CHAPTER ELEVEN: HALLOWEEN
Lily woke early on Halloween to the sound of heavy rain slamming against the roof of the cottage. Judging by the level of darkness in the room, she thought there must be quite a storm going on outside. A distant rumble of thunder confirmed this, and Lily snuggled back down in the bed.
She lay in bed, her head resting on James's chest, his arms around her. She lay and listened to his steady breathing and the rhythmic beating of his heart as he slept. Quietly, Lily tilted her head up to look at his face. A smile lingered around his lips. He looked calm and completely at peace with the world. Lily thought she hadn't seen him look so young for ages. Even in sleep, James Potter looked happy.
Lily rested her head on his chest again and smiled as the previous night came back to her. She could still feel the warmth of his kisses and caresses, still hear the low husky voice that told her she was beautiful and expressed his love for her so clearly. She could still see the ecstatic expressions on his face when she touched him. She could still taste his kisses in her mouth, and smell him all over her body.
James stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes. Lily felt him move and turned her head up to see him watching her, sleepily. She smiled, and reached up to kiss him softly. 'Good morning, how are you?' she asked brightly. James kissed her in return, holding her for a moment. 'I'm great, really fantastic, how about you?' he asked, breaking into a wide smile. Lily turned into his arms. 'I'm great, on top of the world' she said, kissing him again.
As they kissed, the memory of the previous night rushed in on James. He remembered how beautiful Lily looked. He remembered every sound she made as they made love. He remembered every kiss, every caress they exchanged. He remembered all the words spoken as they shared their love for each other.
As they lay now, wrapped in each other's arms again, James wondered how he could have ever managed not to make love with her for as long as he did. It wasn't just the physical side of it, even though he knew that played a part, it was the closeness with her, the sharing of something so private, a part of their relationship that was their own. They knew each other intimately, they knew how to touch, where to touch, to give pleasure to the other. Both of them knew instinctively they would never get the same with anyone else, they fitted each other in a way no one else could. But they weren't just compatible sexually. They belonged together. They knew each other so well. They had built a whole life together, started a family, and gone through hell together. James knew their lovemaking the previous night reflected everything they'd been through together, it reflected a love that had survived in the face of tremendous difficulties. It reflected feelings that could never be broken because they not only loved one another, they needed one another desperately.
James moved and gently pulled Lily up, so he could look into her eyes. 'Thank you for last night, you were amazing' he smiled, stroking her cheek lovingly. Lily shivered; his gently touch on her cheek reminding her of the previous night. 'You're very welcome, you were pretty amazing yourself' she sighed, and gently pressed her lips to his.
The rain continued to smash into the cottage as they kissed and another distant rumble of thunder could be heard, but James and Lily were wrapped up in each other again, their lips and bodies pressed firmly together. They began to explore one another again, with hands and mouths, carried along by the passion within them both, and their love, which, momentarily blocked out anything else around them. Lily was held tightly in her husband's arms, on top of him, as his mouth tasted hers, his hands were in her hair, stroking, caressing the thick dark red locks. Then he ran his hands over her shoulder blades, and down her back. Lily moaned at his touch and nuzzled his neck, moving her hands into his own black hair. She ran her tongue over his chest, through the coarse hair, and was rewarded by a gasp. James continued to allow his hands to run down her back, until they reached the softness of her bottom. At this, Lily pressed herself against him, making him moan with pleasure. Lily smiled at her ability to make him react like this. She moved over him, ready to take him within herself, as he reached out and took a breast into his hand, taking its weight in his palm. He placed his lips on the other breast and kissed it, placing soft kisses all over the fullness, before taking the nipple into his mouth. Lily gasped. She was just about to ease him into her body when there was a sudden cry…..
Lily stopped and her head flopped down on James's chest. Both of them were panting. James lay on his back, sweat on his brow. Relaxing the tension in his body, he ran a hand through his hair. 'Our son has such a great sense of timing' he said, a smile in the corners of his mouth. Lily giggled, and turned her head up to face him, 'I know, never mind…we can catch up with this tonight' she beamed at him.
Harry's cries continued, gaining in strength. Lily sighed sat up. 'I'd better go and check on him' she kissed James softly and got off the bed. James watched her move towards the door. She opened it, and he grinned, 'Lily, I wouldn't do that if I were you' he chuckled. Lily turned to him, all the while Harry's cries becoming louder. She rolled her eyes, 'James, I love you, you know I do, but I can't just ignore Harry, he needs me!' she cried. James chuckled again, 'But Lily…' Now Lily glared, facing him again, 'James, now come on, Harry needs me now, don't be silly'. She turned to go out of the room. 'Lily, you're stark naked love', James said, his voice filled with amusement.
Lily Potter stopped in her tracks. Looking down at herself she turned around again. James lay, facing her, his eyes bright with glee. 'I'm enjoying the view immensely, but I think Harry's a bit young to appreciate it, and besides, you are his Mum!' James beamed at Lily, and then he burst out laughing. Lily watched her husband as he rolled around on the bed, laughing fit to burst. Tears of mirth spurted from his eyes.
In spite of herself the corners of Lily's mouth began to twitch. She grabbed her nightgown from where it was pooled on the bedroom floor and put it over her head quickly. She pulled it down her body, covering herself. 'Honestly, you could have told me I had nothing on!' she tried to sound annoyed, but could feel her own laughter building. James gaped incredulously, 'I tried, you were ignoring me!' he snorted in mock outrage and then laughed all the louder. Lily rolled her eyes. She found James's boxer shorts on the floor and threw them at him, smirking. 'Just put some clothes on you!' With a wide smile over her face, Lily turned back to the door to check on her baby boy.
Lily reached Harry's room and found the baby sobbing, standing up in his cot, gripping the rails on the side with all his might. He was red in the face; huge tears flowed from his eyes. 'Oh sweetheart, what's all this for huh?' Lily picked up the baby into her arms and held him close. He rested his head against Lily's chest as she held him, one arm around his body, the other hand in his black hair, which stood up at all angles. 'It's all right sweetheart, Mummy's here now, what's wrong darling?' Harry went on crying, the sobbing making way for whimpers. 'M-mama' he hiccupped, rubbing his face into Lily's chest, and grabbing some loose strands of her hair.
Another rumble of thunder echoed outside as Lily held the baby in her arms. She stroked his back softly, and moved him gently so his chin rested on her shoulder. 'There now, it's all right, Mummy's here' she soothed. 'I bet it was the nasty thunder that woke you up, huh?' she rocked the baby softly as she spoke, rotating her body gently from left to right to comfort him, 'or have you got a wet nappy?' she asked. She patted Harry's bottom where his tiny pyjamas covered his nappy. She smiled knowingly. 'That's what it is, someone's got a wet nappy!' she said animatedly. Harry began to whimper loudly again when Lily put him down on the baby changing mat to change his wet nappy. 'Just a minute poppet, just let Mummy change this nasty nappy and we'll have you more comfortable' Lily cooed, as Harry scrunched his face up and cried louder.
Lily worked as quickly as she could, removing the wet nappy, wiping Harry clean, and putting a dry nappy on, then she put his pyjamas back on properly and took him back into her arms. He went on crying, though more softly when Lily held him close again. 'There, all better now sweetheart, all better' she sighed, stroking his hair again. Gradually Harry's tears began to subside and he settled in Lily's arms. Lily heard his breathing slow and, assuming he had fallen asleep again, went to put him back in his cot. Even though it was raining outside, she knew a lot of the darkness was because of the early hour of the morning. 'There my darling, you go back to sleep and Mummy can go and spend a bit more time with Daddy' she sighed happily.
As soon as Lily turned to leave the room Harry cried out again, 'Mama!' and held his arms out. Lily looked down on him; his bottom lip was wobbling dejectedly. Lily smiled resignedly. 'OK, come on then, let's go and see Daddy, see if he can cheer you up a bit' she said, kissing him softly as she took him back into her arms. As soon as he was in her arms again, the baby stopped crying and cooed contentedly. Lily smiled down on him lovingly and carried him to her own room.
James was dressed in his boxer shorts and standing at the side of the bed when Lily went back to their room. On seeing her, he turned his head towards her and smiled. 'I was just coming to look for you, is everything OK?' he indicated the baby in Lily's arms. Lily nodded 'Everything's fine, Harry had a wet nappy, but I think, more than anything, he just wanted a cuddle with his Mum' she smiled affectionately down on the baby again. James grinned, 'He really does take after me then, doesn't he?' Lily rolled her eyes, and sat on the bed, putting her feet up and getting comfortable with Harry still held in her arms. 'Sorry, it looks like you've had your turn until later; my other man needs me more than you do at the moment' she smiled sweetly. James sighed dramatically and rested a hand on his chest. 'Discarded, cast aside for a younger man!' he swooned and pretended to faint back onto the bed. Lily rolled her eyes again, she looked down on the baby in her arms, 'It's all right darling, we'll just ignore silly Daddy, shall we?' she said wryly. Harry, who was wide awake and looking up at Lily attentively chuckled in response to her voice.
James groaned and put his feet back up on the bed. 'I swear you two gang up on me sometimes' then he leaned over and stroked Harry's hair gently with a finger, he adopted a conspiratorial tone as he talked to his son. 'It's OK, you can take your Mum's side for now, we'll lull her into a false sense of security, that way, when you're bigger she'll never suspect us when we start causing trouble for her!' he beamed down on Harry, who reached out a hand to his father. James chuckled, 'That's right, we'll shake on it!' He took Harry's tiny hand and gently shook it, as if sealing an agreement with him.
Lily laughed. 'Honestly, and you reckon you get ganged up on, what's it going to be like for me when he's older? I'll be outnumbered in a houseful of men!' James suddenly became thoughtful. 'Well there is one way we could solve that' he said, meeting Lily's eyes, 'we could have another baby, maybe try for a little girl….if you'd like, that is' he added quickly, seeing the astonished look on Lily's face.
Lily Potter was rarely ever speechless, but as she sat on the bed with her husband and son, as the rain continued to pour down outside, she realised she was lost for words.
The idea of having another baby hadn't seriously crossed Lily's mind. With the danger of Voldemort, and the effect that had on the three of them, she hadn't given a thought to extending their family. However, the idea of Harry growing up as an only child didn't appeal to her. James was an only child, but he'd had Sirius in his life since he was eleven. They were brothers in all but name. Lily had been close to Petunia, her own sister, until she'd received her letter offering her a place at Hogwarts, so she knew what Harry would miss out on if he was brought up without brothers or sisters. But, like it or not, Voldemort could continue to be a danger, and Lily couldn't help wondering if it was wise to bring another child into the world when all that was keeping them safe was the Fidelius Charm and Peter Pettigrew as their Secret Keeper.
James Potter coughed and startled Lily out of her reverie. 'I think I lost you for a minute there love, was it really that bad an idea?' he looked anxiously at his wife. Lily smiled to reassure him, 'No, it wasn't a bad idea, it was just a bit of a shock' she admitted. James nodded, 'I know, but what do you think, do you want more kids one day?' he arched his brows as he asked the question, looking into Lily's eyes. Lily sighed, 'But what about Voldemort? What about the danger?' she asked quickly, an anxious frown on her face.
James turned his eyes down to Harry in his mother's arms as he spoke. 'I know, there's always that, but now we've got the charm in place I think we're OK. It seems to me that as long as Wormtail keeps his mouth shut we'll be fine. I know he'd never betray us. He knows what Sirius would do to him if he did, and then there's the fact that it wouldn't cross his mind to let us down. He just isn't bright enough…believe me, I know'. James grinned as Lily slapped him playfully. 'That's not nice!' she said, frowning as if she was annoyed at him, before her face cracked into a smile. James eyes sparkled, 'It may not be nice, but it's true!' he exclaimed, fending off another slap. Then Lily's face fell. 'But is it right to have another child? I mean, I know the charm is there, but can we live under it forever?' Lily was uncertain. James met her unsteady gaze with a confident expression. 'I think we can, yes. I honestly think we're safe. I admit, up until this week I didn't want to think about the future, I was scared to, but now it really feels like we're going to be OK to get on with our lives.' James went on assuredly. 'Believe me, I wouldn't even think of us having another baby if I thought for one minute we wouldn't be safe, there is no way in the world I'd risk you and Harry, or any other kids we might have.'
Lily considered what James was saying. She thought about the week they'd spent back at the cottage and how much good it had done them all. She agreed with James, the charm was working. She realised they both felt safer, and were more certain of Harry's safety than they had been since the nightmare with Voldemort had begun. She was sure that as the weeks passed, they would continue to feel secure, until their darkest times were nothing but a memory. She realised James was right; maybe they would be all right now. Maybe it was time to start looking towards the future, and if another baby was part of that…..
Lily turned towards James, a light smile on her face. 'James, do you really want us to have another baby, or is this just some wild idea you've had?' James swallowed, 'Well, I admit, before last night I wouldn't have thought of it' he grinned lovingly at Lily, 'but I really do think we're safe to get on with our lives, and I don't really like the thought of Harry being an only child…and I'd love another baby with you, you're a great Mum to Harry, and I know you'd be a fantastic Mum to another baby, and….' James went on, his words flowing fast and furious.
Lily looked at James benevolently, 'James, have you quite finished?' she beamed at him, before raising a hand and stroking his cheek tenderly. James nodded dumbly, caught by surprise when she interrupted his outpouring. 'Well then, if you're absolutely sure, I'd love to have another baby….' Lily was cut off as James reached up and clamped his lips on hers, earning himself a disgruntled grunt from Harry as his father nearly squashed him in his haste. James pulled away and beamed ecstatically. 'You won't regret this, I promise you. I'll help you more next time than I did with Harry when he was newborn. I'll change her nappies and bath her, and read her stories and….'
Lily shook her head, laughing softly. 'James, I'm not even pregnant yet! What's all this 'her' business?' James winked and gave Lily a smug smile. 'Well if you remember, I told you before Harry was born he was going to be a boy…' Lily smirked, 'Only because you and Sirius had bets on it! I still reckon you bribed them at St Mungo's to find out what the sex was before he was born, even though you insisted you didn't want to know because 'it would spoil the surprise'. Lily's eyes were bright with laughter.
James was astonished, 'How did you know Sirius and I had bets on….' His voice faded out in shock. Then he beamed, 'Oh, never mind!' He continued doggedly. 'Our second baby will be a girl, you mark my words….you'd like a little sister, wouldn't you Harry?' James turned his attention to his son.
Harry responded by ignoring his father altogether. While his parents were planning the future of their family, their firstborn had fallen asleep, wrapped in his mother's comforting embrace.
The rest of that Halloween continued in much the same way as it started. The thunder soon passed over, but the rain continued, hammering against the cottage, and creating enormous puddles in the garden. The laden skies seemed to be pressing down on the cottage, covering it in a dank layer of wetness. Every now and then a strong gust of wind would blow, making the windows of the cottage creak ominously.
The miserable weather seemed to match the mood of the youngest member of the Potter household. While James and Lily were bright and cheerful, having talked about their future lives together, their son spent most of the day crying or whimpering piteously. Harry was happy enough when either Lily or James held him in their arms, but if, for any reason, they went to put him down, he cried so much they immediately picked him up again.
After Harry's fifth outburst of tears, Lily was at a loss. She handed the baby over to James, who took him and held him up over his shoulder, Harry's head nestling against his father's cheek. 'See if you can cheer him up, I just can't figure out what's wrong with him' Lily was on the verge of tears herself, she hated it when Harry cried and she couldn't do anything for him. James held the baby close, stroking his back. He immediately stopped crying again. 'You don't think he's coming down with something do you? He's never normally clingy like this' James said, continuing to stroke Harry's back soothingly. Lily shook her head, 'No, I don't think he's ill, he's not hot or anything' she reached up as she spoke and put a hand to Harry's head as he rested against his father. James smiled lightly, 'Well then, it can't be anything to worry about can it? Maybe he's just fed up today; after all, we all have 'off days', don't we?' Lily nodded, unconvinced. 'Yes, I suppose that could be it, but it's just so strange, I mean, he was really upset this morning when I went in to him, so I brought him into bed with us, but I thought once he was awake properly he'd be happier. I know it sounds mad, but it's as if he's frightened of something'. James smiled again, 'Lily he's a fifteen month old baby, what on earth could he have to be frightened of?' Lily shook her head. Harry's unusual behaviour was making her feel uneasy. 'I don't know, but I wish I did', she sighed heavily.
Harry Potter spent most of that day being passed between his parents. In the end, they gave up trying to put him down anywhere. From crying, the baby progressed to screaming loudly if he wasn't being held.
The Potters had planned to spend the day doing things to celebrate Halloween, but with Harry the way he was, they were more concerned with him. 'I'll get up early in the morning and do the stuff for his fifteen months party' said Lily in frustration, after abandoning an attempt to make a lantern from a pumpkin. James slipped a comforting arm around his wife as she stood in the kitchen, Harry in her arms again. 'Don't worry, we can celebrate Halloween next time, let's just get through today and just hope Harry's brighter tomorrow…and if he isn't, we can hand him over to Sirius for a bit…he won't mind Harry screaming at him, most of the girls at Hogwarts screamed at him at one time or another, so he's used to it!' James grinned wickedly.
Lily looked up at her husband and laughed softly as Harry became quiet again. 'I'm glad you said most of the girls at Hogwarts' said Lily, 'I'll have you know, I never screamed at Sirius at any point of our education'. James smirked ironically, 'No, I remember. You didn't scream at him…you screamed at me'. Lily shook her head, her eyes bright with suppressed laughter. 'Well, you deserved it; you were really annoying in those days'. James grinned, 'Oh, so I'm not annoying now, is that it?' Lily sniggered, 'Let me just say you're not as annoying as you were then…..most of the time'. James smiled at Lily and kissed her softly. 'I'm glad you noticed' he said, his voice warm. Lily laughed, 'Now now, don't start! I've got Harry in my arms'. James grinned, 'OK, but can I swap places with Harry later?' Lily looked up into James's deep hazel eyes. They held each other's gaze for one long moment. Then they both burst out laughing and exchanged a tender kiss, their son held between them.
Night fell and the rain that had marred the day suddenly cleared. The skies were starlit and peaceful at last. 'I bet Sirius is glad it's dried up, he's going to check on Wormtail tonight' said James, as he looked out at the weather, pulling the curtains in the living room open a little to see outside.
Lily had just returned from checking on Harry, who was now fast asleep in his cot, looking angelic. Knowing how he'd been all day, Lily decided to keep Harry up until he'd fallen asleep. Then she quietly went upstairs and put him in his cot, creeping out of the room when he was settled, for fear of waking him and having him realise he was alone. She'd been back upstairs twice to check on him, and still he slept peacefully. 'I hope Harry's in a better mood tomorrow' Lily said, coming to the living room window where James was still looking out. 'I still don't know what was wrong with him, but he's out like a light up there' she raised her eyes upwards. James smiled affectionately, 'I'm not surprised, he's probably worn himself out.' James moved away from the window as he spoke, and sat down on the rug in front of the fire, Lily sat at his side, her back to the fireplace, facing James. 'I'm sure he'll be fine for tomorrow, he probably just needs a good sleep' said James, reaching up and stroking Lily's cheek softly.
The couple fell into an easy silence. They were sitting in the living room dressed in their night things. A silk robe covered Lily's nightgown, while James was in pyjama bottoms and a robe. Only the logs, as they crackled in the fireplace, made any sound. James sat watching the flames intently, deep in thought, before he turned to Lily. He took her hand gently. Lily looked at him, and waited. She knew him well enough to know he wanted to say something.
James swallowed and then he spoke. 'Do you have any idea how much I love you?' he asked, meeting Lily's eyes with his own. Lily sighed, and reaching out, covered his hand, which held one of hers so gently, with her free hand. She smiled broadly, 'Oh, I think I have an idea….you showed me quite well last night'. A light smile appeared at the corners of James's mouth, but then he became serious, almost solemn, again. 'No, I mean it….you….you mean everything to me Lily. I don't think you realise how much'. Lily swallowed a lump that was rising in the back of her throat. 'Well go on, tell me then, I'm all ears' she said, blinking a few times to clear her eyes.
The couple moved so that they both sat sideways on to the fireplace, facing each other. The flames reflected in Lily's hair, making it shine vividly. James caught his breathe as he looked at her. Even after knowing her for so long, he was still mesmerised by her beauty. He took her hand in his again and then he spoke, running a distracted finger over her wedding ring, the ring that meant so much to him because it once belonged to his own mother who was murdered, with his father, by the Deatheaters.
'I know at school I was a nuisance, teasing you, pulling pranks, hexing people and stuff, but you do know, I was deadly serious about you, don't you?' Lily smiled lovingly, 'Well, I didn't know at the time, but I found out eventually'. James laughed, 'Yes, well, it took ages to convince you, that's for sure!' The two sat, memories of their time at school rushing to the forefront of their minds.
James caressed Lily's wedding ring again as he went on speaking, his voice warm and filled with emotion. 'Do you know when I realised I was going to marry you?' he asked, his eyes met Lily's quizzically. Lily shook her head, 'No, but I would imagine it was a couple of minutes after I accepted your proposal'. James shook his head and smiled, 'No, it was when I saw you in the Great Hall at the feast on our first night at Hogwarts'. Lily's mouth fell open in astonishment, and then she grinned, 'James, don't be silly, we were eleven years old, how could you have known then?' she raised her eyebrows at him sceptically. James grinned at her reaction. 'I don't know how I knew, all I know is that I saw you, noticed how scared you looked, and how pretty you were…' Lily smacked him bashfully and blushed, but James ignored her '…..and I told Sirius I'd just seen the girl I was going to marry' he said firmly. Lily smiled, 'You're not telling me Sirius actually believed you, are you? James shrugged, 'I don't know what Sirius thought. He grunted something at me, but he was more bothered about the feast than the fact that I'd just seen the woman of my dreams. He was eating at the time, and you know as well as I do what Sirius is like when he's eating!' James beamed and Lily giggled.
James became solemn again. 'I know I made an idiot of myself that first year, and I know I was a cocky little devil, but all I wanted was you to notice me'. Lily smiled ironically, 'Well, I did notice you, I mean, it wasn't as if you gave me any choice, was it?' James eyes glowed in the firelight, catching on to Lily's meaning straight away. 'If that's your way of reminding me of pushing you in the lake….' Lily's eyes flashed with mock annoyance. 'Well, you did push me in!' she cried. James shook his head, 'Now come on, I told you that wasn't my fault' he said innocently. Lily laughed deprecatingly, 'Oh yes, I remember now….something about Sirius pushing you and you landing on me, as I recall' Lily's eyes shone in amusement. 'At least I helped you out of the lake before the giant squid could get you' James defended himself, as Lily poked fun at him.
James eyes became bright with the recollection of another memory. 'Do you remember the second year? You had to stay in school that year for Christmas didn't you?' Lily nodded, 'Yes, Petunia was ill with the flu, and Mum and Dad didn't want me to catch it, so I stayed at Hogwarts'. 'So, do you remember our….er…snow-fight?' James beamed mischievously. Lily groaned, 'If by snow-fight you mean the day you dropped that snowball down the front of my robes, yes, I do remember it, thanks very much!' James laughed at the look of indignation on Lily's face. 'I don't know what you're looking like that for, you made the situation worse that day, not me!' Lily rolled her eyes, smothering the urge to laugh. 'It was your fault, you…you confused me!' 'Ha!' James smirked, 'I confused you!' he cried teasingly, he threw his head back and laughed, earning himself a glare from his wife, who was blushing profusely. James went on, a smug grin on his face. 'All I did was offer to help you remove it'. Lily smacked him on the arm, hard. 'Well there we are! You should've made your meaning clearer!' James smirked provocatively, his eyes shining with amusement. 'What? I would've thought it was obvious for a girl as intelligent as you, I was asking you if you needed my help with the snowball…..not that I minded you asking if I was offering to help you remove the snowball or your robe….' His eyes misted over wickedly, and he winked seductively, which earned him yet another slap from Lily, who was cringing in embarrassment. 'Yes, well, your reply wasn't exactly your most original line was it?' Lily mocked, she met James's gaze 'both if you like, will you go out with me?' they chorused, laughing.
Their laughter faded and James suddenly became thoughtful again. 'Do you know when I realised I was in love with you, that what I felt wasn't some stupid crush?' Lily didn't speak, she shook her head. James sighed, 'In the third year….the year I drove you mad following you around'. Lily stared in astonishment. 'But that was the year I thought you were making fun of me! I thought you were teasing me, or worse, trying to scare me….I thought you'd become some sort of crazy stalker!' James groaned, 'I know what you thought, I mean, you yelled at me often enough when you caught me watching you'. Lily sighed, 'Well you were a nuisance, I mean, you hardly ever left me alone. I swear, that year the only place I had any peace from you was in the girls toilets. I knew you couldn't follow me in there.' James grinned cheekily. 'Well just be glad I didn't get my invisibility cloak until we were in the fifth year, or I might have followed you in there too!' Lily smirked, 'Yes, I bet you would've done!'
James and Lily exchanged memories of their early days at Hogwarts, the many arguments and fights they'd had, the times James did something outrageous to attract Lily's attention, and the times when she rebuffed his attempts to get her to go out with him. They joked and laughed, argued and teased, caught up in their memories.
After a long while and many shared reminiscences, James became solemn. Lily saw his change of mood and knew what he was going to talk about next. Instinctively she took his hands and held them tightly. He sighed heavily, 'I was just thinking about the seventh year' he said quietly. Lily nodded, 'I know…..' she sighed, allowing him space to go on. James looked down at the soft white hands that held his rough hands so tightly and sighed. 'I can still see my Mum's face when I told her I was Head Boy' he whispered, his eyes filled with sadness. 'She was so proud of me, she actually cried'. Lily felt her own tears rising and swallowed hard. James went on, an ironic smile on his lips. 'Personally I thought Dumbledore had gone mad, absolutely stark staring crazy!' Lily smiled lightly, 'I wish you'd told me that at the time, I would've been able to say I agreed with you on something'. James chuckled, 'Very funny Mrs Potter, very funny!' Lily smiled innocently, 'Yes, I thought so!'
James shook his head, and went on. 'I couldn't believe it when you said you were Head Girl…Sirius still swears Dumbledore did it deliberately you know'. Lily nodded, 'I know, and to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised. You know what Dumbledore's like. He probably thought we'd be good for each other or something'. James smirked 'He probably thought you'd be a good influence on me'. Lily laughed dryly, 'I doubt very much Dumbledore considered me a miracle worker James'.
James Potter arched his brows and gaped, but said nothing. Instead, he shook his head and changed the subject. 'You know, that day in Potions, I really thought you'd had it with me, that I'd blown any chance of being with you, all because of a stupid accident'. He sighed as he spoke and stared down at Lily's hands as they held his. 'If it hadn't been for McGonagall, I don't know what would've happened'. 'What about McGonagall?' Lily asked quietly. James raised his head and looked into Lily's eyes, smiling reminiscently. 'Well, do you remember, I told you McGonagall was the one who told me to leave you alone after our…er…after I….' he struggled to find the words he wanted. Lily rolled her eyes, 'You mean after you yelled at me when I screamed at you and humiliated you in front of everyone?' James smirked ironically, 'Well I wouldn't put it quite like that, but that is the general idea, yes'. Lily sighed, 'Yes, I remember, but you didn't need to leave me alone really. If you'd just told me how you felt about me sooner, none of it would've happened'.
James arched his brows quizzically, 'Are you saying if I'd said I love you in the third year, you would've gone out with me?' Lily opened her mouth to say something and then appeared to change her mind. 'Well….probably not, no' she admitted. James smiled tenderly, 'No, I didn't think so and quite right too' he said brightly. Lily looked at him in surprise, startled by his unexpected remark. 'What do you mean, quite right too?' James laughed lightly at the confused look on his wife's face. 'Well, I was an idiot, wasn't I? Messing about, showing off and all that…I'm not surprised you were sick of me...I would've been if I was you' he added thoughtfully. 'McGonagall told me I'd never let you see the real me, I was always doing stupid stuff to impress you. She reckoned the only way I stood a chance was to leave you alone, so I did'.
Lily thought about what James said, memories of that time in the forefront of her mind. She vividly recalled the day when James made a silly mistake in Potions, which injured Professor Slughorn, albeit temporarily. She remembered how she'd yelled at James and how he'd eventually yelled back, telling her he loved her, before storming off. Later that night, before patrol, he'd announced he would be leaving her alone in future. He didn't know that revealing his feelings to Lily so honestly, when he wasn't messing around, made her realise her own feelings towards him. He began to avoid Lily as much as he could over the next few weeks, and then something happened that changed everything for them both.
James stared down at Lily's hands again, brushing her wedding ring softly. 'You know, a lot of those days after Mum and Dad died are still blurry. I remember everything that happened before, me teasing you on the train on the way to school, and you kicking me when I told you your legs are stunning…they still are, by the way' he added flirtatiously, earning a raised eyebrow and a smirk from his wife. 'I remember us arguing after Potions….and I remember a letter Mum sent me on the day she and Dad….' In spite of himself, James swallowed hard. Lily reached forward and took him into her arms. He sighed heavily as Lily held him, 'I'm all right, really. It's just thinking about it again, it makes it all seem new somehow….I keep telling myself they don't feel as far away any more, and it's true, they don't, but talking about it brings it back, and makes me remember how lonely I was. I felt as if I'd lost you as well as them you know'.
Lily nodded, her head resting gently on James's shoulder as she held him. 'I know, I felt exactly the same…I remember seeing you and feeling so terrible for you. I just didn't know what to do for the best. I mean, it wasn't as if we were on speaking terms was it? I thought if I spoke to you, you'd turn me away or tell me to get lost, and I knew I'd never cope with that….thank God Sirius asked me to come and see you'. James eased out of Lily's arms, but he kept hold of her hands. He smiled lovingly, 'Yes, thank God…Lily if you hadn't come that day, I don't know what I would've done….' Lily sighed, 'I was scared at first, I wanted to see you, but didn't know how to do it. Sirius was in a state. He reckoned I could make a difference to you, so I came'. James reached out and stroked Lily's cheek, 'Yes, and you did make a difference to me. You saved me Lily, and you went on saving me. I couldn't believe it when you told me you loved me…it was like everything I'd ever wanted was there for the taking'. Lily swallowed hard on the tears that she could feel in the back of her throat. 'Yes, well, you took some convincing that day, that's for sure!' she smiled at him, tears in her eyes. James sighed and caressed Lily's cheek again. 'Well, what can I say, I was an idiot…but I did love you….I do love you' he corrected firmly.
James pulled Lily into his arms again and held her as he spoke. 'I thought my life couldn't be any happier, but when you agreed to marry me, you proved me wrong'. Lily giggled against him, 'What? Even if I made you propose on your knee?' James laughed and squeezed her tightly, 'Yes, even if you did make me propose on my knee…' Lily giggled again, 'I still wish you could've seen the look on your face when I told you about that tradition, you looked like someone had swiped your favourite broom!' 'Well, it's a ridiculous tradition, as if asking wasn't scary enough I had to concentrate on balancing as well! Standing on one knee isn't as easy as sitting on a broom!' James replied, nuzzling Lily's neck. Lily sighed contentedly as she held James close to her, his lips brushing the skin of her neck softly. 'I hope you think it was worth it' she whispered in his ear. 'Oh, I definitely think it was worth it' he moaned before he pulled Lily closer still and pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her deeply, inhaling her scent as he held her. He ran his hands over her back and into her long red hair. After a long breathless moment they pulled away, gazing into each other's eyes.
James cleared his throat before he could talk again. 'I don't think I'll ever forget our wedding day. I knew way before then I'd never want anyone else, but seeing you in that church, walking towards me, looking so beautiful, God I felt like the luckiest man alive' James voice was low and wistful. Lily smiled tenderly, 'I felt lucky too. I had a man who loved me, who I knew would be totally faithful and just accept me for what I am, imperfections and all'. James shook his head. 'You haven't got any imperfections my love. I think that's my department' he said meaningfully. Lily frowned, 'James, I keep telling you, I'm not perfect, I never was'. Now James gazed at Lily with adoration, his eyes shining. 'You are perfect, you're perfect for me'. Lily blinked back a few more tears. 'Honestly, you seem determined to make me cry tonight!' she swallowed hard. James sighed, 'No, I'm not, I'm just trying to tell you how much I love you' he said earnestly.
Lily swallowed again and James went on. 'Like I said, you saved me Lily. If it wasn't for you I know I would've gone on being that arrogant, self centred bully you hated so much, I…' he was interrupted as Lily grabbed his hands tightly and looked into his eyes. 'James, I never hated you, not really.' James snorted in disbelief, but Lily shook her head assuredly. 'No, I mean it. I hated some of the things you did, but I swear, even when you hexed people for no reason, drove me mad, teased me and stalked me, I never hated you. I could get as mad as hell with you, especially when you hexed people, but I never hated you, not even for a second'.
James beamed as if Lily had handed him a precious jewel. 'Thank you, I'm not proud of the way I used to behave. I know I was a show-off. I used to think I was just confident, but looking back, God I was such a pain!' He pulled a face and Lily laughed. 'I wouldn't dream of arguing with you, mainly because you're right!' she sniggered. James rolled his eyes, 'Sometimes you're actually allowed to disagree with me you know!' he frowned while his eyes glowed with love. Lily smiled in response to the look of mock dismay on her husband's face. 'Why would I disagree, you're absolutely right…and more to the point, you're still a pain'. James mouth fell open into an astonished gape, making Lily laugh. 'But you needn't worry, you may be a pain, but you're my pain' she said fondly. James beamed again, 'Well that's all right then, I think I can live with that' he sighed contentedly.
James shifted himself and lay on his back on the rug in front of the fire, pulling Lily down beside him. She lay on her side, her head against James's chest, one of his arms around her. 'I still think it's amazing we're married and have a baby' he said, looking down on Lily. She smiled against his chest. 'I know, so do I' she admitted, then she became serious. 'I know a lot has happened, what with Voldemort and everything, but you don't regret having Harry do you?' she asked tentatively. Lily suddenly felt herself being grasped tightly and pulled over, so she lay on top of her husband. He looked deeply into her eyes. 'No, I don't regret having Harry, he's fantastic' James swelled with pride at the thought of his son. He smiled at Lily as he held her gaze. 'Besides, he's part of us isn't he?' Lily nodded, 'Yes, of course he is. I just wonder sometimes if you ever wished we'd had more time on our own before he was born'. James sighed, 'Well I suppose it would've been nice, but then again, if I hadn't been so stupid about Remus, we might never have argued like that and then we wouldn't have had to make up, would we?' his face broke into a wicked grin as he spoke. Lily's eyes shone as she lay and looked down on her grinning husband. 'I don't know, personally I quite enjoyed that particular make up session' she said provocatively. James laughed, his whole body shaking, 'I must remember to tell Harry one day, he was conceived after we had a row, I wonder what he'll make of that?' Lily grinned, 'Oh I don't know, he'll probably think we were sex crazed or something.'
James sniggered, 'Well let's be honest, we were when we first got married….do you remember that afternoon on the kitchen floor?' Lily blushed at the memory. 'Yes, yes I do, it was pretty difficult to forget….it took me ages to get that cake mix out of my hair you know.' James looked at the serious expression on his wife's face and burst out laughing. 'I'm sorry! Next time I'll be more careful about where I put you down…or I'll wash your hair for you!' Lily beamed, 'Not to worry, it was fun, but seducing me when I was in the middle of making a cake probably wasn't your best idea. As I recall, that's why we ended up on the floor. We started off on the table, until you knocked the mixing bowel over and it went over my hair…and as for what you did with the sugar….!' They exchanged a meaningful glance and then both James and Lily burst out laughing, their bodies rocking together.
James suddenly stopped laughing and gazed up at Lily again, cradling her face tenderly in his hands. They both became silent, the fire continued to crackle softly in the grate, but otherwise their corner of the world was perfectly peaceful. Lily caught her breath at the look of adoration on her husband's face. 'I know things haven't been easy for us. I know I hurt you when I thought something was going on between you and Remus' James said, distracting Lily's attempt to interrupt with a brief kiss. 'I know we've had it rough because of Voldemort, but I want you to know, through all of it, I never stopped loving you Lily. Even when we've argued and been distant with each other, I might have been afraid of losing you, but I never, ever stopped loving you. I know our love life went down the pan for a while…' James stroked Lily's cheek tenderly when she went to speak again, '…but even if we'd never made love again, even if you'd never let me touch you again, I swear, it wouldn't have made any difference. I love you with every fibre of my being Lily. You're my life; you're part of my heart and soul. I've loved you all my life, and I promise, whatever happens, I'll go on loving you, forever'.
By the time James had finished speaking Lily was in tears. She made no attempt to hold them back or cover them; she let them fall, unrestrainedly, down her face. 'Oh, James!' she wept, 'I love you, really I do. I know I can be moody sometimes, and I can be cruel to you….I'll never forgive myself for what I said to you last week at that flat…' James sighed, shaking his head firmly, 'Now look, I know you didn't mean it, we were both stressed and upset, it…' Lily silenced him with a kiss before going on, her tears still falling. 'No, let me say this' she waited and James nodded, allowing her to go on. 'I've never regretted any of our time together. It hasn't been easy, especially when we were so frightened for Harry, but through all of it, I knew I could cope as long as we were together. As for Remus, you just made a mistake, but I hope you know now I would never want Remus or any other man. No one else could ever take your place James. I couldn't love anyone else even half as much as I love you'.
The night lay silently around James and Lily as they lay in each other's arms in front of the fire. They held each other tightly, gazing in each other's eyes, hardly breathing.
Suddenly Lily reached down and pressed her lips firmly to her husband's. James responded immediately and clasped Lily tighter in his arms, swiftly turning so she was underneath him. Lily moaned softly as James kissed her lips, coaxing her to open her mouth for him. She did, and they explored each other, their tongues clashing together, seeming to draw them closer. James eased his lips from Lily's and began to plant tender kisses down the column of her throat, the two moaning in unison as Lily arched her body even closer to his. Soon James reached down and untied the knot in the belt of Lily's silk robe and opened it. He allowed his hands to wander over her face, down her neck, his touch gentle and tender. He sighed heavily as his hand brushed a breast softly over her nightgown, making Lily moan and arch her back passionately. Breathing heavily, James looked down on his wife, his eyes glowing in the firelight. 'I want you Lily' he whispered fervently. Lily's eyes widened in spite of the rush of sensations James was causing inside her as he caressed her with his hands and lips, she stared at him incredulously. 'What, here?' she asked breathlessly, 'wouldn't you prefer it if we went to bed?' James shook his head quickly, 'No, I don't think I'd make it love, I want you now, please?' Lily beamed with pleasure, responding to the questioning plea in her husband's voice. 'Well it's a while since we've made love in front of the fire isn't it?' she said, looking into James's glowing eyes. He nodded, 'Yes, the only other time was the first night we spent here after we got back from our honeymoon'. Lily smiled happily, 'That really is quite a memory you've got there Potter' she moved her body sensuously over his, making him moan in the back of his throat, 'so come here and show me what else you remember from that night' she said seductively. James grinned wickedly before he took Lily in his arms again and began to kiss her. Lily moaned softly when James began to slip Lily's nightgown lower, pulling it over her shoulders and down her arms.
James was about to slip the nightgown from Lily when his body froze. So caught up in what he was doing, Lily was startled when he suddenly stopped. 'James, what is it?' she asked anxiously. James didn't reply, he sat up and covered Lily again, before he rose to his feet quickly. In an instant he was standing in front of the living room window, the curtain open just a tiny fraction. Without knowing why, Lily suddenly felt afraid. 'James, please, you're scaring me, what is it?' she demanded fearfully. James head turned as he looked one way and then the other, through the window. 'I heard something, something outside' he replied, trying to keep calm. He went on looking out and then his breath caught in the back of his throat. He felt his heart racing in his chest, 'Oh my God….' He gasped, feeling the colour drain from his face.
Lily stood behind her husband and tried to see out through the window, but she couldn't. Hearing James sound scared frightened Lily more than anything. 'James, come on, move so I can see what it is. It's probably nothing' she said, trying to convince both of them. She jumped when James swiftly turned, his eyes wide with terror and his face deathly white.
The peace in the room was suddenly transformed to utter pandemonium. James opened his mouth. 'Lily, take Harry and go! It's Him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off…' he yelled, grasping Lily and attempting to drag her from the room. Lily stared at him in bewilderment. 'James, what are you doing, why are you looking so scared, why are you shouting?' she demanded, trying to remove herself from her husband's terrified hold, her heart thumping wildly. James ignored her and practically carried Lily halfway across the room, his hands shaking, sweat appearing on his brow. 'James! For goodness sake, put me down and tell me what is going on here, you'll wake the baby!' Lily cried, trying to push James away. James stopped in his tracks at the living room door. He looked down on Lily and then he spoke, his voice a fast, panic-stricken whisper. 'Now listen! Voldemort is here, he's outside Lily! Any minute now he'll be here, I need you to go upstairs, get the baby and get out of here, I….'
Now Lily glared angrily, her heart pumping. 'James I don't know what this is, but it isn't funny, you're frightening me!' she cried. James groaned loudly, 'Look Lily, I'm not fooling around, this is deadly serious! Wormtail was the spy all along, he was our Secret Keeper and he must have betrayed us! You have to get out of here now! Take Harry and get out of here, go to Sirius, tell him I sent you, tell him Wormtail was the spy and tell him I said to take you to Dumbledore, he'll help you from there, but you have to go now Lily!' James's voice was rising in his panic, his words tumbling out of his mouth one after another.
Lily stared at her husband in disbelief. She wanted to believe he was joking, that this was his idea of livening up their Halloween. However, as she looked at his panic-stricken face she knew the truth. Comprehension swept through Lily, filling her with icy terror. 'Oh my God….! James, what are we going to do? Harry….!' Lily was becoming hysterical; she stepped from one foot to the other as fear overtook her senses. 'We have to get out James…. all of us, we have to go, get out of here…! Yes, that's it….. We can go…we need to get Harry and we can all go to Dumbledore!' she panted, her eyes full of fear. 'We just need to get Harry and get to Dumbledore…we'll be fine…nothing will hurt us if we just keep calm and get to….'
James's face set into a rigid line. He grasped hold of Lily as she went on, ranting hysterically, 'LILY!' he yelled, shaking her slightly. Lily closed her mouth abruptly, a shocked gasp escaping her when James shouted. 'Now just listen! You know as well as I do, Harry needs you to get him out! I have to stay to hold Voldemort off, to give you time! Lily you have to do this! You need to get Harry out now! We're wasting time, please, just go!'
Lily burst into tears and tried to hold on to her husband, 'James, please, we can all go! Please, don't do this, we can all get out and go to Sirius together! If we go now, this minute, we'll be fine!' Terror was coursing through Lily's veins. James shook his head firmly. 'We can't Lily, this has to stop now. If we all go together, Voldemort will just keep coming after Harry and it'll never be over. I can't do that Lily, I couldn't live with the thought that I had the chance to get rid of Voldemort and I just ran. If I did and then we lost Harry to him, I couldn't live with myself.'
James was beginning to feel strangely calm. He sensed the urgency of the situation and realised he had to get Lily to leave with Harry if they were to stand a chance, but he knew somehow, he wasn't afraid for himself any more. He knew what was going to happen. James knew he would fight to live, but if he was meant to die, he would accept it, as long as Lily and Harry were safe.
Lily sobbed and gripped James frantically, her arms tight around his neck. 'Oh please James! Please, don't do this! I can't leave you James, I can't! Please, James I'm begging you, please don't make me…' James fought to control his own emotions as he faced Lily, her beautiful emerald eyes filled with fear, tears flowing down her face. He took a deep breath and forced her arms away from his neck. Lily was immediately wide eyed and tried to hold on to him again. 'James! Please, don't push me away! Don't make me go, please James! I can't go without you, please James, I'm frightened!'
James sighed heavily and instantly grasped Lily into his arms. She sobbed uncontrollably against him, her whole body shaking. James held her tightly and swallowed down his own tears. 'Now listen' he said softly, 'We both know Harry needs us to take care of him. Lily he's a baby, a defenceless baby, if we don't do something Voldemort will be here and he'll be after Harry. Lily, come on, you promised me you'd take Harry and get out of here if this ever happened. Come on love, be brave for me. Don't let Harry down, not when he needs you so much'. Lily sobbed harder, 'But James, please, he needs you as well! We both need you! James sighed desperately. 'You say you need me now, but Lily, you know as well as I do, if Harry died, and you knew I could've done something to save him, you'd end up hating me…' Lily moved to deny James's words, but James carried on. 'You would hate me Lily, you know you would!' he cried, desperate to make her see sense.
With every passing second James knew Voldemort must be getting closer. He sighed deeply again, tears welling up in his hazel eyes. He eased out of Lily's arms. Lily didn't fight with him, she stood, wide eyed, hands clamped over her mouth, sobs racking her body. James went on, every word hurting him, 'Listen, I told you, whatever happens, I'll never stop loving you…I'll love both of you forever. If the worst happens…' Lily opened her mouth to speak, tears cascading down her face, but James went on, 'If the worst happens and I don't make it, I trust you to do whatever it takes to keep Harry alive. Just remember, I'll always love you and wherever I am, I'll always be with you Lily, I'll never leave you alone' his voice was steady and reasonable, despite the tears in his eyes. 'Now go on, go upstairs, get Harry and then come down and go out through the kitchen, through the back door and once you're away, apparate to Sirius. Don't worry about me. Just get to Sirius as quickly as you can and tell him to take you to Dumbledore. If I make it, I'll meet you at Hogwarts'.
Lily realised any further attempt to plead with James was futile. She backed away from him, still sobbing, as she moved towards the living room door. 'I love you James, I'll always love you!' she sobbed not taking her eyes from him. 'I love you too sweetheart, now go on, turn around and go to Harry, he needs his Mum' he said, his own tears beginning to fall as Lily walked away, still staring at him fixedly. Lily sighed heavily, tears almost blinding her. 'I love you' she mouthed silently. She saw James nod and smile tenderly at her, before she forced herself to turn her back on him.
Lily stumbled from the living room, tears and pain dragging at her, preventing her from seeing or thinking clearly. She sensed James watching her, and she knew she couldn't look back, if she did, she knew she would never be able to leave him. Lily reached the hallway. She started to walk on shaking legs up the stairs. She climbed the first flight and turned to climb the second, out of sight of the living room and the front door when suddenly there was an explosion.
