CHAPTER SEVEN: THE WEREWOLF CALLS
By the time James and Lily had been home for three days they were beginning to feel relaxed. Nothing had given them cause for concern. They were beginning to feel really safe and secure somewhere for the first time for months.
The evenings Lily spent with James, talking and laughing together made her feel normal again. So much of their short married life together had been taken up by Voldemort, in one way or another. She revelled in the chance to be with James and Harry now, spending time together and being a proper family.
Once Lily felt she had come to terms with what James expected her to do if Voldemort turned up, she felt able to forget about it. When she was alone with James and Harry she felt certain she would never have to live up to the promise. She was beginning to feel as if nothing could touch any of them now. They had lived through the worst of things, and now life was better, and it would stay that way. Any uncertain feelings she still nursed about Peter Pettigrew were dismissed. Lily convinced herself she was wrong to distrust him, in fact, she felt almost guilty for ever suspecting he was anything less than trustworthy.
On the third afternoon after the Potters came back to the cottage, Sirius arrived for his daily visit, and he brought someone else with him. Lily felt a twinge of apprehension when Remus Lupin walked through her front door, looking somewhat edgy. Lily shuddered uncomfortably as she remembered the last time Remus Lupin had been to the cottage before the family went on the run. James had virtually ignored him and created an atmosphere that could've been cut with a knife. She hoped now that James would keep a lid on his temper, bite his tongue and restore the friendship he once had with this former school friend.
James was in the living room with Harry. When Lily came back into the room from answering the door, followed by Sirius and Remus, she found her husband on his knees on the rug, holding Harry by the hands in front of himself. Harry was standing on wobbly legs and looking a little unsure of this new position. James had a look of rapt concentration on his face. 'OK son, this is it, first one foot and then the other' he said, coaxing Harry by shuffling himself away a little, trying to encourage the child to step towards him. Lily held her breath and watched the scene intently as James carefully loosed his hold on the baby, leaving him standing by himself. Neither Sirius nor Remus moved or said a word.
James continued to focus his attention on Harry, not even noticing the others in the room. 'Come on son, come to Daddy, come on, come and see Dad Harry' he cajoled. He stared into Harry's eyes before glancing down at the baby's tiny feet. After an instant of looking at his father uncertainly Harry seemed to gasp and then he took a step. James's face lit up in pure joy. 'That's it! That's my clever boy! Now, come on, the other foot, come on Harry, move the other foot for Daddy!' James stayed where he was, and encouraged the baby to take another step towards him. Harry raised the other leg slowly, wobbling slightly at the odd position he was in. James instinctively edged forward, reaching his hands out to Harry, who was wobbling unsteadily, one of his legs hovering in the air. 'Come on son, I'm here, I won't let you fall, take another step for Dad!' Harry looked at James uncertainly again before he placed the leg down beside the one already on the carpet. 'Yes!' cried James, looking fit to burst with excitement. He carried on coaxing Harry until the baby had taken half a dozen steps across the room. 'Oh you're such a clever boy, but it gets even better son, one day I'll teach you to fly! If you think walking is good, you wait until you've been on a broom, there's nothing like it….except cuddling up to Mum in bed perhaps, but I'll tell you about that when you're….'
'He'll tell you all about that over my dead body Harry!' cried Lily suddenly, she frowned but the corners of her mouth turned up in barely concealed amusement. She swallowed the lump in her throat that had formed while she was watching James with Harry. She smiled tenderly down on her son, who promptly dropped himself down onto his bottom with a thump and gave her a toothy grin. 'Yes darling, Mummy thinks you're clever too, walking with Daddy, but I don't think you need to know the facts of life just yet'.
James quickly looked up, taking Harry, who was now chuckling, into his arms. 'I was being complimentary Lily, I said cuddling you was better than flying!' he grinned sweetly.
The smile disappeared from James's lips when he realised they had visitors. He ignored Lupin at first and smiled widely at Sirius. 'We'll have him playing Quidditch before long! He's definitely a future Seeker.' He looked at Harry's small frame and smiled. Sirius laughed, 'Why Prongs, I do believe you're turning into a model father, about time too!' Sirius's eyes sparkled. He walked into the room and took Harry from his father. 'Come here Harry, come and say hi to Moony, he hasn't seen you for ages'.
James Potter's eyes were drawn to Remus Lupin. He watched the skinny young man who was the same age as him, but looked much older. Remus Lupin nodded uncertainly at James, before smiling kindly at Harry, who was holding on to Sirius, totally at ease in his Godfather's arms.
James felt his insides flinch when Remus smiled affectionately at Lily. She smiled back, before exchanging a warning look with James. Lupin cleared his throat nervously, looking at Harry again. 'He's so big! He's twice the size he was when I last saw him…he's definitely got your eyes Lily' he said. 'He's got my hair' James cut in, unable to keep quiet. Lily warned him again with a look, but was distracted as Sirius laughed loudly. 'Prongs, you can hardly say that Harry having your hair is anything to be proud of!' James glared at his friend, 'Well, he has, he takes after Lily with his eyes, but the rest of him is like me, especially his hair!' Lily smiled ironically, 'Well at least he's got black hair. I wouldn't want him teased when he goes to Hogwarts. If he'd inherited my hair colour he might've been tormented, having red hair isn't always good when you're young'. 'There's nothing wrong with your hair Lily' said James and Remus in unison.
Remus Lupin immediately looked like he wished the ground would open up and swallow him. Lily blushed, her face almost as red as her hair. James remembered he was supposed to be clearing the air with Remus. He had a feeling it wasn't going to be easy. He consciously made himself turn his attention away from Lupin, and, moving from his position of kneeling on the rug, he stood and spoke to Sirius. 'Is everything OK? How's Wormtail?' he asked.
Sirius glanced at Lupin before replying. Lily watched as James blinked once, and coughed. He appeared to tense a little. His shoulders hunched. She wondered what was going on. Sirius interrupted her thoughts. 'Oh, you know Wormtail, he's gone off somewhere, he's due for a long holiday apparently'. James blinked again, and his shoulders dropped. Lily could have sworn he relaxed. She realised James and Sirius were deliberately not giving away that Pettigrew was their Secret Keeper. Part of her felt irritated, she was sure Remus Lupin was trustworthy. However, part of her understood the reason for the secrecy. She felt unhappy about Remus being excluded from the secret, but if it kept Harry safe….
Remus Lupin shifted uneasily. Lily indicated a seat for him to sit down. He did so, Sirius beside him on the sofa, with Harry still in his arms. Lily sat down in an easy chair next to the fireplace. Remus cleared his throat and addressed James. 'So…Sirius tells me you used the Fidelius Charm, I'm sure I don't need to ask who your Secret Keeper is'. James eyes met Sirius's for a fraction of a second. 'Oh….er…that's right, no, I suppose it's obvious' he replied, as Sirius nodded almost imperceptibly. Lily realised what James and Sirius were doing, they were letting Remus think Sirius was the Secret Keeper, without telling an outright lie.
Remus spoke to Sirius now, looking puzzled. 'As the Secret Keeper, shouldn't you be in hiding or something?' Sirius nodded, 'Yes, I'll go after Halloween….you know I love Halloween' he said carefully. Remus seemed convinced, 'Yes, I remember….it's a pity we didn't celebrate it much at school, what with it being so close to the full moon'. Sirius nodded in agreement as Lily felt relieved, she felt a change of subject coming on.
'So, Remus, how are you?' Lily asked, hoping she sounded easygoing. She shifted in her seat so she couldn't meet James's eyes, and smiled kindly. Remus's eyes became bright, 'I'm well Lily, thanks to you'. Lily felt her stomach turn over; she knew she didn't dare make eye contact with her husband. Instead, she concentrated on Remus Lupin. 'I'm glad the Potion helps you, that's all the thanks I need….and to be honest, I had very little to do with it, it was Damocles Belby who did all the….'
Lily was interrupted by the sound of smothered laughter. She looked up to see Sirius Black, still holding Harry in one arm, while his other hand was over his mouth. He was shaking, he was laughing so hard. Lily met James's eyes and was astonished to see even he was smirking. Lily arched her brows, got up and took Harry from Sirius. 'Would one of you mind telling me what's so funny' she demanded of her husband and friend. Sirius tried to stop laughing, but burst out again when James's eyes shone and he muttered 'Damocles!' under his breath. Lily rolled her eyes. 'Well, that's his name! Damocles Belby…'
Sirius positively guffawed with laughter; he straightened his face when Lily glowered at him. He had to wipe away tears from his eyes and catch his breath before he could speak 'Sorry Lils, it's just…well do you know anyone else called Damocles? That has to be the stupidest name I've ever heard!' His face cracked into a wicked grin again. In spite of herself, Lily could feel the corners of her mouth turning up. She suppressed it quickly. 'Honestly, grown men laughing at someone's name!' she said, shaking her head.
Remus Lupin smiled softly again, 'I know Dam'…..' he cast Sirius a sidelong glance, '….that man invented the potion Lily, but you found him, and I'm really very grateful' his eyes glowed with gratitude.
Lily found herself unable to look at James again, instead, she decided to take a step of her own towards clearing the air. 'It was really nothing. I told you before James and I married, I realised you were a werewolf when we were in the 6th year at school'. Remus nodded, 'Yes, and I've never thanked you for keeping quiet about it'. Lily shook her head, 'You don't need to thank me. I understood why you never told me, I knew how hard it must have been for you, and then, when James and I got together, I never even thought about it, until just before our wedding when he told me about being an Animagus.'
Lily deliberately looked at James, who was listening attentively. She went on, her voice steady, addressing Remus, but talking to James really. 'I admit I was scared when James told me he was an illegal Animagus. I was frightened he'd be sent to Azkaban and I'd be alone. So, I had two choices, I could either call off the wedding and be alone anyway, or I could see if something could be done to help you, if only a bit, so James could stop breaking the law. I couldn't call off the wedding. I wanted to marry James, more than anything, so I did some investigating and found Belby. He was at Hogwarts, in the year below us. He was brilliant in Potions, and he invented the Wolfsbane Potion less than six months after he left school, around the time James and I were married in fact. That was why I spent so much time with you Remus, I had to be sure that the Wolfsbane Potion was right for you, so James could stop breaking the law and be able to be with me'.
When Lily stopped speaking she glanced quickly at James. He looked astonished, and utterly ashamed of himself. Lily stood abruptly, propping Harry up on her hip. 'Come on Sirius, come and help me make some tea' she said. Sirius Black pulled a face, 'Aw Lils, I'm comfy here, I…' Lily glared, 'Now, Sirius!' she called over her shoulder. Sirius followed her out of the room and Lily closed the door, leaving James with Remus.
James watched Lily leave the room and then he sat down in the chair she had just left. He felt disgusted with himself. It had never occurred to him that Lily might have helped Remus Lupin for him. But then he remembered how he felt when the potion worked, and Remus arrived at the cottage one day, just a couple of months after James and Lily were married, and pulled Lily into a passionate kiss. He remembered he felt sick with anger when he arrived back from Auror training and found Remus with Lily in his arms. He remembered how he had argued with Lily over it, persuading himself she had feelings for Lupin and that her offering to help him with his problem was a cover for those feelings. He remembered how they'd made up one night after their argument, Harry being the eventual result. He remembered Lily promising him she'd never leave or want anyone but him. He remembered the promise he and Lily made not to talk about the incident again. They both wanted to move on and be happy and they were, he accepted that, but the distrust he felt towards Lupin had eaten away at their friendship, to the point where none of them had really moved forward.
James and Lily then found themselves caught up in the danger Voldemort presented, which took their minds from other concerns. James refusing to have Lupin as their Secret Keeper had stirred things up again. James realised now that Lily was right. This thing had to be confronted, even if it was painful. Lily telling Remus she had helped him for James made it easier, but clearing the air involved asking questions that James knew would be awkward. He wasn't looking forward to this discussion, not one bit.
Remus Lupin sat in silence in his seat, then he looked up uneasily and his eyes met James Potter's. 'Look, Prongs…..James' he said tentatively. James looked back at him. Remus went on, trying hard to keep his voice even. 'I….I know, I made a dreadful mistake…'
James watched Remus struggling to find the right words. He stood and rested a hand on the mantelpiece, turning sideways to see Lupin looking more uncomfortable than ever. As he watched him, James anxiety suddenly began to fade. He realised that while he was still angry over what happened it didn't feel like a threat any more. He accepted Lily loved him, had helped Remus Lupin for him. Lily had explained why she helped Remus, and it changed everything.
Remus went on speaking, still uneasy. James had still not said a word since the two men were left alone. 'I….I made a terrible mistake, an awful mistake, and it would be entirely my fault if you never spoke to me again, but please, I never meant to…' James turned away from the mantelpiece and faced Remus.
James opened his mouth, and Remus immediately became silent. James took a deep breath. 'OK, I'm going to ask you a question' he said quietly. Remus paled, 'A…oh, OK' he replied, more edgy than ever. James thought about what he wanted to say. Strangely, he felt calm, as if he was talking about the weather. 'Why did you kiss my wife?' he asked evenly. Remus's eyes became wild. 'I….' then he tried again, sighing deeply. 'I don't know…truly, I don't….it was just…well….Lily did so much for me, she found Belby, and worked so hard, and it's helped me so much. Lily supported me, and I was grateful…I overreacted'. James nodded, 'I see…but we, the Marauders and me, supported you at school, we broke the law for you, and you never overreacted with us, did you?' Remus flinched, he didn't like the way this was going. 'Well no, but Lily is…..' James watched as Remus struggled to explain himself. 'Lily's a woman, is that what you're trying to say?' Remus nodded, suddenly unable to speak.
James Potter kept his eyes on Remus Lupin, all the time, thinking of Lily. He decided to ask the one question that had haunted him for so long. 'So, are you in love with her? Are you in love with my wife?' Remus's mouth flew open into a gape. 'What? Am I…what?' he asked, he had never felt more staggered in his life. James Potter didn't react, he just repeated the question. 'I asked you if you are in love with my wife, it's not a trick question, just a yes or no will do'.
Remus's heart started to hammer painfully. He was wide eyed and, he admitted to himself, terrified. He thought about James and the Marauders and how their friendship at Hogwarts and beyond had meant so much to him, how they had befriended him and supported him, even breaking the law for him.
Remus thought about Lily. He thought of how, even when she realised he was a werewolf, even before she was involved with James, she kept quiet, not even telling Remus she knew the truth. Remus didn't have to bother asking how she knew. Lily was an intelligent witch, and was more than capable of working things out for herself. Then, before their marriage, James told her about being an illegal Animagus. Remus understood the risk James was taking in doing that. Lily could easily have walked away, and refused to marry him, but she didn't. She stayed, married James and found the man who invented the Wolfsbane Potion, so Remus would find his transformations easier, and James could give up breaking the law.
Remus knew now that he had become infatuated with Lily, he had developed a sort of late schoolboy crush on her. He got carried away when he realised the potion worked for him, and he kissed her and persuaded himself she helped him because she cared for him as more than a friend. But, he realised now, he had deluded himself. She helped him because she felt sorry for him, that was true enough, but he was her friend, nothing more. The reason Lily helped him was because she was desperate to be with the man she loved, the only man she loved, James Potter.
Remus realised, as he sat and watched James stare at him, waiting for an answer, that there was no way he could ever intrude on James and Lily's relationship, even if he sometimes thought he wanted to. They had built a life together, had a child together, been to hell and back more than once together, and they loved each other more than anything. They were unbreakable. He thought of his friends, their loyalty and support, and knew he couldn't lose that, not for something that was never going to happen. So, he swallowed hard, and looked James in the eye. 'No, I swear, I love Lily as a friend, of course I do, she's been good to me, but I swear, I'm not in love with her, and even if I was, it wouldn't make any difference. Lily is mad about you Prongs. At the end of the day, she helped me out because she loves you. If I was in love with her, I'd be wasting my time, Lily loves you'. James Potter eyed Lupin suspiciously. 'Are you sure, because if you're lying to me….' Remus Lupin held James Potter's gaze firmly. 'I'm sure, absolutely. I swear Prongs, Lily is a dear friend, she always will be, I'll be grateful to her until the day I die for what she's done, but she loves you Prongs, Lily loves you'.
James Potter suddenly felt as if a weight had been lifted from him. A weight, that if he was honest, scared him more than anything. Of all the things that he had been through with Lily, being on the run, being in terrible danger, facing death, the thing that scared him more than anything was the thought of losing her, and thereby, their son. He knew now that would never happen. Whatever lay in front of them, even if Voldemort came, he knew he could face it. Lily loved him.
James looked at Remus and smiled. Remus breathed a sigh of relief. James turned and went to the door of the living room. He opened it, and went through to the kitchen where he found Sirius, who was sat at the kitchen table, Harry on his lap, and laughing again over Damocles Belby's name. On seeing his friend, Sirius just stood quietly, and carried Harry back into the other room, closing the kitchen door as he went. Sirius didn't know what was going on, but he could tell just by looking at his closest friend that this was no time for him and Harry to be in the way. James and Lily needed a moment alone.
Lily stood making tea. On hearing James come into the kitchen she turned and faced him, an anxious expression on her face. 'Is everything OK? Did you speak to Remus? Are we all right?' she asked, her voice sounding almost afraid. Wordlessly, James stepped closer to her and pulled her into his arms. He placed a finger under her chin and gently tilted her head, so he could see into her beautiful eyes. Then, ignoring the confused look on her face, he closed his eyes and kissed her on the lips.
