Disclaimer: This one time, when I tried to own X, CLAMP locked me away in a duct tape prison with a disturbed emu with whooping cough and a bowl of chile. Don't ask me how I was supposed to get outta that one…

Again, Kakyou-luverx has returned from another one of her lazy breaks at camp unscathed….well except for getting beaned by twelve heavy objects…and risking her crazy little life for a chocolate muffin, and don't forget the baby bunny that sat there plotting to kill her, as if it had anything better in its bleak and short life to do, instead of glaring at her in the rain on a Tuesday afternoon, wiggling its nose in that way that says, "fresh meat", and… damn rabbits…hmm…what was I saying?

Luv,

Kakyou-luverx


Ch. 18 Cheesy Redemption and Charlie the Chalupa

Location: Downtown Tokyo

The golden glow of the street lamps at each corner began to flicker on as the sky's brilliance vanished. All across Tokyo, the hard-working pedestrians were fading, leaving each wide boulevard an entirely different world. A separate dimension, almost, left to peace and quiet…well, most of them anyway…

"My divine Magical Relic! It is time that you awaken to fulfill your duty to your master, a duty worthy to your name, filled with nobility and glory beyond all other tasks!" Fuuma held the Tinkerbelle wand high over his head before a massing crowd of uncomfortable passerbys. His eyes snapped shut, and his face locked into deep concentration. Fuuma slowly dropped to his knees, and placed the wand ceremoniously onto the concrete sidewalk.

The crowd leaned their heads in a little closer with hushed whispers of curiosity, but before any of them dared to take a step closer, Fuuma gave the plastic wand a spin. "NOW TELL ME WHICH WAY TO MY ZINGERS! WHERE ARE MY ZINGERS?"

The wand slowed until its flimsy glitter tip pointed at a lamppost. Fuuma was seething. "DEMON LAMPPOST! GIVE ME BACK MY ZINGERS! L.E.M.O.N.'S LAMPPOST HAS MY ZINGERS!" He then charged to kick the crap out of the lamppost.

As the onlookers were fleeing from this madman, Subaru was twirling his catholic schoolgirl's skirt on the far edge of the sidewalk without Seishirou's towering presence. "I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty!" he sung as he spun around in fast circles. "Pretty and witty and—"

The door from across the street jingled open, and Seishirou skipped out of the store holding a big lollipop. "Suby-kun! Sei-san's gotta treat for you!"

Subaru's eyes enlarged. "CANDY!" And he rushed straight into the path of a cruising mini-van. The onmyouji swallowed hard as the oncoming vehicle closed in on him. It might have been all over for our drugged hero, but suddenly a gentle hand clasped onto his shoulder, and he was pulled back onto the sidewalk.

Behind him was a nice, old-looking man. "You ought to be more careful, young lady." His eyes became crazy as they shifted about in paranoia. "The streets have ears on Thursday nights…they want me lucky charms…"

"Have I told you the time I went on a mission for revenge on the high seas? It was for that white whale, with the wrinkled brow and crooked jaw…named MOBY DICK! CALL ME ISHMAEL!" screamed the old man.

Subaru blinked. "Candy?"

Seishirou was shrieking from across the street. "NO! THE EVIL WARLOCK-MAN HAS SUBARU-KUN!"

The crazy old man innocently reached into his pocket. "Would you like some kiwi fruit?"

"SUBARU, RUN!" screamed Seishirou.

And that mean, nice old man had almost succeeded in his plot to give Subaru a deliciously fruity snack when all of the sudden, a truck pulled up to the curb, its door flew open, and—SMACK!

The old man was cudgeled on the head by the car door. And, as he lay bleeding to death, a shadow rustled within the truck. "I…have arrived!" it declared.

Seishirou had finally made it across the street to embrace Subaru in relief. He then turned to the shadow in the pick-up truck. "You saved Suby-kun! Who are you?"

The shadow chuckled. "Who am I, you ask? Who am I? Hear my name, and revere my greatness!" The figure inside then emerged into the lamplight, and Seishirou and Subaru gasped in amazement at what stood over them. It was a man in a large foam suit that resembled a tortilla.

"Magic Taco!" giggled Subaru.

The man shook his head. "No, deluded little cretin. I am the NEW Taco Bell mascot!" he replied proudly. "They said they wouldn't give me the job unless that troublesome Chihuahua was hauled away screaming by two men in black, and now IT IS TIME! At last, let the reign of Charlie the Chalupa begin!"

Seishirou tugged on a bunny ear thoughtfully. "Charlie the Chalupa? Why not Gregg the Gordito? Or Quinn the Quesadilla?"

"Magic Taco!" persisted Subaru.

"No!" snapped Charlie. "I am a Chalupa, and my name is Charlie! CHARLIE the CHALUPA! And I am the new ruler of the sacred kingdom that is Taco Bell!"

Seishirou clasped his hands in excitement. "Tell me of this Bell of Tacos…"

The Chalupa bent closer to the two, and his arms settled over their shoulders. "'tis a magical and blessed land of cheese and salsa, the land of free refills and grande meals, the land of cockroaches and sugary churros!"

Subaru let out an excited squeal. "Churros?"

"That settles it!" cried Seishirou. "Take us to this mystical land!"

"Then take my hand, unworthy unbelievers, and follow me to the kingdom of tacos!" replied Charlie as he offered a hand to the both of them.

Seishirou scratched his head. "Though it feels like we might be forgetting someone…"

As Seishirou and Subaru skipped merrily away with Charlie the Chalupa, Fuuma stood huffing over a bent and mangled lamppost. "TALK ALREADY! WHERE ARE MY ZINGERS?" When the lamppost didn't respond, Fuuma laid the Tinkerbelle wand back on the ground to give it a spin.

Lying across the now deserted street corner was the crazy man. "Hey, I'm still alive! And I must defeat the rats of NIMH to save the eighth dimension!" he ranted as he bled.

The wand had chosen its new target, and Fuuma went running in the man's direction. "ZINGERS!"

Location: Taco Bell

Sorata's possessed eyes narrowed at Yuuto.

Magic Taco: My faithful servant, Yuuto. Can you not see you have strayed from the path of cheesy enlightenment?

The Water Master jumped. "Wh-who said that?"

Magic Taco: It is I, your benevolent taco god, the Magic Taco.

Yuuto's eyes brightened. "Mighty Magic Taco! You're alive!" However, when his gaze fell on the possessed Sorata, his expression returned to its cold and dark glare, and his Code Red swirled furiously around him. "It's YOU! The unbeliever who destroyed the Magic Taco! How dare you impersonate my lord!"

Magic Taco: No Yuuto! You must listen before it is too late!

But Yuuto wasn't listening. "It's time I finally spread my revenge over this doomed city. Die!"

Magic Taco: Then I have no choice…I must call to the heavens for my otherworldly powers to smite my disciple. Only then can he see the error of his path and—

Sorata's eyes turned normal again. "BURRITO!" he cheered happily, and made his way over to one of the plastic booths to dine, despite the spirit's vehement protests. He chomped down on the burrito. "YUMMY!"

Magic Taco:…………shit……………mmm…hey, this is sorta good…

Kakyou uneasily flicked his hair, the Dreamseer now the only one standing against Yuuto's wrath. "Slave of L.E.M.O.N.! Handover the Zingers and Fire Sauce to the Special Friends!"

Yuuto pondered the demand for a moment. "Nope, sorry…"

Kakyou folded his arms after pausing at length. "Then maybe you can just give back the fire sauce?"

"No."

"…pretty please?"

The other continued to shake his head. "Nuh-uh…I've got special top secret plans!"

Kakyou gaped. "With fire sauce?"

"Huahahahaha! Exactly, do you dare to know the extent of my cruelty?" cackled Yuuto.

The Dreamseer shrugged indifferently. "No, not really…"

"Since you begged with your pathetic life, I might as well indulge you! Come, gaze at my blueprint for evil!" shouted Yuuto as he pulled out an elaborately drawn chalkboard. "Stage One: steal fire sauce!"

Kakyou stared at the chalkboard in awe. The first drawing had a stick figure in a burglar mask labeled 'me (stealing stuff)'. "Stage Two," continued Yuuto. "Defeat Special Friends!" The next picture was of stick figure Yuuto standing over a pile of decapitated stick figure heads with a can of Code Red. An arrow was pointing to the pile of heads: '(Bad Special Friends, Boo!)' "And with the Special Friends annihilated, nothing can stop me from fulfilling the ultimate objective which will send Tokyo into a whirlpool of misery!"

Kakyou wordlessly stared at the final picture, a poorly drawn car. "…"

Yuuto was laughing maniacally. "I SHALL PUT THEM UNDER ALL THE CAR TIRES OF THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"NOOOO! The humanity!" screamed Kakyou.

Yuuto flung away the chalkboard and turned to face the panicked Dreamseer. "Now you know too much!" He raised a hand, and the jets of caffeinated soda swarmed about his fingers menacingly. "Farewell, Captain Kakyou!"

With a quick gasp, Kakyou braced himself for the impact, but to his surprise, when Yuuto had released the Code Red in his direction, he was completely unaffected. In fact, the soda had never even reached him, but it bounced away as if there were a magical barrier between them…

"That's what you think, Pink Minion!" exclaimed Seishirou, as he popped out of nowhere by Kakyou's side with an unwrapped roll of Saran Wrap.

"Pink, pink!" echoed Subaru cheerily.

"Now give back Subaru-kun's ribbon!" growled the older onmyouji.

Yuuto was unshaken. "A wise decision to bring up a kekkai here to keep me out, Special Friends…but you have made a fatal mistake…because it shall also keep you in!" Suddenly, a large amount of Code Red swept into the Saran Wrap Barrier, and began to rise quickly to their knees. "Now you can all drown in the majesty that is CODE RED!"

"We'll never escape from one of these barriers!" despaired Kakyou.

"Wet, Sei-san!" squeaked Subaru, and he jumped into the other's arms.

Seishirou took in a deep, relaxed breath. "It's not over yet! We have a new Special Friend who will save us! Charlie, the Chalupa!" Nothing happened. "…Charlie?"

Location: Downtown Tokyo

(Angsty music plays)

Fuuma sat sniffling under the ruined lamppost. "An-and that's how I lost Mr. Huggles. And then…just when I was about to awaken my Magic Relic with the power of my Zingers…(sniff)…he took them! HE TOOK MY ZINGERS!" he sobbed.

The dying, crazy old man nodded perceptibly to himself. "Hmm, it sounds to me like you have a post-traumatic stress disorder which causes you to seek a dependent relationship on inanimate objects…"

Fuuma stared in astonishment of the not-so-crazy old guy, but the man suddenly let out a high-pitched bark. "PINEAPPLES!"

Fuuma sweat-dropped. "I just want Mr. Huggles back…"

The man rubbed his chin. "Tell me, did anything traumatic happen in your past?"

He looked around thoughtfully. "Hmm…"

Flashback to four-year old Fuuma at circus. "Mommy, I wanna balloon, mommy!" Saya buys the kid a big balloon to shut him up, and it flies off with him on it. "MOMMY!"

Flashback to five year-old Fuuma with a jack-in-the-box. The puppet jumps out unexpectedly, and slams little Fuuma in the face. "MY NOSE!"

Flashback to decapitated head of Saya in frequent visions.

Flashback to killing own sister.

Flashback to older Fuuma strolling down the park only to be descended on by several dozen aggressive birds. "MY EYES…!"

Fuuma sighed. "damn birds…"

"Well, the answer is simple, isn't it?" broke in the old man. "You can't be ruled by your fears. You must take action, and bravely fight for those who you want to protect."

Fuuma jumped to his feet, his confidence restored. "Then that's what I'm gonna do! Just wait, Mr. Huggles, when I get my Zingers I will hammer my Magic Relic into L.E.M.O.N.'s fortress!" (Author is currently on the floor laughing from bad innuendo)

"That's the spirit! Now if only I could feel my legs, and I could escape this lethal predicament and destroy that white whale for good…"

Fuuma was already running off into the distance. "Bye Crazy-old-geezer-who-I-was-gonna-kill-if-he-had-my-Zingers-but-didn't-have-my-Zingers-and-turned-out-to-be-smart-because-he-got-me-to-search-for-Mr. Huggles-and-the-Zingers-again-while-he-is-shuffled-slowly-off-the-mortal-coil-man! Special Friend, away!"

Location: Taco Bell

The Saran Wrap barrier was nearly filled to the top with the deadly Code Red, leaving Subaru, Kakyou and Seishirou barely any air to breathe. Amidst Yuuto's evil laughter, he shook his hands up and down, causing the fluid within to shake the three captives around like a snow globe.

The Water Master clapped his hands. "Prettyful!"

Kakyou gasped for air at the top. "You-You'll never get away with this Pink Minion!"

"Oh? And who's gonna stop me!"

"ROAR!" A shrill cry sounded from the distance. At the top corner of the store was a shadowy figure. "You have made war on Taco Bell! Prepare for your doom!" Suddenly the figure flew through the air.

"It's a bird!" cried Yuuto.

"It's a plane!" argued Kakyou inside the barrier.

"Churro!" guessed Subaru.

"No!" gasped Seishirou. "It's…it's CHARLIE THE CHALUPA!"

Charlie flew through the air, draped in a Taco Bell banner/cape that read 'open until midnight'. "GYAAAAAA!" The Chalupa mascot then swooped down and kicked a hole into the Saran Wrap barrier to set them all free. Charlie landed a few inches away from Yuuto, and struck a courageous pose. "Your Tyranny ends here!"

But Yuuto shot another stream of Code Red straight into Charlie, and the Chalupa flew into a wall.

"CHARLIE!" cried Seishirou.

Yuuto stood triumphantly over the fallen chalupa. "And now to end this."

But just at that moment, a Taco Bell miracle occurred. Sorata had finished his burrito! So just as Yuuto crept closer to deal the final blow on poor Charlie, a Choco Taco smacked him in the back of the head. Enraged, Yuuto whirled around to find a possessed Sorata staring him down.

Magic Taco: Yuuto, you will not listen, so I must summon all of my power to prove to you that I am your true god!

With those words, the tile floor of the Taco Bell began to quake, and Sorata's eyes glowed crimson. All of the fluorescent lights of the restaurant were burning away one by one, and a ball of light began to appear over his head. The light swelled brighter and larger with every second , until it was at the point that it would explode.

Magic Taco: HYAAAAA!

The light flooded over the Taco Bell at the Magic Taco's cry, sending shards of concrete and buckets of ground taco meat flying into the air. When the blinding light had cleared, they were all standing on a barren wasteland that once was Taco Bell.

Yuuto groaned as he pulled himself up from the ground, but when he looked up, his face was overwhelmed with shock. Hovering over him, was the ghost-like figure of the Magic Taco.

"It can't be?" he exclaimed.

(more dramatic music plays)

Magic Taco: Yuuto…do you at last see?

"But you were eaten! I thought you were gone forever!" cried Yuuto.

Magic Taco: I will never be gone forever, Yuuto…because I'll live on…in your heart.

Yuuto placed a hand over his heart. "In…my heart?"

Magic Taco: …Well, actually, in his heart...

The Taco gestured at Charlie the Chalupa who was moaning from the attack.

Magic Taco: I can't stand another damn second with that pile of lard that ate me, and you were a disappointing servant and all…but Charlie the Chalupa pleases me. I shall possess him, and make him the true Taco mascot he is inside…so that's where I'll be…

The Magic Taco faded, but in an instant Charlie the Chalupa was standing by the other Special Friends, his eyes green and possessed.

Magic Taco: The rest falls on these brave souls, the Special Friends, and you, Yuuto. Do not fail me…

Yuuto bowed. "On this day, I surrender to the will of the Special Friends, and I shall repent to find my way back to cheesy enlightenment!"

"Aww…another happy ending for the Special Friends! And nothing had to be harmed!" remarked Kakyou as he stood proudly in the ruins of the Taco Bell.

"Special Friends win!" agreed Subaru.

But their happy ending was quickly interrupted by deranged, homicidal puffing. Fuuma was snarling at the edge of the wasteland. "MY ZINGERS!"

Yuuto sweat-dropped. "Bother…"

And the Special Friends triumph yet again. I made this chapter especially long just for astute Sakurazuka-chan And yes, it is a very weird one, as Kakyou-luverx has a random streak to shake out. Now only the evil Fairy Queen remains…will the Special Friend's thwart L.E.M.O.N. in time? Find out next chapter!