Cheerio my deario

(by hnnnnnnarchy)

Warnings: original characters, attempted rape, homosexuality, language and people getting hit with trucks.

Disclaimer: ghu. :D

A/N: YAYROBYN. new chapter of cheerio, with my lovey, miss bin-bin featured.


"Hi, welcome to Buddy Barn Fast Food, home of the Buddy Barn meal with the Buddy Barn stuff in the bag! We have Buddy Barn burgers, Buddy Barn blasphemy, Buddy Barn bears, Buddy Barn bricks, Buddy Barn boogers, Buddy Barn everything! Hell, we even have Buddy Barn pornography!"

The customer stared at the lively girl who had just given her lengthy speach-thingy. "I'm Robyn, I'll be your server today," said the girl, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Her brown-reddish ponytail flopped on her back while her glasses balanced on the tip of her perky little nose.

"We're at a fast-food resteraunt, we don't need a server. Just get us our food!" said the woman behind the customer.

Robyn just sort of smiled for a minute or two and the chirped, "...What?"

A bunch of the customers face-palmed.

"HEEEEELP. HEEEEEEELP! HOMOSEXUAL RAPE!" shrieked Tohru, barreling her way into the resteraunt. Robyn immidiately brightened up.

"Ooh, where?" giggled Robyn, looking very hopeful. She reached for her camera which was conveniently hiding under the cash register.

The customers and Tohru stared at her.

"Ummmm, at the store across from this place," said Tohru, giving one of her blankest stares.

"Onward!" shouted Robyn, bounding over the counter and skipping off to the clothing shop.


Now, Kyou must have been metal because:
1. His body was as stiff as that of a metal plate
2. Ayame's lips must have been magnets because they couldn't stay off of him.

And now, the snake's hands were questing up his little-dress thing and our kitty was totally shocked, stunned and frozen. And Ayame was milking that for all it was worth. Hey, if Kyou was in his right mind while he tried to do this, he'd get his ass kicked from here to Albania.

Now was about the time that our little Tohru and her new found friend Robyn shuffled back onto the scene. Robyn was grinning from ear-to-ear, camera on and ready to fire. She scuttled up to our little molester and molestee and positioned herself so that she got a perfect view to shoot some soft-core porn shots. She couldn't wait until she got the two alone. Her little brain was already swirling with happy little perverted shots.

"Aren't you going to stop him?" squealed the slightly astounded Tohru.

"No. This is hot!" chirped Robyn, clicking furiously away at her camera. "Now, white-hair, just pull down reddy's strap just a little bit—yeah, that's perrrrfect. And your hand should just be a little bit further, yeah that's it. And give a sexy little smile. Oh, and turn his face away, he looks like a deer in headlights."

Now, soon enough, Tohru got a little bit flustered. She was friends with Yuki and she was pretty sure that Yuki wouldn't like his brother getting some ass from his boyfriend. So, basically, Tohru pointed to the side of the store and shouted, "Look! Ayame! Really sexy insert expensive brand name here clothes for half price!"

"OOH!"

And our little sex-pervert friend skipped off.

Sure, Kyou was probably cuter than the clothes, but hey, if our kitty-cat stayed frozen like that, he could have a whole 20 minutes of shopping and THEN get back to his booty call.

Yeah.

Robyn sighed, fumed and yelled back at Ayame, "IT WAS A TRICK, DOUCHEFUCK!"

Meanwhile, kitty was recovering from his shock. He got up and RAN out of the mall, stilettos and falling off dress and all. He didn't give a shit if he looked stupid or he was shoplifting. Ayame was just plain creepy.

And it was about then that Aya-dear realized he had been duped and his fuck toy was currently speeding off in the opposite direction.

And as such, Ayame went tearing off after his brother's boyfriend.

Nope, no perverted, Bible bashing, pedophilic stuff on that. You ain't got nothing on us.

Tohru started doing the typical 'run-around-and-squeal' stuff and Robyn…

Well, Robyn made sure her camera was on and ran after them.


Now, Kyou was just about at the entrance when our kitty made a revelation.

Stilettos are very hard to run in.

Now, Ayame was still chasing him as Kyou charged through the door. He smacked an old lady with the thing and she totally freaked out and sort of spun in a semi-circle. Oh, but Kyou didn't care. He just kept running as fast as his high-heeled feet could carry him.

"Oh, Kyonkichi, please, wait for meeeee!" sang Aya, quickly gaining on him from behind. Damn, that snake was fast! But then again, Kyou was dashing as fast as he could in frigging GIRL SHOES.

"Not in a million years!" yelled Kyou, dashing out into the parking lot where he completely didn't see the giant bus coming to the side of him.

Needless to say, Kyou got out of the way. Aya, however, was not so lucky.

Ayame got hit by a freaking bus.

There were a whole lot of screams as the snake went flying (he only got nicked, but man! Was that guy ever airborne) by and landed on the pavement. He looked like he got some awful whiplash.

Kyou immediately stopped.

"Damn! I got a great shot of that!" said Robyn, dashing over with her camera in hands. She leaned over the snake and said, "You're a dork."

The truck-driver got out of his car. His name was Taylor Lazar and he was fat and stupid and ugly and he owned a plumbing company. Hooray.

"Do you want an apple?" Robyn asked our completely unconscious snake. "Do you know what a dork is?"

"Jesus Christ! I hit that fag pretty hard! What did his little girlfriend get angry and ru—"

Taylor Lazar, the truck-driver, was immediately smacked with one of Kyou's stilettos. He passed out unconscious.

"Somebody call and ambulance!"

"Somebody call a wardrobe specialist!"

"Somebody call that guy in the dress! He's hot! WOO!"

And another one of Kyou's stilettos went sailing into the other guy's head.


And that, is how Kyou, Ayame, Hatori, Robyn, (a hyper-ventilating) Tohru and numerous other doctors wound up in a hospital room. It turned out, magically; Ayame didn't suffer from anything other than a mild concussion. He would probably be asleep for a little while, but was otherwise A-OK.

"So… what's the story here?" asked Hatori, half-glaring/staring at Kyou. What, kitty was still in the dress. He did look pretty damn cute. And he was blushing too. "Or do I even want to know."

All Kyou could really form was a few not-words. He was too embarrassed to speak. And probably a little bit traumatized.

The doctors immediately left. These people were weird.

So Robyn spoke for him. (Who the hell knows why she was still there.)

"Well, basically, this white-haired guy was trying to pressure this guy into having sex with him in public and the red-haired guy freaked out and ran out of the mall and then white-hair got hit by a fat guy with a truck. And white-hair doesn't know what a dork is! Tee hee!" sang Robyn, giggling into her hand. Hatori immediately rolled his eyes.

"I'm going to murder Ayame for you when he's a little less dead, Kyou, if that makes you feel any better," said the doctor, massaging his temples. He could just feel a headache coming on.

"Why?" asked Robyn, a little too innocently.

"Because this red-head, also known as Kyou, already has a boyfriend. White-hair, or Ayame's, brother," answered Hatori.

"Ooooooh, a dangerous game of jealousy!" grinned Robyn, looking a little bit conniving. "It sounds like the soap operas that are on TV."

"Not quite," said Tohru, giving an awkward giggle.

"OOOOOK," said Robyn, still smiling. But now she was rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet again. Man, this girl was frigging creepy. Even Hatori was a little bit edgy.

"Wh-what's going... on?" muttered Ayame, his eyes fluttering open. And now, our snake had an odd case of amnesia. He didn't know what the hell had just happened. And he had happy little Robyn staring down at him.

"You're a dork!" said Robyn. Ayame blinked and pulled himself up so that he was sitting.

"I am not a whale testicle, thank you."

Hatori resisted the ever-present urge to bang his head against something hard.

Tohru continued to hyper-ventilate.

Kyou just sort of stared at Ayame.

And Ayame, when his gaze finally found it's way back to our pretty little kitty, the snake's eyes just frigging GREW.

"LOVER!" sang the snake, hopping out of his bed and tackling/hugging the cat.

"What?" deadpanned the cat, looking a little bit afraid. Ayame was now nuzzling his head into the cat's neck.

"I missed you!"

"...Why...?"

"Because you're my boyfriend, silly!"

There was a very awkward moment of silence.

"...What?"

"Yessss, Kyonkichi! You're my boyfriend. We have all sorts of kinky sex and you like to be dominated!"

Another awkward moment of silence.

"Hey, maybe he's leading a double life and secretly fucking the weirdo," said Robyn, grinning.

More silence.

"Does anyone want an apple?"


and, the fat truck driver was the resident idiot at my school. yay taylor. you win. and you also get hit with stilettos.

that was for rose.