Disclaimer: If I owned X, I would toss all the Angels and Seals into a burlap sack with foam swords and elevator music…yes, I am twisted.
Wooooooo! Could it be? YES! The moment you've all been waiting for! Not Chapter 9, or Chapter 10. It's CHAPTER 19! A celebration of the wonderful number that is Nineteen. And how do I welcome this momentous occasion, you ask? Well I have eaten 19 Hershey's Kisses (you know the kind, with the caramel…), 19 chips (mmm…cheesy Doritos…) and 19 sticks of wonderful pocky (NOT Yan Yan, mind you). Now I'm sure there are some of you at home sitting at the computer wondering why the hell you should give a flying doo-dah about 19, thinking that Kakyou-luverx has finally plunged into a whirlpool of insanity of which there is no ending (…finally?). Well, I'll have you all know that nineteen is a very special number, yes it is. Remember that one time when Subaru and his teddy…wait no, that had nothing to do with nineteen….well, you can't forget the time when Kamui got that bottle of cleanser and….no, nineteen wasn't there also… (sigh) Well maybe nineteen isn't the most appreciated number of them all, but it is the highest number for one of my chapters yet! So everyone, grab some candy, and celebrate until you can't anymore! CHAPTER NINETEEN!
Luv, (with WAAAY too much sugar to know what the hell is going on…)
Kakyou-luverx
Location: Gary's Gargantuan Golf-a-Rena
The deep indigo of the night sky had settled quite comfortably over the entire area, leaving the Golf-a-Rena to light the way for its late-night patrons. And so each obstacle, whether it was the misshapen sperm whale at the second hole, or the rabid monkey statue on the thirteenth flared to life in cheap, fluorescent splendor.
But there was one hole that didn't light up, and the children stayed far away from it. The eighteenth hole was rumored to haunted by malevolent ghosts, a theory that all the mini-golfing hicks at Gary's were beginning to support, what with an eerie squeaky sound echoing about, and the bone-chilling ring of the spirits slurping freezies. And they were wise to stay away from it. For as the faint glow of the other holes wandered over the forbidding plastic castle on the eighteenth, a terrible plot was taking place within.
"Great, omniscient leader! With your power, I shall be invincible in battle, impervious to all magical attacks! Give me strength!" Kamui bowed at the castle's center where a deteriorating face stared blankly back up at him. "Hail Waldo!" The vague shape of Waldo said nothing, but Kamui shot up in alarm. "What's that, Waldo? The Pink Minion's betrayed me?" Kamui's eyes narrowed, and he took a dramatic pause. "Then it is finally time…"
Chapter 19: Encounter at the First Hole
Location: Parking Lot of Gary's Gargantuan Golf-a-Rena
Fuuma hastily shoved the last bit of his recovered Zingers into his mouth. "MMmmf—MMffmmmm, mm, mmm, ffmmm, afmm, fmmfmm!"
Seishirou blinked in confusion. "Your pet rock's name is Tina?"
The other shook his head, and gulped down the cholesterol-teeming snack. "With my Zingers returned to me, I can now awaken my Magical Relic in the face of L.E.M.O.N.!" He corrected, waving around his Tinkerbelle Wand.
The Sakurazukamori shrugged indifferently, and returned to his previous…errm, project. Tearing one last sheet of Saran Wrap from his roll and fixing it onto a giant Saran-Wrapped blob, he nodded in satisfaction at his work of art.
"Piñata! Piñata!" chanted Subaru, who had somehow acquired a club and a blindfold.
"HAAALP!" screamed a muffled voice from within the struggling blob. Suddenly a tuft of heavily-dyed, red hair peaked from the top of the blob, Yuuto's terrified face following soon after.
"Okay, Suby-kun!" cooed Seishirou. "Now you can beat the evil ribbon-stealing vermin to a bruised pulp all you want!"
"SORATA WANT CANDY!" exclaimed the Kansai monk.
Meanwhile, Kakyou was arguing with the man at the entrance's booth. "But I wanna storm L.E.M.O.N.'s fortress and halt the vile plan to enslave all of Tokyo now!" he whined.
The man yawned unsympathetically. "Sorry, kid. You know the rules. Come back when you get some pants." He stared at Kakyou's bra, and sweat-dropped. "…and a shirt for that matter! Geez, kids these days…"
"Mr. Huggles!" cried Fuuma further away. "I'm coming, I'll save you!"
Yuuto was beginning to tremble after Subaru had taken a few practice swings with his club, and managed to hit a low-flying bird. "Wa-wait! You don't wanna do this! I'm good now! I can get you to the Fairy Queen!"
Fuuma gasped, and jumped in before Subaru could have another practice swing. "The Fairy Queen? And Mr. Huggles?" At Yuuto's timid nod, Fuuma had leapt onto the Saran Wrap blob. "TELL MEEEEEE!"
"Within the fortress is a confusing labyrinth of which there is no escape. Only I know the way to the Fairy Queen…." Explained Yuuto gravely.
Subaru was becoming impatient. "PIÑATA!" But in the middle of his tantrum, the Golf-a-Rena began to fill with many wavy colors, and his head was spinning once again, which could only mean one thing!
"Hey-hey, Subaru! Long time, no see, homie!" exclaimed the Subaru Angel.
The onmyouji lifted an eyebrow. "Angel?"
But the illusion shook his head. "Naw, I'm actually the devil. Ya see, they caught the angel dating a plate of mash potatoes rambling something about hat goblins, and decided to replace 'em with me," replied the angel, who was actually the devil filling in for the angel. His face went sour. "Oh, but of course, they couldn't just give me my old job back because that damn replacement was Soooo impressive. Damn bastard…." And with that, the second puff of smoke revealed the familiar form of the sack of beans, and the angel, who was actually the devil filling in for the angel began a rather not-nice rant.
"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Kakyou as he bolted at the other Special Friends. Behind him was a pack of ferocious, well-trained squirrels.
"And don't come back!" shouted the man at the booth, who was angrily waving a nine-iron in the air.
The Dreamseer panted on the ground once he had reached his comrades, and the squirrels stopped their chase. "Th-the Guard of L.E.M.O.N. won't let….us in!" he exclaimed.
Fuuma sighed. "That insidious Fairy Queen! But the Special Friends must infiltrate L.E.M.O.N.'s fortress!"
Everyone fell silent, trying to scheme a way into the fortress to no avail. Subaru expectantly turned to his, uh, guardians for advice. However, the angel, who was actually the devil filling in for the angel was in the middle of his own rambling.
"…so I'm not the perfect side dish that can be refried, but I'm cute, dammit! Aren't I cute?" he growled in a half crazed tone. "Look at this halo, the SACK doesn't have a HALO, does it? DOES IT? ….oh, now what are you staring at?"
Subaru's emerald eyes begged to the illusions. "Plan?"
But the angel, who was actually…blahblah, etcetera…had fallen into yet another emotional break down. "OH? So now I deserve attention 'cause you need guiding? What do I look like, a damned conscience? Well I'm not playin' Mister-I-like-that-brownosin'-sack-of-pintos-more-than-the-trained-professional-devil-who-took-eight-years-of-prep-school-and-baking-lessons-on-the-side-for-his-deserved-job! Why don't you talk to your new friend! I know, why don't you marry the damn thing, and piss off!" And he vanished, leaving Subaru alone. In dire need. With a sack of beans. Again.
The onmyouji turned back to the sack of beans, which continued to keep silent. It looked as if the Special Friends had at last reached a stalemate, but then something miraculous happened!
The sack of beans fell over. And pointed to their salvation.
A FedEx man was hauling several huge crates down from his truck. "Irregular night shipment of golf balls!" he cried out, oblivious to the strange company around him. "Now I'm just going to go back in my truck, and leave these crates in the middle of the parking lot where they can be infiltrated by drugged superheroes trying to bring down the criminal organization that is in the eighteenth hole, thus freeing mankind and a possessed toy!"
Subaru stared at the FedEx crates. Then at the Special Friends. Then at the FedEx crates. Then the Special Friends. Then the FedEx crates again, and the Special Friends. FedEx, Special Friends, abushthatlookedlikeamonkey, Special Friends, FedEx. Subaru brightened. "PLAN!" he announced to his bemused friends. And then, as a very rare moment, he spoke in a coherent full sentence. "I have a plan!"
Location: Eighteenth Hole…err, Fairy Queen's Waldo Lair
Kamui had just finished straightening out his pink dress, and polishing his 'Where's Waldo' wand for battle, when a commanding voice bellowed from the center of the castle.
"Ka…FAIRY QUEEN! WALDO BECKONS!" called the strong, yet somewhat familiar voice.
"WALDO!" cried at Kamui, and he rushed to the rotting face of Waldo. "I have made the preparations! My minions have been readied to fight! The Final battle shall begin, and then Tokyo and all its pixies will be ours! What words of wisdom do you have for me, almighty one?"
The voice hesitated. "umm…. Give your mind to Martin. Surrender all to Martin! He is your leader! Your Conqueror! You shall—" suddenly a golf ball flew through the plastic castle. "-SQUEAK-!" The bleary form of a stuffed animal hit a far end wall with a thud.
"Waldo?" whispered Kamui in concern. "Waldo?"
Waldo: ………………………………………………
Kamui paled. "No, no! Don't be angry! I'll crush the Special Friends!" He nodded. "Yes, Waldo. It is time that I finally crushed the Special Friends. Mwahahaha..."
"The…pain…" groaned Martin from a corner.
"MWAHAHAHAHA!"
Location: Entrance
The underappreciated employee called Matt sighed heavily as he dragged the last of the FedEx crates into the Golf-a-Rena. "Th-these Golf Balls sure are heavier than I remember!" he puffed to himself. "And I could have sworn that one of 'em sneezed a while ago!" Matt eyed the crates suspiciously. "I wonder…"
Just as Matt realized that the FedEx stickers on the crates had been peeled off, he heard several loud battle cries sound. Behind him, six shadows were beginning to materialize, madly waving golf clubs in the air. "CHARGE!" yelled the foremost of them, and Matt sweat-dropped, realizing that he was as good as dead.
Fuuma led the Special Friends with his mini-golf putter raised high above his head. Spread over each of their foreheads were the stolen labels from the crates with giant letters reading 'FedEx'.
"Oh no!" cried Matt. "FedEx has finally come to take me away!" And he ran away screaming.
Fuuma howled in triumph. "We have successfully broken into L.E.M.O.N.'s fortress!"
"Your brilliant scheme has succeeded!" remarked Kakyou in awe of Subaru.
Seishirou wrapped his arms possessively over Subaru's shoulders. "My Suby-kun's a genius!"
"Genius!" echoed the onmyouji proudly.
Sorata had broken into one of the crates, and was chewing on a blue golf ball. "JAWBREAKER, YUMMY!"
Yuuto hobbled about in what remained of his Saran Wrap restraint. "But now we must navigate through the maze that is Gary's Golf-a-Rena!" he cried melodramatically. "And the Fairy Queen most certainly knows that we're here!"
Fuuma's eyes flared. "None of that matters. I will avenge Mr. Chaos, and get Mr. Huggles back at all costs!"
"Too bad you will not make it past this point, Special Friends!" called a voice.
The Dreamseer gasped. "It's the Fairy Queen!" Standing before them was Kamui in all his pink fury.
"Surrender, fiend!" demanded Fuuma angrily.
"We have you surrounded! There's no you can win!" shouted Seishirou.
"That's where you're wrong," retorted Kamui. "It is you who are surrounded."
It was Subaru who first realized that the dreaded Fairy Queen was not bluffing as his head whipped to the figures concealed in the brush to his side. "Sei-san!" he squeaked, tugging on the Sakurazukamori's arm. "Sei-san!"
Yuuto gulped. "…his horrible…lackeys! Your majesty, please!" pleaded the Water Master.
Kamui's expression darkened. "You, Pink Minion, shall suffer the worst of them all for betraying me! Attack, my slaves!"
And slowly, the Fairy Queen's servants emerged into the light. Sorata looked up from his golf ball. "FISHIES!"
Completely surrounding the Special Friends was a legion of goldfish. But these weren't any ordinary goldfish, oh no. They were super-evil, homicidal goldfish!...with little wings hanging on the sides of their bowls….!(suspense!)
"Now PERISH, Special Friends!" shouted Kamui, who ran for the giant plastic chicken obstacle at the first hole.
"No!" cried Fuuma. "The Fairy Queen's escaping!"
"Go! You can follow the Fairy Queen through the labyrinth!" ordered Yuuto. "We'll take care of them! Hurry before it is too late!" Seishirou and Subaru nodded in agreement, but Sorata was still munching on the golf ball.
"But…" started Fuuma.
"They're right!" agreed Kakyou. "And I'll go with you to get back what's yours!" With some hesitation, Fuuma agreed, and the two started off for the first hole.
Seishirou, Subaru, and Yuuto turned to the army of goldfish. "And now to finish them off!" said Yuuto.
Sorata heedlessly continued to chomp down on the golf ball. However, one of the bloodthirsty little goldfish had become impatient and glared at him.
Glub.
Sorata screamed in agony, and crashed into the open crate of golf balls, sending them flying everywhere. "BURNS! SORATA BURNING!" he cried, the fish continuing to stare him down. Glubglub…glub…
Seishirou's hold on his golf club tightened. "Special Friends, ATTACK!"
Location: First Hole
"There he is!" Kakyou pointed out the faraway figure of Kamui, who was at fifth hole.
Fuuma sweat-dropped. "He's so far away!" However, when he started toward his nemesis, his way was blocked by the plastic beast that was the first hole's chicken obstacle. "The chicken won't let us through! How will we get past it?"
The golf balls that Sorata spilt rolled toward them. Kakyou glanced at the balls, and then to their clubs. He took in a deep breath. "Then there's only one way…."
"No!" protested Fuuma.
"Yes…" quivered the Dreamseer. "…we must golf!"
Fuuma shuddered, but nevertheless placed a golf ball on the tee. He hardened his eyes at the horrible plastic chicken, and swung his club. But to his surprise, the ball flew past the chicken, and he got a hole in one! "Oh yippee!" he exclaimed.
"Now, go ahead of me! I'll catch up, but we can't let the Fairy Queen escape!" urged Kakyou. He waited until Fuuma had cleared the first hole before proceeding to the tee. However, he grimly realized that he could no longer see Kamui in the distance.
"You're all alone, now, Captain Kakyou!" hissed Kamui's voice from the shadows, making him jump. "It is time for your doom!"
Kakyou swallowed hard. "I'm a Superhero! You can't scare me!"
Kamui chuckled. "But I know your one and only weakness!" And he threw a cereal box at the Dreamseer's feet.
Kakyou went white. "NOOOOOOOOOO!"
Location: Third Hole
Fuuma looked up in concern after swinging his golf club, as he heard his friend scream in the distance. "Captain Kakyou is in grave danger!" But his eyes wandered back to his shot. "Oh boy! Another hole in one!" And he danced around the golf hole.
Location: Inside the First Hole's Giant Plastic Chicken
Kakyou hung over a smoking cauldron, bound by strong ropes. "You won't get away with this!" he screamed, but he could not break free of the ropes.
"That's where you're wrong, Captain Kakyou!" shouted back Kamui. "When the rope holding you gives out, you shall plunge to your certain doom. The horrors in that cauldron will eat you alive!"
Kakyou sweat-dropped. "…You mean…my weakness?" The smoke of the cauldron cleared to reveal that it was filled to the top with—
"COCOA PUFFS! FAREWELL, CAPTAIN KAKYOU!" Laughed Kamui as he exited the chicken.
"HEEEEEEEELP!"
Will Captain Kakyou escape the cauldron alive? Will the Special Friends overcome the homicidal Goldfish? Will the Fairy Queen defeat Fuuma? Will Martin conquer Tokyo? Find out in the next chapter, and the DRAMATIC conclusion of X Madness! (and the DRAMATIC epilogue!) Later!
