CHAPTER NINE: UNDERSTANDING AND FRIENDSHIP

When James got back home, Harry was still sleeping. James went inside the cottage, and found Lily in the kitchen, which was now spotlessly clean. She looked up when he came into the room, and smiled wryly. 'Harry obviously found your company riveting' she said, indicating the sleeping baby. James nodded, 'Obviously!' his face broke into a wide smile, 'Mind you, he frightened the life out of me, I was talking to him and he went all quiet on me. I was scared I'd dropped him or something stupid, I knew you'd kill me if I'd gone and lost him', Lily nodded, smiling and James jaw dropped open. 'You weren't supposed to agree with me woman!' he exclaimed, looking disgruntled. Lily giggled, 'Well I would!' she said, her eyes bright. James shook his head, 'Yes, I know you would…anyway, once I'd stopped panicking I looked and there he was fast asleep!' he sat down at the kitchen table as he spoke, Harry still in his arms.

Lily made some tea and sat down opposite James. 'Sirius had to go before you got back, he said he's going to check on Peter, and he'll see us tomorrow'. James nodded, and sipped his tea. 'Great, did he help you much with the clearing up from our painting?' he asked, raising his eyebrows quizzically. Lily grinned, 'No, he didn't help me….he did it all, admittedly by magic, but he did it all the same' she laughed at James's dumbfounded expression. 'Sirius never tidies up, not even in his own place! James exclaimed loudly, before remembering Harry was asleep in his arms. 'I've never seen Sirius tidy up, ever, not even magically, so what's up with him?' he whispered.

Lily shook her head sadly, 'I don't think anything's up James, I just think he still feels guilty about not being our Secret Keeper, and he wants to help us any way he can'. James released a groan, 'I told him not to worry about that, I told him it doesn't matter, Wormtail's doing it, and we're fine, so what's he worried about?' Lily shook her head, 'I don't know, but I think you should talk to him about it, I don't like the idea of him worrying about it. After all, he was thinking about us, wasn't he, Harry and us? James nodded firmly, 'Course he was'. Lily went on, 'He promised he'd come and see us every day, and he has. I think he's doing everything he can for us.' She sat thoughtfully for a moment before speaking again. 'James, I think you should tell Sirius he shouldn't worry if he can't get here every day, I mean, it's lovely of him, but he must have other things to do, I don't like the idea of him worrying about us.' James nodded in agreement. 'He shouldn't be worried about us now, I mean, the charm is done, we're all safe, life is normal again….I'll have a word with Sirius tomorrow'. Lily smiled tenderly at her husband and their son, who was still sleeping peacefully in his father's arms.

The next day dawned and James woke up first. The family had now been back at Godric's Hollow for five days. James felt a tingle of excitement as he remembered flying with Harry the day before. Then he felt a twinge of sadness. He hoped fervently that he would get the chance to fly with him again one day, 'preferably when he's awake' James said to himself. 'Who's awake? Is it Harry? Did he cry out?' demanded Lily, waking with a start and trying to get up quickly from the bed. James grasped her hands as she went to move. 'No, Harry's fine' he smiled a good morning to Lily and she sighed and got back into bed properly.

Lily slipped an arm loosely round James as she lay back down on her side, under the covers; she rested her head on his chest. James lay on his back and rested an arm around hers, as it lay around his waist. They lay in comfortable silence for a long time, neither of them wanting to move. Lily sighed contentedly. James looked down on her and raised his hand to stroke her cheek gently, his eyes glowing with warmth.

Lily trembled at his caress on her skin, she felt a familiar, though long absent heat rise within her. Lily looked up into James's eyes and saw passion and love burning in their fathomless depths. Suddenly they were kissing, their lips crashing together and their tongues dancing in a joyous union as they caressed each others mouths. Lily gasped as James began to caress her. Moaning in the back of his throat, James turned Lily onto her back gently and ran his hands over her face, and down her neck. She arched into him when his lips moved from hers and caressed the hollow of her throat, then a hand brushed her breast softly and Lily thought she'd die from the pleasure of it. Suddenly James stopped what he was doing and rolled off Lily, clearly frustrated and angry with himself. 'Bloody hell!' he exclaimed, slamming his hand down on the bed.

Lily took a moment to catch her breath before she was able to sit up. 'James, what is it, why did you stop?' she asked. She was worried. He hadn't touched her like that for so long, and when he did…..she could still feel the warmth of his touch on her skin, he'd made feel alive and loved, and then he'd stopped. The heat he had awoken still coursed through her veins.

Lily's eyes watched her husband as he sat up and went to get off the bed. Lily reached for him. He turned towards her and smiled sadly. 'I'm sorry love, I just….I didn't want to get carried away' he looked distinctly shaken. Lily sighed, 'James you're my husband, we're married, you're allowed to get carried away.' She tried not to sound frustrated, the heat within her made her want him desperately. She moved to take him into her arms, but James shrugged her off gently and rose from the bed. He faced her and Lily could see he was shaking in his effort to control himself. He clearly wanted her as much as she did him. He had to take a deep breath before he could speak. 'I….Lily I love you, you do know that….don't you?' he swallowed hard. Lily smiled softly and nodded, 'I know you do, and I love you'. James nodded, 'I know….I know you do' then his eyes filled, 'which is why I can't do that Lily, I want to…' he gritted his teeth now, clearly frustrated and upset, 'God knows, I do want to, but I can't…..' he trembled with the effort he was making to control his feelings.

Lily got off the bed and faced her husband. She stood in her nightgown and studied James as he stood on his own side of the bed, in his boxer shorts. She took in his muscular, if slim, frame. She knew all the years of playing Quidditch at school had benefited him considerably, though the strain of everything they had been through had taken its toll on him. He was thinner than he was when they married. He wasn't strikingly handsome in the way that Sirius was, but there was something about him, something that was appealing, that drew people to him, especially women. His hair, which permanently stood up at the back, no matter how hard he tried, was thick and jet black. His lips were full and sensuous, his nose added to a profile that made him look strong and noble. His deep hazel eyes shone with pleasure when he enjoyed something, and burned furiously when he was angry.

Lily remembered being told once that the eyes are the windows to the soul. She couldn't help thinking that was never truer than for James. His eyes showed every emotion he experienced. She remembered how his eyes focused on her as she walked up the aisle towards him on their wedding day. It was as if she was the only person in the world to him. She remembered how his eyes reflected his love and passion for her when he took her in his arms and made love to her on their wedding night. He worshipped every part of her body that night, his eyes never leaving hers for a moment, every emotion he felt, every moment of their uniting as one showing ecstatically in his hazel orbs. He treasured Lily that night, and even when words failed amid the waves of their combined desire, his love still shone from his eyes.

Lily moved from her own side of the bed and stood directly in front of James. The eyes looking into hers were full of love, frustration and something else. Lily raised a quizzical brow. 'James, what is it?' she asked softly. James groaned under his breath; he knew he had to make her understand. 'Lily, I love you, and I do want you…' Lily stepped forward, reaching for him, but James stepped back, out of her reach. He closed his eyes against the pain that suddenly clouded her gaze. 'James, you said you wanted…' Lily was interrupted by an exasperated gasp. 'I said I want you, but I can't!' James cried passionately. He went on. He knew he didn't dare stop now. Lily was silent, shocked at his sudden outburst. James took a breath to calm himself. 'I can't make love to you Lily…..I can't….I'm….I'm frightened' he admitted, wondering what was worse, wanting her so badly or the embarrassment of his words. He decided it was probably the latter. He flushed with shame and could hardly bring himself to look at Lily, who still hadn't said anything.

As Lily looked at James, his face full of shame and embarrassment, she realised immediately what he was saying. She sighed sadly. 'This is because of the times we made love when we were on the run, isn't it? It's because of that night at the flat isn't it? It's because you think you hurt me, isn't it?' She edged closer to him and met his gaze again. James eyes locked with hers and he nodded, shamefacedly. Lily shook her head. 'We talked about this James, I told you, you didn't hurt me, I know you'd never hurt me, not in that way, not in any way, unless you could help it' Lily's voice was calm, but insistent.

James suddenly tensed, he sounded almost angry. 'Oh Lily! I know you're trying to help me, and I love you for it, really, but you have to be honest, I did hurt you! I practically raped you, you know I did!' his voice was rising again. Lily shook her head, her eyes wide, 'James, you didn't! You didn't mean to hurt me and I was more than willing, so it wasn't rape, nearly or otherwise, things just went out of control for a while, that's all!' Lily struggled to keep her own emotions under control, she could see James was in pain and she was desperate to help him, she needed to convince him that she trusted him completely, and knew he would never intentionally hurt her.

Lily knew James was distraught after their first night at the flat. They'd been terrified at the thought that yet again they were being chased down by Voldemort. When they were safe again with Harry, their feelings had overtaken them, and they made love so frantically it scared them both. James entered Lily so fiercely she cried out in shock and pain. He hardly touched her now, at least, not in any way that would lead anywhere beyond kissing and holding each other.

James trembled when Lily reached out and took his hands in hers. She looked into his eyes again. 'James, do you love me?' she asked quietly. He didn't hesitate for a moment. 'Of course I do! You know I do, but….'

Lily went on, her eyes meeting his unflinchingly. 'Would you ever call me names James…..er….like Mudblood for example?' James visibly flinched. Lily held his hands in hers calmly. He clenched his jaws, grinding his teeth, 'You know very well I wouldn't! I'd never call you by that vile name! You know I hate anyone being called that, but you….I'd never call you that! I couldn't!' He was wide eyed and indignant. Lily nodded, stroking his hands soothingly. 'Of course I know' she said softly.

James relaxed a little. He couldn't work out where she was going with this. Lily went on, her voice low and soft. 'I know you love me James and I know you would never call me names, though God knows, I probably deserve it sometimes…' James immediately opened his mouth to contradict, but Lily cut him off. 'No, I probably do' she insisted. 'That's all very well Lily, but there's a bit of a difference between name calling and what I….' James was cut off as Lily went on, her voice steady and firm. 'I know for certain, you'd never hurt me intentionally, not in any way, especially when we make love, so I know you didn't mean to hurt me that night'.

James suddenly released his hands from Lily's tight grasp. He jerked his head up and looked at her, full in the face. 'But what if I did?' he asked, his voice almost cold. Lily stared at him in confusion. 'What?' she asked. 'I said what if I did? What if I meant to, at least in that moment, what if I meant to hurt you?' Lily sighed and looked at her husband steadily. 'James you wouldn't, I know you wouldn't.' James groaned softly in the back of his throat. Then when he spoke, his voice was not much more than a whisper. 'That's what I'm frightened of Lily. I'm frightened that if we make love again, I'll hurt you again and I…..' his words stuck in the back of his throat, tears welled in his eyes.

Lily moved to James and took him in her arms. 'I never meant to hurt you Lily, I swear, I never meant to hurt you!' James's voice was thick with emotion. Lily held him tightly in her arms. 'It's all right, shhh now, it's OK. I know you didn't mean it. I've been telling you that all along, I know.' Lily eased out of his arms and smiled tenderly up at him. 'James, what you forget is that I was as bad, taking from you and giving hardly anything' he went to contradict again and Lily shook her head. 'We were both as bad James. The thing is, we were both so frightened, scared to death of losing Harry, scared to death of losing each other, so every time we survived, every time we were safe and still together, things were bound to go a bit mad. At the end of the day, we hadn't really been married long when all this blew up with Voldemort and that bloody prophecy, so in a way it's only natural we used sex to comfort ourselves, but you never meant to hurt me and I know you wouldn't do it again, so please, can't we go back to the way we were? I want us to make love again…..please'.

James looked into Lily's eyes for one long moment. Lily met his gaze with love and certainty in her eyes. Looking at the confident assurance in his wife's eyes, his heart began to race. She had convinced him. She understood how he felt. She was certain of him, she was sure of his love and sure he would never hurt her deliberately. He silently thanked God for her.

James took a relieved breath and then he sighed as he had a thought. He smiled, his whole face lighting up. 'I want you Lily, I really do, but we'd better not, not now'. Lily looked at him quizzically, 'Why not?' she asked, relief washing over her that at least he'd said he wanted her. James smiled seductively making Lily feel faint. 'Well now, when we do, I plan on taking my time with you, loving you, touching you, being with you, enjoying you, all of you…and I can't do that just now….' Lily just asked again with a look, she found herself unable to speak after his declaration. James grinned warmly. 'Because my love, I'd die of embarrassment if we were…um…...just getting down to it and Sirius arrived. You know he'd enjoy embarrassing the hell out of me!'

Lily giggled, 'I think you've made your point quite well Potter' her eyes sparkled with happiness. 'There is just one thing…' James raised an eyebrow at the look on her face. 'What Lily?' he asked tentatively. Lily broke into a huge grin. 'I think we should hurry up and get dressed, if we stand here like this much longer, I don't think I will be able to answer for what I might do.' She cast a longing eye over James in his boxer shorts. James looked at her in her nightgown and felt his own body react. 'Yes…..I see….I see exactly what you mean…' he gulped. Neither of them moved. Lily smiled softly, 'Well, shall we go and get Harry up and get some breakfast then?' James nodded, and blinked, concentrating on making himself move. After a few moments of watching each other hungrily, they both sighed before they burst out laughing and went to wake up their son.

Sirius arrived not long after breakfast. At least, Lily and James knew it was Sirius. To any passing stranger the large black dog outside their house might have looked like a stray that had learned where to go for a meal. Lily was alerted to his presence when he suddenly jumped up at the kitchen window just as she was washing up after breakfast. She screamed in shock as he suddenly appeared outside and barked loudly. 'Sirius Black, you stupid idiot!' she exclaimed, 'God, you frightened the life out of me!'

James ran into the kitchen having heard Lily scream, Harry in his arms, who he had just dressed. He saw Lily holding a hand over her heart, and Sirius, or rather, Padfoot, sitting outside, looking through the kitchen window, with something rather like a smile on his face. James grinned and went to the front door to let Padfoot in. The dog bounded inside, wagging his tail furiously.

Lily frowned at James, 'Well, aren't you going to tell him off for scaring me?' she demanded, glaring now at the dog who was licking her feet. James Potter's eyes sparkled, and he grinned wickedly, 'Of course I will, anything for you my love.' Lily rolled her eyes; she could tell James was obviously in a silly mood. 'I should've pounced on him when I had the chance and let Sirius catch us. That would've wiped the grin off his face!' Lily thought, suppressing a snigger. James straightened his face and spoke to the dog, 'You're a very bad dog Padfoot, a very bad dog…' he said in a sing-song sort of voice, '…and stop being a pervert with Lily's feet!' he cried, his eyes shining with laughter.

Sirius transformed back to his human form, he stood on his knees, his nose brushing Lily's feet. 'Sirius, get up now!' Lily cried, pushing him away. Sirius laughed loudly, 'Sorry Lils, I just couldn't resist…and I was not being a pervert with her feet, thank you very much!' he glared at James before grinning again as he stood. Lily sighed, 'Honestly Sirius, when are you ever going to grow up?' she asked, smiling at her friend. Sirius laughed again, 'Oh, I don't know Lils, probably one day, one day soon' he replied. 'I wouldn't count on that' James supplied, as Sirius took Harry out of his father's arms and into his own. Sirius beamed, 'No, you could be right, being a grown up would be boring, I think I'll stay this age forever'. James nodded, 'Me too, being an old man wouldn't suit me'.

Lily shook her head, 'James I promise, when you're old, fat and wrinkled I'll still love you, and I'll buy you a nice slow broom to fly, and a new goblet to put your teeth in at night.' She beamed at him nonchalantly and Sirius roared with laughter. James grimaced, 'Ugh! You were winning there until you got to the teeth bit….that's gross Lily, really gross!' Lily laughed, 'It was supposed to be!' she giggled at the look on her husband's face. James turned to Sirius, who was still laughing. 'You can shut up as well' he glared, 'foot licker!' his face broke into a wide grin.

Sirius pulled a mock frown, his eyes bright with laughter, 'I can't help it if you married a woman with sexy feet…did you know you'd got sexy feet Lils?' Lily smothered a smile, 'No Sirius, I didn't realise I'd got sexy feet….have I got sexy feet?' Lily turned to James and gave him her best wide eyed innocent look. Just for good measure, she licked her lips provocatively. She suddenly wanted to tease him. James looked down at Lily's feet and smirked flirtatiously. 'You've got very sexy feet love….you're sexy all over if you ask me' he winked at her.

Lily's face blushed almost as red as her hair. She locked eyes with James and swallowed hard. They stared at each other for a long moment. Sirius groaned, Harry still in his arms. 'Should we leave you two alone, or should I just cover Harry's eyes?' he enquired sarcastically. Lily tore her eyes away from her husband, and coughed, 'Sorry Sirius', she smiled kindly, 'do you want a cup of tea?' she asked, before turning around to put the kettle on.

When Lily had her back to the others, she bit her lip to stop herself grinning. She knew flirting with James again was a good start. She knew there was more where that came from, much more.

Sirius Black stayed at Godric's Hollow all day. The day reminded Lily of the time at Hogwarts when her relationship with James had just begun, and she'd started to realise the depth of the closeness between James and Sirius. She knew even now, as adults, they had a friendship that could never be broken. They were more like brothers than friends.

Sirius did have a brother of course, Lily knew that. Regulus Black, Sirius's younger brother died the year Harry was born, just before James and Lily had to go on the run with their son. Sirius's family were up to their eyes in the Dark Arts, and Regulus was no exception. He was became a Deatheater and then, when he realised what that would involve, he tried to back out. As a result, he was murdered.

Lily remembered how Sirius didn't seem surprised at first by what happened. He knew what his family was like. He came round to tell Lily and James the news and he ranted and raved at what he thought of as Regulus's stupidity. It was only when Lily left the room briefly that she heard a sound. She turned back to the room to find Sirius sobbing in his best friend's arms. When he was calm again, he explained that it wasn't so much that he was upset over his brother, they'd never been close, and their relationship virtually vanished when Sirius moved out of his family home and in with James and his parents when he was just sixteen, it was the fact that if Regulus had stood up for himself against his parents, he would never have got himself hooked up with Voldemort and would probably still be alive. It was the waste of a life that Sirius hated.

Lily remembered fondly how Sirius reacted when she broke the news to him that she was pregnant with Harry. He had been dropping some not-so-subtle hints ever since Lily and James became a couple that he wanted to be Godfather to their first child. When he was finally asked if he was still interested he was speechless. Lily remembered his bottom jaw hanging down as he struggled to take it in. Then, characteristically, he whooped with joy and jumped around the cottage for ages, like a hyperactive puppy.

When Harry was born, Sirius was almost as attentive to Lily as James. Lily smiled softly at the memory. James was out at Auror training when Lily's labour began. Lily managed to get a message to him before taking herself off to St Mungo's. Later there was uproar in the maternity wing of the hospital when James arrived with a very flustered Sirius Black in tow. James was in a state, worrying about Lily and impending fatherhood, and Sirius just wanted everything to happen immediately. He sulked when Lily, mid contraction, yelled at him, 'Well you'll have to bloody well wait, now sod off!' When the contraction faded Lily apologised and Sirius accepted with good grace. However, he spent the rest of the labour in the corridor outside Lily's room. James told Lily much later that when he popped out to check on him, leaving Lily for just a second, Sirius was pacing up and down the corridor, looking like a new father himself!

Then Harry was born and Lily knew she would never forget those first few minutes of motherhood. She remembered looking down on Harry and hardly believing he was hers. There was so much of James in him it was scary. He had James's hair, right down to the way it stuck up in exactly the same way, he had the same nose and even his hands were a mirror of his father's.

Lily remembered James and Sirius holding Harry for the first time. They each held him, James first of course, and then Sirius. Lily remembered a lump rising in her throat when, as they each held Harry in their arms, the two young men cried. When Lily pointed out they were supposed to be happy, it wasn't a time to cry, both insisted they weren't crying; they had something in their eye! Lily argued that they were crying, she could see the tears, but both ignored her; they were too busy gazing down on the new baby boy, planning when they could start teaching him to fly and when he could get his first wand, and so on. Lily didn't bother correcting any over ambitious plans they had for Harry at this stage, she was too tired from the labour, and besides, even if she had said anything, she doubted either man would have noticed. They were too focused on Harry to notice anything else at that moment.

Lily's mind went to when they found out about Voldemort wanting Harry dead. Sirius seemed to come into his own immediately. He supported James and Lily quietly, with a calm assurance that Lily never knew he was capable of. He was adamant they would be OK and Harry would be all right. It was much later when he told Lily they just had to be OK because they were his family, his only family.

Lily realised the situation with Voldemort was as hard for Sirius as it was for James and her. She knew someone as active as Sirius would hate the way there was nothing he could do to keep the family safe. Having to refuse to be their Secret Keeper must have made the feeling worse, so now he tried to help in other ways, visiting every day and making sure they were all right before going and checking on their Secret Keeper, Peter Pettigrew. Lily knew Sirius was a true and loyal friend.

As Lily watched James and Sirius that day, laughing and joking together like schoolboys one minute, and then lavishing attention on Harry the next, she felt completely safe and happy in a way she had not felt for months. She felt that she and James would be okay, they'd talked through the problems they'd had. It was as if, in the last few days, they'd found each other again and she loved it. Lily realised Voldemort was still a danger, but, in that cottage, listening to her husband and friend making her son squeal with laughter as they played, she believed everything would be all right. They had fought the battle and survived.

That night Sirius rose to leave. Lily had already said goodnight to Sirius and pecked him on the cheek as she carried a sleepy Harry up to bed. As she went she kissed James softly, telling him not to stay up with Sirius all night. Lily knew she might as well talk to herself. When James and Sirius were together, they could talk for hours. Consequently, by the time Sirius was leaving it was pitch black outside. The late October night was starlit, and as James opened the front door to see his friend out there was a definite chill in the air.

Sirius stood on the doorstep and looked out on the night sky. 'Right, it looks like I'll just get time to check on Wormtail and then I'm off to bed….I'm shattered', he said, stifling a yawn. James nodded sluggishly, 'I don't think I'll be long either….it's been a great day though, Harry loved it' he broke into a wide smile.

Sirius went to go, but James pulled him back, just for a second. 'Listen, if you haven't got time to come and check on us every day, don't worry about it, we're fine' he said lightly. Sirius smirked, 'What is it? Am I cramping your style with Lily? Honestly, the way you two kept looking at each other today….it should've been illegal, and you married over two years as well, it's almost obscene!' James laughed. 'You're just jealous because I married a woman with such sexy feet…honestly, sexy feet! That was good, even for you!'

James suddenly became more serious. He looked his friend straight in the face, 'No, it's got nothing to do with cramping my style, it's just… well…we were thinking, you must have better things to do than worry about us all the time…' Sirius scowled, 'What you mean is I'm in the way, well pardon me for being concerned about my closest friends and my Godson!' he cried sharply. James eyes widened, 'Oh come on, don't be like that, I…' Sirius glared, 'Like what? You're telling me I'm in the way, and all I'm trying to do is keep an eye on things! I mean, I refused to be your Secret Keeper, the least you should expect is that I come round every day like I promised and make sure you're all…'

'Sirius' James interrupted his friend's rant by using his name, calmly and quietly, while his heart raced. He realised Lily was right. Sirius was still feeling guilty about not being their Secret Keeper. Sirius stopped talking and sighed heavily. He looked out again at the starlit night. 'It's just that I….you trusted me, you asked me to be your Secret Keeper, and I let you down, I should've…'

James shook his head firmly, 'No, now come on, you asked Wormtail to do it, and he has and we're in our own home again and happier than we've been for ages….Lily is happy with me again, and God knows, for a while there I thought….' He swallowed hard and then went on. 'Harry is safe and we're spending time with him properly, rather than being scared to death to breathe all the time. We're a normal family again Padfoot and we've got you to thank for that, so stop worrying about us, we're fine. Have a break for a couple of days…' he watched Sirius closely and noticed how tired he looked, and not just from the late night, '…and maybe we'll do something after Halloween. I mean, Harry's exactly 15 months old on Halloween, maybe we could have a little party or something for him, after all, we didn't do a lot on his first birthday did we, because of being at that filthy flat, oh, and don't worry about Wormtail either, you know as well as I do, he'd never betray us, so just have a couple of days break and then we'll get together and give Harry the party he should have had ages ago'.

Sirius felt uncertain. Part of him knew that if he came and saw James, Lily and Harry every day it reassured him. It made him feel that they were all right, and they would continue to be safe. He felt like they would only be safe if he kept an eye on them. But, another feeling told him that Wormtail was their Secret Keeper and wouldn't have the nerve to risk the consequences of betraying them. Sirius was sure Wormtail knew what would happen to him if he risked his friend's lives, so it wouldn't be worth it…besides he wasn't bright enough to plot to betray his friends. He thought about it and sighing, he looked at James. 'I'm sorry…I just worry about you all, that's all.'

James nodded and smiled, 'I know you do, but we're fine, we're all fine'. Sirius sighed again, 'Maybe your right, I probably could do with a break'. He stifled another yawn as he spoke. 'I'll tell you what, I'll stay at home tomorrow, then I'll check on Wormtail on Halloween and then the day after I'll come round and we'll teach Harry how to party Marauder style!' he grinned like a schoolboy. James laughed, 'Seems like a plan to me!' The two men shook on it and said goodnight.

Just as James was about to shut the front door he felt a need to call after his friend. He watched as Sirius got closer to the flying motorbike that rested against the low wall alongside the garden gate at the end of the garden path. James couldn't understand the sudden urge; all he knew was that he couldn't resist it. He went outside and ran down the path. 'Sirius!' he yelled as he ran. Sirius stopped abruptly. He turned and saw James running after him. 'What, what is it?' he demanded, his eyes wide open, looking around for anything untoward.

James stopped directly in front of his best friend, halfway down the path between the cottage and the garden gate. James met his friend's anxious gaze. Then, without planning it, without even thinking about it, James Potter reached out and hugged Sirius Black. The two men stood, arms around each other, just for a moment. James suddenly realised what he'd done and pulled away uncomfortably. He wasn't used to hugging his best friend, especially in the middle of the night! 'Um…I…I just…..' James muttered, flushing. 'Mate if you want a cuddle I'm sure Lily will oblige, you didn't really need to throw yourself at me!' Sirius grinned awkwardly, unsure what to do. He was used to playing Quidditch with James, or pulling pranks, not being hugged by him in the middle of the night!

James smiled, and then he became solemn. 'I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't let you leave for a minute…..' Sirius raised a quizzical eyebrow. 'Come on Prongs, spit it out'. James sighed, 'OK, but don't go mad or act stupid or anything, I haven't switched sides, I still fancy Lily and….' Sirius's eyebrows arched so much they were nearly in his hairline. 'Prongs, you're starting to scare me now, I mean, what…' he was interrupted as James spoke hurriedly, 'I just needed to say…..I love you'. Sirius's mouth dropped open in a gape. 'Well…er…Prongs….I….' Sirius was shell shocked to say the least. James groaned, 'See, now I've made a fool out of myself!' He shuddered in embarrassment. 'I just meant to say you're the best friend I ever had, you helped me and Lily get together at school, you've been a fantastic friend to both of us, you've been great to me, Lily and Harry since Voldemort started on us. You've done everything you could for us and…well, I love you'.

Sirius suddenly smiled and reached out and hugged his friend again. 'Well why the bloody hell didn't you say it like that to start with you prat! You had me scared then, I thought for a second you fancied me or something! Although, thinking about it, why wouldn't you…?' he smirked, and held on to James, patting him on the back firmly. James laughed, 'God, and Lily accused me of being arrogant!'

Sirius laughed softly. 'Just for the record, I love you too, you soppy sod! You're my brother, not just a mate, you're more my brother than Regulus ever was. You made me part of your family when your Mum and Dad took me in…' he tightened his grip on James as he spoke about James's parents, 'and you did it again when you made me Harry's Godfather…you made me belong somewhere, you made me fit in, so for that, and loads of other reasons besides, I love you too'.

James and Sirius finally released one another. 'I'll see you the day after Halloween, for Harry's party, OK?' Sirius said quietly. 'Yes…and sneak me in some firewhiskey, will you?' James replied, equally as softly. Sirius sniggered, 'Lily'll love that! She'll skin us alive if we get drunk!' James laughed, and then he watched Sirius walk away down the garden path, towards the flying motorbike, which took off with a roar. Then James Potter turned, went inside, closed the front door, and went upstairs to bed.