AD: Like everything else I write this is unbeta-ed. So forgive any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. I'm looking for a beta who reads a few categories and has the time to read through my things for me before I post and check any errors. If you're interested let me know in a review.
The Trouble With Love Is
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Chapter Four: Goodbye
When you have all the time in the world to think about the mistakes of your past you can find little else to focus on. Despite my best intentions to focus on Daichi's education there was only so much I could do before needing to leave him to his own devices, which in turn left me to my own devices.
This equalled long hours spent in confinement where I relieved every past word, gesture and thought in attempt to explain exactly how my life had turned out this way. Over analysing things was a bitch.
I was eternally grateful when they concluded for the day and I was able to leave. I needed something else to think about.
Tracing the outline of the walls as I walked down the richly furnished corridors I let loose a sigh. My mind wandered once again and I walked absently until a hard surface forcibly caused her to stop.
Glancing up in irritation I froze, the colour draining from my face slowly.
Haku's master stood there, raised to his full intimidating height and staring me down.
Determined not to get involved I nodded at him loosely before attempting to walk past. I didn't get very far, a firm grip on my upper arm halted me in my path. Directing my attention back to him I sighed in annoyance. He smiled, the gesture wasn't comforting.
"Lets talk you and I."
I gathered from the way he was all but pulling me along that I didn't exactly have a choice in this talk. So without saying a word I let him draw me through corridor upon corridor, into a room I had never even noticed before.
"Do you know why you're here?" he queried; his voice was a strange mix of brusque words with a musical lilt.
"Nobody to hear me scream?" I offered. I was only partially joking.
Funny, he didn't appreciate my humour as much as I did. After a rather pointed glance that indicated he was not amused he let me go and sighed.
"We need to fix your misconceptions."
"We do," I was humouring him of course; I had no idea what misconceptions we were correcting.
He seemed to realise it also as his eyes narrowed further and he glared at me. Ok, so no more sarcasm, I could do that… maybe.
"You seem to think that I am some sort of-" he broke off; pursing his lips in distaste, "Boogie monster."
I resisted the urge to refer back to his current actions as an indication of the legitimacy of this statement. Good girl Chihiro, don't talk back to the man who could kill you without anyone being able to hear you scream.
"This is about Haku."
Well duh.
"I want you to stay away from him."
Ok, I'll be honest that's not exactly what I was expected. Actually if I think about it I'm not actually sure what I was expecting.
I didn't exactly say no, but then again I made no move to indicate that I would say yes.
"You'll… complicate things."
"I'll complicate things?" I asked incredulously. I glanced across at his face anger mounting.
I realised then what was really going on. "It was you."
He quirked a brow, forehead creasing slightly as he began to realise just what I was raging about.
"You made him forget," I raged, "You took away his ability to remember me."
He watched me through timeless eyes, "I did. But he made his own choice."
I stepped back, "He chose to forget me."
He didn't answer. The unreadable look on his face was answer enough. When he walked away, perhaps realising that it was beyond time to try and convince me. It felt as if I'd been hit by something large and heavy, as if a hand had clamped down on my heart and squeezed. Rationale seemed to flee the premises as well, millions of thoughts rushing in and out as I stood there trying to make sense of something that to all intents and purposes seemed nonsensical to me. When an answer did finally come to me it was not what I had expected.
It was my humanity that caused him to choose to forget.
I thought it was hard for me to have to live my life out remembering him. The reality of the situation was that I was purely being selfish. Human nature was such that through the course of my life I would eventually forget him; I would move on, marry someone else, and eventually I would die. He had an eternity of searching of waiting for someone who may or may not eventuate there again.
I couldn't really hate him for his choice. I had after all attempted to forget him, why should I persecute him for doing the same. My reasonable side warred with my emotions and for that moment won out.
Even as I contemplated this I followed an unseen path, weaving in and out of corridors and passages until I reached the riverbanks.
He found me there almost an hour later, watching the river with flickering emotions. It was clear to me now why I came here to relieve my mind. This was my security blanket, my comfort area. It was my one link with my home and my only link with Haku now.
"You're always here."
"Yes."
Our interaction was wonderful; really, it was just so deep and provocative.
He sat there with me for a while longer, neither of us talking before his hand crept onto mine, holding me in place effectively.
"You're upset," he observed.
I nodded, there was no point lying to him, he could read my emotions better than I could judge them.
He turned to look at me. "Chihiro."
I nodded before the name sunk in. He'd called me Chihiro.
He smiled, it was bitter, "I suppose you want to know why."
I could only gape at him; I was having a problem forming sentences currently. Finally I spat out, "No."
He regarded me silently for a moment before reaching a hand up to my face and slipping a strand of hair behind my ear.
"I never forgot you."
As this fact seemed obvious I didn't comment on it. I just made some sort of reassuring noises and looked elsewhere.
He turned me to face him and suddenly there was nowhere else to look.
"You don't belong here Chihiro. This place is for the dead and you are anything but dead."
I sighed, "I signed a contract."
"The contract means nothing, it only binds the dead, it cannot bind those who are still living."
Even as he said it I knew it, I had known always known it. It was an excuse, a way to cling to the past. A way to cling to him.
"I don't want to lose you again."
"You wont." He smiled, "One day, after you've lived out your life you'll return, and when you do I'll be waiting for you."
As if those words had released her, the lake before her disappeared and her surroundings faded.
She clutched onto the last remnants of Haku even as he disappeared before her eyes. All to suddenly she was back in the clearing and no indication of her journey to the spirit world remained arguing whether or not she had truly been there. The skin of her cheek tingled with the remembrance of his touch.
It gave her hope.
AD: And with the conclusion of the chapters this has actually given me an idea for a new Spirited Away story. There may possibly be a conclusion I haven't decided whether it's better to leave it here or to continue it. So for now think of this as the end of story for now.
