Actions Have Consequences or Rewards.
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: This is Totally AU; Beckett has found a new love, Castle is hiding a deadly secret, Takes place after the punch to the stomach in Headhunters.
Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
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Chapter 7
12th Precinct,
Three Days Later
Kate had survived her suspension, she hadn't seen the boys since it all went down but they had talked on a video conference call the next day, and then separately several times. The boys seemed to feel guilty that she had been the only one suspended, that they walked away free, but as she told them, they hadn't witnessed the event, and she was the detective in charge of the investigation once Slaughter slandered himself, and tried to coerce a witness.
FLASHBACK LAST THREE DAYS
She had made good use of her time, making an appointment with Doctor Burke for this coming Thursday, since he was all booked up until then, giving her bike a complete tune-up, even replacing the battery and saddlebags, and taking it for a test drive to blow out the carburetor. She hadn't intended for it to be a two-day trip when she started, but she also didn't check the weather report and radar. If she had, she would have seen the huge band of rain headed directly to the route she drove, but a little water, OK, a hell of a lot of water didn't kill her.
She was soaked to the bone by the time she reached her Dad's cabin and thankfully he had left the spare key in the same place as it had always been. A few hours later in front of a roaring fire, with a makeshift clothesline strung across the room to dry her clothes and she was feeling much better. She always kept a stash of clothes in her old closet, and even though they were out of style, and a bit small, at least she didn't have to sit in front of the fire completely naked.
She didn't dare go outside to the porch where the small washer and dryer were kept, in fear of the wind blowing the door shut and her being stuck in the elements. She actually found the sound of the rain on the roof somewhat therapeutic as she stretched out in front of the warm cozy fire. She had made herself some peanut butter crackers, along with some dried fruit that they always kept, so her hunger was satisfied.
The cabin was beautiful with just the light from the fire lightening it, it was peaceful, and reminded her of a time in her life when things weren't so complicated. Her biggest problem was solved with a hug from her dad and mom, or perhaps some cuddle time with her mom telling her of her own struggles as a young lady. She missed those times; she missed the person she had been and thought about how her mom would be so disappointed in her actions if she were alive.
She could almost hear her mom's voice telling her, "you don't fix today's problems by creating two more you'll have to deal with tomorrow", her reasoning for facing your fears when they occurred, not run to a substitute as she had done, so many times in her life.
She had tried to call Rick's cell several times since she left him in Gina's company, it was clear who was important to him, and who wasn't. The result was the same, one ring then straight to voicemail, meaning he had her number set up to go to voice mail. She was lucky he hadn't blocked it, or he hadn't the day she left, YET. She quickly grabbed her phone, and pressed his speed dial, only to hear one ring, then a new voice mail greeting.
"Hello, sorry I missed you, if you care to please leave a detailed message, I am taking an extended leave, and won't be answering messages for at least six weeks. If this matter is urgent, please contact Paula Haas or Gina Castle Cowell at their business numbers, thank you" then she heard the final strains of a song playing softly but clearly as his message ended,
This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kinda love keeps breaking a heart
She held the phone from her ear as her tears began to fall, the song, was The Long Goodbye. It was a song she had scolded him about during one of their stakeouts when he tried to change the radio channel when it was playing. She closed her eyes and remembered every word of the conversation,
"Beckett, you like country? You never cease to amaze me Detective" Castle smiled,
"Not all country Castle, just songs that, ah, ah"
"Songs that mean something to you, when all you have to do is close your eyes and you're right back in that spot of happiness, the song transporting you with just a few notes. I understand Beckett, you're not the only one that has memories of love gone bad," he said softly as he turned towards the window.
Luckily the stakeout was over in the next few minutes as the perp left his room, and uniforms positioned in key positions took him down.
They drove back to the precinct in silence, neither wanting to approach the subject of love, hurt and those who caused it. She could still picture Brent Edwards in his tuxedo for prom, then the last visual came rushing back, the one with his pants around his ankle slamming Maddy, her friend or so she thought.
Brent and she had gotten back together and split so many times after that until she finally ended it for good when she left for Stanford, still not having spoken to Maddie. The last she heard, he was married with a couple of kids, living in Rhode Island, some bigshot of a company his parents started. As for Maddie, she didn't know and really didn't care to.
She only knew about Brent because the reunion committee of her high school had sent the invitation, then a summary of their reunion, to her address at the precinct, even though she wasn't interested in the least. Why would Rick pick that song? Was it because it was the only one, she had ever expressed any interest in, so perhaps it was a subtle goodbye to her?
God, had he been feeling the same emotions as she was? Was that what he wanted to talk about before Gates assembled the troops during the Boylan Plazza Case? Oh God, what had she done, exactly what she had told Castle she would never do with him when he was first forced upon her.
She had become the notch on the bedpost for the slimy bastard Gonzalez, the only thing good was he had been transferred to a much less important division. His wife had filed for divorce, and Beckett had agreed to testify against him if he wanted to contest the divorce in court.
He settled out of court; his wife got everything but his car, clothes, and some family artifacts. She had written a letter of apology to the former Mrs. Gonzalez, explaining that she had no idea Paul was married, much less had a family. She was surprised when she received a gracious reply, telling her she was just one of many of his conquests, but the only one willing to testify for her in court. They were moving to San Bernadino California to be close to her family.
Now Kate was left to rebuild her reputation with the brass at One PP, plus Mr. Mayor while attempting to earn Rick's forgiveness. She glanced at the fire, placed two more logs on it, and pulled out the legal pad and pen from the desk and started her letter or journal, she knew Burke would demand she write after their visit next week. She might as well get ahead start
She decided to be honest, to write her feelings as Dr. Burke had so often chided her, "Kate, if I had wanted a grammatical account, I would have told you so. This is stiff, where are your inner feelings, I'm sure they were they and you edited them. Write what you feel, then make it as grammatically as correct WITHOUT destroying your message." He scolded her during one of her previous sessions.
They say the only way is to start, and it might as well be at the beginning. She was shaky, she needed something to calm her nerves, then she remembered her stash of wine. She poured herself a glass after retrieving the bottle hidden beneath a floorboard in the back of her closet, just to keep the temptation from her dad. It wasn't the best, but it was alcohol and would have to do. Oh, hell, just start the damn letter, Kate, he probably won't even read it she thought.
Her hands weren't shaking now, so she began,
"Dear Rick,
"I've tried to call you, and I'm sorry for the number of entries on your missed call log. I realize you're sending my calls straight to voice mail, and I don't blame you. I know you are hurt, angry, and as Kevin told me humiliated by my actions with ADA Gonzalez, as any man would be. I'm sorry, there are no other words to say except I screwed up, again, and I truly am sorry.
"Thank you for your support with Mr. Mayor, and the brass at One PP, I really thought my police career was over, as it should have been. Why Rick? Why did you defend me? According to Mr. Mayor and the Commissioner, I was DOA but you fought for me, Why would you do that after how I acted?"
"Up until a few days ago, I felt very close to you, like we were finally getting to a point where we could tell each other what we both already know, I love you Rick, and I know you love me. You don't have to say it, I have finally opened my eyes, like so many have told me to do for years, and I know love when I feel it. This was just your latest example, you fought Mr. Mayor for my career because you do love me, not because you felt that I deserved to be saved.
"I don't know what happened during the Boylan Plazza Case, one moment, we were on the verge of telling each other so many things that we didn't want to remain unsaid should something happen to one of us, then you were with Slaughter, ignoring my calls, and my pleas to stay away from him. I knew you were going to get hurt, I just didn't know it would be right in front of my eyes.
"I should have taken charge, arrested Slaughter on-site, and made you go for medical attention, that's protocol, but I allowed my hurt feeling towards you to block my professional duty. There I said it, I was hurt by you choosing Slaughter, it's stupid I know. The punch started the damage, and for that Rick, I can't tell you, Alexis, Martha, Gina, or Paula how sorry I am for my actions.
"I know Gina and Paula were so upset with me when I came back from a nap to the VIP waiting room. I really didn't know what to do, and to be honest, when I had to make the decision concerning your surgery, I was a wreck. I really was more concerned with your survival than I was notifying anyone, especially your ex-wife and agent. I knew you said you still cared for each other, but I had no idea of how much, I'm sorry.
"Franny took me aside, talked to me, got me out of my panic attack, and then showed me the day room to rest until you were out of surgery. I couldn't sleep knowing you were in danger, so that's when I encountered the two ladies in the waiting room. I had no idea that you had replaced me as your ICE, or Medical POA, hell, I had no idea you had even named me as them to start with. I'm sorry if I made any wrong decisions, I thought I did what you wanted, and please let Gina know I was so upset, I wasn't thinking straight, I apologize to all concerned.
"What really happened Rick? I feel as though you're punishing me for something I did or didn't do. Is this really how we want things to be between us? PLEASE at least have the courtesy to let me know what I did that caused you to act the way you did. I didn't hook up with the ADA until after you worked the case with Slaughter and made no qualms about letting others know how you were done working as my partner.
"If I'm being honest, it was more physical than emotional Rick. I'm a woman, I have needs, and even though I don't broadcast it, I missed the male attention that you paid me. Even if it was only a look or a simple cup of coffee, I hung on to those, it was enough until you ripped it away, and I don't even know what I did. I admit part of the reasoning to even go out with Gonzales was my anger at you, which was as childish if not more so as your actions.
"I realize now that I should have taken the high road, and pinned you down, even if I had to resort to the same actions that you have done to me. Please answer the question, Rick, what did I do? If you want me out of your life, then all you need to do is tell me. I know you're not coming back to the precinct; the commissioner was very clear about that.
"I hope by the time you're reading this letter, you are feeling better, and on your way back to a full recovery. Gina hasn't released any statement, other than through Paula that you are ill, and are being treated at an undisclosed location. I hope you know it, but in case you don't, Rick, I'm here for you if you need anything at any time, day or night, Always.
"Rick, the ball is in your court now, you have two courses of action, tell me to go to hell, and to leave you alone, and I will never bother you again, OR what I hope you will do, tell me what I did so I can work on making it right. I know you have a lot on your mind, so I won't go on any longer, I hope to hear from you any time day or night, Please never forget, I love you, there I said it again in case you missed it or couldn't believe it the first time,
Love
Kate,"
She carefully placed the letter in between pages of the Nikki Heat book she had in her saddlebags, in a waterproof container. She glanced at the book, remembering the argument she had with him when he told her the character name based on her. Of course, he laughed, Castle always laughed, he didn't seem to take many if anything seriously, but it was a totally different look on his face when Doctor Poulos started to break the news to him.
She actually saw the flinch in his face when he heard the word carcinoma, better known as cancer, and that was when she grabbed his hand with both of hers. She tried to convey without words that she cared about him, hell she loved him, and she should have told him, so many times. She tried to speak, but her voice was gone, she was so afraid, this was never supposed to happen, not to Castle. She had to be revived after fainting when learning he had been rushed back into surgery and to keep Franny from having a doctor admit her, she allowed herself to lie down for an hour or so in the day room.
When she returned to the VIP Surgery Waiting Room, she had expected to see the same quiet room she had been in earlier. Instead, she got the rude welcome from Paula, who was in her face, almost like a crazy lady on a mission. She was thankful Gina intervened, but she wasn't sure which was worse, Paula's direct aggression or Gina's subtle barbs. She soon found out, when she was the one left in the waiting room, as Gina saw Rick in the recovery room. It wasn't long before she saw firsthand the love between Rick and his ex-wife, as she slinked out of the room.
PRESENT-DAY
NYPD 12th Precinct
Gates Office, 6:40 AM
Kate had arrived early to get the ass chewing, and required paperwork out of the way, the boys had kept her informed of the progress of the fingertip killer as they had named the perpetrator, exactly none, zero, nada, nothing but chasing down dead ends, and hearing Gates bitch.
She walked up to the Captain's door, knocked firmly, and waited,
"Come in Detective Beckett, your shield and keys are on the right corner of my desk," Gates said as she filed a folder in her confidential files located behind her. She didn't bother to look in Beckett's direction, she didn't have to, Kate already knew that she was walking into a totally different workplace than she left last week.
"Yes Sir, about my actions, I would like to explain Sir, I"
"I don't want to hear your explanation Detective, there is NO JUSTIFIABLE reason for you to act in the manner you did. What you did with the ADA was deplorable, but as I said, leaving your partner, a man you have advocated to keep on your team since I assumed command was even worse. Pick up your things and prove to me you are a better cop than you are a person, we're no closer to solving this homicide than when you left." Gates barked out,
"Sir, I thought the boys and Castle were en route to taking down a suspect when they had to divert to rush Castle to the hospital? What happened to that lead if I may ask sir?" She knew the man that lived in the apartment targeted had been taken into custody, but she hadn't heard anything more.
"It turns out Detective the man SWAT arrested, on Detective Ryan's instructions is suing the city of New York, and the NYPD, he's lived at that address for less than one year. He moved there after he assumed the head pastor position of Time Square Church, with over 8,000 members, many of them attorneys who work Pro Bono for the pastors and church.
"While you are honing your apology skills you should include counseling your team in effective apologies, OR, we may all be polishing our resumes, just so we're clear detective, that's not a suggestion, it's an order. You and your team visit the pastor and make this right before Boyle fires us all. Mayor Weldon is just waiting for Mr. Castle's approval, he has a special assignment for us both.
"Yes Sir," was all she said as she gathered her badge and key card and slinked out the door, back to the bullpen. God what a mess, even when he was sick Castle managed to fuck up her case, the moment she thought it, she was ashamed, nothing was Castle's fault it was all hers, and she needed to own it, starting right now, every day.
XxX
Presbyterian Hospital
Rick's VIP Suite,
Two Days Later
Franny had completed moving into the suite just below Rick's and was ready to begin her new position as his personal caregiver. The LOA or leave of absence was just a formality, everyone at the hospital knew that as long as Rick needed medical attention, Franny was staying by his side. They could fire her, but that would risk incurring the wrath of one of their largest benefactors, so it was granted as an open-end return date.
She had been by his side as he began his first chemo treatment; the infusion center was a scary place for many, but having her with him made him much more comfortable. She didn't sugarcoat anything, and Rick really respected hearing it straight. As the nurse was hooking up bag one of three for his "Cocktail" as it was called, he even kidded with her.
"Are you all ready for the first drink of your cocktail (a special blend of cancer-fighting drugs, infused directly into his blood system,) Mr. Castle?" Nancey asked,
"Franny how come when you ask me to go for a drink we get the stuff off the shelf, but when Nancy gives me one, I'm asleep in minutes?" He smiled at the nurse inserting the end of the IV into his PICC line, (peripherally inserted central catheter (PICC), as Franny took his hand.
"Darlin, it's not that I wouldn't buy you a cocktail like this, one that would make you all healthy again, God knows I would, but Nancy is working with your oncologist, he's really the bartender for this cocktail. Remember, we have this one treatment, then next week I can take you to get your wet dream of a meal, pizza, cheeseburger, and Nathan's hot dog all washed down with a shake." She laughed,
"Why can't we go before next week, Franny? I mean I should be getting discharged tomorrow, so why not then?" He looked up at her with his puppy dog eyes, and waggled his eyebrows, even when he was sick, he was still trying to make others laugh.
"Darlin, you're gonna find that out soon, we'll see just how your system tolerates today's treatment, remember Luv, this is a marathon, not a sprint. You're on your way in kicking Cancer's ass and I'll be beside you every step of the way.
"Are you warm enough Rick?" she asked as she tucked him into the oversize infusion chair, like she would a child, covering him with a warm blanket. He began to feel the drugs enter his system, one moment he was hot, the next was reminiscent of the hours in the freezer, hell, why did he have to think of that of all things.
As the drip proceeded to enter his system, he closed his eyes and was soon asleep, Franny constantly changing out the blankets with warm replacements from the blanket warmer where the nurses kept them. She sat in the infusion chair next to him and held his free hand gently. She watched him sleep and wondered why people like him got the shitty end of life. Hell, he was raised on the streets, got tough because he had to, then earned a scholarship to NYU, and now was the author of over twenty best sellers.
All along the way, he never forgot where he came from, and always did his best to pay it forward. It wasn't a coincidence that the new pediatric wing just opened last fall was named Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, and it had nothing to do with cartoon characters. She thought of his big heart, how he always asked the same question when he came across someone in need. It was four words, four little words, that changed her life, and allowed her a lifetime of memories with her Mom and Sister she wouldn't have had if he hadn't asked, "How Can I Help?"
He tolerated the chemo until about 5 hours later when he was back in his room, then Franny was glad she was with him, wiping his face, holding his pan to keep the nauseating vile to touch him or his bed. His nausea continued for over two hours, almost to the point where Franny was going to call someone, then it stopped.
He laid back and looked into her eyes, smiled, and said, "Don't tell me I told you so," and waggled his eyebrows, she laughed, leaned down, and kissed his forehead as he sipped on ice chips.
"That's why I said next week, so let's get through this one day at a time shall we boss?" she kissed his head again, like a parent would a child.
"OK, Franny, you're the boss, about my recovery anyway" he smiled weakly as she brought fresh cold washcloths and gently wiped his face, then applied the lemon swaps to his lips that were beginning to chap,
"Boss, uh? I guess I'll go out and order myself a new car then" she laughed,
"Just pick out the one you want, and let me know," he looked into her eyes, he was serious,
"Rick, no, no, I was kidding sweetie, you've done so much for me already," she said,
"Franny, can you do me a favor? He asked, looking very weak,
"You know I will Rick, what is it, Darlin?" She asked as she gently stroked his hair, back out of his eyes, and straightened his covers,
He looked at her, and in a voice barely above a whisper said, "Don't leave me tonight?"
"I wasn't planning on it, Rick, I have the bed over there where I can hear you if you need me. I'm here till you get home then we'll work out the arrangements there, OK?" she smiled, squeezed his hand,
He closed his eyes, and for the first time in several hours fell asleep with a peaceful look on his face, holding tightly to Franny, who continued to gently brush his hair out of his eyes, and kiss his head, she cared about him, but she knew, it was a one-way street, at least for long term. He was still in love with the woman who nearly destroyed him,
TBC
A/N: Thanks for the ton of reviews, some I couldn't publish, but many I did. Just a word of caution, please don't add events from Canon into the story, assume the outline is the same, but the details are contained within my story,
Thanks for the reads and responses, good or bad, agree or disagree it shows the story had hit some nerve,
Happy Holidays,
He was shoving a flight attendant in Beckett's face only days before. That didn't happen in this story.
Fanny sounds like an obsessive fan girl and how over the top is it that she's there all the time? Her name is Franny, and she's a nurse working 12-14 hour shifts,
The punishment was for witnessing the behavior and not acting on it, not because Castle was the money tree.
Castle chose to dismiss the seriousness of his punch on his health from Slaughter. He did so for days. It was for 24-36 hours
