Cheerio my deario

(by )

warnings: do you even need to know anymore?

disclaimer: guilt owns franz ferdinand, but he sure doesn't own the song. or the motherfucking fruits basket itself. and guilt doesn't own gorillaz either.


Hi. It's Guilt again. Yeah. You probably haven't seen me in a while, because that silly Archy seems to always kick me out of the story. But, HAH. I've finally put an end- I mean, Archy's taking a bit of a vacation.

And that means there will be ABSOLUTELY no substance to the story until Archy gets back!

Get ready for some serious slapstick.

Giggity-giggity-giggity-GIGGITY.


Kyou coughed. Something was wrong in the household.

Now, about a week had passed since the cookie-pan bashing jamboree, and things hadn't calmed down at all. Well, maybe they had, but Kyou was far too jittery to notice. Since the whole Ayame making out thing, he was just about ready to jump out of his skin.

"Kyou?"

Kyou jumped off of the couch, landing awkwardly on the floor, twitching violently. Shigure raised an eyebrow at the sight, and tucked his hands into the sleeves of his kimono.

"You… okay?"

"OUMNOMNOMNOOOOOOOM."

"Okie-dokie."


Kyou was later dragged off to the insane asylum, referred to it by our lovely writer, Shigure.

Kyou didn't even fight, he just basically twitched. On the way to Kyou's own personal cell they saw a giggling Akito, two scary twin girls saying 'don't kill me', a weirdo green-skinned guy licking the walls with his really long tongue and a crazy black haired girl dancing around in a strait jacket singing.

"He's your friend, and we're so proud of you. Your famous friend, well I BLEW him before youu!" screeched the girl, rather off-key. Kyou continued to twitch, before he was thrown into the cell with the mysterious black haired girl. Her emo-tastic hair covered her eyes as she blinked up at him.

"Y HALLO THAR!" said the girl, "I would shake your hand, but I fear it appears to be stuck in this thar strait jacket. Pleased ta meet ya, in the flesh, Kyou-chan."

Kyou stopped twitching. "How do you know my name?"

The girl grinned, a little sadistically, her red-framed eyes bulging slightly. "I have my sources."

Kyou backed away a little bit.

The girl closed in a little bit.

"You're a lot prettier in real life. I should eat you up," said the girl, drooling a little bit. She reached her gangly, old lady hands up to touch his hair. Kyou twitched and flinched at the same time. It was a twinch!

"How'bout no," said Kyou, trying to get away from her hands.

…Which had somehow gotten out of her strait jacket.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaait. That doesn't make sense!

Archy shrugged, even though she was duct-taped to a chair. "Hey, I'm not the one writing the fuckin' story. You're making this up, Guilty-poo."

Bin-Bin was there too. She was pole dancing to Snoop Dogg songs. With Snoop Dogg. He was pole-dancing too. In a thong. Because he's that jet-puffed.

What the dirty. Jeebus. I can't do anything right. Maybe I should make you write again.

Archy grinned. "Naw, Guilt. I'll let you have the wonderful job of writing a funny story. Have fun."

:( You cunt.

"Yeah."


Meanwhile, back in the scary asylum, Kyou was getting used to have a weirdo roommate. He found out the girl's name was 'Spooky', apparently. She was 13. She really liked stilettos. The reason she was in the asylum was for castrating guys with her stilettos.

Stilettos were truly dangerous.

"So, this is the lunch room. I usually eat with Murdoc. He's the one with the sooper-dooper long tongue," said Spooky, pointing to the green-skinned man. The man grinned, revealing a set of jagged, pale-yellow teeth.

"Come'n sit wif me. Boffa ye," said the scary man. Kyou blinked and sat down.

"So, Murdoc, how did you get in here…?"

"Contin'us public nudity."

"Oh."

"So, Muds," said Spooky, crossing her legs. "What's for lunch today?"

"Same's usual. Shite."

"Wonderful."

"You have a weird accent," said Kyou, pointing out the obvious.

"I'm British."

"Howcome you're in a Japanese asylum?" asked Kyou, raising an eyebrow.

Murdoc shrugged. "Writer's advantage, is me guess."

It was then that Spooky smacked him on the head, rolled her eyes and looked to the 'buffet'. The scary old cook ladies were plopping some grey shit onto a metal tray. Spooky grimaced.

"I feel like breaking out of here," said the girl. She stood up, walked to the window and jumped out. Murdoc stared. Kyou twitched. The Genie from Aladdin sang some cracker-ass song and danced around a bit before Osama Bin Laden stabbied him. Stabby stabby.

And then it was found, that Spooky could fly.

So, Murdoc and Kyou flew out of the Asylum on the Spooky Magic Carpet.

The end.


"WAIT, that doesn't make ANY sense!" said Spooky.

"Fo' shizzle," said Snoop, adjusting his balls in his thong.

Bin-Bin blinked.

So?

"My readers will be disappointed!" said Archy, pouting a little bit.

Oh well.

"No one will read my damn story!" said Archy, getting a little angrier.

IT'S MY STORY NOW, BITCH.

"Corporate whore…" muttered Archy.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW!

WILL GUILT TAKE OVER FOREVER?

WILL ARCHY SAVE THE DAY?

WILL MURDOC EVER HAVE A BATH?

WILL SPOOKY EVER GET HER FUCKING HAIR CUT?

WILL KYOU EVER STOP TWITCHING?

WILL SNOOP DOGG EVER STOP BEING A GANGSTA?

PROBABLY NOT.

…DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOOOOOOT.

:D

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER JET-PUFFED ADVENTURE.

if there is a next time