Cheerio my deario
(by HOMIGODMYCOMPUTERITBEEPS archy)
warnings: kitty on caffeine, attempted drunken rape, happy aya, general homosexuality, sarcastic doctors, more buddy barn bird-brains, attempted murder with a stir-stick and general idiocy. oh, and super-break down kitty too. HOORAY.
A/N: yay, bin-bin still lives in this. for half the chapter at least.
Now, all was silent in the coffee room at the cafeteria except for the normal talking of the doctors and the clanking of coffee cups against counters and such.
"So, what's new with the weird gay guys in room 69?" said the doctor, we'll call Doctor A.
"Ohhhh, the white-guy is finally up," said Robyn, wearing a white coat and a red Super-Man cape. No, she fit riiiiiight in. It was a comic convention. Don't ask me why it was held at a hospital. But anyway, the party was upstairs.
And eventually, there was a weird thumping noise. Robyn and Doctor A completely ignored it and continued to sip their coffee. "We're almost out of coffee," said Doctor A.
And, their pleasant conversation was interrupted.
"BEAN ME!" yelled Kyou, smacking his coffee mug on the counter. A psychotic grin was stretched across his face and he was twitching a little crazily.
Doctor A looked down on our kitten; "Something tells me this isn't your first cup of coffee."
"How many cups?" asked Robyn. She, herself, had actually had 22. It didn't affect her already fucked-up personality though.
"Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirty-two," said Kyou, hopping up and down. Oh, so that's what that thumping was.
"Don't you think you've had enough...?" asked Doctor A. Kyou's eyebrow twitched.
"Shut uppppp. I'm not old enough to drink and this is the only thing I can really mass consume," said Kyou, going to refill his cup.
"I still think you've had enough."
In wicked-fast, super cool, lightning Ninja moves stuff, Kyou had hung off of the man by his shoulder, grabbed a stir-stick and was now poking Doctor A in the eye with it. "I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH, DAMMIT!"
Oh, I also forgot to mention, Kyou was still in a dress and his legs were slightly open.
I also forgot to mention Kyou had no underwear on.
And I finally forgot to mention, the majority of the doctors in the coffee room were either gay or very perverted.
No, not really. Well, at least the last one wasn't true. The other two before that were ENTIRELY true.
And thus, Robyn got a peep-show.
Yay.
"Wull, BYEEEEE!" said Robyn, waving to Kyou (who was still on his caffeine-high), Hatori, Ayame (who was now recovered) and Tohru (who was less of a blubbering wreck).
"Shut up," said the security guard, who just happened to be ushering our little Buddy Barn friend out of the hospital. "That's the last time you come in here and scare the pregnant ladies."
"Awwwww, but it was fun watching them EXPLOOOODE!" said Robyn, making a big explosion noise.
Ah, yes, that very hard, concrete wall was looking very appealing to Hatori's head.
"Can we go home nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww?" said Kyou, giggling and bouncing on his heels. At first when Kyou had shown up like this, Hatori thought the cat had snapped under the pressure. And then he realized there was free coffee in the other room.
Ooooh.
"You can't wait to get me alone, you little sex god, you," said Ayame, petting the red-head's shoulder. Kyou shivered and sunk down to the floor where he clung to Hatori's leg.
Hatori blinked.
"Ggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh," said the cat, seemingly having a convulsion.
"AHH, my poor love!"
"I'M SORRY KYOU!"
"SHUT UP, all you fuckers," said Hatori, wondering where the nurses kept the tranquilizers.
"I can't believe you swore, Ha'ri!" said Ayame, blinking awkwardly. He still had his arms around Kyou and had situated the kitten in his lap for the drive home. Hatori was contemplating just crashing the car and ending it all. And then he remembered Tohru was with them. And then he wondered how much Shigure would bitch and complain because Hatori killed his maid.
And Shigure's bitching was worse than everybody else's.
"Well, I'm sorry," said Hatori, trying desperately to keep his doctorly patience. "I'm just very stressed out."
"I can tell!" said Tohru, "It must be hard working for the Sohma family. It's such a big family."
"We've established that before," said Hatori. Sometimes the girl could just be so... blonde.
Kyou was still the convulsing Kyou-goo he was before. He just wanted to go home and die in his bed.
Oh wait, it was Yuki's bed.
Kitty let out a groan and became Kyou-liquid instead of Kyou-goo.
Ayame just held the Kyou-liquid tighter in his arms. He enjoyed having the kinky kitty as his boyfriend.
Well, it wasn't his boyfriend, but he didn't know that.
Haha, he's screwed.
Yuki was met at the door with quite some suprising things.
1. Kyou in a dress and pretty much dead in his brother's arms.
2. His brother nuzzling the shit out of his 'boyfriend'.
3. Hatori looked like he might've wanted to die. Well, that wasn't new.
"Erm, hello," said the little rat-man. "Is Kyou... alright? And why is he in a dress?"
"For the pleasure of his boyfriend's eyes!" sang Ayame, cuddling the dead little kitty in his arms.
"I'm not into cross-dressing," said Yuki, blinking a little awkwardly.
"It doesn't matter. You're not his boyfriend! And I just LOVE cross-dressing!" said Ayame, grinning at his brother.
The majority of the people standing around sweat-dropped.
"Erm... What?" said Yuki.
"He got hit by a truck and now his brain is fucked," said Kyou, not really realizing his sentence sort of rhymed. WHEE.
"Oh. Well then, have fun," said Yuki, turning on his heel to go back to wherever he came from. Kyou blinked and then blinked again.
"You're going to leave me here with him?" said the cat, his voice rising a few octaves.
"I don't see the problem..." said Yuki, momentarily turning his head. Tohru and Hatori seemed to disappear into the kitchen. They didn't want to see what happened and/or the wrath of Yuki on his brother.
"Yer brother tried to molest me," said the Kyou-liquid. He still wanted to collapse into bed. He was really stressed out. It was amazing he hadn't transformed yet.
"Oh," said Yuki.
"It was consentual!" said Ayame.
"No, not really," said Kyou.
"Well... he didn't actually molest you, did he?" asked Yuki, "You said he only tried."
"No, he didn't actually get my clothes off," said Kyou.
"You're barely wearing any in the first place," Yuki pointed out. He was now seeing a little bit of why Ayame liked crossdressing. Kyou was sort of looking cute-- he looked female. And that was better than male-angry-mean Kyou. Shy-Kyou was sort of... cute.
"Shut up."
"Well, since he didn't molest you, you're OK," said Yuki, heading somewhere upstairs. Kyou groaned. Didn't Yuki CARE?
"Awwww, don't worry my kitty-cat," said Aya, nuzzling our little distressed feline. "I still love you!"
"Nooooo, you don't," said Kyou, sliding out of the snakes arms and dashing up the stairs. Then he remembered that he shared a room with Yuki and the rat was probably in there. So, he went to his old room. And he locked the door behind him.
About an hour later, Yuki went back down the stairs. Homework really sucked, but it was better than having to listen to that stupid cat bitch and complain. He headed for the table where most of the noise was coming from. Hatori, a distressed looking Ayame, a slightly drunk looking Shigure and a confused Tohru were sitting around the table.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" shrieked Ayame, standing straight up as soon as his brother came into the room.
"What are you talking about?" asked Yuki. He was tired and he still hated his brother.
"You scared MY boyfriend up into his room! What did you do to him?" said Ayame, looking frazzled. He didn't look like his usual, confident Ayame self. He actually looked scared.
"He's not your boyfriend," said Yuki, "he's mine."
"If he's your boyfriend, shouldn't you go comfort him, Yuki?" asked Shigure, who wasn't actually tipsy but his normal self. He always looked drunk. "I mean, he had a few pretty close calls that traumatized him a bit today."
"What are you talkin-"
"Well, Ayame attempted to well... um, yeah, him and then I went to go find help and all I could find was this weird girl with a camera and an obsession with homosexual porn and then we went to save Kyou and she took... pictures..." said Tohru, "and we don't know where they went either."
"You'd better keep watching the porn sites to see what comes up," said Shigure, directing it at Hatori. Hatori's eyes traveled to the dog who was grinning like an Oompa-Loompa (who don't actually smile) to the side. But the doctor didn't say anything. But he would have to check the porn sites to see if any weird homosexual rape porn would come up of Ayame and Kyou. That would be just hot-- I mean, weird.
Naughty naughty Hatori, said Guilt.
Oh no! Not you again.
Yes, I have returned, said Guilt.
You suck.
Oh yes, replied Guilt.
"And then Ayame got hit by a bus and this fat guy was all like--" Tohru put on this weird magical puffy mask-thing and impersonated Taylor "--'Fagcussmuffinyousuckdie!' and hit Ayame with a truck. But Kyou was like 'BONG!' and hit him smack in the head with a stiletto!" Tohru looked very enthusiastic now.
Indeed.
"So... why is Kyou so upset? I mean, nothing actually really happened to him, right?" said Yuki, looking slightly confused.
Ayame snorted and sat back down, arms crossed, eyes closed and nose in the air. He was pissed off at his insensitive jerk of a brother. Feh.
"So, you should go comfort him, ask him about how he feels," said Shigure, smiling pleasantly.
But what he really meant was, 'Go have hot make-up sex so that camera I put in your bedroom goes to good use', said Guilt.
Shut up.
"I guess so," said Yuki, turning around and walking BACK up the stairs.
"He's in his old room!" sang Shigure, waving his arms around and accidentaly smacking Hatori on the head.
"Idiot," said Hatori, glaring at Shigure.
"Oh hush or no sex for you later!" said Shigure, grinning like a fool. Hatori shut up.
Now, our little kitty was currently dwelling in his own little world of misery in the dark, in his room.
He was oh-so-interrupted when Yuki knocked on the door and asked to be let in. Kyou glared at the door before he crawled over and unlocked it. And then he crawled back to his corner and hugged his knees to his chest.
Yuki pushed the door open and closed it when he got inside the room. "It's really dark in here."
"No shit, Sherlock," replied Kyou, being in one of his more bitchy moods. He really was like a woman. A PMSing one.
Yuki sighed and sat across from the cat, at a far distance. He crossed his legs and stared at the cat for a moment. "You should really move your legs. I'm getting a bit of a nasty view from here," said the rat, in a very deadpan tone.
If you were looking closely enough, kitty blushed and quickly altered his legs. Now he was sitting like a girl. Great.
"So... are you... OK?" asked Yuki, not really knowing how to start the conversation.
"Other than the fact that you don't care and my pride is a little bit damaged, I'm fine," replied the cat, his tone dripping ice. He wasn't even looking at the rat. He was too ashamed/pissed off.
"Why should I care?" spat Yuki, his tone equally icy. Kyou shot him back one of his glares but didn't say anything for a moment.
"I'm not asking you to. But... I can't pretend like this anymore," said Kyou, looking at his lap. "I can't keep doing this, I can't keep pretending to like you."
"And why not?" hissed Yuki.
"Because--" Kyou's voice cracked and in the dark Yuki couldn't tell if he was too angry or to overwhelmed with emotional agony to speak. It turned out to be the latter. "it... it just, hurts."
Yuki stared at the cat who was breathing a little heavily and trying to calm himself down.
"In a way... in a way, it's just like what happened with my mom. She was always pretending she cared, always pretending she loved me and then... GOD, I can't even tell you," said Kyou, smacking his head angrily against the wall. "You'd just laugh."
"I wouldn't."
"Yes you would."
"I promise."
"...Fine," said Kyou, who wasn't used to sharing his feelings, let alone with Yuki, "but... this is going to sound stupid... Sometimes, I just wonder, is this all? I mean, is all I can do is pretend. Will anyone actually feel anything remotely close to love... for me?" Kyou's face fell a little bit and he stared at his lap again.
Yuki's lower lip twitched. He was right, it did sound a little ridiculous coming from the cat. But with the sad tone and the lost look, Yuki couldn't help but feel... sorry for the cat. "I don't want to risk being mauled by the fangirls though. They're being more agressive."
But Yuki was still Yuki and in his head he hated the cat. His heart wasn't so punishing though.
"I'm sure you could fake-date Haru," said Kyou, looking a little bit more hopeful.
"But with Haru... it wouldn't be fake-dating. Haru would take it literaly and I would have more of a problem on my hands then I already do," said Yuki. "You're the only one I can trust for fake-dating. In any other circumstance, you wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole nor I you."
"But I hate being so fake, I hate lying like this!" said Kyou, nearly pleading now, "And sometimes... sometimes I just wish it could be real." Immidiately after he let that sentence fall off of his tongue, Kyou looked away in shame, blushing again.
The two sat in silence for quite some time after that.
yay, another chapter. so quickly too. i had inspiration from my lovely bin-bin, garfield and some (alot) of coke. not, drugs moron. coca-cola. :D
ps. sorry for all of the typos. i don't have a spell-checker anymore. :(
until next time.
archy
