Running With the Bulls
Luka leaned heavily on his shoulder and watched as life unfolded before him in the world outside of his apartment. The café opened its doors. People ran for the el train (it was getting too crazy to drive) or walked their kids to school. He missed it all.
A knock on the door disturbed him from his revery. He moved from his onlooker's spot and answered the door.
A slim-built man with spiked hair and a tailored suit greeted Luka with a half-smile.
"Dr. Kovac?"
Luka remained weary. He hoped it wasn't a subpoena.
"Who wants to know?"
The man's green eyes twitched.
"Someone who repays generosity with generosity."
He stepped forward.
"Do you mind if I come in? I prefer to do business in private."
The man barged in, rubbing his hands and darting his eyes about the place.
"You've got quite a place here, Dr. Kovac," the man commented. "I mean that. Very stylish. Very Euro-iffic."
Luka was impatient.
"Who are you?"
The man turned around. His eyes sparkled.
"A Mr. Jessman will do."
Luka pulled the door open.
"Well, Mr. Jessman- if that is your real name- I think you should leave."
Jessman shook his head.
"I don't think so, Dr. Luka Kovac, current attending at County General Hospital, son of Zdeslav and Rujan Kovac, both of whom currently reside just outside of Šibenik, Croatia."
Luka saw that the man did his homework.
"Just close the door and let me say what I came here to say," Jessman suggested.
Luka closed the door.
"What do you want?"
Jessman sat down on an armchair and crossed his arms.
"Please sit," he invited.
Luka preferred to stand.
"Suit yourself," Jessman shrugged. "I'm here only to deliver a message."
"From who?" Luka asked.
"Whom," Jessman corrected smugly.
Luka rolled his eyes.
"From a person who was glad he was wrong and glad you were right," Jessman answered at last.
Luka seemed slightly interested.
"Who?"
"A man who can reward hard work and caring," Jessman answered quizzically. "And discretion."
Luka knew at last.
"Now you can leave!"
Jessman was put off.
"You don't want to hear about the generous offer?"
Luka threw his head back and huffed.
"If Mr. Crowe thinks he can buy me, then he is more stupid than you are."
Jessman frowned.
"It's very ungracious to refuse a cool million put in an offshore account just for you."
Luka grimaced at the man.
"I don't want anything from you or the people you work for."
Jessman rose from his seat.
"Come on, Dr. Kovac. The money could do you a lot of good. Your son, too."
Luka's brow furrowed in anger.
"Get out!"
Jessman raised his hands in mock defence.
"Hey! Don't shoot the messenger!"
"If I had a gun..." Luka surmised angrily and pulled the door open.
Jessman presented Luka a business card.
"Call me if you reconsider."
Luka crumpled the card and threw it at him. He slammed the door, gritting his teeth and clenching fists that wouldn't be used for punching. At least not today.
**
It was two in the afternoon when the door-bell rang again.
Luka didn't even bother to look in the peephole. He was ready to hit that Jessman guy.
Luka tucked his tight fist behind his back when he saw it wasn't that repellent messenger but a sweet-faced girl. His expression became soft.
"Student Nurse Kowalski."
Ceila smiled at him.
"Were you expecting someone else?"
Luka half-nodded.
"Sort of."
"May I come in?" she asked. "Only to talk."
Luka allowed her in.
"Would like something?"
Ceila shook her head.
"No thank you. I only wanted to talk."
She cast her eyes about the place.
"Nice apartment."
Luka smiled sheepishly. He then folded his hands, looking guilty.
"I want to say I am sorry about you getting into trouble."
Ceila shook her head.
"It was my idea, remember? And no one twisted my arm."
Luka still looked ashamed.
"It was truly my idea. You just said it aloud. And I put you in a bad situation."
Ceila shook her head.
"Luka..."
She called him Luka. Not Dr. Luka or Dr. Kovac. The both of them seemed startled by the utterance.
She broke the uncomfortable silence.
"We both screwed up. For the greater good, yeah, but still."
Luka bowed his head.
"It doesn't help us now, does it?"
Ceila shrugged.
"At least we can sleep a little more," Luka joked.
Ceila smiled.
"You know, I was thinking the same thing."
Ceila twirled around and dropped her shoulder-bag on the floor.
"It's good to have a little time off. No more running for the el. No more senior nurses telling you to butt out altogether. It's almost worth the censure."
She shrugged again.
"Almost."
She reached into her pocket and pulled something out.
"I found this outside your door."
Luka examined it. It was the crumpled business-card Jessman tried to give him.
"Ah! A Mr. Jessman left this for me but I didn't want it."
Ceila thought for a second.
"There's a message on my voice-mail from that guy," Ceila revealed.
Luka avoided her eyes.
"He wanted to offer me a million dollars. I suppose he wanted to make a similar offer to you."
Ceila's eyes widened.
"Holy shit! Really?!"
Luka was shocked at her.
"Would you have taken the money if he had offered it?"
"No!" Ceila quickly denied. Her skin blushed.
Ceila crossed the room and fingered the blinds.
"But, damn! That is a lot of money!"
Luka bore the look of clean disgust on his face.
"It's just money."
"It's just tuition!" Ceila returned.
She sat down at last.
"It would have hurt to turn down that cash but if they want to buy somebody, fuck 'em. I'm not for sale."
She slumped back and absent-mindedly brushed her hand through her hair.
"You'd be surprised what you can buy with the right amount of cash, though."
She looked at Luka.
"What angle did he use on you? Did he pull on your heartstrings?"
Luka thought of Miran.
"Kind of."
Ceila nodded. She sat up.
"Well, I guess I should be going..."
Luka motioned her to stop.
"Wait."
Ceila remained still.
"Yes?"
"Would you stay?" Luka asked. "If you have nothing else to do."
He wrung his hands. He was losing his olive colour.
Ceila smiled.
"I have nothing else to do today."
Luka smiled in return. The day would not be empty, after all.
**
Luka couldn't stop laughing.
"I'm sorry. You did what?"
Ceila was clearly embarrassed. She tried to cover her blushing face with her hair.
"I didn't know that other car was there, and it was, like, so...easy to turn over."
Luka laughed so hard.
"It's one of those of those moments where you wish to God there was a rewind button or something because it was just..." Ceila gushed.
"So what did you do?" Luka asked between fits of laughter.
"Well I had to apologize," Ceila continued. "But really- it was his fault. I mean- the guy thought could do some easy park job with this, like, I don't know- SAAB convertible, I think it was- not even trying to be aware of the other cars. He was at fault."
Luka was insistent.
"But what did you do?"
"Well," she sputtered, " I- I stepped out of my car and- at this point, I must remind you of how completely soaked I was and I was wearing these cut-offs with a white t-shirt- nothing you want to wear when you are wet. Anyway, I was out of the car and trying to apologize to this guy. And his face was all screwed up. He was just livid! He was threatening to sue me and everything. All I could say was that I was sorry and that there was no room at all for me to have backed out properly. Get this, though- he stopped and he was staring..."
Ceila motioned her hand over her body.
"Then he said: "Oh no! Don't worry about it! I've seen more than enough!"
Luka laughed harder than before.
"And so he was off on his cellphone calling his insurance company and getting CAA to tow his toy car away and I'm just standing there with a busted bumper I have to explain and not realizing that my assets are visible to the naked eye."
She brushed her hand over her eyes.
"Bad day, bad day."
"So," she continued, "if you are ever in cottage country, don't drive in town and don't ever wear white. I think that's a safe rule for everyone."
She exhaled, letting her soft blue eyes wander.
"That was to be one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me."
Luka's interest was peaked.
"One? There are more embarrassing things?! You must tell me!"
Ceila violently shook her head.
"NO! By now, you have an idea how impressive my assets are!"
Luka shook his head.
"No! And I would never think of such things! But I do want to know how else you have embarrassed yourself!"
"I don't think so," she refused. "It's your turn! You tell me!"
Luka ran his finger along the edge of the couch's upholstery.
"I don't know. You might lose all respect for me."
Her eyes took on a dreamy glow.
"I don't think so."
He caught her the look in her eyes. He matched them with a softened look.
Ceila became jarred. She sat upright.
"I think maybe I should go. I've taken up too much of your time."
"It doesn't matter," Luka assured her. "I'm not going anywhere or doing anything."
She avoided his eyes.
"I do have an assignment for tomorrow."
"I can help you," Luka offered. "What is it?"
Ceila was still shaky.
"The use of thrombolitics," she answered.
Luka smiled.
"Where do we begin?"
**
Ceila opened her eyes.
She was back in her apartment. She looked at her alarm clock. Six-forty. She didn't have to get up for another forty-five minutes. She stayed in bed, however, letting her eyes rest on a piece of carpet uncluttered by unfolded clothes or her bookbag.
She thought of yesterday. She had spent almost the whole day with Luka. She did not deny herself the fact that she wanted to but she was still afraid. She had never done this sort of thing before. But something in her knew.
Ceila turned over. She now looked at the ceiling. She saw the post-it notes she left there. Get your ass out of bed one note read. Ruith an. An ancient adage from her mother's side of the family. Run to.
"Run to."
**
Ceila rang Luka's doorbell once more, this time a little sure of herself. She was feeling at home already.
Luka answered the door. He grinned when he saw her.
"Ceila! Come in!"
He wiped his hands on a tea-towel and invited her into the kitchen. He bade her to sit at the counter.
"I'm making French toast."
Ceila raised a surprised brow.
"Oh? French toast?"
Luka spun around, licking a crumb off of his thumb.
"You don't like French toast?"
Ceila shook her head and tried to reassure him.
"No! I...I didn't know you could cook."
Luka's shoulders bowed a bit.
"Well, I am not Emeril Lagasse but...."
"You watch that show?" Ceila gaped.
Luka was surprised.
"How could you not?"
Luka put a plate of French toast before her. He poured maple syrup over the toast.
"Eat."
Ceila dug in.
"Oh my God, this is good," she mumbled.
Luka grinned.
"You think it's good?"
Ceila nodded and shovelled more toast into her mouth.
"Good," Luka nodded. "You need to eat."
Luka sat before her.
"What about your assignment?"
Ceila put down her fork and finished swallowing.
"I almost forgot. Thank you! The prof loved it! You are a genius as well as fantastic chef!"
Luka bowed his head sheepishly.
"No, I... You did all the work. I just...."
Ceila clucked her tongue and tilted her head in that girlish way.
"You are so modest, too!"
Luka bowed his head so that Ceila would not see the effects of her flattery.
"Dr. Luka, you should blow your horn more often," Ceila mumbled with food in her mouth. "It's more impressive than what you think."
Luka tried to blink away any innuendo and inquired about her assignment.
"So, your professor was pleased with your work?"
Ceila nodded.
"Yes. Very factual and to-the-point."
Ceila cut into the toast with her fork.
"She suggested I read more medical journals. I kept meaning to but, you know, time being what it is and everything."
Luka nodded in agreement.
"Yes. I completely understand. You start reading an article about new protocols and then you have to stop because there is another trauma or something. And when you get home you are so tired. I scarcely get any time to read the journals or speak to my friends in the neighbourhood."
Ceila finished her French toast and pushed away the plate.
"Yeah, yeah...."
Ceila folded her hands and rested them on the counter.
"Now, with everything and a break coming up, I'll have more time to study. My journals are getting backed up. Maybe, if I can, I'll go back home for a bit."
Luka looked blankly into space.
"Dr. Luka?"
Luka was snapped out of his revery.
"Oh, yes," he smiled. "Home."
Ceila grabbed her shoulderbag.
"Anyway, I have to jet. Class and midterms to study for. You know."
Luka nodded.
"Yeah."
"Thank you for the toast and the help."
Luka nodded.
"Yes."
Before Ceila left he called out for her.
"If you still need help, you can ask."
Ceila smiled before she shut the door on him.
"Thanks."
**
Midterms. The bane of one's existence but a necessary evil and now they were over. For once Ceila did not feel too much pressure. Her life was inside a pressure-cooker, she believed, but of situations of her own making. But now, she wanted to be at ease. There was someone to be at ease with.
Ceila pressed the button to Luka's floor. More study time, even though midterms were over. Maybe they could do some review work.
Ceila thought of her budding relationship with Luka. She liked hanging around with him. He was sweet and patient. He understood her.
She arrived at Luka's floor. She ran to the door. She stopped when she saw a piece of paper taped on the door. She ripped it off and read it.
Ceila djevojka,
I thought about what you said. Going home. You might have to do without me for a while but I promise I will come back and I will tell you all about it.
Luka
Ceila crumpled up the note and let her gaze fall to the floor.
"Yeah," she said softly to herself. "I can do without ya for a little while."
**
It had been a week since he left Chicago, and Ceila. He wanted to get away. Ceila was right. Go home, even for a little while.
He returned to his family's homestead in Šibenik. He saw his uncle and helped him retire the boat for the season. He went to Vodice to see Hanouš and Miran (he was growing so fast). He went to Zagreb to see his brother and nephews and niece (his sister-in-law would have nothing to do with him. She felt he was evil). For a few nights, he spent time with friends, reminiscing and drinking. It was good to be home.
Now he was in Spain. He stayed with a friend in Madrid. While his friend worked, he walked aimlessly and without purpose down crowded streets and nearly-empty thoroughfares. The place was quiet as winter approached. Luka looked up. The tops of the old buildings were giving way to more open spaces, like the open space of the bullring ahead. He thought not of the barbarism of the sport or the people shuffling behind him. He thought only of the space and the onset of silence.
"¡Tienen cuidado!"
Luka was shaken from his lethargy. Large black creatures with ivory-coloured horns rushed before him. Luka pressed himself against the wall and watched as the bulls charged mindlessly around the corner. Jet-black creatures with no other purpose than to charge. When the last one bolted around the corner, Luka remained still. There was a Hemingway anecdote in there somewhere but he could not place it. Instead, he continued walking and thinking of what to tell Ceila when he got home.
**
Ceila threw a few things into her backpack. She rested the phone receiver on her shoulder.
"Hi, Mum. Yeah, it's me. No, I'm fine. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I'm just phoning to tell you that if you hear about anybody sneaking around the cabin, it's just me. So don't worry. What am I doing? I'm flying up North and using Pelly's jeep. Yeah. No, no! I'm good!"
Ceila looked out the window.
"I just want to get out of town for a while."
**
Luka had the right idea- just get away.
Ceila gripped the steering wheel loosely. She smiled broadly as she continued on the highway from Whitehorse. She turned into the gas station and got out of the jeep.
Ceila placed her hands on her hips and looked before her. The vastness of the Yukon was all around. The tall sentry trees without end. The disappearing sun just touching the snow and frost. The wilderness that lead to nothing and nowhere.
"I missed this."
**
Her suspension was now over. Classes had resumed, too. Ceila shut the door of her locker. Her head was bowed slightly. Luka had not yet come back. He was still suspended and he hadn't contacted her. Maybe he forgot.
Ceila left the lounge. She saw Dr. Lewis argue with Dr. Weaver.
"We are down an attending, Kerry. We can't keep up this pace!"
Susan turned her head to Ceila.
"Oh, hi, Kowalski," she casually mumbled and resumed her argument.
"You have to stop being mad at him sometime, Kerry!"
Kerry tried to assuage Susan's anger.
"I'm in the process of calling him."
"I heard he was in Croatia," Ceila piped up.
The two women looked at her. Ceila looked chagrined.
"You know, I heard that. You know, grapevine."
Susan huffed away.
"Maybe you got that from the psychic connection with Yuri Gellar!"
Ceila swivelled her head to the woman.
"He's the guy who bends spoons!" Ceila spat back.
Ceila now turned her attention to Kerry.
"When is Dr. Luka- Kovac- coming back?"
Kerry remained aloof.
"I wouldn't worry about that," she said. She grabbed a chart. "You'll be working closely with one of the senior nurses today. Until we're satisfied with your performance."
Kerry walked away.
"Have you ever been dissatisfied with it?" Ceila called after her.
Kerry did not answer. She only attended to a patient behind Curtain Three.
**
Three-thirty.
Ceila looked at her watch once and opened her locker to get her things. Kerry made sure her shifts were cut in half. Dr. Weaver was still mad, she thought.
"Hello."
Ceila turned around.
It was him. As though he had materialized from incorporeal air, Luka stood before her, smiling and wearing scrubs that made his sculpted form look lanky (indeed, the scrubs left something to be desired). His hair had grown longer and olive complexion richer (from being in the sun, no doubt). He looked more relaxed.
Ceila was agape. She couldn't speak.
"You will not say hello?" Luka wondered.
She could finally speak.
"You're back! Where did you go? And...and.... I didn't know where you were and...."
Luka only smiled.
"I am sorry I didn't write to you but I was busy."
"Doing what?" Ceila asked.
"Being at home," Luka answered simply.
Ceila understood.
"That can take a lot out of you."
"It can," Luka agreed. "I want you to come by after your shift so I can tell you all about it."
"Great!" Ceila breathed. "But I'm finished now. Dr. Weaver must still be angry with me."
Luka's brow furrowed.
"I don't think I will get any better treatment, then."
"You're gonna beg for your job back?" Ceila wondered.
"Yeah," Luka nodded. "Hey! It's what I do!"
"Being a doctor, not begging," Ceila assumed.
"Something like that," Luka laughed.
"Well," Ceila sighed heavily. "No guts, no glory."
Luka was confident.
"Of course."
Luka stood up straight.
"And thank you."
"For what?" Ceila asked.
"For giving me the idea of going home," Luka answered. "I needed to. It was good to be where you know everyone and everything. You taught me that."
Ceila could not speak. The lump in her throat multiplied. She tried to clear it.
"You'd better....uh....get to Dr. Weaver. See if she's in a good mood."
"I will," Luka replied. "Don't worry about me. I'll be okay."
Luka left the lounge and approached Kerry who was standing at the admittance desk filling out a form.
Ceila watched from the lounge. The showdown was about to begin.
**
Abby and Conni were cleaning an empty trauma room. Abby peered through the window. She gasped.
"My God!"
Conni scurried to the window.
"What?!"
"He's back!" Abby sputtered.
Conni saw the source of Abby's shock. Dr. Kovac had returned and stood face-to-face with Kerry.
**
Chen and Pratt hid behind a wall and watched as Dr. Kovac stood his shaky ground.
"He's a brave dead man!" Pratt admired.
Chen shushed him and listened to the showdown.
**
"Kerry?"
Kerry turned and looked up at Luka.
"Back I see."
He nodded.
Kerry placed her pen down. She held Luka in a gaze that so many recognized before- one of cold, aloof authority.
"I hope we don't have to repeat the suspension again. You're pulling midnight shifts and ride-alongs until further notice. Understood?"
Luka let his nonchalant look answer for him.
"Good," Kerry said finally.
She took a chart and handed it to him.
"You're on as of right now," she said. "Clear the board. Get moving."
Kerry marched away and when she was out of earshot, sighs and laughs of relief could be heard from the crevices where others had been hiding and eavesdropping.
None of this fazed Luka. He was back on the job. Luka swung his stethoscope around his neck and winked at Ceila.
Ceila laughed quietly to herself.
No guts, no glory.
Or something like that.
*
Luka leaned heavily on his shoulder and watched as life unfolded before him in the world outside of his apartment. The café opened its doors. People ran for the el train (it was getting too crazy to drive) or walked their kids to school. He missed it all.
A knock on the door disturbed him from his revery. He moved from his onlooker's spot and answered the door.
A slim-built man with spiked hair and a tailored suit greeted Luka with a half-smile.
"Dr. Kovac?"
Luka remained weary. He hoped it wasn't a subpoena.
"Who wants to know?"
The man's green eyes twitched.
"Someone who repays generosity with generosity."
He stepped forward.
"Do you mind if I come in? I prefer to do business in private."
The man barged in, rubbing his hands and darting his eyes about the place.
"You've got quite a place here, Dr. Kovac," the man commented. "I mean that. Very stylish. Very Euro-iffic."
Luka was impatient.
"Who are you?"
The man turned around. His eyes sparkled.
"A Mr. Jessman will do."
Luka pulled the door open.
"Well, Mr. Jessman- if that is your real name- I think you should leave."
Jessman shook his head.
"I don't think so, Dr. Luka Kovac, current attending at County General Hospital, son of Zdeslav and Rujan Kovac, both of whom currently reside just outside of Šibenik, Croatia."
Luka saw that the man did his homework.
"Just close the door and let me say what I came here to say," Jessman suggested.
Luka closed the door.
"What do you want?"
Jessman sat down on an armchair and crossed his arms.
"Please sit," he invited.
Luka preferred to stand.
"Suit yourself," Jessman shrugged. "I'm here only to deliver a message."
"From who?" Luka asked.
"Whom," Jessman corrected smugly.
Luka rolled his eyes.
"From a person who was glad he was wrong and glad you were right," Jessman answered at last.
Luka seemed slightly interested.
"Who?"
"A man who can reward hard work and caring," Jessman answered quizzically. "And discretion."
Luka knew at last.
"Now you can leave!"
Jessman was put off.
"You don't want to hear about the generous offer?"
Luka threw his head back and huffed.
"If Mr. Crowe thinks he can buy me, then he is more stupid than you are."
Jessman frowned.
"It's very ungracious to refuse a cool million put in an offshore account just for you."
Luka grimaced at the man.
"I don't want anything from you or the people you work for."
Jessman rose from his seat.
"Come on, Dr. Kovac. The money could do you a lot of good. Your son, too."
Luka's brow furrowed in anger.
"Get out!"
Jessman raised his hands in mock defence.
"Hey! Don't shoot the messenger!"
"If I had a gun..." Luka surmised angrily and pulled the door open.
Jessman presented Luka a business card.
"Call me if you reconsider."
Luka crumpled the card and threw it at him. He slammed the door, gritting his teeth and clenching fists that wouldn't be used for punching. At least not today.
**
It was two in the afternoon when the door-bell rang again.
Luka didn't even bother to look in the peephole. He was ready to hit that Jessman guy.
Luka tucked his tight fist behind his back when he saw it wasn't that repellent messenger but a sweet-faced girl. His expression became soft.
"Student Nurse Kowalski."
Ceila smiled at him.
"Were you expecting someone else?"
Luka half-nodded.
"Sort of."
"May I come in?" she asked. "Only to talk."
Luka allowed her in.
"Would like something?"
Ceila shook her head.
"No thank you. I only wanted to talk."
She cast her eyes about the place.
"Nice apartment."
Luka smiled sheepishly. He then folded his hands, looking guilty.
"I want to say I am sorry about you getting into trouble."
Ceila shook her head.
"It was my idea, remember? And no one twisted my arm."
Luka still looked ashamed.
"It was truly my idea. You just said it aloud. And I put you in a bad situation."
Ceila shook her head.
"Luka..."
She called him Luka. Not Dr. Luka or Dr. Kovac. The both of them seemed startled by the utterance.
She broke the uncomfortable silence.
"We both screwed up. For the greater good, yeah, but still."
Luka bowed his head.
"It doesn't help us now, does it?"
Ceila shrugged.
"At least we can sleep a little more," Luka joked.
Ceila smiled.
"You know, I was thinking the same thing."
Ceila twirled around and dropped her shoulder-bag on the floor.
"It's good to have a little time off. No more running for the el. No more senior nurses telling you to butt out altogether. It's almost worth the censure."
She shrugged again.
"Almost."
She reached into her pocket and pulled something out.
"I found this outside your door."
Luka examined it. It was the crumpled business-card Jessman tried to give him.
"Ah! A Mr. Jessman left this for me but I didn't want it."
Ceila thought for a second.
"There's a message on my voice-mail from that guy," Ceila revealed.
Luka avoided her eyes.
"He wanted to offer me a million dollars. I suppose he wanted to make a similar offer to you."
Ceila's eyes widened.
"Holy shit! Really?!"
Luka was shocked at her.
"Would you have taken the money if he had offered it?"
"No!" Ceila quickly denied. Her skin blushed.
Ceila crossed the room and fingered the blinds.
"But, damn! That is a lot of money!"
Luka bore the look of clean disgust on his face.
"It's just money."
"It's just tuition!" Ceila returned.
She sat down at last.
"It would have hurt to turn down that cash but if they want to buy somebody, fuck 'em. I'm not for sale."
She slumped back and absent-mindedly brushed her hand through her hair.
"You'd be surprised what you can buy with the right amount of cash, though."
She looked at Luka.
"What angle did he use on you? Did he pull on your heartstrings?"
Luka thought of Miran.
"Kind of."
Ceila nodded. She sat up.
"Well, I guess I should be going..."
Luka motioned her to stop.
"Wait."
Ceila remained still.
"Yes?"
"Would you stay?" Luka asked. "If you have nothing else to do."
He wrung his hands. He was losing his olive colour.
Ceila smiled.
"I have nothing else to do today."
Luka smiled in return. The day would not be empty, after all.
**
Luka couldn't stop laughing.
"I'm sorry. You did what?"
Ceila was clearly embarrassed. She tried to cover her blushing face with her hair.
"I didn't know that other car was there, and it was, like, so...easy to turn over."
Luka laughed so hard.
"It's one of those of those moments where you wish to God there was a rewind button or something because it was just..." Ceila gushed.
"So what did you do?" Luka asked between fits of laughter.
"Well I had to apologize," Ceila continued. "But really- it was his fault. I mean- the guy thought could do some easy park job with this, like, I don't know- SAAB convertible, I think it was- not even trying to be aware of the other cars. He was at fault."
Luka was insistent.
"But what did you do?"
"Well," she sputtered, " I- I stepped out of my car and- at this point, I must remind you of how completely soaked I was and I was wearing these cut-offs with a white t-shirt- nothing you want to wear when you are wet. Anyway, I was out of the car and trying to apologize to this guy. And his face was all screwed up. He was just livid! He was threatening to sue me and everything. All I could say was that I was sorry and that there was no room at all for me to have backed out properly. Get this, though- he stopped and he was staring..."
Ceila motioned her hand over her body.
"Then he said: "Oh no! Don't worry about it! I've seen more than enough!"
Luka laughed harder than before.
"And so he was off on his cellphone calling his insurance company and getting CAA to tow his toy car away and I'm just standing there with a busted bumper I have to explain and not realizing that my assets are visible to the naked eye."
She brushed her hand over her eyes.
"Bad day, bad day."
"So," she continued, "if you are ever in cottage country, don't drive in town and don't ever wear white. I think that's a safe rule for everyone."
She exhaled, letting her soft blue eyes wander.
"That was to be one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me."
Luka's interest was peaked.
"One? There are more embarrassing things?! You must tell me!"
Ceila violently shook her head.
"NO! By now, you have an idea how impressive my assets are!"
Luka shook his head.
"No! And I would never think of such things! But I do want to know how else you have embarrassed yourself!"
"I don't think so," she refused. "It's your turn! You tell me!"
Luka ran his finger along the edge of the couch's upholstery.
"I don't know. You might lose all respect for me."
Her eyes took on a dreamy glow.
"I don't think so."
He caught her the look in her eyes. He matched them with a softened look.
Ceila became jarred. She sat upright.
"I think maybe I should go. I've taken up too much of your time."
"It doesn't matter," Luka assured her. "I'm not going anywhere or doing anything."
She avoided his eyes.
"I do have an assignment for tomorrow."
"I can help you," Luka offered. "What is it?"
Ceila was still shaky.
"The use of thrombolitics," she answered.
Luka smiled.
"Where do we begin?"
**
Ceila opened her eyes.
She was back in her apartment. She looked at her alarm clock. Six-forty. She didn't have to get up for another forty-five minutes. She stayed in bed, however, letting her eyes rest on a piece of carpet uncluttered by unfolded clothes or her bookbag.
She thought of yesterday. She had spent almost the whole day with Luka. She did not deny herself the fact that she wanted to but she was still afraid. She had never done this sort of thing before. But something in her knew.
Ceila turned over. She now looked at the ceiling. She saw the post-it notes she left there. Get your ass out of bed one note read. Ruith an. An ancient adage from her mother's side of the family. Run to.
"Run to."
**
Ceila rang Luka's doorbell once more, this time a little sure of herself. She was feeling at home already.
Luka answered the door. He grinned when he saw her.
"Ceila! Come in!"
He wiped his hands on a tea-towel and invited her into the kitchen. He bade her to sit at the counter.
"I'm making French toast."
Ceila raised a surprised brow.
"Oh? French toast?"
Luka spun around, licking a crumb off of his thumb.
"You don't like French toast?"
Ceila shook her head and tried to reassure him.
"No! I...I didn't know you could cook."
Luka's shoulders bowed a bit.
"Well, I am not Emeril Lagasse but...."
"You watch that show?" Ceila gaped.
Luka was surprised.
"How could you not?"
Luka put a plate of French toast before her. He poured maple syrup over the toast.
"Eat."
Ceila dug in.
"Oh my God, this is good," she mumbled.
Luka grinned.
"You think it's good?"
Ceila nodded and shovelled more toast into her mouth.
"Good," Luka nodded. "You need to eat."
Luka sat before her.
"What about your assignment?"
Ceila put down her fork and finished swallowing.
"I almost forgot. Thank you! The prof loved it! You are a genius as well as fantastic chef!"
Luka bowed his head sheepishly.
"No, I... You did all the work. I just...."
Ceila clucked her tongue and tilted her head in that girlish way.
"You are so modest, too!"
Luka bowed his head so that Ceila would not see the effects of her flattery.
"Dr. Luka, you should blow your horn more often," Ceila mumbled with food in her mouth. "It's more impressive than what you think."
Luka tried to blink away any innuendo and inquired about her assignment.
"So, your professor was pleased with your work?"
Ceila nodded.
"Yes. Very factual and to-the-point."
Ceila cut into the toast with her fork.
"She suggested I read more medical journals. I kept meaning to but, you know, time being what it is and everything."
Luka nodded in agreement.
"Yes. I completely understand. You start reading an article about new protocols and then you have to stop because there is another trauma or something. And when you get home you are so tired. I scarcely get any time to read the journals or speak to my friends in the neighbourhood."
Ceila finished her French toast and pushed away the plate.
"Yeah, yeah...."
Ceila folded her hands and rested them on the counter.
"Now, with everything and a break coming up, I'll have more time to study. My journals are getting backed up. Maybe, if I can, I'll go back home for a bit."
Luka looked blankly into space.
"Dr. Luka?"
Luka was snapped out of his revery.
"Oh, yes," he smiled. "Home."
Ceila grabbed her shoulderbag.
"Anyway, I have to jet. Class and midterms to study for. You know."
Luka nodded.
"Yeah."
"Thank you for the toast and the help."
Luka nodded.
"Yes."
Before Ceila left he called out for her.
"If you still need help, you can ask."
Ceila smiled before she shut the door on him.
"Thanks."
**
Midterms. The bane of one's existence but a necessary evil and now they were over. For once Ceila did not feel too much pressure. Her life was inside a pressure-cooker, she believed, but of situations of her own making. But now, she wanted to be at ease. There was someone to be at ease with.
Ceila pressed the button to Luka's floor. More study time, even though midterms were over. Maybe they could do some review work.
Ceila thought of her budding relationship with Luka. She liked hanging around with him. He was sweet and patient. He understood her.
She arrived at Luka's floor. She ran to the door. She stopped when she saw a piece of paper taped on the door. She ripped it off and read it.
Ceila djevojka,
I thought about what you said. Going home. You might have to do without me for a while but I promise I will come back and I will tell you all about it.
Luka
Ceila crumpled up the note and let her gaze fall to the floor.
"Yeah," she said softly to herself. "I can do without ya for a little while."
**
It had been a week since he left Chicago, and Ceila. He wanted to get away. Ceila was right. Go home, even for a little while.
He returned to his family's homestead in Šibenik. He saw his uncle and helped him retire the boat for the season. He went to Vodice to see Hanouš and Miran (he was growing so fast). He went to Zagreb to see his brother and nephews and niece (his sister-in-law would have nothing to do with him. She felt he was evil). For a few nights, he spent time with friends, reminiscing and drinking. It was good to be home.
Now he was in Spain. He stayed with a friend in Madrid. While his friend worked, he walked aimlessly and without purpose down crowded streets and nearly-empty thoroughfares. The place was quiet as winter approached. Luka looked up. The tops of the old buildings were giving way to more open spaces, like the open space of the bullring ahead. He thought not of the barbarism of the sport or the people shuffling behind him. He thought only of the space and the onset of silence.
"¡Tienen cuidado!"
Luka was shaken from his lethargy. Large black creatures with ivory-coloured horns rushed before him. Luka pressed himself against the wall and watched as the bulls charged mindlessly around the corner. Jet-black creatures with no other purpose than to charge. When the last one bolted around the corner, Luka remained still. There was a Hemingway anecdote in there somewhere but he could not place it. Instead, he continued walking and thinking of what to tell Ceila when he got home.
**
Ceila threw a few things into her backpack. She rested the phone receiver on her shoulder.
"Hi, Mum. Yeah, it's me. No, I'm fine. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I'm just phoning to tell you that if you hear about anybody sneaking around the cabin, it's just me. So don't worry. What am I doing? I'm flying up North and using Pelly's jeep. Yeah. No, no! I'm good!"
Ceila looked out the window.
"I just want to get out of town for a while."
**
Luka had the right idea- just get away.
Ceila gripped the steering wheel loosely. She smiled broadly as she continued on the highway from Whitehorse. She turned into the gas station and got out of the jeep.
Ceila placed her hands on her hips and looked before her. The vastness of the Yukon was all around. The tall sentry trees without end. The disappearing sun just touching the snow and frost. The wilderness that lead to nothing and nowhere.
"I missed this."
**
Her suspension was now over. Classes had resumed, too. Ceila shut the door of her locker. Her head was bowed slightly. Luka had not yet come back. He was still suspended and he hadn't contacted her. Maybe he forgot.
Ceila left the lounge. She saw Dr. Lewis argue with Dr. Weaver.
"We are down an attending, Kerry. We can't keep up this pace!"
Susan turned her head to Ceila.
"Oh, hi, Kowalski," she casually mumbled and resumed her argument.
"You have to stop being mad at him sometime, Kerry!"
Kerry tried to assuage Susan's anger.
"I'm in the process of calling him."
"I heard he was in Croatia," Ceila piped up.
The two women looked at her. Ceila looked chagrined.
"You know, I heard that. You know, grapevine."
Susan huffed away.
"Maybe you got that from the psychic connection with Yuri Gellar!"
Ceila swivelled her head to the woman.
"He's the guy who bends spoons!" Ceila spat back.
Ceila now turned her attention to Kerry.
"When is Dr. Luka- Kovac- coming back?"
Kerry remained aloof.
"I wouldn't worry about that," she said. She grabbed a chart. "You'll be working closely with one of the senior nurses today. Until we're satisfied with your performance."
Kerry walked away.
"Have you ever been dissatisfied with it?" Ceila called after her.
Kerry did not answer. She only attended to a patient behind Curtain Three.
**
Three-thirty.
Ceila looked at her watch once and opened her locker to get her things. Kerry made sure her shifts were cut in half. Dr. Weaver was still mad, she thought.
"Hello."
Ceila turned around.
It was him. As though he had materialized from incorporeal air, Luka stood before her, smiling and wearing scrubs that made his sculpted form look lanky (indeed, the scrubs left something to be desired). His hair had grown longer and olive complexion richer (from being in the sun, no doubt). He looked more relaxed.
Ceila was agape. She couldn't speak.
"You will not say hello?" Luka wondered.
She could finally speak.
"You're back! Where did you go? And...and.... I didn't know where you were and...."
Luka only smiled.
"I am sorry I didn't write to you but I was busy."
"Doing what?" Ceila asked.
"Being at home," Luka answered simply.
Ceila understood.
"That can take a lot out of you."
"It can," Luka agreed. "I want you to come by after your shift so I can tell you all about it."
"Great!" Ceila breathed. "But I'm finished now. Dr. Weaver must still be angry with me."
Luka's brow furrowed.
"I don't think I will get any better treatment, then."
"You're gonna beg for your job back?" Ceila wondered.
"Yeah," Luka nodded. "Hey! It's what I do!"
"Being a doctor, not begging," Ceila assumed.
"Something like that," Luka laughed.
"Well," Ceila sighed heavily. "No guts, no glory."
Luka was confident.
"Of course."
Luka stood up straight.
"And thank you."
"For what?" Ceila asked.
"For giving me the idea of going home," Luka answered. "I needed to. It was good to be where you know everyone and everything. You taught me that."
Ceila could not speak. The lump in her throat multiplied. She tried to clear it.
"You'd better....uh....get to Dr. Weaver. See if she's in a good mood."
"I will," Luka replied. "Don't worry about me. I'll be okay."
Luka left the lounge and approached Kerry who was standing at the admittance desk filling out a form.
Ceila watched from the lounge. The showdown was about to begin.
**
Abby and Conni were cleaning an empty trauma room. Abby peered through the window. She gasped.
"My God!"
Conni scurried to the window.
"What?!"
"He's back!" Abby sputtered.
Conni saw the source of Abby's shock. Dr. Kovac had returned and stood face-to-face with Kerry.
**
Chen and Pratt hid behind a wall and watched as Dr. Kovac stood his shaky ground.
"He's a brave dead man!" Pratt admired.
Chen shushed him and listened to the showdown.
**
"Kerry?"
Kerry turned and looked up at Luka.
"Back I see."
He nodded.
Kerry placed her pen down. She held Luka in a gaze that so many recognized before- one of cold, aloof authority.
"I hope we don't have to repeat the suspension again. You're pulling midnight shifts and ride-alongs until further notice. Understood?"
Luka let his nonchalant look answer for him.
"Good," Kerry said finally.
She took a chart and handed it to him.
"You're on as of right now," she said. "Clear the board. Get moving."
Kerry marched away and when she was out of earshot, sighs and laughs of relief could be heard from the crevices where others had been hiding and eavesdropping.
None of this fazed Luka. He was back on the job. Luka swung his stethoscope around his neck and winked at Ceila.
Ceila laughed quietly to herself.
No guts, no glory.
Or something like that.
*
