Disclaimer: If I owned X, I would leave Subaru and Seishirou chained together in a closet with its door boarded up fifty feet underground…with air holes…and maybe one of those little disco balls too... (fangirl-grin )

All right, welcome to chapter 15, a chapter divisible by 5, 3, and bananas . Here lies my Nestle Drumstick induced, fudge-covered madness along with an hour or two of oddly spent free time designed specifically to entertain, yet distract you from my insidious master plan…………………………………………oops ;. I mean entertain you, JUST entertain you, and of course neverplantroboticeggsintoyourunsuspectingbrains…heeheehee, of course not…

Luv,

Kakyou-luverx


Ch.15 Creamer, Zingers and the 6 o'clock News

Location: Seiichirou Aoki's Apartment/ House/ whatever he lives in…

As the sky outside was dimming, the light of his living room began to fade away, leaving only the bright glare of a flashing television. Seiichirou Aoki sat curled up on the edge of a sofa, hugging a large carton of cookie dough ice cream. His amber eyes, which were locked on the screen, were welling up with tears. The television hummed dramatic music, and Mr. Aoki reached for the tissue box.

"No Carlito! She's no good for you! She'll only run off with your best friend Enrique, and brainwash your cat to send you to that evil dimension again!" he cried at the soap opera.

"Seiichirou…" called his wife, Shimako. "I'm almost finished with dinner, so quit eating all that ice cream!"

"But-But—" stammered the editor as he stuffed another spoonful of the cookie dough ice cream into his mouth.

"And Daddy!" groaned Yuka. "You promised to read me 'Harry Potter and the Ferocious, Diseased Octopus' tonight!"

Mr. Aoki did his best to tune out his family for the time being, and returned his attention back to the soap opera. "Do you, Anna, take Carlito to be your lawful wedded man slave to have and to hold for all eternity or until you find someone hotter?—BUZZ!—" The wedding scene vanished on the TV to reveal a stoic news anchor. "We interrupt this program with breaking news!"

The editor blinked, and set the carton of ice cream down. "Our city is facing a rapidly growing danger: Maniacs. We bring you to our senior analyst, Ivana Pufnstuff for details!" The screen flashed to an overweight, overdressed woman in front of a ruined wasteland. "This barren ground had once been the sight for an innocent McDonalds restaurant only moments ago. Witnesses report that a crazed, scantily clad, red-haired woman apparently sprouted fire from her hands when confronted by Ronald McDonald himself, and reduced America's favorite restaurant to this."

He gaped at the screen. "Hm…scantily clad? I wonder if Karen is watching this?"

Shimako leaned out of the kitchen. "And WHO'S Karen?"

"Eep!" Mr. Aoki sweat-dropped, and turned back to the TV.

"Sources say that when the woman was confronted, she responded with only one word…'Dazzled'. But reports of maniacs are coming in from all over the city. According to police records, Victoria's Secret is in ruins, and a strange squeaking sound can be heard at Gary's Gargantuan Golf-a-Rena. Most disturbing, however, is this footage from a local amateur when he entered Dunkin' Donuts several minutes ago."

Again, the screen flashed to a blurry camera screen recording three people furiously beating up the Dunkin' Donuts banner with clubs. Mr. Aoki paled when he recognized two of them.

"BAD SAND WITCH!" screamed Sorata.

Arashi forcefully brought down her club over the sign. "We'll teach you to experiment on the donut people! Get out of that sign!"

Kakyou angrily kicked the fallen banner until it tangled him, and he fell on his face. When he rolled over, his eyes glared at the camera. "SPY! SPY OF THE SAND WITCH!" The cameraman shrieked, and the camera jerked about until the picture fizzed away.

The editor sweat-dropped. "Oh dear…"

The screen shot back to Ivana Pufnstuff who was chewing on a hoagie. She froze, and tossed the sandwich (A/N: sandwich, sand witch…damn I love unintentional puns!). "Gruesome…simply gruesome. Sadly, there is no relief from these frightening maniacs as police are already baffled by another phenomenon: a horrible moaning that resembles the 'Itsy, Bitsy Spider' is currently puzzling officials at the Diet Building. More at nine…"

"There is a terrible, terrible force afoot, and it falls on me to save everyone!" exclaimed Mr. Aoki as he shot up from the couch.

"Honey, dinner is ready!" called Shimako.

Mr. Aoki proceeded to grab his coat. "Not now! I must act, and quickly! Nothing will distract me in my quest!"

Yuka pouted. "But Daddy! Mommy made candied yams!"

He brightened. "Yams? Did you say yams?" However, he caught another glimpse of Arashi and Sorata beating the shit out of the Dunkin' Donuts sign. "No…I must be strong!" And he proceeded heroically out of the front door…but not before grabbing something important out of his closet…

Location: Dunkin' Donuts

"Die! Die! DIE!" Arashi huffed over the mutilated sign.

Kakyou doubled over in exhaustion. "Th-that…outta teach…that mean 'ol Sand Witch!"

Magic Taco: But I can't help thinking that there's something wrong…

Behind them the lamp was beginning to move closer to them, cackling maniacally (sneak…sneak…)

Arashi folded her arms indignantly. "But we crushed the Sand Witch to smithereens!"

The lamp was screaming laughter now, and the three turned to it with blank faces.

"SAND WITCH GONE!" agreed Sorata.

Lamp: (sneaksneaksneaksneak…sneak…)

They stared at it in silence until Kakyou gasped. "Wait! That's no lamp! It's the Sand Witch in disguise!"

Arashi and Sorata revered the other. "How did you know that?" cried Arashi.

"Because," he began as he bowed his head wisely. "Lamps don't sneak…they lurk!"

A hand pulled the lampshade off to reveal Yuzuriha's glowering face. "Drat! You may have forced me to cast off my ingenious disguise early, Special Friends, but you will never defeat me!"

"That's where you're wrong!" yelled Kakyou. Arashi and Sorata stood by each of his sides, and the trio posed. "Angels, attack!"

Arashi was the first to rush forward at the girl, however, when she neared Yuzuriha, she did not pounce. Instead, she just held out her hand, and glared at the other's eyes. "Rock, paper, scissors, SHOOT!" she growled. Yuzuriha held out a timid scissor-shaped hand, and Arashi cackled. "HA! Rock beats scissors!"

"NO!" cried Yuzuriha as she doubled over in pain. Sorata advanced on her before she could recover.

Magic Taco: With my almighty cheesy wrath, you shall PERISH!

Sorata lifted a finger, and poked her on the shoulder. (poke…poke-poke…poke…) Yuzuriha shuddered.

Magic Taco: FEEL THY ANGER! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kakyou, meanwhile, had migrated to the condiment table as the other two were vanquishing Yuzuriha. When the insidious Sand Witch fell to the ground, he turned to them, his orange bra suspiciously bulging. "And now, Sand Witch! You shall feel the ultimate misery!" He reached into the bra to produce a tiny plastic container to shake above her eyes.

"No! That can't be!" stammered Yuzuriha.

The Dreamseer's eyes darkened. "It is…half & half dairy coffee creamer! Not entirely milk, but not cream either! Any last words?"

Yuzuriha frantically struggled to run away, but Arashi and Sorata were holding her down. She let out a loud wail. "NOOOOOOO!" Kakyou grinned, and began to approach her with the creamy coffee enhancer, but the moment he took a step, something smacked him on the forehead.

"AAAAAHHHH!" screamed Kakyou. He fell back, squirming under a blueberry muffin. "It's eating my brain!" (A/N: Muffins are known to do that…how else can they assume the form of a cupcake?) His two companions abandoned Yuzuriha to timidly brush the muffin away while Kakyou yelled in anguish. That was their mistake.

Yuzuriha resumed her wicked laughter. "You have fought well, Special Friends, but this is where it ends. For I have harnessed the ultimate destroying power!" She reached into a pocket, revealing a package of chocolate pocky. Kakyou, Arashi, and Sorata gasped. She then stuffed the entire unwrapped package into her mouth. "Muahahahaha…MUAHAHA—GAK! (choking on pocky…)………………"

"SAND WITCH POWERFUL!" shouted Sorata.

"With that power source, she's invincible!" despaired Arashi.

Yuzuriha finally appeared to recover from her choking fit, and pointed angrily at Kakyou. "You! I….I MUST DYE YOUR HAIR!"

The beautiful pale blonde sweat-dropped. "Meep!"

Location: Arcade

The moment that Subaru had defeated Satsuki by befriending the misunderstood Donkey Kong, Fuuma and Seishirou had reappeared in the arcade.

Fuuma stroked his Tinkerbelle wings. "It seems a Special Friend was able to conquer a servant in L.E.M.O.N.!" (A/N: Ah…then there are the intentional puns…)

Seishirou briefly sighed in relief, but his expression quickly grew panicked as he realized that the onmyouji was nowhere in sight. "Subaru-kun? Subaru-kun!"

They had enjoyed their freedom for only seconds when the building's foundation began to crumble. Seishirou's eyes widened. "SUBARU-KUN, WHERE ARE YOU!"

Fuuma firmly took hold of Seishirou's bunny ears. "No! There's no time!"

"SUUUUUUUBAAAAAAAARUUUUUUUU!" shrieked Seishirou as he was dragged away from the collapsing arcade.

Minutes later, the two Special Friends stood amidst the ruins of the building. Seishirou laid in a fetal position. "Suby-kun…I-I failed you!" he moaned.

Fuuma, meanwhile, had his nose pressed up against a glass screen as he carefully maneuvered a lever against the machine. "Careful…careful!" he whispered to himself with his eyes on a bag of Zingers inside the vending machine. He bit his lip. "This game's the hardest of them all!"

Seishirou pulled his bunny hood over his eyes. "And now…you're gone! WHY?"

Suddenly two thin arms glomped him from behind. The Sakurazukamori beamed when he turned his head. Subaru was grinning back, his entire body wrapped in ribbons of tickets. "Yay! Sei-san!" he giggled happily.

Seishirou was ecstatic. "SUBY-KUN! You're alive!" He exclaimed as he held Subaru.

"Aha!" shouted Fuuma from the distance. He waved a bag of processed snack food triumphantly in the air. "I win! I finally have my Zingers!"

"Sei-san!" chirped Subaru, and (the rabid fangirl author must remind you) still in Seishirou's arms .

He stared in amazement. "Subaru-kun! You said my name! Say it again!"

"Sei-san, Sei-san, Sei-san, Sei-san!" Subaru sung proudly.

But their happy moment was to come to an abrupt halt as a jet of Code Red whizzed past them. Before any of them could recover, Yuuto swept in, and snatched all the tickets Subaru had won from Donkey Kong. "It's not over, yet, Special Friends!" laughed Yuuto, who kept running.

"You…YOU STOLE FROM SUBARU-KUN!" seethed Seishirou.

Subaru tilted his head to the side, watching Yuuto make his clever getaway. "Pretty ribbon gone?"

Fuuma was still jumping up and down, rejoicing over his snack when Yuuto sprinted at him. In an instant, the package had been stolen from Fuuma's hand. His lower lip trembled. "M-my Zingers! He took my Zingers! Come back!"

"You'll never catch me! I win this round!" chuckled Yuuto. The Water Master then covered his eyes. "Hahahaha! I'm invisible now! Just try and find me!" he exclaimed before running off. The three of them glanced about the arcade ruins in confusion as Yuuto ran away laughing. He then exited the scene completely, followed by a loud thump and the ringing sound of a dumpster being hit.

Subaru pouted. "Sei-san! Ribbon!"

"There, there, Subaru-kun! Sei-san'll catch that nasty 'ol Pink Minion and tear his tongue out while beating him over the head with his own severed arms…" cooed Seishirou as he patted Subaru's head.

Fuuma was trembling in fury. "MY ZINGERS! L.E.M.O.N. GRABBED MY ZINGERS!"

Location: Gary's Gargantuan Golf-a-Rena

"Oh Kamui…." Called Martin in a singsong voice from the entrance of the plastic castle. "Come hither…"

"Meh!" replied Kamui.

The squeaky toy face-faulted. "Ughh…oh Imperial Fairy Queen, your master beckons!"

Kamui threw open the castle door. "Yes, My Liege!"

Martin nodded evilly. "Ah…I need you to stand on that target—err, spot in the center of the castle…" he said as he gestured at a crimson target several feet away.

"The one with the skull and bones?" queried Kamui.

Martin leered. "That's right…oh, what would I ever do without you?"

"That's easy!" answered Kamui, who merrily skipped over to the target. "You would—THUD!" Suddenly, a giant metal club dropped from a large, pointy bag hanging from the ceiling, and landed in the center of the bull's eye as Kamui neared it. He curiously pointed at the lethal object. "Is that a mace?"

Martin's eyes widened, and he laughed uneasily. "A-a mace you say…heh..heh, where on earth did you get an idea like that? Now just get on that target!" But just as Kamui was approaching the target, the door to the castle swung open, knocking the hapless plush animal onto the bull's eye next to the mace.

"Your Majesty!" shouted Yuuto. "I have obtained the magic ribbon and completed the sacred quest!" He then held out a shrouded item.

Kamui rushed over to him. "Excellent, Pink Minion! You have succeeded! Now nothing will stop me from enslaving this city!"

In spite of his own situation, Martin could not help but to curiously stare at the wrapped item. "What is it?"

Kamui grinned. "Only the greatest weapon of them all! Behold!" He slipped away the cloth to reveal a 12-inch wand with glitter inside of it. "The wand of L.E.M.O.N.! The brother wand of the Special Friends' wand!"

Martin gaped. "A wand?"

"Not just any wand!" corrected Yuuto. "This wand is a 'Where's Waldo' wand!"

Kamui's eyes lit up, and he gazed through the water and glitter inside. "Waldo! Where are you?"

The giant bag of weaponry hanging above the target swayed, the rope stretching to its breaking point. Martin sighed. "Oh—" The bag crashed down, causing a horrible squeak to sound throughout the castle.

"Hey!" cried Yuuto. "It's Waldo! I see Waldo!"

"No, no…" dismissed Kamui. "That's just Waldo's dog…"

"Oh…"

Martin whimpered beneath the pile of weapons. "Why did I have to be a squeaky toy, dammit?"

Will Yuzuriha succeed in her nefarious plot to dye Kakyou's hair? Will Fuuma ever get back his Zingers from L.E.M.O.N.? Find out in my next chapter! Later!