Actions Have Consequences or Rewards.

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: This is Totally AU; Beckett has found a new love, Castle is hiding a deadly secret, Takes place after the punch to the stomach in Headhunters.

Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.

**************************************************************************/

Chapter 10

Beckett's Apartment

Four Days Later

Kate had earned some favor, not much but enough for her to be able to breathe without fear of getting fired at work by solving the fingertip case. It was gruesome, and very sad when people wanted to take the shortcuts in life and wind up with the spoils of illegal activities. Anything worth having was worth working for she thought, hell why wasn't she fighting harder to keep Rick, it had been a week since she had served her suspension, and written her heartfelt letter to him.

She didn't know what she was hoping for, but radio silence definitely wasn't one of the options. She had just pulled her mail from her mailbox and started her way up the stairs, balancing her Java Hut coffee cup and So Wang's takeout meal along with her keys.

She managed not to spill either and made it to her door, she sat the food and coffee down, Rick had the doors and windows reinforced almost two years ago, when, well, the doors were a fortress to get into, even with the keys. She was tired and looking forward to not being on call tonight, except for a long hot bath.

As she entered her apartment, she set the security code from auto to home, so she wouldn't see the police from the 54th district. Even worse to hear from Rick's locksmith buddy, Jessop, she still couldn't believe Rick had fronted him the capital for his locksmith school and shop, he was a felon. She dropped her keys, mail, and placed her service revolver on the counter. She always locked the weapon up before anything else, tonight was no exception.

A quick change of clothes into an oversize NYPD Sweatshirt, and yoga pants, and she was ready to take on the rest of her evening. She played her voicemails, two wrong numbers, and a telephone solicitor trying to entice her to buy a new roof, nice she was one of 12 apartments in the building. She thought if this asshole keeps it up, she would waste his time, then focused on what was important. Her meal, and a glass of wine that Rick had introduced her to, when, well it was great wine.

She ate and drank her wine while watching TMZ showing the lowlights of the Hollywood scene, and the actors, with zero personal lives, she didn't know how they could stand it. She began to sort the mail as she tossed the cartons into the trash to take to the garbage chute later, the usual, Life Insurance, AARP for her Dad, some guy named Ken Beckett, final notice, if they didn't know it was her apartment, they deserved to lose their money as she placed the mail in her garbage.

One letter was face down, it must have flipped over when she was looking at the AARP notice, when she turned it over, she gasped, it was Rick's handwriting, He had answered. What did he tell her when she offered to drop off the face of the earth, God, why did she include that as an option? Her hands trembled as she held it for a moment, before, carefully slipping her finger beneath the flap and opening it gently.

It was only a few pages, well it wasn't quantity she was looking for, she was praying he would say they could start to work things out, although, she really wanted to know just what she had done to make him go from almost telling her his hearts secrets to someone who ignored every call, text, and email since she left him at the hospital.

She placed her wine on the counter, took down the vodka bottle from the cabinet and poured a triple shot into a water glass, and downed it with one gulp. Well, she didn't have enough booze to celebrate good news and nowhere near enough if it were bad, so she might as well begin to read his response.

"Dear Detective Beckett,

First, thank you for your letter, and you weren't being ignored, if you had listened closely to my entire voice mail, you would have also heard the last statement, "I won't be returning any calls until further notice," I guess you hung up before you heard that, the short song was the lead into my final statement, I'm sorry I wasn't clearer. I have no desire to speak to anyone other than those who see me on a regular basis, I'm still dealing with some fallout from the incident, and the discoveries it brought to my life.

The first paragraph didn't give her any hint of which direction he was going in, so she held her breath and read on.

"Bob was acting out of anger and shock, you, nor anyone should be the victim of those actions, so he and I had discussions about what occurred, blame, and corrective actions. You're welcome but if you think I saved your career, you're giving me far too much credit, I only prevented Bob from acting in haste. I urged him to measure all the good your team has accomplished, and temper any mistakes against that, nothing more.

She thought, Rick once again downplayed the role he played. Even when she did say thank you, it seemed like he didn't think he deserved the praise. Perhaps she only offered it so rarely, he thought it was out of obligation rather than sincerity, She grabbed her daily journal and marked in things to do, "Thank someone for what they do in normal circumstances for you, every day"

"I agree, at least from my perspective we were seconds away, at least I was from telling you things I had hidden in my heart for years, things you needed to know before something similar to the innocent people who lost their lives simply living life, through no fault of their own. THEN Kevin and the interruption, we should be used to it, after almost four years, have we ever been able to have a true conversation from the heart at the precinct?

She read the paragraph three times and replayed it in her mind on a constant loop. Had they really been as close as that to becoming something more than partners, something she wanted and was almost positive he had wanted it longer than her.

"I was sincere and but for Ryan appearing when he did you would now know the secrets I still hold deep inside, but as I said after the case, it's nothing important, at least to you, not anymore. We lost the moment, and I'm afraid much more. I assume as much blame for that as you, but there is a reason Detective, people don't wake up with a whole new perspective on life without some event triggering it.

She read this paragraph and thought no, no, no. They were so close, so very close to opening up to each other as a man and a woman, telling each other things they didn't want to take to their graves without them being said, and then? She really didn't understand what had changed from that moment till the moment after the case closed, and he had changed completely. What had she done? What had she said?

"I will be honest with you, when I read your confession of love, the words, I love you, Rick, I had a panic attack, one that lasted for quite some time. Another fact now that I've admitted that, I suffer from PTSD and I have been in therapy for quite some time.

"I always felt that I needed to hide that fact, that somehow it would make me less of a man, a person. I've realized from our time together at the precinct that no matter how hard one party works to change, it takes two to have anything more than a working, or courteous personal relationship. I truly think YOU think YOU love ME, but Detective, I question now if you even know what love is, harsh, perhaps, and if so, I'm sorry.

She read the line about not knowing what love is and broke into tears, perhaps she didn't. Perhaps she was the root cause of all of her past relationships failing, her unwillingness to consider her partner's feelings. It's my life, had been said so many times to so many different people trying to guide her through this world. She searched her memories of that day, that brief period when she was so close, she hadn't said it then. Why Rick? Why are we in this position? WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?"

"You asked a legitimate question Detective, "What really happened Rick? Then explained that you felt as if I were trying to punish you for something you either did or failed to do. I'm sorry to say that you're correct, I acted childish, trying to ignore you, hooking up with Slaughter over your objections even though they were conveyed through Esposito and Ryan, not you directly. Moot point, you warned me, I didn't listen and we both paid the price.

He was trying to punish her? He just admitted to it, but he still hadn't told her what she had done, she had to make this right, come on Rick, tell me!" she pleaded out loud to no one but herself.

"I'm sorry I acted like a petulant child Detective, BUT I question the timing of your physical involvement with the ADA. All of us have sparks that fly occasionally, but it takes at least a few minutes to get a fire roaring as large as the one you two were enjoying.

She read the lines, and hung her head, she knew he had caught her in another lie. The truth was she had been physically attracted to him even as far back as the lunch dates when Rick was with others, well Gina, and the playmates of the month, at his functions. After being so close, she was so pissed, hurt, and angry at Castle she was the one that gave the green light for more, how fucking stupid was she. She should have known Rick would see right through her lie, hell he always had.

"If I set that point aside, you still are faced with trying to figure out WHY I acted in such a fashion. I'll offer one of New York's finest detectives a few clues. Your suspect is in the box, you interrogating, your partner shows up with a steaming cup of coffee, leaves it on your desk, as he observes you interrogate Bobby Lopez.

"When you finish the interrogation, you return to your desk to find a lukewarm cup of coffee and a message that your partner had to go somewhere suddenly. NOW, is the lightbulb coming on Detective? My actions, although immature, I admit, were never designed as a type of punishment towards you, but rather a reaction to what I had been told a lie about for almost two years. It hurts to discover the person you trusted with your life, literally, has lied to you about something as important as, well I'm sure you'll figure it out.

She knew as soon as she read the words your partner shows up with a steaming cup of coffee, the lightbulb turned on indeed. He had heard the secret she had hidden from him for over two years, God what a fool she was. All she ever had to say was "Castle, I heard you, but I need to take it slow, so slow you might not want to wait." She knew he would wait forever then, but now?

He just told her flat out she had fallen from a person of complete trust, too, to what? Someone he considered as what? "No Rick, you can't mean this, we can work it out." Again, she called out to the empty vodka glass and the room, no one there to hear her pleas.

"You mentioned in your letter one reason for even beginning a relationship with Gonzales was because you were angry with me and my actions. I will admit you had every right to be upset, hell pissed off to no end at me.

"I don't think your actions compared to mine are comparable in any stretch of the imagination. In review: I get hurt by you, which by now I hope you have figured out why, so I take up with a MALE cop, over your warnings and objections. The end scene is ugly and I come begging you for your help on the case, which you did risk your career on by helping me.

"The rogue cop punches me on his way out, I stupidly wave off medical attention, and you just as stupidly allow me to as if I was just another person on the street, someone you had no feelings for at all. The brass get all twisted up with a knee-jerk reaction because I didn't allow medical treatment, and you didn't fulfill the duties of your office by forcing me if need be, even if I was just your friend.

"Please tell me Detective how those actions, as childish, and immature as they are on my part, with help from your negligence compare to sleeping with the ADA on the highest-profile case in recent New York history?

"You don't wind up in a man's bed Detective without wanting to be there, and there is no comparison to your sexual gratification and my flirtations, I don't believe that for one moment. I've been accused of being a playboy by many, but I never recall an instance when I wake up and think gee, there's a woman in my bed, how did that happen?

Oh my God, he wasn't holding back at all, even if what he had written was all true, it still hurt to read it in black and white. He was correct, no matter how childish his behavior had been, he wasn't trying to excuse his actions, but he really nailed her on the hypocrisy of her words. She was always good at deflecting blame, this time there was no hiding it. She wanted to open her heart to him, then was in bed with her boss, or temporary boss, within weeks, no wonder he called her on it.

"I think you have written a beautiful letter, which if all true would be a great start to opening a dialogue to repair hurt feelings, even if the end result is only friends between the man and woman. If we look at the facts, and motivating factors, yes, I was an ASS, that's already been established, but you trying to denigrate your actions by your letter just builds on what our relationship has been based on all this time, one lie after another by you.

She wept openly as she read the next paragraph if he wanted to hit home, he had hit the bullseye of the target, she had been completely shredded, then she read trying to denigrate your actions by your letter just builds on what our relationship has been based on all this time, one lie after another by you.

Oh my God, that's what our entire time has been reduced to, my lies, even I don't know why I told such stupid stories. She sunk deeper into the realization that sometimes, you push someone too far and there is NO coming back from your actions. All the apologetic letters in the world would never bring forgiveness, not even close to repairing the mess she created.

She read the remainder of the letter, knowing now what she had done, another lie, but this one was perhaps her biggest transgression yet. He had even said he had forgiven her for her previous actions, but, this time, well it was pretty apparent that he was finally past his limit. He would live his life and wanted her to live hers, separately.

The last few paragraphs made it very clear, he wasn't telling her to go to hell, but he was telling her to leave him alone, should they meet, he would be courteous, hell he always was. He didn't want to be involved with ANYONE at the precinct, well physically at the precinct, she knew that he was close to Anne, and Roz and wouldn't be surprised if he continued to communicate with them.

Lanie was a wildcard, based on her friendship, he wanted out of the relationship, completely. She read the letter once again, start to finish, and shredded a half box of tissues crying understanding WHY he couldn't be associated with her. She had taken love and turned it into something if not already, very close to hate.

"As I said, I have no idea of why you wrote the letter, other than perhaps from an assignment from your therapists, yes, I have written similar ones as well, but it's only courteous to respond. Detective, you said that If I asked you would stay out of my life, a life that is still evolving as we speak. I have no idea of how much longer I have, or what the quality of that life will be.

"I do know that I have things I want to do, none which involve going to a crime scene in the middle of the night, or spending countless hours in a police precinct. Let me be polite and just say, you live your life Detective, I'll try to live mine, and should our paths happen to cross, will look back at the time we spent working on cases as part of our enjoyable past. Courtesy is not costly, nor is honesty,

Sincerely,

Rc

Even the close of the letter showed a complete apathy for their usual habits, he never used his initials, he was always Castle, rarely Rick to her, but Rc was a soft drink, not her best friend, make that former best friend. She was going to have plenty to talk to Doctor Burke about tomorrow.

XxX

Castle's Loft

Same Time Frame

Franny spent more time in Rick's loft than she did her own, she had only slept one night away from him and wound up in the loft when he had bad nightmares two nights ago. Alexis woke to him screaming, and before she could dial her number, Franny was there by his side. She soothed him quickly, lying next to him in bed, gently rubbing his face, talking to him.

"Rick, Darlin, it's me, Franny, it's OK, Luv, I got ya, nothing is gonna bother you. Good, breathe deep for me sweetie", as he begin to calm, she held him tightly in her arms kissing his forehead, and hair, she never stopped telling him where he was, who she was and that he was going to be OK.

She repeated it over and over, "I got ya, Darlin, nothing can get to you, I promise Luv," and the kisses and gentle touches seemed to calm him along with her voice. Over and over, Franny never seemed to tire of holding him, planting butterfly kisses on his temple, top of the head, and just comforting him. She saw the tension start to leave and finally, he fell back asleep.

"Thanks, Franny, I didn't know what to do," a very upset Alexis said, gently, wiping tears from her eyes,

"It's OK Alexis, did you know your Dad has PTSD? If not, you know now, and when he screams in a dream like that, it's him reliving something that was very traumatic, something from his past. I have no idea, but Doctor Worley knows, she's been his therapist for a few years now. Sometimes when he says he's going to the Hamptons to write, it's actually because he has an appointment or series of appointments with her." Franny said as a surprised Alexis gasped.

"You mean Joanne, heck I thought she was just a horny divorcee that had her hooks set for Dad. I learned a long time ago, not to ask if you don't want to know, and concerning Dad and his sex life, I don't want to know." As Franny laughed,

"No sweetie, well I don't know about that second part, but Dr. Joanne Worley is his therapist. I know she came to the beach house rather than your Dad risk being seen going into a Psychologists office, you know how the press is" She smiled, "As far as I know, she's gotten no farther with your dad than I have" she blushed.

"Franny, he has to be nuts, I mean, we all see how much you love him, you always take care of him, and he's been stuck on Detective Beckett for years now, I don't know what it will take for him to wake up, and move on," Alexis said,

"Thanks, Alexis, but you know yourself, you have to want the love the other person is giving. Your dad shouldn't settle, not for anyone, if he's that in love with the Detective, they have to find a way to make it work, or eventually it will die. Your Dad's a great friend to me, and all I'm saying is the things he told me, and he was right." Franny said,

"Franny, could I ask you a question, I mean you don't have to answer it, if you don't want to, OK?" Alexis said, shyly,

"What do you want to know Alexis?" Franny asked some concern in her voice,

"You're an entire flight below us, your bedroom is the same as Dad's soundproof, so how did you get up here so quickly and know that Dad was having nightmares?" Alexis asked,

"I'll show you BUT you have to promise not to say a word of this to your Dad, nor can he ever know, he would be so angry at me. I knew I would never be able to sleep, worrying about him, especially as you say because the bedrooms are soundproofed. I thought OK, then"

She held her finger over her lips in the universal silence sign, walked quietly over to his dresser, and opened a non-discriminant box, small enough to be ignored. She opened the cover and it was a high-end monitor, she had planted a sound transmitting monitor in his room to hear if he went into distress. The receiver was next to her bed,

"You can't let on Alexis, just say I got here quickly, I mean, he's a proud man. I can't rest when he's too far out of my sight, so it was more for me than him." She said,

"You really love him don't you Franny, I mean really love him. I hope he doesn't hurt you; you deserve to be happy" Alexis said softly, tears coming to her eyes

"Alexis, I'm sure your Dad has told you that if you love someone, the first thing you want, well the only thing is that they are happy. Even if that's not with you, you still love them enough to want them happy. Yes, I love your Dad, but I know the score, he's been brutally honest with me, I know I'll never have a shot." Franny said as she shifted her weight, to be closer to him as he moaned and reached for her.

"Franny, I wouldn't bet money on that, thanks for loving him so much and for taking care of him, now I'm going to bed, he has all he needs" she smiled and closed the bedroom door, just as Marcy spoke low to him again, "I got you, Darlin, I'm right here, yea I know, Love ya too" and pulled him close.

TBC