Disclaimer: If I owned X, I would handcuff myself to Kakyou, seal ourselves in a cookie factory with a ball of yarn, some paperclips, and a giant pillow, and feed him nothing but strawberry pocky!... well, it makes perfect sense to me!
Chapter Sixteen! Squee! I made it this far dancing around my little X shrine waiting for the jackhammer of inspiration to drill away what was left of any shroud of "sanity" I might have had in a past life. That leaves me sitting in front of the computer in a TB Subaru hat surrounded by starbursts and some pointy objects. XD Need I say more?
Luv,
Kakyou-luverx
Ch.16 Freezies and the Wise Donut
Splat! A large amount of blue hair dye splashed against the Dunkin' Donuts window, barely missing the trembling Dreamseer.
"Eek!" cried Kakyou as he madly dashed behind the counter.
"Huahahaha! You can hide, but you cannot run!" laughed Yuzuriha, but she suddenly paused thoughtfully. "No…that's not right, you ran…and you're hiding…but you can't umm…"
Kakyou peaked out from the edge of the counter while she was muttering to herself. "Special Friends! We must overcome this new evil!" he pleaded.
But Arashi and Sorata were both hiding under the lampshade. "But she has snack food!" protested Arashi. "There is no Warrior Princess brave enough to destroy the sacred sticks!"
Magic Taco: And hair care products! Even Magic Tacos fear the tonic of the terrible Martha Stewart! All is lost!
Kakyou sweat-dropped. "Someone must act! Captain Kakyou, away!" He then jumped up from the counter, and ran for the dairy creamer.
"So…you can run…and you can hide…and you're running again, hmm—OW!" Kakyou pelted her with a plastic creamer container from the condiment table.
"Melt, Sand Witch! Melt!" cried Kakyou as he threw more containers of creamer in her direction. However, much to poor Kakyou's misfortune, his adversary only resentfully rubbed her forehead. The Dreamseer froze, realizing that his greatest weapon was now completely useless.
"Fool! I am Mega-Yuzuriha! There is no creamer terrifying enough to smite me!" she laughed. Kakyou's eyes widened, and he ran for cover once more. "It is useless, Special Friends! I must DYE YOUR HAIR!" she hissed as she stomped over to the counter. But suddenly, she halted with a loud groan. "Gahh! NO! Not the cheese!"
Kakyou snuck a glance over the counter to find a possessed Sorata standing over Yuzuriha, shooting a vast amount of Taco cheese in her direction.
Magic Taco: Muahahaha! Feel thy cheesy wrath, Sand Witch!
"SAVE SPECIAL FRIEND!" growled Sorata. Behind him, Arashi had also abandoned her hiding place to come charging at her nemesis with a pair of plastic spoons.
(Mushy music plays)
The Dreamseer's eyes welled up with tears. "They're—they're saving me! But they were afraid!"
Mystical Voice of Wisdom: We all are afraid, Captain Kakyou…but special friends can overcome anything with their devotion. No matter how grave matters become, they will always triumph.
Yuzuriha had quickly recovered from the cheesy assault, and sent both Arashi and Sorata flying into a wall with her super-charged pocky powers.
Mystical Voice of Wisdom: …or not. I really don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I just woke up to see you fighting so I thought I would say something…pretty cool, ne?
"And now!" hissed Yuzuriha as she stared down at Kakyou from the top of the counter. "Your hair is mine!" She whipped out a bottle of Martha Stewart Brand Purple Hair Dye, and grinned devilishly. Kakyou swallowed hard, and closed his eyes, bracing himself for the worst. Yuzuriha squeezed the bottle.
Mystical Voice of Wisdom: Nuuuuuuuuu!
SPLAT!
Kakyou hesitantly opened his eyes, only to be utterly bewildered. The hair dye had never hit him even though it was a direct shot. …Who then did it hit?
Mystical Voice of Wisdom: (cough…sputter…)
Encased in a giant puddle of lavender hair dye was the dying (a/n: no pun intended) round form of Kakyou's savior. He bent his head closer to the circular shape, and gasped. "Donut? Why?" Lying in front of him was a glazed donut.
Mystical Voice of Wisdom: I had to do it…you must…you must…! Bleh…
"Noooo!" cried Kakyou.
Mystical Voice of Wisdom: No, no, I'm not dead yet…I just had this lump in the back of my throat. Now listen closely to my words of infinite wisdom…
"I'm listening! I'm listening!" exclaimed Kakyou to the doomed pastry.
Mystical Voice of Wisdom: Give 'er hell…for me! You must……………yan…………yan………………………………………………(dead)……………
"WHY?" screamed Kakyou.
Meanwhile, Yuzuriha had obtained another bottle of hair dye. "There is no one to save you now!"
The Dreamseer clenched his fists. "That brave, wise donut…he sacrificed himself for me…he taught me courage…AND I WON'T GIVE UP!" He stood from the counter, his golden eyes blazing with vengeance. "The battle is just beginning!" And he tore the superhero mask from his face.
Yuzuriha, Sorata and Arashi gasped as Kakyou stood before the 'Sand Witch' unmasked. Finally, Yuzuriha had recovered from her shock to speak. "WHERE DID CAPTAIN KAKYOU GO?"
"He's gone!" exclaimed Arashi. "Our Warrior Princess is gone!"
"SPECIAL FRIEND?" hollered Sorata.
Kakyou innocently shifted his weight back and forth, hiding the mask behind his back. "Oh, don't mind me! I'm just a suspicious newspaper editor with a dark secret!"
"The superhero! He must be around here somewhere!" shrieked Yuzuriha frantically.
Kakyou stepped away from the crazed girl. "And now I, the suspicious newspaper editor with the dark secret, will just casually walk to your other worst enemies…" he muttered as he skipped over to Arashi and Sorata.
"We'll never see our Special Friend ever again!" despaired Arashi. However, once Kakyou had neared the two, he slipped the black mask back over his eyes.
Magic Taco: You have reappeared!
"Special Friends! We must unite against the Sand Witch!" urged Kakyou.
"SAND WITCH POWERFUL!" refused Sorata.
"He's right!" agreed Arashi. "Not even our milky creamer was enough for L.E.M.O.N.!" (A/N (while laughing hysterically): no, I'm never going to get bored of these terrible puns…)
"Maybe not…but I've learned something today! It's not the awesome strength of our dairy creamer that will subdue L.E.M.O.N., but courage and teamwork. One Special Friend alone cannot pounce on L.E.M.O.N., but the combined force of three can! The donut people have taught me well to appreciate friendship, and with that power, we can't lose!" explained Kakyou.
Sorata & Arashi: …
Kakyou paused thoughtfully. "And I know how to send that Sand Witch to a writhing hell of her own!"
Magic Taco: Let's do it!
Location: Gary's Gargantuan Golf-a-Rena
Kamui sat cross-legged against one of the cheap castle walls, his eyes mesmerized by only one thing. "Waldo…where's Waldo?" he pouted as he twirled the plastic wand around.
Yuuto sat across from him, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "So the dog wasn't Waldo, and the boat wasn't Waldo…this is hard, your majesty!"
Kamui did not look up from the wand. "Quit whining, Pink Minion! For you see, only when we find this Waldo can I awaken the true powers of this Magical Relic, and enslave the city!"
Meanwhile, on the other side of the castle, a certain squeaky toy had finished pulling out knives from its stomach to start plotting once more. Martin held a tin bowl filled with pink jellybeans, and carefully laid one after another in a path.
"I was thinking too small before!" exclaimed Martin. "This is sure to work, and then I will be free to take over the twit's body, and destroy Tokyo. MWAHAHAHA!"
"Oh! Is that Waldo right there?" Cried the Water Master.
"Where? Where?" However, Kamui's excitement quickly faded. "No…that's just a striped elephant…" he sighed. "Why don't you just make yourself useful, and get your Fairy Queen some yummies…"
"Yes, Your Majesty!" exclaimed Yuuto, who shot up to his feet. "I obey!"
"Oh, great Fairy Queen! I have found the path to power and ultimate destruction of the free world…" called Martin sweetly.
"Waldo? WALDO?" screamed the other in frustration.
The plush animal folded its arms impatiently. "…and cheesecake…?"
Kamui brightened. "Cheesecake? The hell with this!" He tossed the wand aside, and sprinted over to Martin. "Weeee!"
He glared at the boy darkly before walking away toward the door. "Wee."
"Cheesecake! Gimmegimmegimme!" Kamui searched in all directions until his eyes fell on a pink jellybean. "Wow! A magical pink seed of doom!" He fell onto his knees, but the moment he had thrown the jellybean into his mouth, he spotted another one only a foot away. Kamui let out a happy squeal. "They must be guiding me to their smiley sugar kingdom!" And he started to gobble down the trail of jellybeans as Martin rubbed his hands/ stuffed animal stumps together anxiously.
He had just finished swallowing the last of the jellybeans when his eyes swelled with excitement at the sight before him. Towering over him was a giant flaming oven. Next to it was a sign marked with crossbones, reading:
Wal-Mart Brand Human Incinerator: Will burn enemies to a darkened crisp suitable for shish kabob any time of the year! Warnings: Do not use if pregnant, side effects may include confusion, psychotic delusions, and some discomfort…
Only that's not what Kamui saw as he read the sign. "Mweeee!" he yelped as he clapped his hands. "It's the Cheesecake Happy Land!" And he edged closer to the lethal inferno in the oven.
"Yes…yes…!" hissed Martin.
Kamui was just about to leap into the oven when the castle door burst open to yet again send Martin flying into his own trap. "Your Majesty!" cried Yuuto. "I've got Freezies! Cherry Freezies!"
Kamui jumped up and down cheerfully, as Martin screamed in agony. "FREEZIES!" It wasn't long until he was slurping merrily.
"IT BURNS! IT BUUUURNNS!" shrieked Martin.
Kamui looked up from his cherry Freezie. "And now, Pink Minion! We shall search again for the elusive, yet almighty Waldo!"
But Yuuto was heading to the door. "Sorry, your majesty…but I must worship my Taco lord!"
"But…But…" Kamui's lip trembled at the idea of being left alone, but a moment later, he was dancing. "I get his Freezie! Freezie, Freezie, Freezie, wee!"
Martin groaned in a dark corner. "MY THORAX! I CAN'T FEEL MY THORAX!"
Location: Dunkin' Donuts
The three Special Friends bravely stood across from the evil Sand Witch. Kakyou had just finished speaking. "And that's my plan!" he finished proudly.
Arashi was puzzled. "But what's the girdle used for?"
Magic Taco: And how are we supposed to get all that horseradish?
"SORATA HUNGRY!"
The Dreamseer shrugged. "Just distract the Sand Witch!"
Yuzuriha had found Kakyou. "Aha! Now it is time to meet your demise! Nothing shall save your hair, Captain Kakyou, once I—HEY!" The bottle of hair dye that she had once been holding was replaced by a can of shaving cream.
"Keep away! Keep away!" sung Arashi as she tossed the hair dye to Sorata.
"And now to vanish before their eyes!" Kakyou pulled away his mask, and became the suspicious newspaper editor with the dark secret once more.
"Drat! He disappeared again!" Yuzuriha, abandoned the superhero, and ran back and forth between Arashi and Sorata. "Heeey! Stop it! No fair!"
"Hahaha! Silly villain! As long as we keep this bottle, there's no way you can defeat us!" remarked Arashi once she had caught the bottle.
Magic Taco: And then we can vanquish you for good!
"SORATA HUNGRY!" he repeated, this time more impatient. And when he grabbed the stolen bottle, he bit open the lid to down the contents.
"NOOOOO!" screamed Arashi and Yuzuriha in unison.
But then Yuzuriha realized something. She realized that the mentally unstable author had left a hole in the story as to where exactly she got all that Martha Stewart Hair Dye in the first place. That meant that it could just conveniently pop out of air…which it did…at that moment. "Huahahahaha! Again you lose, Special Friends. No one will be able to stop me! Not once I go into Ultra-Mega Mode!"
Kakyou suddenly reappeared by Arashi's side, looking very pleased with himself. "Did you…?" she began.
The Dreamseer nodded. "The Penguin has landed."
Yuzuriha reached into her pocket for another package of Pocky, but when her hand materialized, it held something quite different. She paled. "No…!"
In her hand was a container of chocolate Yan Yan.
"NOOOOOOO! IT'S NOT THE SAME! GAAAAAH!" The girl's knees were trembling.
"Mystical Donut of Wisdom! Your sacrifice was not in vain!" called out Kakyou.
Arashi smiled. "And that leaves only one thing left to do!" The Warrior Princess then calmly approached the psychotic Sand Witch, and poked her in the stomach. "Poke."
"AAAAAAAAAH!" Yuzuriha had fallen to the floor, defeated.
"Hooray!"
As Yuzuriha writhed on the floor, the container of Yan Yan fell out of her hand and rolled to Sorata before he ate the hair dye.
So everyone was happy…well except Yuzuriha, and the deceased Wise Donut…and Martin, don't forget about him. And Fuuma still doesn't have his Zingers…and Subaru lost his ticket ribbon. But for those few deranged seconds, the Dunkin' Donuts had a happy moment, for the Special Friends had won their second battle. Hooray!
What obstacles await the Special Friends? Will Martin ever kill Kamui? Freezies! Where IS Waldo? Find out some of this next chapter! Later!
