CHAPTER THREE: PLANNING

A couple of days after telling Sirius about the Fidelius Charm James and Lily decided to start making their arrangements to go home. They packed the few things they had with them, which didn't take long. Most of their belongings were still at their home, a cottage James bought just before their marriage, just over two years previously. They had left in such a hurry they had only taken the most essential things with them.

Then they had to work out the practicalities of getting home. James had a difficult time explaining to Lily that he didn't think flying on his broom under his invisibility cloak would be a good idea. 'One gust of wind and we'd risk being seen before the charm's done' he said, trying to sound casual. He thanked God Lily was being distracted by Harry at the time, and didn't pick up on the nervousness in his tone. He hadn't been able to tell Lily he had given the cloak to Dumbledore. He knew she would go mad and demand he get it back. She would scream at him that it was his place to give Harry the cloak one day, not Dumbledore's. She would refuse to entertain the idea that he might not be around to do that.

James had also not told Lily he had asked Dumbledore to watch out for her and Harry if he didn't make it. Lily was as determined that James would live as he was for her. James shuddered inwardly at the thought of how Lily would react if she found out that he had talked to Dumbledore about what might happen if he died and Lily was alone with Harry.

James was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts by a knock on the front door. Lily jumped and grabbed Harry. James reached for his wand. 'We're not expecting anybody are we?' he asked Lily, who had gone white. James smiled lightly. 'It's OK love, I doubt very much that Voldemort would knock on the door, that's far too polite for a murderer isn't it?' he said dryly. Lily smiled nervously as James went to the door. 'Who is it?' James asked, addressing the door. 'It's me, Padfoot,' replied Sirius.

James yanked the front door open and Sirius Black came in. James glared at him. 'Thanks for that mate, you've just scared us both half to death, but it's absolutely fine!' he said sarcastically. Sirius smiled weakly. 'Sorry, I was going to use the mirror and let you know I was coming, but in the end I decided to just come…I need to talk to you' he said, his face suddenly strained. James saw the look on his best friend's face. 'What?' he asked. Sirius shook his head. 'Let's sit and I'll tell you'. James eyed Lily, who was sitting down with Harry on her lap. The two men joined her.

Sirius shifted agitatedly in his seat. 'I've been thinking' he said distractedly. James grinned, 'Oh right, should we contact the Daily Prophet now, or later?' he asked. Sirius frowned. 'I'm serious….and don't even bother with the puns either.' James shut his mouth, and straightened his face. Sirius looked worried, in fact he looked upset. 'OK, I'm sorry, what's the matter, you look like your Mum has asked you to move back in with her' James said, trying to lighten the atmosphere. Sirius smiled weakly again. 'I wish she had….it's worse than that…much worse'. James looked at Lily again; neither of them could work out what was going on. Lily tried next. 'Sirius, what is it?' she asked kindly. Sirius looked at both his friends as if he was trying to absorb every detail of them. Then he frowned before he spoke. 'I….James…Lily…I…' he swallowed a lump that was trying to form in the back of his throat. 'I...I c-can't be your Secret Keeper'. He clamped his mouth shut as soon as the words were out.

James caught his breath. 'You….' then he laughed lightly. 'Very funny you git, stop playing about, that isn't funny!' Sirius shook his head. 'No, I mean it, I can't be your Secret Keeper….I'm really sorry'. Lily's eyes filled with tears. 'But….but Sirius, why?' she asked, her voice almost whining. Sirius faced Lily, and could hardly look into her eyes. 'I'm sorry Lils, I'd love to do it, you know I'd do anything for you three, but I just can't do this…I'm scared'. The admission was out before Sirius could stop it.

Suddenly James was on his feet. Lily could see he was angry. 'Well how the bloody hell do you think we feel!' he raged, beginning to pace up and down the room in agitation. 'We've had this hanging over us for over a year! We wake up in the morning scared we won't see the night, and then we go to bed at night scared we won't see the bloody sun come up, and you…we ask you to do one thing for us, just one bloody thing so that we can go home with our son and know he'll be all right, and you won't do it because you're bloody scared!' he yelled derisively. Sirius rose now, horror and indignation on his face.

Lily stood quickly and took Harry into another room. He was becoming frightened by his father's raised voice. Lily had tears running down her face. Sirius saying he couldn't be their Secret Keeper felt like the end of the world.

Sirius stood as James glared at him furiously. I'm not scared for me you prat! I'm bloody scared for you, for all three of you!' He shouted as loud as James. James stopped pacing. 'Well don't be! Be our Secret Keeper and we'll be all right! You don't need to be scared for us, just be our Secret Keeper and we'll be OK!' James could feel panic rising through his whole body. He was wide eyed and almost shaking. Sirius shook his head, he stopped yelling. Instead, his voice came out almost as a hoarse whisper. 'I can't….' he swallowed hard, shaking under the weight of his feelings. 'I can't do it Prongs. If Voldemort captured me…' 'That won't happen; you'll be going into hiding won't you? We've already said, that's the deal', James interrupted, his own voice lowering. Sirius shook his head, 'No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm trying to tell you that if Voldemort captured me and tortured me, I'm scared I'll tell him where you are and….' Sirius's voice cracked with emotion. 'If something happened to you three because of me….Prongs I couldn't live with myself….you're the only family I've got and I'd never forgive myself if you…' Sirius could feel the tears coming into the back of his throat. He swallowed them down. 'Please, try to understand. As much as I want to, I just can't do this for you'. He finished speaking, trembling with the strength of his feelings.

James Potter sighed heavily, his anger vanishing abruptly. He did understand what Sirius was saying. As much as he hated it, he understood. He moved and embraced his friend. 'It's OK, I understand, don't worry about it…we'll find someone else, don't worry'. Sirius embraced James in return, relief washing over him. 'I mean it Prongs, I am sorry, really I am'. James pulled away first. 'I told you, it's OK, don't give it another thought'.

Lily came back into the room on hearing the voices lower. She had heard enough to know what had happened. 'Yes Sirius, we both understand, but who else can we use?' she asked. Sirius brightened up. 'Well maybe you could ask Moony…or maybe not' he added quickly, seeing James tense. Lily groaned. 'For goodness sake James, isn't it time you got over this now?' she demanded. James frowned, 'Lily this isn't the time for this discussion, but no, we are not using Lupin as our Secret Keeper'. Lily glared. 'James, honestly, if we don't use him, he'll think we think he's the spy or something!' James glowered at Lily. 'I don't care, I'd rather he think we think he's the spy than use him as our Secret Keeper, we're not using him and that's final!' James and Lily stared at one another, one in amazement, and the other in defiance. James had never flatly refused Lily anything before, and neither of them could quite believe he had now.

Sirius interrupted this scene, without having the slightest idea what they were talking about. 'You don't really think Moony's the spy, do you?' he asked James uncertainly. 'I don't know….why, what do you think?' James asked in a matter-of-fact tone, raising his eyebrows. Sirius looked unsure if he should commit himself. 'Well….he is a werewolf, and the werewolves are on Voldemort's side aren't they?' Lily snorted in disgust. 'You two…you're as bad as each other!' she cried indignantly. 'He's supposed to be your friend, and you think he's the spy' she glared at Sirius, who seemed to shrink under her angry gaze, 'and as for you….' Lily glowered at James, unable to go on. She wouldn't discuss the problem in front of Sirius.

'OK, so not Remus' Lily changed the direction of the discussion abruptly. James exhaled, knowing it wasn't really over. Lily carried on speaking. 'So who can we use?' Sirius thought. 'Well, you could always use Wormtail'. Lily frowned. 'No' she said. James looked at her sharply. 'Why not, that would work'. Lily frowned. 'I just don't think it would be a good idea…you've said yourself, he's hardly the brightest biscuit in the barrel is he?' James sniggered, that was true. 'No, but he wouldn't have to do the charm, one of us could do it'. Lily frowned again, 'James please, not Peter, you know I don't trust him….we don't see him a lot lately and when we do he looks so….shifty'. Sirius broke into laughter. 'Lils, Wormy hasn't got enough in him to be shifty!' Then Sirius's face lit up. 'Actually, that's it…..use Wormy! God knows, he doesn't look like the most obvious choice as your Secret Keeper, but that's what makes him so perfect! Voldemort'll never work it out. He'll think you've used me, ha!' James was anxious again, 'But what if he captures you? If he thinks you're our Secret Keeper, he could take you and….' Sirius waved his hands dismissively, 'Never mind about me! No, this is perfect, the perfect bluff! Stick that up your arse Voldemort!' He burst out laughing again.

Lily coughed, drawing attention back to herself. 'I hate to interrupt this touching scene, but I said no. I don't want Peter as our Secret Keeper, I don't trust him'. James laughed derisively, 'I'd trust him a bloody sight more than I would Lupin' he muttered under his breath. Lily blinked in shock. 'James!' she said incredulously. James was about to respond when Sirius cut across her. 'Look you two, I thought you wanted to go home and keep Harry safe'. 'Of course we do!' cried Lily indignantly. 'Well then, use Wormtail. Voldemort will never work it out, and Harry will be safe, simple'.

Sirius said this so calmly Lily was dumbstruck. She thought about it. She realised he had a point. Voldemort would never think they would use Pettigrew as their Secret Keeper. Everyone knew how close James was to Sirius. He would be the most obvious choice for their Secret Keeper. Voldemort would never guess that they would use such an average wizard as Pettigrew.

Lily realised James and Sirius were right. Peter Pettigrew would have to be their Secret Keeper, but then she had a thought. 'James, we could ask Dumbledore'. James shook his head decisively. 'No, he's done enough for us Lily. I can't ask him to do any more'. He knew he was really thinking about the promises Dumbledore had made to him. 'But shouldn't we at least tell him who we are using, he thinks we're using Sirius, shouldn't we tell him about the switch?' Lily still felt unsure. Somehow she knew she would feel safer if Dumbledore knew what was going on. James smiled tenderly. 'No love, we don't need to involve him any more. If Dumbledore doesn't know there's no chance Voldemort will take him to get information out of him. I never liked the way he put himself in danger for us and I think it's time it stopped. No, I think the fewer people who know the truth, the better it is'. Sirius nodded in agreement. 'It's OK Lils. Let Dumbledore think I'm the Secret Keeper. It'll make the bluff even better. Voldemort would expect you to tell Dumbledore, so if even Dumbledore doesn't know the truth, you'll be safer'.

Lily knew she was outnumbered. Peter Pettigrew would be their Secret Keeper, and only the four of them would know.