The Prodigal

Another day, another ride-along.

Gangbangers, the hypothermic homeless, the drunk and confused. It had been one long week for Luka. He wanted this stint to end.

It was eight o'clock. The bright lights of Chicago's art district blinded one as did the ambulance's overhead lights. A reported drug overdose. Another one.

The door was already open. The dry-brushed sienna paint on the walls, the posters of exclusive Post-Impressionists, Ghanian statuettes, Ikea furniture screamed bourgeoisie before the excess did. As Luka walked in, he saw a skinny blonde splayed on the bathroom floor, with her legs kicked up over the toilet and her eyes wide open. He was no fool. This had been some party (as they say). He would be careful not to touch anything.

The patient lay on the floor next to the coffee table. Lines of pure heroin lay mostly untouched on its glass surface. The patient was a young man, son of a financier Luka was told, who was gradually turning gray and had specks of vomit dribbling from his mouth.

"What do we have?"

The police officer on the scene related what he had found.

"White male, late twenties, heroin overdose."

"How much did he take?" Luka asked as he checked the man's airway and heartbeat.

"Search me," the officer shrugged. "Probably five milligrams of the pure stuff."

The officer huffed.

"Gets an allowance of 20 K and he blows it all on smack! Go figure!"

Luka ignored the officer's commentary and worked on his patient.

"What's his name? You might want to inform his family of his condition."

"Stephen Crowe," the accompanying paramedic replied. "Rich and stupid."

"We should talk about class structure later," Luka said. "We will have to intubate here and give him a naloxone push when we get to County."

"No TPA, Dr. Kovac?" the paramedic asked.

"No," Luka shook his head as he suctioned out matter from his patient's mouth and prepared to intubate. "Too risky."

Luka finished the intubation and helped lift his patient onto a backboard.

"Let's go."

**

Ceila crossed her arms and looked at Luka's patient. Stephen Crowe, whom his friends called a "warm, caring human being" lay swathed under blankets and tubes in the ICU. His female companion was not so lucky. His friends never factored that in.

"What would make a well-off individual blow away his life on smack?" she asked.

Lydia crossed her arms and regarded the comatose patient.

"Too much time on his hands."

Ceila raised an unsympathetic brow.

"Boo-hoo."

Lydia looked surprised by the girl's cynicism.

"You're cold. I mean- granted he did something really stupid but it doesn't look like he's gonna survive the night. The EKG came back abnormal."

"He had everything in the world and he fried his brain on drugs!" Ceila huffed. "There are kids up north who huff gas who would love to have but a fraction of what he does."

Lydia looked at Ceila.

"Why don't you get them to stop huffing?"

Ceila returned the woman's bleak suggestion with even more cynicism.

"Why don't you get their parents to stop drinking?"

Luka came to check up on Stephen.

"How is he?"

"Not so good," Lydia informed him. "The EKG came back abnormal, pulmonary edema is setting in, his blood pressure has lowered significantly- 20/80- and he is still intubated."

Luka nodded.

"Thank you."

Conni tapped Luka on the shoulder.

"Mr. Crowe is here."

Luka nodded.

"Thank you, Conni."

A tallish man in a camel hair overcoat and burgundy scarf extended his hand to Luka.

"I'm Alfred Crowe, Stephen's father."

"Dr. Kovac," Luka introduced himself.

"How is my son?" he asked.

Luka swallowed.

"Mr. Crowe, your son ingested six milligrams of pure heroin which caused him to go into cardiac arrest and caused considerable brain damage. We were able to stop the arrest but his heart is weakened as a result. There are other problems, as well. His blood pressure is low. He is developing pulmonary edema- accumulation of fluid in his lungs- and needs dialysis. Our biggest concern is the damage to his brain. The EKG shows signs of limited brain function. He may recover or he may be brain-dead in the next twenty-four hours. We have yet to see."

Mr. Crowe bit on his lip.

"He has machines breathing for him?"

Luka nodded.

"Right now, he does, yes. That may change, however."

Mr. Crowe gave him a desperate look.

"For better or worse?"

Luka shook his head.

"I can't tell you."

Mr. Crowe looked down.

"He'll be a vegetable."

"Right now, sir, things do not look so good," Luka admitted. "His condition may change. A neurologist will see him in the morning."

Mr. Crowe shot angry look at Luka.

"To tell me what I already know?! That he'll be a vegetable?! No!"

Mr. Crowe shook his head angrily.

"No! Take him off the machines!"

Luka went pale.

"Sir, please reconsider! I understand you are upset!"

"Damn right I am!" Mr. Crowe snarled. "My only son and heir will be a babbling gork for the rest of his life!"

"He may recover. We need time..." Luka tried to say.

"And he might not!" Mr. Crowe snapped back.

Luka steeled his jaw.

"Sir, I cannot comply with your request. We need time!"

Mr. Crowe locked his jaw.

"Cannot or will not? I want to see who is in charge! Now!"

Luka's jaw set. He remained silent.

**

Kerry and Dr. Merchant, the neurologist, met with Mr. Crowe privately. Luka could only watch them from behind the window.

"Is this about the patient who ingested all that smack?"

Luka turned around. Ceila was behind him offering a cup of hot green tea. He took it and sipped it.

"I don't like green tea," he said in disgust.

Ceila took the cup from him.

"I can make you some orange pekoe, if you like."

Luka only smiled at the elfin student nurse.

"No thank you."

Luka returned his gaze to the debate behind closed doors.

"They wouldn't even listen to me," Luka said under his breath.

"I don't think you did the wrong thing, Dr. Luka," Ceila piped up. "If you don't mind my saying so."

Luka looked at Ceila briefly, then turned away.

"Ceila, there are things you still need to know."

Ceila smiled.

"Well, I know that no bodily functions can occur without the brain; that a patient in persistent vegetative state is in a state of deep circadian sleep and that even gastric tubes, catheters and oxygen masks are somehow stimulating to the comatose individual despite no cognitive or adaptive response."

Luka locked his eyes on her.

"Yes."

Ceila was proud of herself.

"I'm not so out of the loop."

Luka smiled broadly at her.

"No."

He became instantly chagrined with the current situation.

"That still doesn't help us now. My patient could wake up or not."

"You're doing a lot for him, Dr. Luka," Ceila added supportively. " And you're probably thinking why should you but you know deep down that you should."

Luka shot her an angry look.

"How do you know what I think?"

Ceila would not be moved his crossness.

"Maybe he doesn't deserve extra treatment but he is your patient and I know you want to do what is best for him. So, what I propose is that I help you. I can change IVs. You can supervise me. And when time comes for my class to discuss coma in neurology, I'll be ahead of the curve."

Luka looked at quizzically.

"What are you saying?"

Ceila's eyes were very bright.

"That we keep Stephen Crowe isolated for the next twenty-four hours and monitor him. If his condition changes, we can convince Mr. Crowe to keep him alive. If he is brain-dead, we don't have to."

Luka was aghast but Ceila was persistent.

"I am only proposing what you are thinking, Dr. Luka."

So true.

"Get a bed ready," he ordered.

Ceila smiled and went to perform her assigned task.

**

Ceila had already reserved an empty room in the ICU. She told them it was for some bigwig. Luka was surprised they believed her. He, for his part, signed Stephen out and transported him to the room Ceila saved for them. She had done inventory, as well. They had enough saline, glucose, dipravin, epinephrine, O², furosemide, intubation trays, even granola bars and juice for them to survive on for the next twenty-four hours. Stephen still did not flutter and his vitals remained the same as before. Luka hoped they would change- anything if for no other reason than to give credence to his belief and his defiance.

Ceila had her headphones on. Luka tapped her on the shoulder.

"Did you bring his chart?"

"Of course," Ceila said. "I'll change his IV in three hours."

Luka nodded, peering cautiously through the blinds.

"Good."

**

Kerry looked at her feet.

"Are you sure, Mr. Crowe?"

Mr. Crowe gulped.

"I don't want my son to be a vegetable."

"You do understand his condition could change overnight?" Dr. Merchant asked. "He might even recover."

Mr. Crowe bit his lip and his eyes watered.

"I don't want to think what might happen if it doesn't."

Kerry and Dr. Merchant nodded.

"There will be forms to sign," Kerry said softly.

Mr. Crowe nodded.

"Can I see him- before you....?"

The doctors nodded and accompanied him to the ICU.

Kerry peered through the ICU window at an empty space. She approached the nurse on duty.

"Where is the patient supposed to be in that bed?"

The nurse looked at her chart.

"He was transported to another room."

Kerry couldn't believe it.

Mr. Crowe looked baffled.

"What's going on?"

Kerry put on her best diplomatic face.

"He's been temporarily moved," she lied. "I'll arrange that he returns here."

Mr. Crowe was still confused.

"What do you mean temporarily moved?" A look of recognition touched his face. "Does this have anything to do with that foreign doctor? Because if it does..."

Kerry put her hand on his shoulder.

"It's only a slight inconvenience, Mr. Crowe. Please, let us handle this. Perhaps it would be best if you waited in the lounge."

Mr. Crowe bowed his head and let Dr. Merchant lead him out of the ICU.

Kerry pursed her lips and went to hunt for the errant Dr. Kovac.

**

Kerry charged up to the ICU nurse.

"Where is Dr. Kovac?"

The ICU nurse shook her head.

"I don't know but he did sign out the patient."

Kerry sucked on the insides of her cheeks.

"Alright. Thank you," she tried not to rasp.

Kerry thought for a second.

"Did Dr. Kovac say where he was transporting the patient?"

The ICU nurse shook her head.

"No. He didn't even write it down. I think one of the nurses that helped him is still working. I can get her."

Kerry nodded.

"Good. Do that."

The ICU nurse nodded and went to find the nurse.

Kerry wiped her mouth and leaned against the wall. She hated when anyone went over her head. What was he thinking? Kerry wondered to herself.

The ICU nurse returned.

"He transported the patient to the east wing. Room 302."

Kerry nodded.

"Thank you."

Kerry marched her way to Room 302. She could see vague movements behind the slats of the blinds. She banged on the door. The blinds flew open and Kerry could see the sweet face of the student nurse.

"Ceila?! What are you doing here? Where is Dr. Kovac?"

Ceila looked a little guilty.

"I know why you're here, Dr. Weaver," Ceila tried to explain, "but we're trying to do the right thing. Dr. Kovac is trying to keep Stephen Crowe alive."

Kerry shook her head.

"I don't know why Dr. Kovac brought you into this...."

"Dr. Kovac did not bring me into this," Ceila denied. "I wanted to help him."

Kerry's jaw locked.

"Ceila, this isn't your fight."

Ceila wouldn't listen.

" You wouldn't even listen to him," Ceila started. "But Stephen Crowe might have a chance. If you would only talk to his father...."

"It's not what he wishes," Kerry interrupted.

"Explain to him that...." Ceila tried to answer.

Kerry had enough.

"Unlock this door, Ceila."

Ceila shook her head.

Kerry became more adamant.

"Unlock the door or I will get the key."

Ceila dangled the key before Kerry's eyes.

"You mean this key?"

Kerry blanched.

"Ceila, listen to me. Don't make a mistake. Just open the door and I will forget the whole thing. I have no doubt you only want to help Dr. Kovac but the truth is..."

Ceila smiled.

"Of course I want to help Dr. Kovac. I want to help him with his patient."

Kerry was becoming quite angry.

"Stephen Crowe is not his patient any more."

Ceila's face radiated a sweet innocence, an innocence that belied her defiance in the face of a woman who had helped her from the beginning.

"He was his patient before you made a political move about him."

Kerry could have slapped Ceila's face.

"His father wants this."

Ceila shook her head.

"I don't think a father really wants to kill his son."

Kerry pulled on the door now, a gesture of futility.

"You're not doing what is best for the patient. You're not letting him go."

"There's still life in him," Ceila returned.

Kerry was exasperated.

"Even if there was life in him, what kind of life would it be?"

Ceila huffed a little.

"People waste the precious gift of life everyday. We don't feel a need to take it until it's right in front of us. It's all a power construct."

Kerry banged on the door.

"It's not even in the same ballpark and you know it!"

Ceila still had the same calm and confident expression as when Kerry first banged on the door.

"I'm closing the blinds now, Dr. Weaver. See you in twenty-three hours."

"Ceila, don't....!" Kerry tried.

The blinds were closed and Kerry was back where she started. She walked to the nurses' station and dialed a number into the phone.

"Yes, can I have someone from security come up to the east wing of the ICU? Thanks"

**

Luka was busy changing a tube.

"What did she want?"

"She wanted to come in," Ceila answered. "But I wouldn't let her. I changed the keys around."

Luka felt guilty.

"I think you should go. You will only get into trouble."

Ceila smiled.

"You need me. Besides, who will change the IVs?"

"I can do that," Luka offered.

Ceila wouldn't hear of it.

"Dr. Luka, this is as much my fight as it is your's."

The audacity!

Luka shook his head.

"No it isn't!"

Ceila punched a straw through a juice box.

"Let's not argue," she said as she gave him the juice box.

**

Gossip had a way of spreading to every corner of the hospital. Just as Kerry had called for security to get up to the ICU, the ER already had tongues wagging in speculation.

"Kovac has that smack guy holed up in the ICU," Lydia breezed. "Apparently the kid is with him!"

"Bonnie and Clyde!" Chuny gasped.

"He's my candidate for guy getting shot by the Feds in a stand-off," Malik joked and mimicked someone being riddled with bullets.

Carter overheard the nurses' lurid speculation. He reached for the phone and called Neurology.

"Yeah, hi. I'm calling for a patient's EKG. Last name: Crowe."

"I know it's you Carter," the person on the other end answered.

Carter huffed.

"Cut me some slack. Things have really hit the fan down here."

"Tell me about it," the person answered. "How can I help?"

Carter smiled.

"You want to pull Kovac's fat out of the fire?"

"Don't shit me, man," the voice answered. "What fat? That man doesn't eat. Ever. I will, however, do him this one kindness. Preliminary EKG showed nothing but another one was done. The tech thought he made a mistake. There is some brain activity. Much of his gray matter's fried, yeah, but if he pulls through, he'll at least be able to tie his shoe laces. Does that help?"

Carter nodded.

"Maybe. Could you please print that up for me?"

"Sure, man. Why do you want to help?"

Carter fingered a pen.

"Just trying to be a Good Samaritan."

**

Luka observed Stephen.

"His eyelids are fluttering," he said softly as he brushed away a strand of hair from the man's forehead. "He is dreaming."

Ceila looked from a book she brought with her.

"Maybe. And maybe it's just automatic."

Luka seemed discouraged.

"Maybe I should have let him go."

The room's phone rang.

Both Luka and Ceila exchanged surprised looks. Ceila ran to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Open the blinds," the voice said.

Ceila opened the blinds. Carter stood at the nurses' station with a piece of paper.

"I have something you might want to see."

Luka went to the window.

"What is it?"

"An EKG," Carter answered.

Luka's eyes widened.

Carter put down the receiver and slipped the paper under the door.

Luka grabbed the EKG and studied it.

"What is it?" Ceila asked.

"It's his EKG," Luka answered. "It shows some purposeful activity."

Ceila smiled.

Luka took the phone from Ceila.

"How did you get this?"

"Someone wanted to do you a favour," Carter answered.

Luka smiled.

"Now, I don't know how long this activity will last," Carter said as he peered through the window. "But you better be right, or you're in a world of crap you do not want to know."

"Yeah, thanks, man," Ceila smiled.

"Also," Carter added, "I had to reroute security. They were ready to slap the cuffs on you. I am on the way to explain this to Kerry and Dr. Merchant."

Luka touched the glass.

"Don't do it, man! Kerry will finish you!"

Carter smirked.

"No she won't! She loves me too much."

Luka damned the man's confidence.

"You just keep that man alive, Luka, or we're all screwed," Carter warned.

"Done, and thank you," Luka answered and hung up the phone.

Carter, likewise, hung up the phone and made his way to Kerry and Dr. Merchant.

**



Luka reclined on a chair and watched Ceila as she attended to Stephen. She did not seem her girlish self when attending to a patient. She seemed as attentive and professional as any doctor. He often wondered why she chose nursing as a profession. She certainly had a knack for it but Luka felt she could do much more.

He looked at his watch. Less than twenty hours left.

"What are you studying now?"

"In school?" Ceila asked. "Geriatric care."

Luka brow furrowed.

"What? You study other things?"

Ceila nodded.

"It's usually good to pick up a few languages. They can always be used. Portuguese...."

"Hrvatski," Luka supplied.

"Da," she returned with a coy smile.

Ceila changed Stephen's IV.

"So why do you care?" Luka asked.

Ceila barely glanced at him and smiled again.

"You ask an awful lot of questions, Dr. Kovac."

"No I don't," he denied. "So why do you?"

Ceila stopped. Her eyes became blank.

"I was out-of-action."

Luka was shocked.

"Head trauma? Portal-systemic encephalopathy?"

"Someone chased me off a scaffolding," she answered.

She disposed of the fluid bag.

"I know what it's like for people to give up on you."

Ceila swallowed hard.

"I think in another few hours we should change his IV."

Luka could see it was hard for her to talk about what had happened.

"You can tell me..."

She looked at him quickly.

He wished he hadn't said it but as her look softened he felt a little easier.

"Maybe when we have time," she said softly.

Luka looked at his watch.

"We have nineteen hours."

Ceila bowed her head and sat down. She crossed her hands.

"I remember seeing things when I was down...."

Luka listened as Ceila related to him gauzy memories.

**

Carter straightened out his white coat and prepared to enter Dr. Merchant's office. Carter looked through the window. He could see that only the doctor and Kerry were there. Mr. Crowe opted to go home for the time being and sort out his legal options.

Carter knocked briefly. Kerry and Dr. Merchant stopped talking and turned to Carter as he entered the office.

"Hello, Dr. Merchant? I have something for you."

Dr. Merchant reached out his hand.

Carter gave the EKG report to Dr. Merchant.

"They wanted to give it to Dr. Kovac but he wasn't there so I took it," Carter lied.

Dr. Merchant read the report.

"It shows some activity," Dr. Merchant related.

Kerry huffed.

"That still doesn't excuse Kovac's cowboy attitude! What made him think he could usurp a patient's wishes?"

"He was only doing what he thought he should do for the patient," Carter meekly defended. "I mean- his father may be, a bit... I don't know."

Kerry glared at Carter.

"I can't believe I'm hearing this from you!"

"Kerry..." Carter tried to defend himself.

"Kovac took it upon himself to play a god over a patient's life!" Kerry exclaimed.

"And so do we! Every day we do it! I think Dr. Kovac is doing what he believes is best!" Carter returned.

"Thank you, Carter," Kerry breathed abruptly.

Carter, sensing his welcome was through, left the office.

"I say we unlock the door and end this silliness," Kerry proposed.

Dr. Merchant joined his fingers together.

"This report changes everything," he said. "The young man is not brain-dead and he is hooked up to respirator. A little problematic. We should explain to his father how the situation has changed."

Kerry rapped her knuckles on the desk.

"You do that. I'll get Kovac to come out of hiding."

Dr. Merchant nodded and picked up the phone. The night was just dragging on.

**

Ceila had fallen asleep. The bun in her hair had become undone and jet black tousles fell over her face and under the hand she used to prop her now sleep-heavy head. She was a sensible girl (despite what others may have thought) to have pinned up her hair but often Luka wished she hadn't. He liked the way the wavy curls enveloped her white face. Black on white. He reached over and brushed a long lock of hair from her cheek and placed it on the other side of her sleepy head.

A knock at the door jarred him. Who was it? Who had seen him in this singular action of affection?

The blinds were down.

Luka walked over and lifted them. It was Kerry. She looked irate, as usual.

Luka indicated to the phone and Kerry walked up to the one at the nurses' station.

"Luka, please open the door."

He looked at his watch. Sixteen hours left in his vigil.

"I can't that," he said. "I wanted to wait twenty-four hours."

Kerry exhaled.

"The situation has changed. I've seen the EKG."

Luka nodded.

"I was right."

"Luka..." Kerry tried to say.

"I was right," Luka interrupted her. "I was, and you wouldn't listen to me."

"This isn't about you, Luka," Kerry reminded him.

"I know," Luka returned. "It was about a patient everyone gave up on."

Kerry stopped. Her expression became placid.

"Open the door, Luka. I won't force you out or anything. I only want to talk."

Luka decided he could believe her and unlocked the door. He stepped out and joined Kerry at the nurses' station.

"If we can stop this silliness and talk like adults," Kerry started, "Dr. Merchant has explained the situation to Mr. Crowe. He still wants tests done to see if there is any appreciable life in his son."

"He's still alive, Kerry," Luka maintained.

"Yes, as you've tried to point out to us," Kerry concurred. "That still doesn't sweep everything under the rug."

Luka crossed his arms and waited for the other show to drop.

"Do what you like to me," he said, "but leave the girl alone."

Luka nodded his head in Ceila's direction.

"Oh no," Kerry refused. "This stunt will cost her."

Luka uncrossed his arms.

"Leave her alone. It was my idea. She had nothing to do with it."

Kerry looked incredulous.

"I'd like to believe that, Luka, but I think we all know that's not true."

Luka was disgusted.

"How could you talk about her that way?! You get rid of her, you get rid of one of the best students we've had, and for what? Because I asked her to help? Take your punishment out on me, not on her!"

Kerry swallowed.

"I'll be sorry to see her go."

"Don't do this, Kerry!" Luka warned.

Kerry thought for a moment.

"Get her," she asked. "I'd like to talk to her."

"Kerry," Luka said more firmly.

"Just get her."

Luka went into the room to get Ceila. He shook the girl's arm.

"Djevojka, get up."

Ceila stirred, all flummoxed.

"Stephen! Is he..."

She looked at the monitors.

"Still stable."

"He's fine," Luka said. His face became pale. "Kerry wants to see you."

Ceila brushed her hair back.

"I won't let anything bad happen," Luka promised.

Ceila rose and walked out to see Kerry.

Kerry swallowed.

"Dr. Kovac has informed me of your involvement."

Luka waited for Kerry to take her anger out on the girl.

"Dr. Weaver..." Ceila tried to say.

"I'm not finished," Kerry interrupted.

Kerry glared at her young charge.

"I can't believe the arrogance you had to possess to even think you could do this!"

Ceila did not bat an eyelid. Luka admired her strength.

"However," Kerry began again, "as Dr. Kovac has maintained, you were not directly responsible for this and you have cared for the patient, I've decided to be lenient."

Ceila breathed at last. Her defences came down.

"You're suspended as of immediately," Kerry said. "And this will go on your record. Be sure of that. Now, go home and get some sleep."

Ceila had no choice but to go. She looked at Luka and, seeing his surrender, gave up as well.

Luka could see that Kerry was being as lenient as she knew she could be.

Kerry glared at Luka.

"She's far luckier than she should be, and far luckier than you will be."

**

Seven AM.

Luka looked out the window of the meeting room.

A neurologist was seeing to Stephen. He was improving but only a little. The furosemide he had ben given for the pulmonary edema was working. He even tried to open his eyes.

Kerry was exhausted.

"You should go home," Luka said gently.

Kerry swivelled her tired head and looked at him.

"And miss all the fun of punishing you?"

Luka could see she was joking and tried hard to suppress a laugh. It was not a time to be jocular.

Dr. Merchant came in.

Luka was anxious to hear any news.

"Stephen?"

"He is showing improvement," Dr. Merchant revealed. "Not much. He can't open his left eye but has been taken off the respirator. He doesn't speak in normal sentences. He'll have to learn from the ground up. That goes for all of his motor functions, too."

Dr. Merchant sat down.

"His quality of life has been greatly diminished but he is alive."

Luka nodded.

Dr. Merchant now glared at Luka.

"Don't be so full of yourself, Dr. Kovac. This young man may be breathing but he will never have a full life. I suppose he has you thank for that."

Luka wanted to say that Stephen had a hand in his fate and that he only kept him breathing despite all objections and odds, but he opted to keep silent. He did not look at Dr. Merchant but looked away from him.

"You seem less than verbose," Dr. Merchant observed. "No heroic statements to make?"

"I kept him alive," Luka answered. "That's what I am supposed to do as a doctor."

Dr. Merchant huffed.

"Who are you to play God?"

Luka held Dr. Merchant in his gaze.

"It's only who plays God that matters....and you know it."

Luka rose from the table.

"They only wait for you so they have a reason to pull the plug."

Dr. Merchant fumed. He rose and was ready to lash out at Luka.

"Doctors?"

They turned to the door. Mr. Crowe stood there. He looked shaken.

"Mr. Crowe, please sit," Kerry offered.

Mr. Crowe sat down.

"I wanted to thank you, Dr. Kovac," he said shakily. "But I wonder if I should. He'll never a full life. He isn't himself..."

Mr. Crowe stopped.

"I think I know why you did it," he continued. "But that doesn't make things easier."

Mr. Crowe rose from the table.

"Thank you," he said to the doctors, "for helping my son."

Mr. Crowe left the room.

Luka thought to himself. He didn't doubt what he had done. He saved a young man some deemed not worthy to save. His life wasn't worth living by any of their standards. Life had become some arbitrary fad, worth saving one day, worth losing the next. He thought of his hands and how some had observed them. How they looked as though they could heal. But why heal?

Mr. Crowe had long gone.

Kerry did not look at Luka but kept a small fist clutched on the table.

"Suspended until further notice."

Luka was as silent as ever. He left the room and went to get this things.

**

Carter gave Luka once last look as he walked through the bay doors. In fact, the whole demeanor of the ER had become grave. Conni smiled at Luka and he smiled back. Abby didn't even bother to look but kept her back to the whole scene.

Luka walked out into the crisp morning. The sun was too bright. Luka thought only for a moment about Stephen. It was now completely out of his hands. Stephen's life hung in the balance of his own ailments and the will to live.

But now, Luka could not think about it too much. He was tired. At least he felt supported, something he rarely felt. It was good not to be alone.

"Dr. Luka!"

Luka spun around. Ceila ran up to him.

"I thought you went home?" he wondered.

"I couldn't leave," she said, "not until I knew what happened to you."

"It's Stephen you should think about," Luka offered weakly.

He looked at his shoes.

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

Ceila brushed away loose curls that waved in front of her face.

"Do you want some breakfast?"

Luka looked at her quizzically but she only smiled.

"You know- breakfast."

Luka smiled back at her and they walked from the ambulance bay into growing throng of the morning crowd.

**

Kerry prepared to leave. She would be on again in twelve hours. Romano helped himself to some coffee. He casually glanced at her.

"So I hear Euro-Cowboy rode into the sunset."

Kerry scowled.

"If you think that's funny."

Romano shook his head.

"I didn't say anything was funny. Just making random, idle conversation before I officially stop giving a crap about stuff."

Kerry did up the buttons of her coat.

"Don't let it eat you up, Robert."

Romano sipped his coffee.

"I might say the same to you."

Kerry now looked at him.

"Don't worry," Romano assured in his gruff way. " In a few weeks, this will all be forgotten."

*