It was a couple of months later and Grace had continued to settle in well with Maria. It was now July and Grace was excited for the summer holiday's starting soon. Maria had received a letter stating that Grace had been given an appointment with the children's counselling services. She had told the girl instantly and now the appointment was tomorrow.
"How do you feel?" Maria asked as she and Grace snuggled on the sofa late that night. Grace shrugged.
"I really want you to come with me" Grace said as she hid in her mother's chest.
"I'll speak to them" Maria mumbled into her daughter's head. "Why do you want me to come with you?"
Maria had wondered this since the girl had first said she was only willing to go to counselling if she was there. She knew that this wasn't the usual practice but hoped that they came up with an agreement with the counsellor.
"Because I've hidden so much from people in the past and I trust you. I don't want to leave you out" Grace admitted.
"I will never feel that you have left me out if you want to speak to your counsellor without me. At the same time, if you want to speak about any of it with me afterwards then you are more than welcome to. I don't want you worrying about what I think" Maria explained as she ran her hand through her daughter's freshly washed hair. Grace nodded and snuggled up further with her mother. They stayed like this for a bit longer before Grace went off to bed. She was glad that her mother had brought tomorrow up as she had been a bit nervous but now, she felt better. Sometimes just knowing that she wasn't on her own was enough. She'd spent so long on her own that it felt different having someone support her now.
The following day
Maria sat outside the school waiting for Grace. The bell had just rung and Maria prayed that the girl would be quick, she had been warned this morning that she needed to be out sharp as they were tight for time to get to the appointment on time.
"Well done" Maria praised as her daughter clambered into the car having been one of the first children out.
"I thought I was going to get in trouble because I had my stuff packed away a bit early" Grace admitted, and Maria laughed.
They arrived outside the building and Grace nervously got out. She slung her backpack over her shoulder and Maria looked at her sideways.
"You can leave your bag" Maria said, and Grace agreed putting her bag back in the car.
"It's just habit" She said, and Maria smiled noticing the girl's voice starting to quaver as she was clearly nervous.
"You have nothing to worry about" Maria said pulling the girl into her arms. Grace nodded, she held onto her mother's hand. She didn't tell her mother, but she liked having her bag with her for security, it was something she could hold onto and focus on. Instead this time she had her mother.
They walked into reception and Maria gave the girl's name. They were shown over to a waiting area where they sat down next to each other. Maria gave her daughter a reassuring smile. Grace gently leant over her mother and took her hand. Maria let the girl do this unsure as to why. Grace then started to play with the bracelet on Maria's wrist. She hoped that this relaxed the girl.
They only had to wait about 5 minutes before a woman walked over to them and called Grace's name. The woman looked in her early thirties, she had long blond hair and looked very kind and supportive. Grace was slightly surprised, she remember last time, it was an older woman in her sixties trying to speak about sexual abuse with the girl. It made the girl nervous and embarrassed.
"Do you want to come through Grace? Mum, mum can wait here" Melissa suggested, and Grace's face dropped and she shook her head.
"Mum is coming, I need mum to come" Grace said clinging onto Maria. Melissa noticed the clear change in Grace and decided not to push the girl.
"Okay, why doesn't mum come in to help you settle in?" Melissa suggested and Grace nodded though in her head she knew that her plan was for her mother to stay the whole time.
They walked into the room and sat down on the couch. Grace kept her mother's hand tight in her own. Grace's mind was racing.
"How was school today?" Melissa asked.
"Fine" Grace said looking sideways. She was confused, why were they asking her about school.
"The first session is about us getting to know each other" Melissa said and nervously Grace nodded her head.
After 30 minutes her nerves had disappeared, and she was smiling and giggling with Melissa. Maria was proud of her daughter.
"How long have you lived with your mum?" Melissa asked.
"Just over 3 months" Grace said and Melissa nodded.
"Do you like it?" She asked and Grace agreed.
"I love it" Grace said.
"Do you feel like you are settled in or are you still in the honeymoon period?" Melissa asked and Grace looked confused. She turned to her mum.
"I think she's getting there. I think we had the honeymoon period for about 6 weeks and then reality set in and it was challenging. Grace was really upset about things which have happened in the past and that's when we decided that counselling was needed" Maria explained, and Melissa nodded.
"Do you agree Grace?" Melissa asked and Grace nodded.
"What do you want to get out of these sessions? What do you want me to really help with?" Melissa asked and Grace thought for a moment.
"I don't know. Just like not be so sad about what happened and blame myself, I suppose. I used to have nightmares too, they aren't as bad now but sometimes its bad. I don't trust men either" She admitted, and Melissa nodded.
"Does what happened effect how you feel about yourself?" Melissa asked and Grace nodded.
"I think I've always been like quite negative about myself because I was a care kid but then it got worse after everything happened. I just felt that I deserved it and that I was unlovable" Grace said shrugging.
"How do you feel now?" Melissa asked softly and Grace shrugged.
"Mum says she loves me, and I knew that I love her but then I think that I love her because of how amazing she is so I don't get why she would love me? I see other girls my age and think mum would like it more if they were her daughter" Grace admitted quietly. Maria's mouth dropped open.
"Don't you ever think that. I have so much love for you and I don't want anyone else to be my daughter. I have always loved you and I'm so happy that I get to be your mum now" Maria said as tears glistened in her eyes. She hated the thought of her daughter thinking that.
"I'm so lucky to have you as my daughter, I worry what you think about as me as a mother, I gave you up for 14 years" Maria said.
"But you are still my mum, I understand why you did it" Grace explained, and Maria smiled.
"I'm so proud of you" Maria said kissing the girl on the top of her head. They were reaching the end of their counselling session now, and Melissa knew it was time to wind up.
"How do you feel about it just being me and you next time?" Melissa suggested and Grace's head started shaking instantly.
"Okay, how about mum comes in for the first twenty minutes and then we can evaluate again?" Melissa suggested and Grace nodded. She knew that she would be able to convince Melissa to allow her mother to stay. She was good at that.
They finished the session and Maria had to pick Liam up on their way home.
"I'm so proud of you" Maria said as they climbed into the car. Grace shrugged not understanding why her mother felt this way.
"You need to have more faith in yourself" Maria said squeezing the girl's hand before starting to drive to the child minders. They quickly picked Liam up before heading home.
"Can we get a McDonald's tonight?" Grace suggested.
"Go on then, but it's a one off" Maria said and Grace smiled. She froze for a moment and looked at her mother, Maria gave the girl a reassuring smile and instantly Grace relaxed. She felt safe again. She loved feeling safe.
