It was Wednesday again, and Grace had her counselling meeting. She was still nervous even though it had gone well last week. She knew what was going to come up soon and that worried her.
She quickly exited the school and clambered into her mother's car. Maria was ready to pick her up so that they could get to the appointment on time.
They arrived at the reception and gave Grace's name like they did last week. They didn't have to wait long before Melissa arrived.
"Hello Grace, are you ready to come with me?" Melissa said as she walked over to them. Grace stood up and instantly grabbed her mother's hand.
"Is Mum just going to wait here?" Melissa encouraged and Grace shook her head.
"Mum is coming in" Grace said strongly.
"How about Mum starts with us and then when you feel comfortable then she can wait outside?" Melissa suggested. Grace didn't agree but Maria was already standing to follow them.
They walked into the room and instantly Grace dragged her mother to the larger sofa of the two so they could sit together. She needed her mother right beside her.
"How has your week been?" Melissa asked and Grace shrugged. She looked at her mother for reassurance, but Maria didn't want to but in. She didn't reply until Melissa looked at her encouraging her to speak.
"Grace had a bit of a rough time at the weekend when she was meant to be sleeping over at my sister in laws but I ended up having to collect her" Maria explained not wanting to go into too much detail.
"Why did you have to go home?" Melissa asked directing her comment to Grace.
"I wanted my mum" Grace said nervously.
"Why did you want her?" Melissa asked.
"Because I needed her" Grace said.
"Did you try talking to the person you were with? Is she your auntie?" Melissa asked.
"She's Liam's aunt. She's not my actual aunt" Grace said embarrassed and she blushed.
"You are still a niece to Michelle. And Carla too. They don't treat you any different to Liam" Maria jumped in. She couldn't believe her daughter felt that way. Grace just shrugged. She supposed her mother was right, they didn't treat her different, but it still didn't stop Grace feeling the way that she did.
"Do you feel you can speak to them?" Melissa asked and Grace shrugged.
"Have they told you that you can speak to them?" Melissa tried the question again in another way. Grace nodded.
"Yeah, they've both said it a few times, but I don't think they mean it" Grace admitted.
"Maybe you should spend some quality time with them. Maybe go out for hot chocolate with them, get to know them more" Melissa suggested, and Grace nodded.
"You enjoyed spending the afternoon with Carla, didn't you?" Maria asked and Grace nodded.
"When I was upset about what happened, mum organised for me to spend the afternoon with Carla because she was attacked by a man. We spoke and then I felt more able to tell my mum everything" Grace explained.
"That's really good, maybe you just need to do it a few more times with each of your aunts to realise that you can trust them. If you think about it, Liam has grown up with his aunts, he's used to them and that trust has grown. You've been thrown in with your aunts and then suddenly expected to trust them" Melissa justified which made Grace relax. She was relieved to be told that her feelings were normal and expected. She always worried so much about what other people felt about her.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough and I'm going too slow. Like I should have been able to speak to Carla or Michelle, but I wasn't and then I needed my mum" Grace admitted.
"You have been through a lot, it's good that you are careful with who you trust and it's clear that you don't want to be in a position that you could get hurt again and that's fine. In time you will be able to find out who you should trust, but remember if your mum trusts them and is encouraging you to trust that person, it's often because she's had a good experience with them" Melissa explained and Grace nodded.
"But it's okay if you trust someone who your mum doesn't or if you don't trust someone that your mum does. It is still your decision" Melissa went on to say. Grace nodded before snuggling up with her mother. Speaking about things that made her upset, made her just want her mother even more.
"Do you want to tell me what made you upset when you were with your aunts?" Melissa asked not wanting to push the girl too much.
"I just…" Grace didn't know what to say. She didn't feel that she could speak completely openly with Melissa, not yet it was just a little too early.
"I didn't feel well, and I wanted my mum because I needed something that I didn't have at my Aunt's. I waited until I was too upset and uptight. I couldn't speak to my aunts and I felt like I couldn't get in touch with my mum. Mum said though, that I should have phoned her earlier and spoken to her. I could have told mum what the issue was and then she could have texted Michelle and it all would have been sorted" Grace said, and Melissa smiled.
"I'm glad you were able to identify what you would do differently. That's the most important part, to be able to reflect on why it happened and what you could do in the future to prevent it happening" Melissa explained, and Grace agreed.
"After the event has happened, I always feel like I can speak to my mum about it and then I know what I would do differently. It's just when I'm in the moment. Sometimes, I don't know how I should react. It all gets too much" Grace admitted. Melissa nodded.
"I can teach you some strategies to cope with that if you'd like?" Melissa asked and Grace nodded in agreement. They spoke for a bit longer and Melissa noticed Grace starting to relax.
"Grace, how would you feel if mum sat beside the door?" Melissa asked cautiously. Grace shrugged.
"As long as mum can still hear" Grace said, and Melissa nodded. Melissa took this as her opportunity to move away from where her daughter was. It meant she was only about 5 metres from the girl and could still easily be seen.
"Why do you want your mum to be within earshot?" Melissa asked and Grace shrugged.
"I just don't want mum to miss out on anything" Grace said.
"Do you think mum would be unhappy or upset if she missed out?" Melissa asked and Grace shook her head.
"No, it's not like that. I just want mum to hear it too so if I pick anything up the wrong way then she can help me because I really want to get better. It also means that she knows what we spoke about so I can still talk to her about it" Grace tried to explain.
"I can always pass the main strategies and things onto your mum so that she knows how to help you as well. Even if you speak to me about something and then want to speak to mum about it, just because she wasn't here for the conversation, it doesn't mean that's it, it can't be spoken about again" Melissa said.
"I thought that if I told you a story or memory then I had to forget about it straight away or I won't get better" Grace admitted and Melissa nodded understanding what the girl was on about.
"Some people believe that once you've spoken to your counsellor about something then they remove it from your memory and that's it fixed. It's buried not to come out again, is that what your thinking about?" Melissa asked and Grace nodded.
"That's not true, it's not about erasing the memory, it's about being able to deal with the memory and realise that it did happen but it isn't your fault" Melissa explained "You might speak to me about a memory and then 4 weeks later need to speak about it again and that is fine"
Grace nodded feeling a little bit more confident now. She relaxed into the environment of it just being her and Melissa. She didn't feel the need for her mother to be there anymore. She looked across and saw Maria on her phone and Grace relaxed even more.
"So I will see you next week?" Melissa asked closing the session. Grace agreed and stood up to walk towards her mother. Maria stood up as they approached and put her arm around her daughter. Maria kissed the girl on the top of the head as they walked out.
They booked in for next week appointment before leaving to collect Liam. He was with Michelle as his childminder had requested 2 weeks off for holidays. Maria was having to use family and friends this week to help her.
"So school finishes on Friday?" Maria asked and Grace nodded. She was so excited about school finishing. She couldn't wait for the holidays.
"Are you off at all?" Grace asked and Maria nodded.
"Yeah I'm off in 3 weeks and I thought we could go to Cyprus for the week and visit my parents" Maria suggested and Grace went quiet.
"Hey what's the matter? Don't you like that idea?" Maria asked.
"But they made you get rid of me, will they be okay that I'm back with you now?" Grace asked and Maria nodded.
"Of course they will, I was 15 at the time. Now I'm 31 years old, I'll phone them next week but I promise you they will be fine" Maria said.
"Have you not told them yet?" Grace asked.
"I just haven't found the right moment" Maria admitted.
"You are ashamed of me" Grace said just as they arrived in the street.
"What? Of course not" Maria said and Grace shook her head before jumping out the car and running. Maria called after the girl but she was soon out of site. Maria decided to collect Liam and then take him back to the flat. The girl hadn't gone in the direction of the flat but perhaps she would turn around once she was sure Maria wasn't there.
Grace ran, she wasn't sure where she was running to until she saw a bench and sat down next to it. She was upset and annoyed at her mother. She sat for a couple of minutes before realising that being on her own wasn't any help.
She got up and went to the one place that she could think of just now. She walked in and went straight through to the office, she could feel people staring at her and she became more self-conscious which caused even more tears to slip down her face.
She knocked on the door which was shut and waited until she was called upon.
"Can I speak to you?" She managed to croak out as she opened the door.
"Of course you can, come here" Carla said as she opened her arms as the young teen walked into the office.
"What's the matter" Carla said as they moved to the sofa.
"I'm angry at my mum" Grace admitted.
"What's she done this time" Carla said with a joke.
"She hasn't told her parents that I'm back living with her. She wants me to go to Cyprus with them this summer but they still don't know I'm back. They were the ones who told Maria to give me up. Now my mum's ashamed of me" Grace said.
"That is definitely not true, I'm sure your mum just doesn't want to do it on the phone. Phone calls are difficult enough and I know that your mum doesn't speak to her parents much anyway" Carla admitted.
"I'm sure she just wants to keep you safe as well. If she tells her parents on the phone then they will probably just want to speak to you as well which would make things more difficult for you. Would you rather meet them face to face with your mother beside you helping both of you or have a really awkward conversation on the phone?" Carla asked.
"With mum face to face" Grace mumbled realising that Carla was right. They spoke for a bit longer before Grace realised she best get back to her mother.
"Does your mum know where you are?" Carla asked and Grace shook her head.
"I ran away from her because I was upset" Grace said and Carla quickly messaged Maria before they left.
They walked across the street and to the flat where they went up the stairs.
"Oh I was so worried" Maria said pulling the girl into her arms when they walked into the flat. Maria had just received Carla's message, but it had been 40 minutes since Grace ran away from her.
"Sorry I just needed some time" Grace admitted.
"I'm really proud of you for going to Carla" Maria explained and Grace nodded. Today's session had really helped her realise that her aunts were there for her.
"Well she is my aunt" Grace said causing both Carla and Maria to smile.
"And you can come to me anytime but next time you must tell your mother where you are going" Carla said and Grace nodded.
"I've just made some macaroni cheese, there is plenty if you want to stay?" Maria asked Carla. Normally Carla would refuse but she could see that it would mean a lot to Grace if she stayed.
"Sure" She said and Grace's smile grew. They quickly served tea before all gathering around the table to eat together.
They had a really enjoyable time and it just made Grace even more excited for the summer holidays when she would have even more time to spend with her family.
Sorry it's been a while. Hope this is okay :)
