Heeeello there.
clears throat Visit the site fantasywriters. for my four-year-and-still-counting-online friend's sake. Don't make me sell you to Bear. I've got the keyboard ready…
Episode 7!Field Trip.
"Wilson!" Kurim screamed, on the ground at his knees. "Don't leave me! Please don't jump! I promise I won't dribble you around without your permission anymore!"
The grunty took one glance at the man and leapt over the cliff.
"NO!" Kurim screamed for two minutes. He sadly watched the grunty float away. "…he didn't return my Yuki Kajiura CD…" he narrowed his eyes. "I GAVE YOU THOSE SUNGLASSES!" Behind him he heard a familiar sound.
"Oi," BT called. Kurim turned around to see her by the Chaos Gate. "Why haven't you logged out of Dun Loireag yet?"
"… I… can't log out."
"The gate's been working for three hours." BT paused. "Are you crying?"
"NO!" Kurim stood up, attempting a poised posture, chest stuck out. "I never cry! I never have, and never will, even if my first and only grunty that I've raised since I was level 3 leaves m-me… MY GOD WHY!" Kurim shut his eyes. "Mustn't.. cry.." Kurim ran away from BT, eyes still closed, and fell off the cliff.
By then had BT logged back out.
BT gated back next to the never-finished snack table. A few people were there.
"Where's Kurim?" the director asked.
"Oh…" BT mulled. "Still in building DL floating around."
Then they heard a ding from the kitchen. A cyan streak whizzed past into the kitchen. "Woo hoo!" the cyan thing's voice cried. "Blue cherry pie DO-O-NE!" Subaru popped back out of the kitchen just as Tsukasa entered the building. The wavemaster somehow landed on top of Subaru within a second of smelling the pastry. Fortunately, the pie was o-kay.
"Tsukasa?" Subaru quietly asked, lying straight back flat on the floor.
Tsukasa was lying straight stomach flat on the Subaru. She lifted her head. "Yes?"
"…that was blue cherry."
"Oh. Sorry."
Both stayed in that position for a while, complete with BT and the director staring at them.
BT spoke first after the silence. "Going to get up anytime soon?"
"Shh," Subaru hushed. "She's sleeping. Oh, ew, she's drooling on my shoulder."
"No I'm nooooot…" Tsukasa mumbled in her sleep.
"No offense, but your positions just look weird if not wrong," BT noted.
Subaru shrugged without waking Tsukasa up, supposing she was sleeping.
Ginkan trudged into the room, barely reaching the snack table without falling asleep. His hand floated toward the coffee dispenser.
BT stepped in front of him, halting his movement. "What are you doing?"
Ginkan strained his eyes to look at the thing that blocked his way to caffeine. "Getting coffee. Why?"
"I was about to ask you that. Now shoo, shoo!" BT pushed aside his arm.
"Why can't I get coffee?"
"Because it's mine," BT claimed.
Ginkan caught a glimpse of the coffee dispenser before BT tilted her body to cut off his view. "I don't see any evidence of your claims on it." He took out a sharpie.
BT took out her own permanent marker. Both her and Ginkan went through a 20-minute eye-to-eye showdown before either made a move for writing his/her name on the coffee dispenser. Ginkan made the first move, lunging himself at the forbidden liquid with a scream.
Before Ginkan could get within a half-meter's distance of the coffee (and maybe a fourth meter from BT), the director interrupted their session. "Oh, by the way, guys," he said, "We're all taking a field trip."
Ginkan fell to the floor immediately and BT eased her defense position at the director's words. "Sweet!" Ginkan exclaimed jumping up and down. "To where?"
"Psychologist's office. Let's go."
BT was credulous. "No way I'm going. I'm perfectly normal as I am." She noticed a lone thermos of hot steaming pure bitter caffeinated times three coffee on the groundl.
"Hello!" BT exclaimed and grabbed for it. The string tied to the thermos jerked it farther away from her gasp. "Playing hard to get? I'll play hard to get away FROM!" BT giggled and ran after the thermos as the string pulled it closer and then eventually onto the bus and then onto an empty bus seat. Ginkan was already there.
"What the?" BT sat down next to Ginkan with the thermos in hand. "What got you onto the bus as well?"
Ginkan looked at her and held up Modern Bride magazine.
Tsukasa and Subaru were sitting in front of them. Tsukasa lifted her head and looked behind at them. "Hiya!" she greeted. "We've been waiting for you!" She faced the front. "Okay bus driver! Do your stuff!"
The bus roared into life.
BT and Ginkan screamed.
Mimiru pouted. "This is hell."
Sora sat down bouncingly next to her. "Oh come on. We're in a psychologist's waiting room. The bus ride was worse."
"There's something wrong with the image of Kurim, Ginkan, his four Crimson Knights, and Bear singing along to 'It's a Small World'." Mimiru shivered.
"Not really." Sora started humming the tune.
Mimiru screamed. Two men ran in and strapped her into a straight jacket, dragging her away out of the waiting room.
Everyone else watched eating popcorn.
Crimson Knight One held up a sheet of paper with Arabic numerals written across it. "9.1."
Crimson Knight Two held his up. "8.9."
Crimson Knight Three revealed his. "9.2."
Crimson Knight Four held the last of the four scores. "8.8."
Ginkan stood up with a microphone. "And Mimiru's score comes to a 9.0! Nine point Zeeeero!" He sat back down and resumed to his magazine Better Boats and Helmets. His four Knights followed suit going back to their respectable activities.
"BT?" the receptionist called. "The doctor is ready for you."
"No he's not," BT countered.
The psychologist opened the door to his office. "Yes I am, damn it. Now come in."
As BT walked into the office, she signaled to Ginkan, "If you hear screaming, barge in and set the place on fire."
Kurim narrowed his eyes at Ginkan as the silver knight nodded in understanding.
BT made herself comfortable. She eyed the steaming mug of hot liquid the psychologist had in his hand.
"So, BT… your director tells me you are insane—I mean have some issues." He took a look at his empty clipboard. "Yes, yes, but I don't see much that I should point out, so you start."
"All right," BT agreed. She rolled the dice. "One, two, three, four," she moved her piece four spaces up on the Monopoly board. "Chance!" (AN: I don't remember what exactly the Monopoly spaces are, so bear with me.) She drew a card. "'Go to Jail'. DAMN IT." She stood up and aimed her flashing staff at the board.
"Whoa whoa," the psychologist coaxed. He got her to stop her spell casting. "Remember, it's just a game, BT… breathe. It isn't life." He placed a box of the board game Life on top of Monopoly. "But this is!"
Time passed rather slowly for the incredibly bored waiters waiting in the waiting room.
Tsukasa swung her legs back and forth. Subaru leaned against Tsukasa's shoulder.
Kurim cringed at the sight and ran to the closed door of the psychologist's office. He banged on it. "Hurry up with BT! You have to do Subaru and/or Tsukasa, but mainly Tsukasa, next! PLEASE!"
"Go away," the psychologist called from inside. "We're busy."
"Lies!" Kurim poised his weapon, ready to strike down the door when an elephant crashes through the wall. It suddenly dissipated.
"Jumanji!" BT cried. "I win!"
"Aw…" the psychologist pouted. "Receptionist?"
"I have a name, you know," the woman grunted.
"That's nice. Get this wall fixed."
The woman reprogrammed the wall into its original state.
"Okay," the doctor settled down. "Who's next?"
Kurim shoved Tsukasa into the room. BT went into the waiting room.
"So…" the psychologist tapped at his clipboard. "Sucasa…"
"Tsukasa," Tsukasa corrected.
"Eh?"
"It's 'Tsukasa'. 'TSU-kasa'," she emphasized.
"Sucasa—"
"TSUkasa."
"…ts..tsukasa."
"Good!" Tsukasa complimented. "Now say it correctly capitalized."
"Su—"
Tsukasa slapped him. "Baka da yo! Doshite anta wa hanasemasen!"
The psychologist pressed a button on his desk. Two men ran in and strapped a struggling screaming-in-Japanese (AN: Rather horrible Japanese courtesy of the author. I'm only a 2nd year student in Japanese) Tsukasa into a straight jacket and dragged her through the office door.
They dragged her through the waiting room and out into the hall just as Subaru came in from the bathroom.
"Tsukasa?" Subaru called. "Tsukasa!"
"Don't let them lock me up again!" Subaru heard Tsukasa call from the hallway. She ran out in time to see them go into the elevator and watched the floor numbers go into the basement where ONLY AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL (or loony bin people) ARE PERMITTED!
"I must devise a plan!" Subaru announced to the apathetic waiting room of the psychologist's practice. She ran off.
"Okay then," the psychologist said, coming into the waiting room. "Who's next?"
"Ooh ooh!" Bear frantically raised and waved his arm around. "Pick me!" He stood up and sputtled into the office. The psychologist shrugged and followed suit normally.
Bear sat down in a chair and waited for the doctor to sit down in his own chair before commencing with, "So you watch soap operas?"
Oh crud, the psychologist thought. "Uh, sorry, I don't—"
"You are SO missing out!" Bear squealed. The psychologist's hand headed for the button that calls the big men to bring straight jackets but halted as Bear continued on: "I mean, on 'Just Another Day', the events took a wide turn… damn that Brian… Ooh, ooh! And 'One Life to Live'!" Bear swooned. "Great times… great times… Oh wait, it's 11:00 am! It's on right now! Got a TV?"
The doctor hesitated. "Y-yes, over there—"
"Yay!" Bear rushed over and tuned the tube to the show.
"'One Life to Live'," the TV announced, "starring Devin Ford and Marianne Wakalakapupupipi."
The psychologist shivered. "Uh… excuse me. I need to go to the bathroom."
Bear immediately swung his sword, arrested before the doctor's neck. "You can hold it for an hour."
The director walked into the waiting room. "Hey guys."
Everyone else from the .hack/SIGN cast in the room stared at him blankly.
"Just coming in to check up on you guys." The director looked around. "Where's Subaru?"
"Excuse me, sir," Subaru said to an employee at the weapons store. "Do you have any jet packs?"
"Why certainly!" the man replied. "In fact, we've got some shaped just like your wings in nine different colors! This way ma'am."
"We will continue the 'One Life to Live' marathon in just a moment," the TV concluded after an hour's worth of soap operas.
The psychologist planned to scream in two minutes unless something saved him.
Bear was crying. "Oh god WHY!" he wailed.
I'd like to know why too… the psychologist sneered in thought.
Bear, still crying, went on to ask, "Hug me."
"Okay!" The doctor lightly hugged the sobbing buff man and quickly turned off the TV via remote. He let go suddenly. "And now your hour is up!" Bear stoically walked out of the office. The psychologist went into the waiting room. "Next patient please! PLEASE."
Ginkan eagerly waved his hand around in the air. "Oo, oo! Me me me! Pick me! Pick me!"
At 7 pm, a bus filled up with the newly therapized .hack/SIGN cast.
"Okay, is everyone here?" the director asked. "Come on, people. Buddy system! Check if your buddies are there!"
Everyone on the bus chimed 'yes' in some way or another. The bus started on its way back to the .hack/Project studios.
"Ah yes," the director sighed. "The buddy system never fails."
Maha poked Aura. ".. …. … .. … .. …?"
"Well," Aura pondered, "he said that all my problems were a result of poor parenting, so my mom's the one to blame for my faults."
Both Aura and Maha looked at Morgana.
"What?" Morgana asked. "Quit staring at me! It's Harold's fault for my lack of well being!"
Harold poked his head above the seats. "It wasn't my fault, you twit!" he exclaimed. "You were the one who refused to be Aura's mother at first!"
"Yeah! Yeah!" Morgana's voice got louder. "Well I didn't WANT a child in the first place!"
"I've had it with you! I'm talking to my lawyer for divorce!"
"We were never married, Harold."
"Well, then I'll marry you, and THEN I'm talking to my lawyer for divorce!" Harold concluded. "Oh, and will you marry me, Morgana?"
"I do!" Morgana took a hold of Harold's hand and warped out of the bus to somewhere.
Five minutes of silence followed.
And then suddenly Ginkan stood up, yelling, "Bus driver! Stop here! STOP!"
The bus obeyed. Ginkan and his four loyal Crimson Knights scampered out of the bus an into a music store.
The director looked to everyone else for an explanation. BT volunteered. "He got the idea from the psychologist that forming a music band would fulfill the hole in his heart.
"… more like the hole I'm going to give him in his skull," the director muttered.
"Looks like SOMEONE needs to see the doctor and get some happy pills!" Kurim teased. "I feel great and you don't! HAH." He raised his right hand and conducted four beats before he, Sora, and Bear began singing "The Song that Never Ends".
The director almost jumped out the stationary bus's window when Ginkan and the Crimson Knights came back in with a drum set, two guitars, an electric keyboard, and a violin. The rest of the ride back to the studios consisted of "The Song that Never Ends", "The Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves", and the director thinking he wasted money and time on the psychologist trip and clawing at the windows after BT sealed/melted them shut with fire spells.
As if the bus would never get to its destination, the director ran out the vehicle as soon as it stopped in front of the .hack/Project studios. Three seconds following his escape Ginkan and his knights paraded out with the musical instruments. The rest came off.
"Damn," BT commented, "the director's a bit freaked."
"Nn dmh," Mimiru miffed behind a gag. She was still strapped in a straight jacket too.
"Don't you 'duh' me!" BT scolded and slapped Mimiru.
Mimiru began smoking through the ears, bit through the gag, and leapt at BT teeth and fangs poised and growling.
The intercom sounded. "Will the cast acting in episode 'Declaration' please report to building Delta MA."
Everyone who was outside ignored it.
Five minutes passed. "Did you guys even read the damn script?" the intercom scolded. "Jeez, what's wrong with you people! I used Bandai Entertainment's money to take you to the psychologist's office just so you all could feel better and this is the thanks I get! Now I have to deal with Ginkan and his garage band! I HATE YOU ALL."
They all could hear Ginkan screaming, "IT'S A STUDIO TRAILER BAND!"
They could also hear the director on the intercom screaming back, "YOU IDIOT, TALK WHEN YOU GET YOUR BUTT HERE. YOU'RE IN THIS EPISODE! And you get your pride kicked in the ass by Subaru too. Teehee. Teeheeheeheehee. Wait a minute, where is Subaru? Her buddy was Tsukasa!"
Ginkan screamed back, "Tsukasa nor Subaru was there."
"What! The buddy system failed! The buddy system can't fail me! I'll fall apart if it does! Damn it!" The intercom clicked off.
I'm not exactly sure how one would review a story based on non-sequitur thought processes, but oh well! Review please. Each review you place adds one percent to your loyalty-to-me factor. Yes... yeees...yeeheees...
