Disclaimer: (sigh) if I only owned X…what evil things I would do….

Welcome to Chapter 3! Time to wreak even more havoc on poor, innocent bishies and, um…other people…what sinister plot is in store for them? Well, read on, sillies!

Luv,

Kakyou-luverx


Ch.3 Destiny Takes a Lunch Break

Location: Wal-Mart Super Center

Martin, Destroyer of Tokyo grumbled as he wheeled the cart into the next aisle. "Just as Grandpa always said… 'if you want to be a vile destroyer of worlds, you always have to do your own shopping to get things done right.' Let's see, now…feminine care products…onion bagels…ah, here we are!" exclaimed Martin as he halted the cart at a colorful display that read:

Super-evil, Wal-Mart-Brand Poison Darts

Guaranteed to send your nemesis into a writhing hell of which there

is no returning, and render them a lifeless lump of flesh in thirty

seconds or your money back!

Note: doesn't work on telemarketers…

"Excellent! And now to destroy those impudent Dragons!" bellowed Martin.

"Uh, excuse me, sir, but that item has been discontinued," remarked a sales clerk.

Martin glared. "WHAT?"

"Yeah, something about a freak accident where someone was actually killed."

Martin gawked. "But they're POISON DARTS! And besides, if they're discontinued, why is the display here?"

The sales clerk appeared irritated. "That damn store mascot…he should have cleaned it up by now…GET OUT HERE YOU STUPID SMILELY FACE!"

Martin blinked as a floating face dejectedly emerged from the floor tiles while it coughed miserably. "The lights…they burn…!" it hissed as it whisked the display into the distance.

"I don't get it…it always seemed so happy in the commercials," muttered Martin. He turned back to the clerk. "Well how am I supposed to bring a swirling vortex of terror raining down on the heads of my worst enemies?"

The clerk rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well, we did get this new product in, it's called 'Possess-O', the game where you can possess your worst enemies and bring a swirling vortex of terror raining down on their heads. It's the newest Milton Bradley craze."

"Foolish mortal! Do you not see that I am Martin, Destroyer of Tokyo! And Martin, Destroyer of Tokyo does not buy childish games!"

"Yes, yes that's nice, sir. But did you know that if you bought it today, you would receive a free package of muffins?"

Martin eyed the clerk suspiciously. "Muffins, you say? Evil muffins of doom?"

The sales clerk scratched his head. "Well they are blueberry…"

"I'll take seven!"

Location: Under the Diet Building

Yuzuriha, Sorata, and Kamui stood before Princess Hinoto impatiently. Finally, Sorata stepped forward. "Princess, you had something important to tell us about the Dragons of Earth?"

The bells on her kimono jingled as Hinoto nodded. "Yes, I have been tracking their movements, and have found something very disturbing."

"But shouldn't we wait for Subaru? Gee, I can't stand people who are late, can you Inuki?" shouted Yuzuriha. The spirit dog looked away indifferently. "See! Inuki agrees! Don't you, Inuki?"

Inuki: One shot at her throat in the dark…that's all I ask…

Kamui smirked as he leaned against a wall. "I doubt he's coming. He won't be able to walk for a few hours…" ; p

Everyone stared, and Kamui sweat-dropped. "For your information, you perverted sickos, he went bowling this morning with his community college buddies, but just as he was finishing up the last frame, a poodle bit him on the leg!"

(XD…no, I'm not THAT evil)

"So what of this disturbing activity, Princess?" queried Sorata after a long moment of silence.

Hinoto looked down. "It's Fuuma…he…he…"

"What? Did he burn another building? Did he dissolve one of the barriers?" exclaimed Kamui in concern.

"Did he fill the city aquarium with orange Jell-o?" cried out Yuzuriha.

Hinoto shook her head. "He has stolen the city's mail and crossed out the return addresses!"

Sorata gasped. "The fiend!"

Everyone: o.O

"Don't you see? This is more than one federal offense! Everywhere letters will be returned…paychecks won't be mailed, vital care packages will go missing. That little girl waiting for her cookies…the grizzled death row inmate waiting for the governor's reply…poor Anna, whose blood results are positive, and the only way to save her is Carlito's brain! Oh, the HUMANITY!" screamed Sorata as he fell to the ground.

Kamui sighed. "I thought we forbade him to watch any more soap operas…"

Yuzuriha was sobbing. "Carlito! He's so hot, and he's going under the knife to save not Anna, but Anna's evil twin from a parallel universe!"

"Am I the only one here that finds this strange?" cried Kamui.

"I, too, am concerned that there is a much more sinister plot forming at the Dragons of Earth Headquarters. Perhaps I will visit their Dreamseer and find out what I can."

Kamui nodded. "Be careful, Hinoto…"

As soon as she sealed her eyes shut, Hinoto found herself drifting through her realm of dreams in the safety of her bubble. As always, she was traveling through darkness, the only scene that could accompany those cursed to see the future in their dreams. The Dreamscapes that she recalled conversing with Kakyou in were just as gloomy and melancholy. However, when she successfully crossed into the other Dreamseer's dreamscape, she was met with something quite different.

In front of her was an enormous sign plastered with the picture of a stick figure with a wide grin. Carefully, the Princess read the words under the strange drawing. "Welcome to…Smiley Land? Population: Pink?"

Before her stood a town that could have just as easily been drawn by a preschooler with crayons. Each building was painted with nearly every bright color imaginable, and lining the rainbow streets were flowers that were smiling…and dancing? As the bewildered Princess drifted through the town, she realized that almost every building was either a candy or cookie shop. She glanced up to find a very large sun swaying in the multi-colored sky while whistling "It's a Small World". Her stomach rolled over.

"Kakyou?" she whispered incredulously. Maybe she had entered the wrong dreamscape. This couldn't possibly be right! She was just about to depart when a horrible squawking noise sounded, followed by bouts uncontrollable laugher, and she sweat-dropped as she recognized the voice.

Hinoto followed the sound until she was outside a lopsided building labeled 'Rejected Bird Mascots'. The Princess swallowed hard, and drifted in.

Kakyou held a rather distressed owl in spectacles by its talon with one hand, while clasping an unwrapped Tootsie Pop. "I'll ask again, Mr. Owl! How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" he screamed.

Hinoto gaped. "Kakyou?" The Dreamseer remained dressed in his heart-boxers and the white shirt, contrary to the kimono that he usually wore in his dreams.

The owl let out another screech, and with all of its strength, it broke free of Kakyou's hold and hastily flew past Hinoto and out the door. Kakyou pouted and lowered his head sadly. "The world will never know…."

But suddenly, his eyes fell over a cage marked 'Sonny'. Inside was a large chocolate-colored bird with an enormous yellow beak. "And YOU! Why are you cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs? Answer me!" He rattled the cage, as the poor bird shrieked, until it rolled onto the ground. Then he noticed that he had a visitor.

"Kakyou? What has happened to you?" cried the Princess in alarm.

He broke down laughing. "Bubble! The white-haired lady's in a bubble!"

Hinoto stared at him a little longer, in an attempt to read the Dreamseer's memories before her scarlet eyes widened. "Kakyou! You have been attacked?" she cried.

Between giggles, Kakyou rose. "I want to play! I wanna play in the bubble ride, too!" he exclaimed with a giant smile. He started running at Hinoto, but when he was only a yard away, the Dreamseer tripped on his own feet. He fell head-first into the bubble, his mouth accidentally colliding with the astonished Hinoto's.

Blushing crimson, he quickly backed away in terror. "I KISSED a girl! Ack, I'm infected with cooties!" he howled as he ran away. "Disinfectant! I need disinfectant!" However, this time, Sonny's cage lied before the panicked Dreamseer's path, and as he fell for a second time, the Cocoa Puffs Mascot bit him on the wrist.

Meanwhile, the Princess gazed without any expression on her face as she watched Kakyou's trauma. Suddenly, she forgot what she was going to say or do, and her blood began to rush with excitement. She smiled.

"OWW! THAT HURTS!" cried Kakyou. "Body…tingling…this power in my body…what's wrong with me?" The dreamscape quickly faded into blackness.

"Princess? Princess Hinoto! Are you all right?" Sorata's face was filled with alarm as she slowly opened her eyes.

"Do you want Inuki to hug you?" suggested Yuzuriha. Kamui was tempted to smack the little twit on the head if he were not also concerned about Hinoto as she came to, so he only wordlessly approached the Princess as well.

All three of the Dragons of Heaven kneeled over her worriedly waiting for her to speak, but to their amazement she grinned up at them. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she began to shriek. But all of the sudden, her smile was lost, and her nose wrinkled in a vain attempt to hold back a sneeze. "Aaaa….aaaaaaaa….."

-Two hours later-

"Cinderella, dressed in yella, went downstairs to kiss her fella…" giggled Sorata as he leapt over one of Hinoto's tufts of hair as if it were a jump rope. He was dressed in a tacky summer dress, and his hair had been dyed green. His eyes suddenly shifted around, trying to recall the rest. "Um…the man downstairs was a fake! But how many babies did they make? One! Two! Seven! Purple! Fish!"

"There-ya go! Now Kamui's pretty too!" exclaimed Yuzuriha as she finished tying the back of a pink dress. At her side were several bowls of hair dye that were messily spilling onto the floor, and behind her sat Princess Hinoto, almost all of her white hair now covered in wild colors.

Kamui wrapped his arms unhappily around his dress, his own hair a matching hot-pink. He frowned. "But I wanna be a fairy queen! I need wings or else I can't go to their ball tonight!"

Sorata tripped over his makeshift jump rope. "A ball? Can I kick it?" He stared in every direction until his eyes fell on Hinoto's head. "There it is!"

Hinoto, meanwhile, was singing obnoxiously. "This is the song that never ends! It goes on and on my friend! Someone started singing it not kno—OWWW!"

"HOMERUN!" shouted Sorata. "Twenty points!"

Inuki sat in a distant corner shaking his head admonishingly.

Inuki: Damn cretins. I'm surrounded…screw loyalty; I'm getting some Cheesy Bread down at Dominoes…

Yuzuriha's fingers trembled. "I need more hair! MUST DYE MORE HAIR!" Her gaze suddenly fell on Inuki, who was heading toward the door, and she smiled evilly.

Noticing the bowl of hair dye in his companion's hand, Inuki realized it was time to bolt. "Wait Inuki! Come back!" screamed the girl.

Kamui exploded in nefarious laughter. "Hear me, world! One day I shall become the most beautiful fairy of them all, and you shall bow before my frilly pink wrath! All hail Kamui, Imperial Queen of the Universe!"

Meanwhile…

Location: At the Dragons of Earth Headquarters

Fuuma stroked the marker lovingly as he approached Kakyou's chamber. "Patience, my pet…the destruction of this city is at hand! We need only to recruit the Dreamseeing Wizard of Mayhem, and we shall ascend to victory!"

The marker remained quiet in his grasp, yet Fuuma pressed his ear against it. "What do you mean the Pink Menace also wants to take over the world? Mr. Chaos! You and I shall drown this fool in an inky world of which there is no dawning! Now we must find the Wizard of Mayhem!"

However, when Fuuma reached Kakyou's bedside, he found it empty, and all of the straps lay eaten-through on the floor. "Drat! The Wizard has disappeared!"

Kakyou had escaped into the outside world…

That's the end of chapter 3! What adventures await our drugged characters? Who else will be victimized by madness? How many licks DOES it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? Find out most of the answers in my next insane chapter!