Chapter Three : Memory

Memory is an interesting thing. My own is something that I have been battling with for the better part of four years. Because for four years I have been trying to convince myself that my memory was deceptive. Luckily for me it's a well-known fact that memory is deceptive. Unfortunately in my case my memory happened to be anything but.

When this fact took up permanent residence in my mind I did my very best to forget every single thing that had happened during my time in a realm which by all rationale shouldn't have been accessible to me.

I never forgot my time in the spirit world.

Nor did I forget my first and only love.

Yet despite all my best wishes, he forgot me.

I don't think I'm over exaggerating when I say that fate has a really twisted sense of irony.

It was well into my third week before whispers of Haku's other instructor met my ears. These whispers correlated with the said instructor, an old river god who was said to be very powerful and very dangerous.

Lin warned me with a wild look to her eyes not to go near him because he was trouble.

I agreed faintly, I didn't want or need trouble; there was no way I would be foolish enough to go in search of it.

Instead trouble found me on the third morning of his arrival and stood, contemplating me thoroughly while I stood still, refusing to let him think that he intimidated me.

We stood that way for god knows how long his demeanour becoming more and more threatening, before Haku entered with Lin and took up the old man's attention while she dragged me away, commenting loudly that I was late for my chores.

I never remembered to thank Lin for that. Selective memory.

Looping a strand of dull brown hair which had fought for it's freedom from my tight bun around my ear I settled onto the sofa and proceeded to go through the finer points of math with Daichi, all the while wondering what the hell I was doing.

I'm not a teacher, in fact math was never exactly my strong suit at school, which is nothing to say that I couldn't do it at this level, just that I couldn't exactly teach it.

"Are we finished for the day Sen?"

Daichi's voice broke me from my reverie and I smiled at him, "Yes, we are."

He smiled in return before shuffling nervously, "I was hoping we could visit Granny and no face."

It was an interesting concept, one I hadn't even considered. Granny may well know just what was going on, because as much as I may try to deny it I needed to know why he had forgotten me. Although it would probably make my life a whole lot easier if I was able to just forget him.

We travelled a way echoing with familiarity using tickets bought and paid for by Yubaba for her son on just these occasions. Walking down the winding road full of crossroads leading to Granny's house I was struck for a second time over the familiarity of this.

The cottage was just as small and tidy as it had been when I had left it, the front yard slightly cleaner as Haku in his dragon form had crashed into it with quite a deal of force when I'd last been here.

The door opened before we reached it and Granny stood there, arms wide and comforting. I was in them before I could even think of what it was I was doing and tears I had long since blocked trickled their way down my cheeks.

Granny commented lightly that she thought the backyard could use a bit of a tidy up and that she just knew that no face and Daichi were the right people for the job before drawing me gently into the cottage, still using her shoulder as a crying post.

"You shouldn't be back here Sen," she offered before continuing warmly, "But it's good to see you again no matter the circumstances."

And just like that I found myself telling her everything. Everything about my life up until that point, my confusion with my past, my struggles to keep it a memory and my fears that people would notice it and commit me to a mental institution. But most of all I told her about Haku, because if we were being truthful that was the backbone of all of my problems.

She listened silently with care, never interjecting, sensing somehow that if she did I wouldn't be able to continue. She remained just as composed as she asked whether or not it would be a good idea for Haku to remember me.

I gazed at her in shock.

A small smile flittered across her ancient face as she said lightly that sometimes it was better to forget things.

I continued to stare, not fully comprehending just what it was that she was subtly hinting to me. She didn't elaborate.

"I think perhaps its time for some cake and tea don't you think Chihiro?" Granny remarked rising and toddling on her ancient legs into the kitchen.

"I don't understand,"

She smiled that selfsame knowing smile and nodded, "I know you don't."

Trying a different route I sat at the table and said blithely, "I'm stuck here."

She chuckled slightly, "Oh Chihiro, you're not stuck here. You never have been."

When I asked her what she meant she just laughed and shrugged it off. My visit with Granny was making me progressively more confused. I sat silently at the table nodding at no face who patted me on the shoulder as he walked past and Daichi who ignored my little outburst in favour of stuffing an extremely large piece of cake into his mouth.

Granny tapped him on the head and scowled at him and I couldn't help a grin.

After the cake, tea and carefree banter I had come to associate with visits to Granny's place (aside from the overwhelmingly confusing talks we had), Daichi and I had to leave.

It was when we'd reached the gate that Granny called out to me cheerfully, "You've changed Chihiro, so has he!"


On our trip home, which was a lot slower than I recall it being before we were silent. Well as silent as we could be with Daichi's sudden bursts of conversation, in which he refused to call me Sen anymore, and my polite but vague replies.

I dropped him off at the bathhouse almost as soon as we returned and excused myself to wander off on my own.

It was funny just how often my memories took over my wandering. Soon enough I found myself at the ever-familiar riverbank, lights strung up merrily and music playing. The atmosphere did nothing to quell my mood but it was familiar and familiarity was something I needed at this present moment.

When he arrived almost an hour later I knew this time the second that he left the procession.

The grass swayed beneath his feet but didn't bend I noticed, he was barely touching it in fact.

"It's not a good night to be out," he stated, coming to stand in front of me.

A smile touched my lips. "Nothing can happen to me."

His eyes narrowed slightly but it was the only indication that he had paid attention to my statement.

"Tell me something Haku, what do you remember about your past?"

He half shrugged and sat next to me. "Is there any particular reason you want to know?"

I smiled faintly. Answering my question with another question was just a bit irritating.

"No answer?" he mocked.

I remained silent, staring out over the calm water. It glimmered with the reflected lights of the procession. Funny how this suited my mood so much more.

"I have a question for you Sen, people here seem to know you, in fact they talk about you almost incessantly. Yet every time I enter the room they stop. Why is that?"

I was surprised by the question and I'm sure it showed on my face. He raked a hand through his hair in annoyance. Brilliant green eyes now a darker emerald green bored into my own and I began to feel slightly uncomfortable.

I shrugged uncomfortable, avoiding his gaze.

The moment was broken when a tubby spirit that I vaguely remembered ran up and requested Master Haku's help for something.

He stood gracefully and looked back down at me and indescribable look in his eyes before saying brusquely that I should be getting back to the bathhouse.

On my way back, feeling slightly flustered and strangely reflective I thought back on Granny's words and wondered just what it was she had meant.


Ok shortish chapter after a very long time away from updating but I actually know how I want this to end now which has been what was holding me off from updating because to be honest when I began this it was just a bit of emotive drabble that my sister got me to post. Now it actually has to fit together, have a plot and be a story. So yeah, final update should be in a week or so.