XxXxXxXxXx

He stood alone at her grave.

The others already left.

They didn't understand why she did it. And if he had the strength to lie himself, then he could say he didn't know why she did it either.

It was a sunny day. No clouds. No matter where he looked the rays of the sun blinded him. He couldn't help but think that when she died her soul went into the sun. Her arms are the rays reaching down to him.

To burn.

To caress him.

To blame him.

To love him.

He stops his thoughts there. He blames himself enough as it is.

If he knew, he never would have left. He never would have let her be alone.

He was afraid. Afraid that they could make it work. Afraid that they were going to last. Afraid that there was a perfect one for him, and she was it, but he would mess it up and make her hate him somehow.

Though he would never admit it to anyone but his own mind.

He did love her.

He still loves her.

He didn't cry at the funeral. No one expected him too, so it didn't matter. Her family was there. The team sat in the front with him. Family friends behind them. He stood in the back, near a tree. He didn't deserve to sit by her grave during the service. It felt wrong somehow. Because he knew he was the reason.

Maybe, he reasoned when he fought to get sleep at night, maybe it wasn't all him. He just pushed her over, sent her crashing in an already downward spiral. It didn't help much, but it still helped.

He fell then. He fell onto the freshly spilled dirt. His knees sunk slightly into the ground and his arms held onto the tombstone to support his weight.

He didn't know what he was doing. He didn't understand the way he way feeling. Nothing made sense anymore.

She never made anything make sense. From the moment she bounced into his life, everything was different. And now? Now it was trying to change back.

But he didn't want to go back.

He wanted her back.

But he left her.

He. Left. Her.

He had to tell himself. It was his choice. This is his fault.

He loves her.

He never told her. He thought his actions were good enough. And maybe they were. Maybe she knew. Maybe that's why it hurt so much when he left her. But he left is heart with her. Even now, his heart is in her beautiful hands.

His struggles to breathe, as he realizes the tears have finally come. Abby is gone. He did this to her by pushing her away.

And now all he has is regret.