer the buzzing door, but she paid him no mind as she sipped her coffee sadly. Her face hurt, but her heart hurt more. She'd really hoped Mexico would bring them closer together, but all it had done was drive them apart, and she didn't know how to get him back, or even if she could. The thought that she couldn't filled her with dread and a helplessness that reminded her chillingly of that box.
"Nikki?" Her head shot up at the unsure call of her name from Thomas, twisting in her seat to face him and blinking in shock at the visitor beside him. She practically felt the colour drain from her face and the dizziness set in as she set down her coffee mug, careful to put it down before she dropped it. Thomas stepped towards her in immediate concern; he'd been nothing but concerned since she'd refused to go to the hospital over her bruised face anyway. From the corner of her eye, Nikki saw Clarissa begin to move forward too, though she couldn't see Jack. She silently cursed herself for hoping Jack would be concerned too. He'd learnt finally that she was too much trouble, and what was happening right in front of her now wouldn't help that any. Swallowing shakily, she lifted her eyes to the visitor, taking note of the way his jaw dropped in surprise at her bruised face. He looked older than she remembered, but then she supposed he would do. It had been a few years after all. "Dad?"
"Niks? Who did that to you?" Victor Alexander stepped forward in apparent concern, his brow furrowed. Nikki shook her head, an arm already up to ward off any physical display from him. Thomas had reached her side and looked confused with her defensive behaviour, but she paid it no mind. Only Harry and Leo had seen just what her dad was like, after all, and she hadn't really mentioned him to any of the current members of the Lyell. He was supposed to be dead after all. Well, she had mentioned him occasionally, just not in the same way as she had to those who had actually met him.
"What the hell are you doing here?" She managed to choke out, glad she was sat down for fear she'd have otherwise fainted. "You've been dead for five years." She heard Thomas suck in a shocked breath at her words, spoken too quietly for anyone else to hear. He placed a gentle hand on her arm, though she couldn't tell if he was offering comfort or a warning.
Victor at least had the grace to look sheepish, stopping a few feet from her and not trying to touch her, thankfully. "Ah, Niks, I'm sorry about that, I am." He shuffled his feet a little. "There was an opportunity out on the Cape just too good to pass up, but it went a little sour and… well, it was better all round if the people after me thought I was dead."
"I flew out and identified your body, dad. Harry and I buried you five years ago." Nikki half expected herself to be in tears, but to her surprise she felt more numb than anything else. No doubt it would hit her later, when she was alone and able to finally let it all out.
"I'm sorry, Niks, truly." He chanced another step closer. "Who hurt you, sweetheart? I'll make sure they pay for it."
Nikki let out a weak laugh. The bruise to her face was hardly worth mentioning in the grand scheme of things, nothing compared to what she'd been through less than three months previously. And Victor thought he could ride in and magically fix everything? What fairytale world was he living in? In any case, Jack had already more than made Brian Hawke pay for punching her. "Oh, now you suddenly care?"
"Niks…"
"No, dad, you didn't care when I ran away, you didn't care when I graduated, you didn't care literally any of the other times I've been hurt or been in danger, so don't pretend you care now." She let out bitterly, no longer caring about the volume or tone of her voice as she stood up on shaky legs. "You only ever show up when you want something, so what is it?"
"Nikki, I do care, I've always cared. And I don't want anything, not this time. Well, except the chance to get to know you again."
"Pull the other one. Is it money? I'll see how much I can get you, but I don't know how much that is." She hadn't been working, so her savings were a little lower than she'd have liked, but it was still a healthy amount. She could spare a few grand if it got him away from her again. She paused and stared at him icily as another thought dawned on her. "Did you remarry without telling me again?"
Victor sighed, running a hand through his thinning hair. "You really have a low opinion of me, Niks. I'm not nearly as bad as all that."
Nikki's jaw dropped open in shock as she realised that he was trying to play off their relationship as much better than it was for her colleagues. He was definitely up to something. She just couldn't figure out what. "Fine. Dad, this is Thomas, Clarissa and Jack." She introduced through gritted teeth, motioning to each person respectively, though she barely glanced at Jack, not wanting the cold detachment she feared from him. "Guys, this is my father, Victor Alexander. Or is it still Victor Freeman?" She directed the last question to her father, who shook his head.
"No, it's still Victor Alexander sweetheart. It's lovely to meet you all." He smiled as though butter wouldn't melt, though his eyes did narrow as he took in Jack's bruised and torn knuckles, obviously coming to his own conclusions with the correlation of his daughter's bruised face and the tall, muscled man's injured hands.
Nikki stepped forward with a hard stare as she followed Victor's gaze, a little steadier on her feet with the anger she felt at her father's obvious thoughts. "Don't even think about it. Jack would never hurt me." No matter what was going on, she knew Jack just didn't have it in himself to hurt her, physically at least. Then again, she didn't think he realised just how much he was hurting her at the moment with his stony silences and distance from her. "He got those injuries protecting me from the man that punched me." She met her father's gaze defiantly, knowing her fierce defence should be enough to get through to him.
Victor nodded slowly, turning his gaze to Jack's face. "Thank you, Jack, for keeping my little girl safe."
Nikki snorted, unable to help it and instantly regretting it as it hurt her already sore nose. He really was laying it on thick. "Right, I think it's time for you to go."
"Can I call you at least?" Victor all but begged as she began to usher him to the exit. "Is your number still the same?"
"No, I… lost it." Nikki managed to choke out round the instant lump in her throat. In truth, Eva had thrown her phone into the sea to stop it from being tracked, so she'd ended up with a new phone and sim once she was back in the country. "Hang on." She turned to her desk and quickly wrote her number on a post-it note. Whatever got him out quickly was enough for her. She could always ignore his calls after all. "Here." She handed it to him. "Time to go now."
"I'll call you Niks," Victor told her as she managed to get him out of the door, waiting until he'd walked out of sight before letting herself slump with her forehead to the cool glass of the door. What the hell had just happened? Had her father really just risen from the dead, five years after she'd buried him? She nearly snorted again. Of course he had; it was a very Victor thing to do, and she was more surprised that she hadn't considered it as a possibility before. Then again, she'd never had reason to think him alive and she knew Sara and Pieter hadn't known either, or they would have told her the last time she'd called them.
Sighing, she straightened up and turned, silently hating how her dad had managed to upheave her entire life again, just by showing up, only to stop short as she found three people staring at her in varying degrees of shock. "What?" She asked wearily, wanting nothing more than the day to be over and done with.
"I thought your dad was dead, Nikki." Clarissa probed gently.
Nikki let out a bitter laugh. "He was. I buried him and everything. Bloody card and a ten rand note all over again. No, I actually would have preferred a card this time." She shrugged, not able to find it in herself to care at the confusion her words caused. She'd forgotten for a moment that they didn't know the story of her father's abandonment of her and her mother, only to send her a card with a ten rand note in it months later. She shifted uncomfortably under the weight of their stares, a tiny part of her noting that Jack appeared to have no problems looking at her now. "He wants something, he always does. Probably money."
"He seemed to genuinely care you were hurt, Nikki." Thomas ventured cautiously.
Nikki's eyes narrowed instinctively. "Don't tell me you bought that, Thomas. He's never cared even once before." She eyed them all for a moment, her heart sinking as Jack dropped his eyes as soon as her gaze switched to him. "I'm going home." She strode past them and picked up her coat and bag, putting them on in silence.
"Nikki." Thomas' voice stopped her just as she reached the door to the lab, one hand on the door handle. She turned back with a questioning look. "What did you mean that he didn't care when you ran away?" He pressed, eliciting shocked gasps from Clarissa and Jack.
Nikki shrugged. "I was dragged over to this country when I was fourteen, very much against my will. Mum was dead, dad was barely home, school was awful, and I decided I'd had enough. So I ran away, hopped on a train to London by myself with no plan whatsoever. I was fifteen." She shook her head. "I'll see you all tomorrow." Nikki took the opportunity to slip out, leaving three stunned and slightly horrified people in her wake.
…
The following morning, Nikki woke from a long, restless night's sleep spent tossing and turning. Nightmares of Mexico interspersed with memories of her dad's disappearance and half remembered memories of her mother crying. She rolled over to check her phone, finding a missed call from a number she didn't have saved to her device, and a text from Thomas. Ignoring the former, she opened the text to find that Thomas had fully reinstated her, providing she inform him should she ever feel less than up to the job. He wouldn't take her off completely, just adjust her responsibilities to best suit her. She shot back a quick response telling her boss she'd be in that morning before rolling back over and dragging herself out of bed.
Getting dressed and ready didn't take as long as she feared, managing to get herself out of the house just over an hour after getting up, locking up and climbing into her car dreading the day ahead. Her phone had rung whilst she was in the shower, the same number as she'd woken up to a missed call from. She'd have thought it was a call out for a case, but as she'd only been technically reinstated that morning, it couldn't be. Plus, most call outs would text the details if she missed the phone call. This number hadn't.
Pulling into the Lyell car park, she made it halfway across the car park before her phone started ringing again, still that same unknown number. Swearing under her breath, Nikki juggled her bag and keys to answer it without breaking her stride. "Nikki Alexander."
"Hey Niks, I'm glad you answered. It's your dad."
Nikki rolled her eyes, letting herself into the university building with her shoulder. "Hi dad. What do you want?"
"Nothing, nothing. I just needed to be sure you had my number. Why didn't you answer earlier?"
"I was busy dad. Some people do this thing called sleeping." She rolled her eyes again none too subtly as she swiped her card to let herself into the lab, nodding to Thomas in his office, who stood up from his desk chair instantly on spotting her. "What else did you want?"
"Nothing Niks, at least not like that. Maybe we could meet up for lunch one day?"
"I don't know, I'm a little busy at the moment, getting back into work." She set her things down on her desk, taking note of Jack already at their shared workspace, working diligently and seemingly ignoring her. Clarissa too was at her desk, but she was making no secret in watching Nikki with concern. "I'll have to see."
"Right, yes, of course. I'm still so proud of you, Niks. I'll uh… I'll talk to you later, yeah?"
"If I'm not too busy." Nikki agreed reluctantly, switching her computer on one handed. "Bye dad."
"Bye Niks."
Nikki hung up and logged herself on, ignoring the stares she could feel as she did. Obviously, Thomas had filled in Jack and Clarissa on what they hadn't heard the day before and all three had been speculating on it. She bit back a sigh as she set up her system for writing up a report. It was going to be a long day; she could feel it.
…
Nikki curled up on her living room sofa, a blanket covering her legs and a discarded book beside her. She'd tried anything and everything to distract her from what had happened since the previous day, to no avail. The last thing she'd ever expected was for her father to return from the dead, let alone that he'd appeared to be genuinely concerned for her and had denied wanting her money. She'd checked on her savings as soon as she'd gotten home the day before, making a mental note of just how much she could afford to part with comfortably, just in case he really was after a pay out from her. He usually was, anyway. On the other side of her lay a pile of discarded photographs, mostly from her childhood, the happy times before Victor had abandoned them. There was a couple Harry had taken for her once she was an adult, after Victor had declined her money and simply wanted to email her every now and then. Those couple of pictures had made it out of the photo wallet a few times, but they had been placed firmly back in after the funeral service. Glancing round her living room, she noted the couple of pictures she had of herself and her mum, never near the front, but always present. She knew why, of course she did. Her mother hadn't abandoned her willingly, had been there for her until the bitter end. Her dad, on the other hand, had proven time and time again that he both could and would leave her in a heartbeat, usually with nothing. Hell, he'd even sold the family house out from beneath his wife and eleven year old daughter to fund his flee from the country.
The ringing of the doorbell surprised her, having expected to be left to her own thoughts the entire night, as she had the night before, and she curled up tighter on the sofa, wishing the noise to simply just go away. Why couldn't whoever it was just leave her alone? She'd been alone for two months since Mexico and no one had bothered to interrupt her then. Briefly, she thought it could be her dad, but she quickly shook off that thought. He had no idea where she lived now, having moved at least three times since he'd last been in her flat. Now she had a whole house, a couple of miles from that flat. Not that the empty space and silence did much for her, she admitted to herself, but she did consider it an achievement, having invested Leo's money wisely. He'd left almost everything to her in his will, stating she was the closest thing he had to a daughter since Cassie, and he wanted to make sure she'd be okay. The rest of his estate was split between a fund to keep up Teresa and Cassie's graves and a small amount to Harry.
The doorbell rang again, a little more insistently. Nikki sighed, pulling the blanket from her legs and standing up. Clearly, whoever it was wasn't going to go away. It was probably her neighbour checking on her. The woman next door had noticed her almost constant presence at home the last few months and her sudden return to work would probably prompt the well-meaning but nosy woman to check on her. "I'm coming, I'm coming." She grumbled as she forced her legs to take her down the hallway to the front door, taking the chain off and unlocking it before swinging it open a little, her jaw dropping in surprise at the visitor. "Jack?"
"Hi." Jack looked a little uncomfortable on her doorstep, she noted, still not able to look her in the eye, but he was there, on her doorstep in the first place. It was more than she'd had since they'd come home from Mexico.
She opened the door wider in invitation despite her shock. "Are you coming in?"
Jack shuffled his feet for a few moments but nodded after a long pause. "Yeah, thanks." He stepped through into her house as she closed the door behind him, taking advantage of not facing him to let her eyes widen with the surprise at him being there, in her house willingly.
"Living room?" She offered brightly as she schooled her features, turning back to face him and motioning towards the doorway as he nodded. He walked into the offered room, Nikki following and immediately moving to tidy up her sofa from the mess she'd left on it. "Sorry, I'll just tidy up." She moved the book and blanket off to the side but before she could gather the pictures, Jack's fingers closed over them, and he picked them up gently.
"Are these of your dad?" He asked, redundantly in Nikki's opinion. The top one was of her and Victor clearly in the lab, a year or so before his 'death'. Who else would it be?
Instead of pointing that out, she simply nodded. "Yes. I was just about to put them away." She all but tore them from Jack's hold, shoving them back into the wallet before throwing the wallet back into the drawer in her sideboard she'd originally retrieved it from. The drawer slammed shut a little louder than expected, but it only made her flinch a little. She was getting better with the loud noises, but not so much with the dark. Nikki knew it took time, but that didn't stop the fear and frustration in the meantime. "Why are you here, Jack?" She asked wearily, not having the energy to fight with him or yell at him like she had on those steps earlier in the previous case they'd worked, the only one since she'd come back.
"Is… is what you said true?"
"What about?"
"Running away, Nikki. When you were fifteen."
"Yes, yes it was true. Dad showed up once a week or so to give me money and school was awful. The awkward looking, different sounding girl that was way too geeky for her own good." Nikki shook her head bitterly, slumping against her kitchen island. "I couldn't take it anymore, so one morning I jumped on the train to London instead of going to school. I have no idea what I was thinking, or where I was going. I… I met a man on the train, who offered to help me."
"Nikki, no." Jack's face contorted with horror. She couldn't blame him; they'd both seen far too often what happened to teenagers that ran away and trusted in random strangers they really shouldn't. The end result was never good.
Nikki shook her head again, this time at her own naivety. "I mean, looking back, I can't have been that naïve, surely? I must've known what he wanted, what he'd do to me. But back then, I was just so desperate to escape it all, I probably would have done anything if it meant I could just stay gone." Twisting round, she busied herself with filling up the kettle with water, trying to collect herself as much as possible. Something that had proven a little harder to do ever since Mexico. "Tea, Jack?" She managed to say nonchalantly, glad he couldn't see her face until she'd managed to school it. Jack didn't need to see what that place had done to her, not when he was suffering too.
"Tea, are you serious?" Jack strode up until he was almost at her side, closer than he'd been in a long time. "Nikki, you can't just offer tea after saying all that like it's nothing. What happened? Tell me he didn't hurt you."
Nikki shrugged, setting the kettle down on the stove top to boil before turning back to Jack. "He tried, I suppose. Noel found me just before I could be pushed into the back of the guy's car, got my things and bundled me back into the train station as quickly as possible. Apparently, it was reckless and irresponsible of me to run away." She rolled her eyes. "I was fifteen; I'm pretty sure it comes with the territory."
"Who's Noel?" His face scrunched up at the sound of the name he didn't recognise.
"Noel was my science teacher at the time, Noel Hopkins. Turned out someone had seen me get on the train at Guildford station and he'd caught the next train to follow me and try to find me, save me from myself." She placed tea bags in two mugs, intent on making Jack a drink no matter that he'd ignored her offer. Did he realise this was the longest conversation they'd had since Mexico? The closest he'd stood to her since that moment on the steps as well. If it wasn't for the awkwardness and the way he was making sure he didn't actually touch her, she'd have almost thought she had the old Jack back. "He made me get the train back with him, saw me all the way to my front door in a bid to try and get me as safe as possible. I'd deliberately chosen the day my dad was due to leave me some money." The kettle whistled, so she busied herself making up the tea whilst Jack processed all she'd said.
"So, your dad didn't live with you, just gave you money? Who did you live with then?" He accepted the mug she handed to him. She nearly snorted at his thought that her father would have made sure she had an adult living with her. Victor never did see her even when she was right in front of him; why would he have thought to make sure she had an adult protecting her at home?
Nikki shrugged again, pushing most of the loneliness those memories evoked from her mind. "Technically he lived with me, but when I was shipped over to live with him, he was in the middle of a job, one that didn't need a fourteen year old bursting in to wreck everything. So, I was left home alone, and he rented a flat in the city. He taught me a code to use in case he was needed home to pretend he was always with me, that he was a good father, when in reality he showed up once a week for an hour or so to pay the bills and leave me money."
"Jesus Nikki." She shrugged at Jack's incredulity. Jack's dad was there for him, even with everything that had gone on with Jack's brother, so she understood it was difficult for him to understand her childhood. Hell, most of the time even she didn't understand it, and she'd lived through it.
"That job finished when I was sixteen. He was home for about three months or so before he got another one up and running and went back to the city." Nikki let out a bitter laugh as she sipped her own tea. "The best part of me running away? Dad hadn't even noticed I was three hours late coming home, let alone that I'd been crying and escorted by a teacher. Didn't notice a bloody thing."
Jack stared at her with wide eyes, though she noticed he didn't meet her eyes, rather her forehead or her hair. She sighed. What would it take for her to get her Jack back? The man who had never left her, always backed her up and was never afraid to tell her when she was about to do something stupid, even when she did it anyway? She'd do anything to have him be alright.
Her phone rang, vibrating against the countertop where she'd slung it with her keys as soon as she'd arrived home that night, ignoring it ever since. Thomas had agreed not to put her on call until she'd been back a week anyway. She glanced at the offending device at the same time Jack did, wincing as she saw 'Victor' on the call screen. Reaching over, she silenced the ring with a roll of her eyes. The man had had no contact with her for over five years, but now he couldn't even go a few hours without talking to her? He really was laying it on thick.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Jack notice the pile of papers beside her phone and keys. Her finances, with a sheet of paper on top highlighting just how much she could give Victor to make him leave her alone. "Jack, just leave it." She told him wearily, seeing him struggle to form the words. Her phone rang again, prompting her to snatch it up and answer it curtly. "What is it this time, dad?"
"I've five years to make up for, Niks. I know you said no to lunch, but what about dinner? I could pick you up."
"You know I still don't believe you, right? You forget I know you." Nikki shook her head even though Victor couldn't see her, hating how her dad instantly turned her into a moody, petulant teenager even so many years later. "Even if I wanted to go for dinner with you tonight, I can't."
"Oh, have you company? That's fine, another night. Sorry for interrupting. Night Niks."
Nikki stared down at her phone in disbelief as he hurriedly hung up on her. Had he really just ended the call because he thought he'd interrupted her about to have sex with someone? She let out a little laugh at the thought. She'd have to use that excuse more often if it made her dad give up on whatever agenda he had going on. "Remind me to do that in future," She muttered, mainly to herself.
"Do what?" She jumped in surprise, having almost forgotten Jack was even there, with how unusually silent he'd been.
"Make him think I'm about to shag someone and his phone call is interrupting." She answered anyway. "Doesn't matter that I've not been with anyone since before…" She trailed off awkwardly at the near mention of Mexico, eyes widening as Jack's did the same.
"I… I have to go." Jack hurried himself out of the room quickly, not that she could blame him. She followed him to the door, catching hold of it before it could hit the wall with the force of how hard he'd pulled it open. She couldn't let him go with how awkward it was, not when she still felt that guilt of never being able to forgive herself for all she'd put him through. She couldn't blame him for having had enough of her.
"Jack?" She called out, making him pause halfway down her driveway though he refused to turn and look at her. "I know what I did was unforgivable, and I don't blame you for hating me for it. I've never blamed you for any of it. Maybe I'll earn your forgiveness one day." She closed and locked the door after a moment, never seeing him turn round to stare at her front door in stunned shock and disbelief, a lone tear trickling down his face.
