Diary excerpt from Hermiones. She is about to be divorced from draco and shes trying to get out all of her thoughts and feelings to stop hurting a bit.
Monday Feb 02, 2006
We married too soon and only then for our now growing child. I didn't love him then, so why do i hurt so much now? He is and was nothing but mean. His family hated me and pushed us apart. Why do i cry over him? why do i care? Why is he the only one i want, when before i didn't care? He cheated and hit, with our new baby only 20 days old. But i kept trying hoping it would stop.
Why is my heart breaking, i dont understand. He says he never loved me, can that really be true? Atleast 1 year of happyness i can guarantee. We did date for a year and moved intogether. Our daughter looks so much like him it makes me cry more. I wish i would never of married him or informed him of her. It would make it much easier, i could move on then, never to have to see him or his mother and father again. He betrayed me and now denies, and blames it all on me.
Why cant i stop caring what this man no BOY thinks? I wish i was empty, but even more so dead. The only thing keeping me alive is the baby in my bed. His parents won out in the end and now he's with them, living at home like a child again. While i sit here struggling try to feed my child. Barely eating myself to make sure she isn't ever hungry. My heart is in peices and i doubt i will learn to trust again. I know i dont love him, well i keep telling myself. He made so many threats, to steal our daughter away, and even carried out some, that pyshically hurt me.
Will the tears ever end? He doesnt deserve them. Will i ever heal? He has the nerve to wish me well in future relationship's; thats bloody fantastic; i hope his all rot in hell. But i smile and pretend, i know im better off but it hurts all the same. Draco may be happy, but i pray he's miserable. Why should he get away with destroying my life. His father is arrogant and is forming Draco to be like him. Its already working, i hear it in his words. His mother is a bitch, back stabbing an evil, teaching Draco the ways to be.
Living with Mummy and daddy must be nice.. Not having to do a thing. He'll never grow up andi truly feel for his next wife. I may be broken now but im still a Gryffindor. Brave and courageous, blah blah doesnt mean much now. I feel all alone, though i have her, Zoe Elizabeth Malfoy ( i really regret him now, messing up her beautiful name) my whole life, my world.
Although I would still give almost anything for a little male attention. No not Harry or Ron ugh they wouldnt know where to start.. I dont even know why, i guess its nice to feel wanted, if from something other than a baby. To know someone is interested in me. Would care about what i think. Adult attention is what i do need. So i guess to end this night my dear diary i'll say give me more strength i'll need it even more now.. If only because I'll see him on wednesday.
Hermione
Hope you liked it.. Its about midnight and its basically me.. Im going though it all and wanted to get my feelings out.. They have been so bottled up, it does feel a little nice. I thought it would make an interesting little Draco/Hermione thing... Let me know.. im still new at this! I might do more, for after the divorce as soon as i get there in life though.. There will be a lot of moments to take, that im sure would apply..
