Cheerio my deario
(By archy, of course)
Warnings: rampant ox and boar, language, Kyou OOC-ness (thanks to a bump on the head)
Disclaimer: I'm poor. And the songs 'Hollaback Girl' and 'RichGirl'belong to Gwen Stefani.
see here mehitabel
i said i thought
you told me that
it was cleopatra
you used to be
before you
transmigrated into
the carcase of a cat
where do you get
this tut
ankh
amen stuff
question mark
Kyou was laying on the floor unconscious, body half-in Yuki's lap. Yuki was nursing a bruised cheek and a pin-prick to his dignity. Tohru was trying to calm down a bleeding Hatsuharu and Kagura was sobbing into the table.
OK, what did you miss?
Kyou and Yuki made it home later that evening. The Fangirls didn't bother them for the rest of the walk, and they were happy for that. Kyou was oddly quiet for the rest of the walk home. Upon opening the door, the cat found himself tackled and lying back-down on the ground.
"…Hatsu… haru?"
"YOU WHORE."
SMACK
Oh, Black Haru.
Kyou immediately kicked Haru off upon being punched in the face. He was totally prepared for a martial arts battle. He could vent about Yuki AND kick the shit out of his cousin.
It was a win/win situation.
Yuki just sort of blinked, before he was also tackled. He didn't fall down, mind you, but he was tackled none-the-less.
"YOU STOLE MY LOOOOVE."
Kagura started to beat on Yuki. It didn't work very well, because he was obviously stronger than her. But it still hurt. Tohru rushed out after the two raging teens, and gasped, tea kettle still in hand.
Kyou flipped the squabbling Haru off of him so that he was straddling the ox and had good access to his face. The cat was going to beat the crap out of him. "What the hell is wrong with you?" shrieked the feline, aiming several punches for the cow's face. He got a few in Haru's face before he was flipped by the cow again. The back of the cat's skull slammed into the ground and Kyou groaned.
"You stupid whore!" yelled Black Haru, pulling Kyou's hair and driving his skull back into the dirt.
Kagura pulled Yuki back up and punched him in the cheek. "YOU STOLE HIM AWAY!" Kagura half-heartedly punched him in the chest before she collapsed to the ground crying. Drama Queen.
Now, things were going rather black for Kyou as Hatsuharu kept slamming his head into the ground. Yuki left the sobbing Kagura on the ground for a moment. He needed to stop Haru. He really didn't care much if the cat got his ass kicked, but he still had to keep up the act.
"Haru, stop it," said the rat, glaring him down. Haru stopped momentarily with a growl, turning dark eyes to stare back at the rat.
"Make me. Stupid cat stole you away from me," said the cow, "and now I'm getting revenge. I'll kill him! And then you'll turn to me!"
"Erm, please, stop!" shouted Tohru, "The tea is getting cold!"
"Let go of my boyfriend."
"NO."
"UWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHH," Kagura sobbed.
So, to stop Haru from beating on his 'boyfriend', Yuki kicked the ox in the head. Haru crashed into the wooden deck just behind him, making a huge bloody gash in the back of his head. Kyou was unconscious on the ground, obviously from his repeated head-banging.
"I'm still gonna kill him!" yelled Haru, now bleeding and trying to get up to trample the cat. Yuki gave him his coldest of glares, picked up the cat (and semi-dragged Kagura) back inside the house.
Tohru, still standing at the door, made a small noise. "…Hatsuharu, would you erm, I mean, would you please calm down… and come in for tea?" muttered the girl. Haru grumbled, still rather Black, and stumbled inside the house.
So, that's about what you missed. Let's keep going, shall we?
Kagura lifted up her tear-stained face to stare at Yuki. "I thought you loved Tohru… Kyou… Kyou's mine," whimpered the boar. Yuki sighed.
"I love Tohru… like a sister." Lie.
"Kyou's very special to me…" Lie.
"But, I'm sure there's someone else out there for you," finished Yuki. Yeah, maybe if he liked a jealous freak who beat him up all the time.
Kagura whimpered and went back to whimpering into the table. Hatsuharu growled, still fighting Tohru who was unsuccessfully trying to clean and bandage Haru's cut on the back of his head. It was bleeding profusely.
"You goddamn liar! What the fuck made you think that you can even have a relationship with the cat! Akito'll crap hot coals when he finds out!" snarled the cow. Yuki tensed up at the god's name. He'd never really thought about that or the consequences for pretending like this. Akito would probably have a bitch fit if he found out.
"And on top of that, I owe Tohru a lot of money, thanks," said Haru, finally calming down enough to let the girl tend to his wounds. Yuki blinked.
"I owe Tohru more than you, Haru…" muttered Kagura.
"So even you two bet on us?" said Yuki, absentmindedly digging his nails into Kyou's neck. He hadn't even remembered resting his hands on the cat's neck and head. The cat whimpered in his comatose-like state before he opened his eyes and shot up.
"WHA?" said the cat, head practically spinning. "Where am I?"
"You're inside, Kyou," said Tohru.
"What happened?" said Haru. Everyone sighed, with the exception of Kyou. He had no idea really what happened either.
"So you're White now?" asked Yuki. Haru looked at Kagura while he nodded.
"All I remember is coming here, really, really angry," said Haru. He blinked. "And now I remember why…" His gaze traveled to the cat that happened to be half-sitting in Yuki's lap. Tohru finished bandaging the back of Haru's head (the cut just happened to be around his neck, and the back of his hair covered up the bandage).
Kyou squeaked.
Tohru, sensing the tense situation, immediately stood up. "I'll go get something to eat! Kyou, why don't you come with me?" The girl didn't even wait for his answer as she grabbed his hand and dragged him into the kitchen.
Tohru huffed, once inside the sparkling clean kitchen. "Are you OK Kyou?" asked the girl, giving her worried look to the cat. Kyou nodded.
"Nothing feels broken. My head hurts a little bit, but I'm alright," said the cat, still a little too delirious to be mean. Hell, why were there two Tohrus?
"Hmm. Can you grab me those bananas?" asked Tohru, pointing over to the counter where a bunch of yellow fruit hung. Kyou blinked and wandered over to the stand and grabbed the bushel. What the hell was Tohru going to do with bananas? He handed them to the girl.
"Here," said Kyou.
"I've been meaning to talk to you alone for a while, Kyou," said Tohru, taking one of the fruit and peeling it. She took a small, delicate bite out of the top. "I mean about you and Yuki. Can I tell you something?"
Kyou nodded. He liked Tohru, he'd listen to her.
"Well, I must confess. I have a bit of a crush on your boyfriend, and you," said the girl, blushing slightly and giggling. Kyou returned the blush. Tohru liked him AND Yuki? Well, he wasn't sure he liked Tohru that way, but he had caught Yuki looking at her with longing eyes. "I guess I should've acted sooner, but I'm really happy for you two. Don't get me wrong. Everybody was sort of hoping you two would get together soon."
Kyou blinked. What the hell? Why had everybody bet on them? They didn't even like each other, let alone love each other. Well, maybe Kyou didn't hate Yuki as much as he let on, but he still didn't like the rat.
"Well, anyway, do you want a banana?" said Tohru, "Bananas are the shit." Kyou sputtered. Tohru had just… no, she didn't! Tohru Honda doesn't swear!
"What?"
"Oh, sorry," giggled the girl, handing him a yellow fruit. "It's a catchy song. In the middle, the girl goes on about bananas. Interesting, huh?"
"What song…?"
"It isn't fair," said Kagura, head still on the table. "The rat always gets what he wants." Now, Kagura normally liked Yuki. Her drastic personality change was from him stealing her man.
"If you were gay, why didn't you ever tell me?" said Haru, trying to keep himself from slipping into black. It was very hard, considering how pissed off he was at the moment.
"I don't know," said Yuki, trying to think up a believable lie, "I guess I just… was afraid, or something."
"Well… I love you. Why… why couldn't we be together if you like guys?" asked Haru.
"I just don't like you that way Haru," said Yuki, with one of his fallen-angel smiles.
"The shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!"
Everybody in the dining room just sort of froze. Yuki could swear that was Tohru and Kyou. What the hell were they doing? Singing? He wandered over to the door and opened it.
Haru, Kagura (who had lifted her head up to see) and Yuki were in for quite a surprise. Kyou and Tohru were dancing around the kitchen, singing into bananas.
"A few times I've been around that track, so it's not just gonna happen like that. Cause I ain't no hollaback girl! I ain't no hollaback girl!" sang the two, dancing around the kitchen. After a little while, Tohru finally noticed they were being watched. She poked Kyou on the shoulder and pointed to the door. Kyou froze.
"Erm… Hello, Yuki, Haru and um, Kagura," said the cat, blinking helplessly. Hey, the song was catchy.
Kagura screamed and her face fell into her hands. "HE IS SO GAY!" she shrieked before running off, presumably to cry. Yuki coughed uncomfortably. Haru grinned, wishing he had a video camera.
"Oh, Kyou and I were just making a snack! We got a little carried away, though," said Tohru, smiling giddily. Kyou was so much more fun when he was delusional. She hoped maybe that he would bonk his head more often.
"Erm, it's alright, Miss Honda," said Yuki, still slightly amazed to see Kyou dancing around and having fun like a normal person. "But, Kyou, maybe you should go lie down."
Kyou did what his boyfriend said, (he wasn't in his right mind to object), and whilst he was going up the stairs sang; "If I was a rich girl. Nananananananana!"
"Tohru, how many songs did you teach him?"
"Erm, just the 'Hollaback Girl' one. I don't know how he learned that song."
Yuki: (gasp) you listen to Gwen Stefani?
Kyou: no. (hides No Doubt CDs)
yeah, i know. how the hell would tohru know a gwen stefani song? i don't know. more likely, how would kyou know gwen stefani songs and UNDERSTAND the lyrics? well, that could be explored. i don't know.
anyway, thank you everybody. 35 reviews! wow! that's amazing. muffins to you all.
and since i really like tohru, she'll get to do some BONDING with kyou. kitty-chan will finally discover his non-existant femmy side. yay.
until next time,
cheerio,
archy.
