A/N while I have all the ER episodes on tape or DVD, I don't have the "Third Watch" episode which followed "Brothers and Sisters" and completed the story of Suzie and Chloe in New York, and I don't remember the details. So I'm a bit vague about it here.

Now read, enjoy, review.

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Susan put the chart into the discharge rack and glanced at her watch. Another hour had gone by.

"I found that phone book," Frank said. He hefted the yellow pages onto the counter.

For a moment Susan just looked at it. There was no harm in calling. Maybe Chloe had misunderstood their conversation. Yeah, that was it. She'd gone back to the hotel, expecting Susan to bring Suzie there after she got off work. A simple enough misunderstanding. But Susan couldn't keep her hands from shaking as she turned the pages, and then dialed the phone.

"Good afternoon, Days Inn Hammond; may I help you?"

"Yeah. Chloe Lewis, please. I don't know the room number."

A moment's silence. "I'm sorry. I'm not seeing anyone registered by that name."

"Are you sure? L-E-W-I-S." Susan felt her grip tighten on the phone.

"No, I'm sorry. Wait a minute … she was with a little girl … about 11?"

"Yeah. That's right."

"Right, I remember them now. They checked out this morning." A long pause. "Can I do anything else for you, ma'am?"

"No … thank you." Susan slowly hung up the phone. Checked out … and gone where? She might have gone to Henry's … no, Chloe hadn't spoken to Henry or Cookie since moving to Arizona. No, she was more likely to be at the local crack house. There were plenty of those in Chicago. Plenty in Hammond too. Or maybe she was already half-way to Minnesota by now. Or halfway to just about anywhere else. North Dakota was probably just another lie.

Susan put her head in her hands and took a deep breath. She had to figure something out; find Chloe, find somewhere for Suzie to stay.

"Susan? Are you ok?" Susan raised her head to see Carter standing there, looking concerned.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine." Then a weak smile. "No, I'm not. I'm trying to track down my sister." The words came out brittle.

"Chloe?"

"She's the only sister I've got."

"Chloe's in Chicago?"

"Yeah … or rather, I don't know. She stopped by this morning, dropped off Suzie. She said she needed to do some errands, thought we'd like to spend a few hours together. She was supposed to be back ages ago, but I think she's split again."

Carter looked thoughtful for a moment, then said slowly, "I'm not sure, but I think I may have treated her."

"You think? You think you treated her? Either you did or you didn't, Carter." Her voice went up an octave as she struggled to fight the volatile mixture of hysteria and frustration.

"A trauma came in while you were at lunch. An MVA. A Jane Doe; she was unconscious, had no ID. I thought she looked familiar, but I couldn't place her. I figured maybe she was just a frequent flyer. The cops were running the plates on the car, but it was out of state … they were having trouble getting the registration, I guess. By the time we sent her upstairs we still didn't have an ID. But now … I think it might have been Chloe."

Susan realized that she was gripped the edge of the counter, white knuckled. "Where is she now?"

"We sent her up to the OR a few hours ago. I haven't heard anything more. She's probably still in surgery."

"Which surgeon?"

"Dubenko."

Susan was already heading for the elevators. Then she stopped. "Carter?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it bad?"

Carter's eyes met hers and he nodded slightly.

At the elevator Susan hit the call button hard with a hand that was clenched into a fist, then paced nervously, waiting for it to come.

It couldn't be Chloe. Chloe was driving, she would have had her wallet; they would know if it had been Chloe. But if it wasn't Chloe she was back to those other options; the nearest crack house or the open road. Which was worse? Should she be hoping that it was Chloe … or praying that it wasn't?

"Come on … come on …" What was taking the damned elevator so long? "Oh, screw it!" Susan headed for the stairs, almost thankful for the opportunity to burn off a little of the nervous energy that had been building in her all afternoon. Damn it, Chloe … if you want to fuck up your own life, fine. But just once, can't you think about someone else?

At the top of the stairs, Susan forced her steps down to a fast walk as she hurried towards the surgical admit desk. The nurse looked up from her work.

"Can I help you, Dr. Lewis?"

"Dr. Dubenko had a trauma patient earlier this afternoon. Is she still in the OR?"

"The MVA?"

"Uh huh."

The nurse consulted her papers. "That's the Jane Doe, right? She got out of surgery about 45 minutes ago. She's in recovery. Bed 3. Shall I page Dr. Dubenko for you?"

"No … ummm … yeah … page him."

Susan was already running again, through the door of recovery. She stopped short in front of bed 3.

No wonder Carter hadn't recognized her. Susan barely recognized her. The left side of her face was swollen and purple, a maze of sutures making a pattern across her cheek, eyelid and forehead. Her head was wrapped in bandages. More bandages on her abdomen and chest, and still more on her legs and hands. Two IV's, a cardiac monitor and an ICP monitor.

"Sonovabitch…"

There were footsteps behind her and a familiar voice. "Susan?" She turned quickly to see Dr. Dubenko standing there. "Did you work on her in the ER?" he asked. "I don't remember seeing you in the trauma room."

"No." Susan's voice was suddenly hoarse, and she cleared her throat. "She isn't my patient. She's my sister."

"Oh!" Lucien's eyes widened a little. "I didn't realize. Nobody told me. She had no ID; Dr. Carter had down as a Jane Doe."

"Carter didn't know. He hasn't seen Chloe in over 10 years."

"Chloe. That's a pretty name." He pulled a chair closer. "Here, why don't you sit down?"

"No, I'm fine."

"You're about to fall down, Susan."

Susan realized she was gripping the foot-board of the bed with all her strength, and she finally nodded and sank into the chair. "But she should have had ID, Lucien. She was driving, wasn't she? She would have had her license."

"There was a fire." Lucien spoke quietly. "As I understand it, some bystanders managed to pull your sister out of the car, but everything else that might have been in there is toast. Including, one would assume, her driver's license."

"The plates. Carter said the cops were running them."

"The car was reported stolen 3 months ago."

"God, Chloe, you never change, do you. One screw-up after another." Susan took a deep breath and looked at Lucien, who was holding the chart. "Well, you can fix her chart now. Chloe Lewis; date of birth April 8th, 1961. How is she?"

"Critical. I worked on her, and so did Dr. Morales from neurosurg. I repaired her liver, removed her spleen and some damaged bowel. She has full-thickness burns to both legs and her right hand; they did escharaotomies down in the ER, and placed a couple of chest tubes. Dr. Morales removed some blood clots from her brain; wired her skull and jaw back together."

"If you're gonna steal a car, Chloe, why don't you steal one with air bags?" Susan shook her head. "Or at least seat-belts." She looked at Lucien again. "Will she live?" She wasn't sure she wanted the honest answer that she knew he would give her, but she had to ask.

"I don't know. The good news is that she's breathing on her own, so she still has some neurological function. The bad news is … just about everything else." He put a hand on her shoulder. It was probably meant to be comforting, but Susan was too numb to care.

The door to recovery opened and Carter came in. "It's Chloe?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I should have recognized her, Susan; I'm sorry. I'm usually really good with faces."

Susan laughed, just a little bit hysterically. "I barely recognized her myself. Her face isn't exactly recognizable, is it? If I hadn't already suspected it was her …"

"Where's Suzie?" Carter asked. "Is she with your dad?"

"Oh shit!" Susan's stomach flipped over and she jumped to her feet. "Suzie … she must be frantic by now! She's in the family room, I told her to wait there until Chloe got back. I put in a DVD for her."

"Who's Suzie?" Dubenko asked.

"My niece … Chloe's daughter."

"How old?"

"She's nine."

"Is there any other family we need to contact? A husband?"

Susan shook her head. "They're divorced … I don't even know where Joe is anymore. And he isn't Suzie's father."

"Ok," Carter said. "Well, we'll have to tell Suzie what's going on with her mom, and we can bring her up to see her as soon as Chloe's moved to the SICU. Then I guess she'll have to go home with you."

"With me?" Susan was startled. "No … I can't … she can't." Carter looked surprised, but no more so than Susan herself.

"Susan," Lucien said gently. "Chloe's going to be here for at least a month, maybe more. Suzie needs a place to stay."

"So call DCFS, see about getting a foster placement for her. She's really a sweet little girl; she should be easy to place."

Carter was shaking his head, clearly baffled by her response. "Susan, she's your niece. She'd be much better off with you."

"I can't take her, Carter. I just can't, not right now!"

"Ok, you don't have to do anything you don't want." Lucien's voice was oddly soothing. He turned to the nurse. "Angie, would you page social work for us, please?" He turned back to Susan. "We'll wait to tell Suzie anything until we get this hashed out."

"Yeah … that makes sense," Susan said.

"I'll call down to the ER," Carter said, "and get someone to check on her … tell her something, anyway."

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Ten minutes later Susan was seated in the conference room with Carter, Dubenko and Wendell.

Wendell folded her hands in front of her. "So, Dr. Carter tells me that you aren't able to take Suzie while her mother recovers from her injuries. And there's no father in the picture, and no other relatives."

"It's not that I don't want to. I can't. I mean … I have to work. Who would take care of her while I'm at work all day? She's not old enough to stay by herself."

"She'll be in school most of the day, Dr. Lewis," Wendell said. "And I'm sure the ER can juggle your shifts."

"We have a good babysitter for Alex," Carter added. "I'm sure Erica could watch Suzie as well."

"We don't … I don't have a spare bedroom. I have no place for her to sleep."

"Is that the real reason?" Wendell asked quietly.

Susan struggled to gather her thoughts. She knew that she couldn't take Suzie, but even she wasn't certain why. She did know, though, even before Wendell said it in so many words,that her excuses were growing less and less believable. "Look," she finally said slowly, "I'm barely holding it together myself right now. Since Luka died it's been all I can do to keep from falling apart. I can barely take care of myself, how can I take care of Suzie?"

"I'm sure you'll do at least as well as any foster family would," Wendell said. "Suzie knows you. I am positive that she'd much rather sleep on a cot in your apartment than in a bed with a houseful of strangers."

"I don't want to." Susan couldn't look at them.

"Ok," Wendell said. "Is there any other family in the area? Any other aunts or uncles?" Susan shook her head. "Your parents?"

"My mom's gone. Dad hasn't seen Suzie since she was a baby, and he's pretty old; his health isn't very good. I don't think he could look after her, even if he was willing to."

"Dr. Lewis," Wendell said. "I really think we need to think about what's best for Suzie. She's in a strange city. You're the only person she knows here. Her mother is very seriously injured. She's facing months of hospitalization, and she may never recover. Doesn't Suzie deserve to be with someone who knows her, someone who loves her?"

"Today was the first time in 3 years that I've seen Suzie. It's not like we're close anymore."

"She lived with you for a year," Carter said. "You moved to Arizona to be with her." At Wendell's surprised look he clarified. "Chloe abandoned Suzie when she was a baby. She left her with Susan." He turned to Susan. "I remember that, Susan. You were going to adopt her. To fought tooth and nail to keep her …"

"And I lost!" Susan interrupted. "I lost … or did you forget that part of the story?" And suddenly the pieces of the puzzle fell into place for her. "I lost her once. She was my whole life and I lost her. I can't go through that again. I won't … I can't lose anyone else." A slight smile. "You know that stupid cliché about it being better to have loved and lost? Well it's not true. I can tell you from extensive personal experience that it's a pack of lies."

"You know, Susan," Lucien said. "There is a very good chance that Chloe will die, or will never recover sufficiently to care for her daughter again."

"Great! So now I'm supposed to hope that Chloe dies so I can keep Suzie?"

"That may not be necessary," Wendell said. "Chloe's tox screen was positive. While her BAC was below the legal limit, she was driving under the influence. There were also traces of cocaine and marijuana. You could probably file for permanent custody."

"Oh, right!" A bitter laugh. "We all know how well that works." Again, Wendell and Lucien looked puzzled and Susan explained. "When Suzie was born, Chloe had been screwed up … wasted on drugs and alcohol for almost 20 years. She was pulled over for DWI's twice while she was pregnant. The day she walked out on us she was flying high on something … I don't even know what. When she showed up again 6 months later she was clean, she had a job, and she was engaged. And she wanted Suzie back. I wanted to fight for her … like Carter said, I would have done anything … given anything …but the judge told me that I had no chance of winning. She said that the fact that Chloe had been clean for 5 months erased the past 20 years, and that if I fought for Suzie, I would just end up wasting my money and my time … I would never win. Chloe was her mother, and that's all that mattered. So I let Chloe take her. She stayed clean for 5 years, and then it all started again. Drugs, booze … she left Suzie in an SRO while she was off in a shooting gallery killing herself with heroin. Chloe nearly died … Suzie could have died … but again, the minute Chloe got herself back into treatment, she got Suzie back. None of that was enough to make them take Suzie away, so I'm really supposed to believe that a trace of coke and a couple of beers is going to do it? It won't be any different this time."

"I'll go to bat for you, Dr. Lewis," Wendell said. "If you want me to."

"I appreciate the offer, but I don't want it. I'm trying to put my own life back together." Susan took a deep breath. "Look, I know that it's the right thing to do. I know that I should be willing to step up … put her needs ahead of mine. But right now I don't want to do the right thing. I spent the past year taking care of Luka. Now, I need to take care of me for a while.I'm sorry, but that's the way it is."

"Ok," Wendell said. "I understand. I'll go put in a call to DCFS, try to get a placement. Given the hour though, she may have to spend the night in emergency intake."

She rose to leave and Lucien said, "And now we get to go tell Suzie about her mom."

In the elevator with Lucien and Carter, Susan said, "You think I'm wrong, don't you?"

"It doesn't matter what we think," Lucien said. "But you just said it yourself didn't you?"

"If … Chloe dies … maybe I'll take Suzie then. But not now." She hesitated. "Did you know … all the time that I was in Arizona with Chloe and Suzie, Chloe insisted that I never mention the time Suzie spent with me. 'I'm her mother now,' she said. 'It would only confuse her to learn that you had played at being her mother.' Played at it …" Susan laughed. "It wasn't a game. Not to me. But I did what Chloe asked. Suzie was so young when she lived with me, she didn't remember any of it. She's never known me as anything but her aunt … her loving aunt who Chloe loved so much that she named her after me." Susan's eyes were suddenly blurry, and she wiped at them.

As the elevator doors opened, Carter said, "I understand, Susan. You have a lot of stress in your life right now, and you don't need more. Instant parenthood is definitely stressful. Believe me, I know." He laughed, and Susan could help laughing a little herself through her tears.